"i've never met a strong person with an easy past."
*
Lily sat perched on the bottom of her bed, the dormitory only lit by a single lamp. Next to her sat Kriss, who snuck into Gryffindor Tower with the girls when she heard Eva had gone missing. Both tried to distract themselves with books, but neither could drift into the words properly.
Marlene, on the other hand, couldn't sit still for a single minute. She sank into her bed, then sprung up, then paced around, then sat on the floor, then a table, then Eva's bed, then Lily's, then the windowsill.
A whispered conference with a very concerned James told them the basics of what had happened, but even his story contained massive gaps. All he knew was that Eva was hurt, but Remus would take care of her. Peter looked lost as James recounted the confrontation in the classroom. And as for Sirius... Lily had never seen him like that before. Paler than snow, quivering with anger. They departed for their own dormitory after the quick explanation, leaving the girls alone once again.
"Marlene, pick a spot!" Lily finally exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air. "You're driving me mad!"
"You're not the only one who's worried," the blonde retorted angrily, but she still listened and chose to move to her bed. Even then, she couldn't remain stationary, fiddling with her hands and bouncing one of her legs up and down.
Kriss sighed and began to redo her ponytail for the fifth time in the last twenty minutes. "I don't think negativity is helpful right now."
Both Gryffindor girls blushed at her gentle reprimand. Marlene opened her mouth to say something snippy, but the door opened and the argument fell to the wayside as soon as they saw Eva.
Marlene immediately threw her arms around Eva, pulling the girl into a bone-crushing hug. Eva hesitated, but she really needed it. Lily joined in, then Kriss, all surrounding her in a warm embrace.
"Hi, guys," Eva whispered, mustering a small smile for them. Lily took her hand and led her over to one of the beds, and all four of them piled on top of it. "Kriss, you shouldn't be here. You could get in trouble."
Kriss shook her head, astonished that she was thinking about that of all things. "I don't care."
After a moment of silence, Eva spoke again. Her voice sounded rather small, almost like she was whispering in a hallway. "I suppose you're all wondering what happened."
Marlene draped a blanket over her friend's shoulders. "Eva, you don't have to tell us tonight-"
"No, it's okay. You guys should know." She took a deep breath and told them everything. Through it, the girls kept her surrounded by support. Lily brushed her tangled curls out of her tear-filled eyes and braided it away from her face. Marlene nodded encouragingly every time Eva felt like she couldn't continue, and Kriss never let go of her hand.
When she finally finished, Eva wiped away a few tears with her thumb. "I feel so stupid," she confessed.
"Why?" Kriss asked gently.
"I don't know." She let Marlene wrap her in another hug. "Maybe Sirius was right. Maybe I was being too reckless."
"Reckless?" Marlene asked sharply, sitting up so quickly that Eva tipped over. Passionate energy entered her gray-blue irises. "Was it reckless to want to study alone outside for a while?"
"No," Eva whispered.
"Was it reckless to be good enough at Quidditch to make the others jealous?"
"No."
"Tonight wasn't reckless, Eve," Marlene said. "Not by a long shot. The world is just a crummy place and Sirius is just being a protective arse."
"Marlene!" Lily reprimanded, then reconsidered. "Actually, that's justified."
"Merlin, I'm mad at him," she muttered. "All of them, really. Except for Remus and Regulus."
The girls all assured her she had every right to be upset at them, specifically Sirius. After a few minutes, Eva closed her eyes, wishing she could just go back in time. Back to a time where her future only held excitement, where the world didn't scare her, where she could write a letter to her mother for comfort. But there was no going back. Their reality had changed.
"Tell me something good that happened to one of you today," Eva asked, her eyes still closed.
Lily thought about her request for a moment. "I tutored a few second years today. They brought cookies."
"I beat James in Exploding Snap five times in a row," Marlene added, smiling at the memory.
"Hagrid let me come help take care of some bowtruckles," said Kriss. She nudged Eva gently with her shoulder. "Your turn."
Her mind felt foggy as she groped around it for a positive moment, and she opened her eyes for the reaction. "Marley is playing seeker this year."
Marlene's mouth fell open. "What?"
"You made the team," Eva said with a small smile. "I was gonna put the list out tomorrow morning. Congratulations."
"Jeepers, Marlene, I think you dropped your jaw on the floor somewhere over there," Lily joked, pointing across the room as Marlene engulfed Eva in yet another hug.
