Carmen
The bare words fell from my lips almost automatically. I had tried so hard to limit our interaction all day.
Tremaine Neverson, one of the many people who made my childhood hell. A boy who found amusement in mercilessly harassing me as a kid. His torture ended when I was shipped away from Virginia but the things he said haunted me. The things he did turned the few dreams I had into nightmares. He haunted me. The experiences with him of all people left me in a mental state far worse than where I started, and that says a lot. He and his friends were so unrelenting. There would be days when I was too dried out to cry or too tired to care.
I remember the stories and journal entries written by my mother and I’d dream of being like her. The way she carried herself, her confidence, her ‘not taking shit from anyone’ attitude but I wasn’t built that way.
I wasn’t built at all, just random pieces carelessly thrown together.
My face completely blank but my eyes reflecting the hurt from my tortured soul. I wanted him to see just how dead he was to me and why.
He stared at me almost remorsefully. “Look, I’m sorry I-“
“Don’t. It’s fine.” I shook my head and softened my features.
“How have you been?”
“Okay, I suppose. How have you been?” My attention drifted to my feet.
“I’ve been great..” He trailed off scratching in head, I could tell he was still staring at me.
Silence found its way in between us and it fueled the awkwardness. I didn’t dare look up at him, but the loud screeching voice I heard caught my attention.
“Trey! Where are you? I’m ready to go!” The girl I ran into earlier yelled walking in the direction of his dressing room. He sighed loudly and readjusted his hat. “I um.. Can we talk sometime? I’m really J-“
“I’m tired and I’m ready to go. Why you talkin’ to this bitch?” The girl frowned up at me. “Watch your damn mouth, Nicole.” Tremaine said sternly and she sucked her teeth. She looked me up and down before walking away.
Tremaine shook his head.” I better go before she sets my car on fire of some shit.’ He chuckled but his face was serious. I didn’t have much to say about any of it so I nodded.
“See you around.” He smiled and I barely lifted one side of my mouth in an attempt at a small smile. He left and I looked around for what I was supposed to be doing.
Fiona Cook
Fiona walked towards me smiling. “Hey!” I stared at her before slowly raising an eyebrow. “You know what you should do? Come to my sound check.” I guess she expected me to be excited about that.
“Why.”
I’ve known Fiona since I was in elementary school. We separated for a while but always kept contact somehow. When I was away at college she decided to become a singer and I guess do singer stuff. She has went on tours and made albums and made friends with big names. When all of that was done she never forgot about me.
“You need to get out and do something, or someone. You don’t live a normal life of a 22 year old, all you do is eat, sleep and shit. You live like you’re 92! So come with me. If you don’t have fun I’ll never ask you to come out again.”
“You always say that.” I grumbled. “Please?”
I sighed.” Fine.” Her smile was a mile wide and that had me on alert. The panic will kick in soon but for now I can at least imagine nothing bad will happen.
*******
7:20pm
Fiona woke me up and immediately started dodging whatever I could throw. When the lights came on I growled. “Get the hell up. Why aren’t you dressed yet?”
I wiped the sleep out my eyes and stared at her. “Why are you dressed up?” She wore a short dress and those high heel shoes with other odd accessories. “I always dress up for my sound checks. Anyway I brought you some clothes since you don’t have any good ones.” She smiled but I narrowed my eyes.
“Can you please get ready now?”
“Whatever.” I rolled on to the floor and crawled to the bathroom.
()()()()
I was pushed into wearing the strapless pink dress but I stood by my choice of wearing the black converse. I don’t do the high shoes thing. Fiona put the curling thing in my hair and well, made it curly. She was overly enthusiastic about whatever a sound check is and it had me on edge. I don’t like surprises but until I see anything suspicious I’m going to play along.
We were in the car before I even put on my other shoe. Fiona's smile looked permanent. "Are you excited?"
"No."
"Why not? It's gonna be so much fun!"
"Doubt it."
"Don't be a Debbie Downer."
Tremaine
That Carmen shit has been on my mind since I left this afternoon. As soon as the car stopped I ran far away from Nicole and to my bed.
******
My phone was vibrating in my pocket and probably ringing but I couldn’t hear anything over Nicole trying to sing along with some song playing.
I kept my eyes closed and ignored them both. “Trey!! Get up!” Nicole whined and started shaking me. “We’re gonna be late for Chris party! Get up!” She shouted knowing that shit annoys me.