"Thank you for getting me on the team!"
Eva shook her head. "You got yourself on the team. I just wrote out the list."
"You won't be the only girl on the team anymore," Kriss pointed out.
"Yes!" Marlene cheered. "FEMINISM!"
The girls all dissolved into giggles at Marlene's shout. They fell into silence a few minutes later, but then one of them would start giggling and it would start up again. This went on for an hour until all four of them dozed off on the same bed.
*
James stared broodingly at the Marauder's Map, waiting for Eva and Remus to make a reappearance. He figured they were in the Room of Requirement, considering he couldn't find either of them, but his attention split between the parchment and his very agitated best friend.
Sirius lit a cigarette and inhaled the smoke, letting out a deep breath. He didn't like not being with Eva while she was vulnerable. With everything he was, he wanted to protect her, and it was killing him that he couldn't. Because he knew his pacing was getting on everyone's nerves, he sat on the windowsill and stared out as raindrops pelting the glass panes, cracking the window open to let a bit of smoke out and allowing his mind to wander where it wanted.
Over the years, James learned that Sirius could be a bit of a jerk when his anger got the best of him, but he could tell his friend was really trying to keep it together.
"Padfoot, it's going to be okay," Peter said softly from his spot on his bed. "She's going to be okay."
Sirius didn't say anything back, just shifted so that he was facing the window. James and Peter exchanged uncomfortable glances: neither of them knew how to handle the silence. His anger generally took the form of shouting matches and cursing. Not this. Not staring hopelessly at nothing. James thought he looked worse than the night Bellatrix tortured Eva.
"Blimey," James muttered under his breath, "they're back."
To his surprise, Peter stood but Sirius didn't. He remained on the windowsill, watching the rain with a vacant expression. One might have thought he didn't hear the words at all, but James saw his eyes flick up in recognition when he spoke.
An exhausted Remus opened the door a minute later. Silently, he sat on the closest bed to the door, Peter's, and put his face in his hands.
"Moony," James said, his tone reminding him that they were there.
Remus looked up at them. "You idiots really messed up tonight."
"Forget about us for a minute. Did she tell you what happened?" Peter asked, resisting the urge to bite his nails, a nervous habit he'd been trying to shake for years.
Remus sighed, then told them everything Eva told him. Everyone remained silent for a minute or so after he finished.
James cleaned off his glasses with a swipe of his shirt and slid them back onto his face. "We really did mess up tonight."
"Yeah, you did. But I don't really blame you at the same time," Remus said. "She is mad at you lot, mind you."
"But she's okay?" Remus nodded to Peter, and both he and James sagged with relief. "Thank Merlin."
"Do you know what happened to those Slytherins? Yaxley and the rest of them." James growled when he said the name.
Remus nodded, a humorless grin crossing his scarred face. "I checked. Yaxley and Muciber are currently in the hospital wing. Eva got Yaxley with some hybrid jinx, so now his face is covered in boils, and Black hit Mulciber with a pretty strong stunner. He was still out cold when I poked my head in. They're probably going to get detentions. Oh, and Slytherin's back at zero for House points now. I think your brother saw to that, Sirius." Sirius didn't react at the mention of Regulus, although his mind was on his brother just as much as his girlfriend.
Peter laughed in spite of the situation. "The bloke got one thing right, then."
"We need a better way to handle things like this," Sirius said, speaking for the first time in over an hour. Everyone turned to look at him. "We were stupid tonight. What happened tonight shouldn't have happened, but we also can't react the way we did. Now she thinks we don't trust her."
"Mate, I'm sure she doesn't think that," James said bracingly, but Sirius cut over him.
"Yeah, she does. Right?"
He directed his comment to Remus, who shrugged. "Your name might have been thrown around more than the rest."
"Why am I not surprised?" Sirius asked drily, exhaling smoke before tossing the cigarette out the window and closing it. "I reckon I might have deserved that."
"You're taking this surprisingly well," Peter ventured.
"It's my fault. I think that-"
A muffled yell through the wall drowned out whatever Sirius thought. James strode over to the wall, then turned, squinting in confusion. "Was that Marlene?"
"I think she just yelled 'feminism'," Peter said, trying to make sense of it. "So that means they're probably bashing us over there."
James chuckled, dropping himself into a cushioned red chair that sat in the corner of the room. They smuggled it up to their dormitory from the common room during their third year and never moved it. "How much will you give me to yell 'patriarchy!' at the top of my lungs through the wall?"