I rolled to the other side of the bed and got up from there.
()()()()
We were walking to the nightclub by 9:30 and it was crowded with nearly everybody. With it being Breezy’s event the CBE crew was there and people like MMG, Young Money and the Last Kings were scattered around the huge VIP section.
I didn’t want to be here but Chris wanted me to be there so despite my sleepiness I tried to look happy to be here. I was talking to Wale when Fiona walked our way with somebody trailing behind her. Actually she was dragged them but I wasn’t going to mention it.
“Hey guys! This is my friend Carmen.” She look nudged Carmen and she stared down at her shoes. “Hi” She mumbled shyly.
Most of us waved or said hey but that was it. I saw some niggas damn near drooling and that irked me for some reason. Carmen did look extremely different from this morning or any other time that I’ve seen her but I wasn’t just going to act like it. Although I’ve never seen her in a dress and was kind of surprised, I didn’t stare.
The look she had on her face when she looked up at me fucked me up a little. Disappointment and disgust, that shit kinda hurt.
“Hey Carmen” Wale said nodding. We saw Fiona walk away and he followed her, Carmen left and sat on an empty couch in a corner. Déjà vu.
“Who’s the girl with Fiona?” Allen asked when we sat down. I chuckled and shook my head. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.” I still can’t believe it. “Who is it?”
“Do you remember that girl we use to fuck with in elementary school? The real quiet one that always sat by herself.”
He stared thoughtfully for a while. “That girl Carmen?” I nodded and he looked over to where she sat. His eyes popped out and his mouth was open wide. “No. No. That’s not her! No!” I laughed at him and he started looking around frantically. “Chris! Come here!”
Chris jumped down off the table and walked over to us. I pointed to the corner where Carmen was looking around the room and spoke loud enough for Chris to hear me. “Does she look familiar?”
“Nope.”
“You sure?” Allen asked after recovering. Chris scrunched up his face. “Yeah nigga I’m sure. Fuck is that?’
“Carmen.” Allen and I stared at Chris but his face didn’t change. “Fuck is Carmen!? She don’t got a last name?”
I shook my head. “Carangi” His head snapped back and his eyes grew bigger than Allen’s. “Hell nah! Nigga you lyin’. She look too good to be that raggedy ass girl.” Allen and I laughed hard. It kind of was true. “You a damn lie. I don’t believe that! Let’s go over there.”
Chris led the three of us over to her and waited for her to look up. She looked up and paled, I could tell that it dawned on her who they were. She slid away and wrapped her arms around herself. “Oh shit! It is her!” Chris shouted and took a shot. Allen looked like the niggas from earlier. “Damn..”
Nicki, Meek, Rih, Fiona, Keeis, Austin and Nicole came over and looked at Chris. They looked between him and Carmen who sat balled up in the corner and Nicole opened her mouth. “Who invited this clumsy bitch!!?” Nicole stomped and shoved passed me. Fiona got up and pulled Carmen away from the area and Nicole sneered at her.
Here we fucking go.
Fiona
When Carmen confirmed that she was okay I left her outside. A while later she came in and sat in another corner. The large wall clock on the wall said “12:27pm”. I haven’t seen Nicole so that’s probably why things have been going good. Carmen refused to drink and walked away from Keeis when he offered her a blunt. She looked at something other than the ground so I assume that’s her way of loosening up.
Every once in a while I’d look over and see Chris, Allen and Trey staring at Carmen and whispering back and forth. Just like when they were kids hopefully minus the mischief. I know they think I don’t know what they use to do but they weren’t all that quiet about it. I purposely asked Carmen why they were looking at her and her face would go blank.
Carmen went to the bathroom when I sat to talk with Rihanna. The bathroom area was really bright and made the doors look like they glowed. I noticed Carmen speed walking out of the building but I saw what time it was and realized why. We were talking about our albums when a loud ear piercing scream echoed throughout the club. The music instantly stopped and people were just standing around looking. As always Chris has to point it out. “What the fuck was that?”
Two security guards went in and minutes later one carried an overly hysterical Nicole out of the bathroom. Her all white dress was soaked through the side with blood. I saw Trey stand up and follow them while the rest of us just stood there.
I wasn’t all that concerned with Nicole but Carmen leaving right before it happened did concern me.