"Depends," Remus said. "Do you want to apologize to Eva through two black eyes?"
James made a scrunched-up face. "McKinnon wouldn't do that."
"Yes, she would," all three boys chorused.
The bespectacled boy cracked a grin. "Yes, she would." He tilted his head over the edge of the chair to look at Sirius. "So what's your plan to win her over again, Pads?"
"I'm going to leave her alone," Sirius replied as he started to sift through his things in search of his pajamas. "I'm not going to make her talk to me before she's ready."
Remus hid his surprise at Sirius' mature approach to the problem, but in some ways, it made sense. Sirius didn't want to jeopardize his relationship with Eva, and he'd clearly learned from the last time they fought about something, which was right before Christmas. In fact, his decision made Remus feel rather guilty about his own relationship, how he continuously lied to a girl he cared about so much.
"Not bad, Sirius," Peter commented as he climbed into bed. The others followed suit and James blew out the lamp, plunging the dormitory into darkness.
"Good night."
"Great night."
"Grand night."
"Fabulous night."
*
True to his word, Sirius left Eva alone in the days following, only speaking to her in passing. The first Marauder to reconcile with her was James, whose constant jokes at Quidditch practice made it practically impossible to remain angry. She talked with Peter a few days later, stopping his endless apologies with a tight hug. Still, she didn't speak with Sirius, although she noticed his efforts and appreciated them greatly. Fearing that talking things through would result in a worse fight, she gave herself space to cool down, and he respected that boundary.
Sirius decided to use his newfound free time to talk with someone else. Keeping a careful eye on the Marauders Map, he finally spotted his chance a few weeks later after dinner.
That night, the stars shined so brightly that he could make out a figure sitting near the edge of the Astronomy Tower, his head tilted up to look at the sky. Regulus glanced over at the sound of footsteps, then turned away again when he saw who it was.
Sirius lingered near the stairs, unsure if he actually wanted to be there. Then, making up his mind, he walked over and sat down next to his younger brother. Once he realized that Regulus clearly wasn't going to speak first, he stared down at his hands. "Thought I'd find you here."
"Why?"
"You always liked the stars." His mind drifted to memories of sneaking out and stargazing during summers. "Your favorite subject is Astronomy, right?"
Regulus laughed a little, then pulled his knees to his chest. "I'm guessing you didn't climb up a few flights of stairs to discuss the stars with me, Sirius."
"No, I didn't," Sirius chuckled, but he didn't know how to continue. Regulus sensed this and decided to push the conversation forward.
"She misses you. She's just angry."
His head snapped up. "How do you know that?"
"We've talked a few times," Regulus admitted. "The day after... you know, all that, she wanted to make sure I was okay. We've met up in the library to study a few times. They're kind of like therapy sessions."
"For her or you?"
Regulus grinned. "Both, I think."
"Yeah, she tends to have that effect on people. She makes them more honest."
"Is that why you like her so much?"
"I like her for a lot of reasons." Her passion, smile, intelligence, kind nature... The list went on and on. "Well, I'm glad she misses me."
"She does. Trust me. Just give her a little more time. She doesn't want to fly off the handle at you."
Sirius' handsome face broke into a smile. "She's scary when she's angry."
"You should keep her around for the long run," Regulus joked. It felt good, freeing in a way. There weren't many people he could joke around with anymore. "She might be the only girl who will tolerate you forever."
"What, are you aiming for a sister?" Sirius asked, laughing.
"Depends. Are you aiming for a wife?"
Sirius pushed the hair out of his face and winked. "Who knows, Reg?"
"I bet you do."
"I do not," Sirius protested, but both brothers heard the lie and smiled. "The answer you seek is TBD. We're kind of young for that, you know. We're both seventeen."
"Well, once you graduate, you'll be eighteen. Besides, everyone's doing everything young these days," Regulus pointed out. "They all think they're going to die tomorrow."
"True. Hey, imagine Mum's reaction to me marrying a Muggle-Born. Just imagine it"
Regulus shook his head, laughter in his dark blue eyes. "Give me twenty-four hours to get out of the house before she finds out." Then, in a higher-pitched, screechy voice, he yelled, "He's besmirching the hallowed name of the Most Noble and Ancient House of Black!"
"Your impression's gotten better," Sirius noted. Regulus had the best imitation of his mother, but Sirius could do a wicked Kreacher voice.
His smile disappeared. "She screamed a lot this summer."
"I'm surprised the woman still has a bloody voice at all after all these years," muttered Sirius, his mood souring at the thought of Walburga Black. "My offer still stands, you know. If you ever need a place."
"Thanks." One word, but Sirius caught the gratitude all the same. Regulus pulled out a journal and began to sketch something, then crossed it out and tried again. "This is nice."
"What?"
"I dunno. Talking, I guess." His quill froze on the paper when he remembered his lonely summer, living in that house without anyone to laugh with, walking on eggshells with everything he said. As much as he loved his brother, Regulus resented him for running away, for escaping while leaving him in the dust. "And I get it can't be like this forever, but it's nice for tonight."
"Why can't it be like this forever?" Sirius asked sharply. "We're bloody brothers, for Merlin's sake."
"Because we've chosen different paths. It's one thing now, when we're in school, but you graduate in a few months. Then you're probably going to work at the Ministry, make your own life, and I'd bet my best broomstick that you're somehow going to be involved in this war- because you're too reckless to stay out. So no, it's not going to be like this forever."
Instead of letting his temper flare up, Sirius thought about his brother's words. "I never gave up on you," he said in a much quieter voice than Regulus expected. "Not really. I reckoned what was happening in our house growing up wasn't supposed to be happening. We weren't supposed to be hit for the littlest mistakes. But I was young and stupid, so I figured if I acted out of line more, maybe she'd leave you alone. And then I was sorted into Gryffindor, and James caught me crying because I didn't want to go home for Christmas that year."
"Sirius," Regulus said softly, not sure where this was going and not sure if he wanted to hear more.
"Then the year after that, you were sorted into Slytherin, and I was actually relieved because at least you wouldn't get the beatings I did for something I couldn't control." He swallowed, shocked at his own honesty. Something about the stars influenced him to reveal more. More than anything, he just wanted his brother to understand. "Having friends outside of our cousins had an effect on my beliefs. So not only was I a Gryffindor, but I also was thinking like one. And then in third year, I started looking at Eva differently, and that solidified it: I wasn't going to be like them. Course, that didn't fly with the folks, but at that point, I was used to being the certified family disappointment.
"And then last Christmas, I messed up. I messed up with her, and then I found out that she had kissed you. I was angry at you and at her, but mostly at myself. So at dinner, I snapped. I was tired of taking it from them. That night when I left, you have no idea how much I wanted you to come with me." Sirius sighed, then shook his head. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry that I left you behind, that you were alone in that house all summer, that I jumped to conclusions the other night. I just want you to know that. You're my brother, Reg. I don't know why you're running around with Death Eaters and I'm not going to pretend that I understand, but I never gave up on you. I still haven't."
Regulus' hands shook on the page until he shut the journal, worried that his unsteady quill would ruin a drawing. Fear controlled so much of his life. Fear of his mother, his father, of disappointing them, of dying, of being alone. Even though he chose a path he believed in, terror led him there.
"I don't blame you for the other night. If we switched places, I would have freaked out, too."
"And I wanted to thank you for helping her," Sirius added. "It means a lot to me."
Sirius saw his brother saving Eva as a chance. A chance that he wasn't completely gone.
"She's great. She's a good friend." Regulus could count his actual friends on one hand, so each one meant a great deal to him.
"Do you think if I married her, Mum would just drop dead? Because that could be a really big contributing factor."
Regulus laughed loudly. "She almost did when she heard about Andromeda."
"Blimey, too bad I couldn't have seen that," Sirius replied, putting a hand to his chest in mourning. "Dromeda's sent me letters. She's doing well."
"Good," Regulus said, an affectionate smile spreading across his face at the mention of his cousin. While she and Sirius grew up as best friends, he had a relatively good relationship with her, too.
They ended up talking for hours, catching up on the last few months they'd missed of each others' lives and cheerfully ignoring the curfew. Around midnight, they snuck back into the castle under James' invisibility cloak, a device Regulus freaked out about when he saw it. Sirius finally returned to the dormitory that night around one and passed out on his bed using the cloak for a blanket, a satisfied smile on his face.
heyyy
hope you liked this one! i had a lot of fun writing it :)
i'm not going to be overly active for the rest of this week because of AP exams, so i wouldn't look for another update until maybe this weekend
qotd: favorite marauder?
aotd: all of them
thanks for reading! love you all!