I thought that I was done with him, and his shenanigans. I thought he would leave me alone, especially since I had a little bit of power over him, with his blatant overuse of his authority in getting me to almost sleep with him. Or that's how the story would go, if I ever told it to anyone.
But he didn't care about all of that, apparently.
He stood there, staring at me, as I were just another one of his camp dwellers. Not someone he had almost had anal with. I felt a bit angry and a bit degraded.
More than that, I was having a hard time comprehending what exactly he was trying to convey to me.
"What are you trying to say here? I'm just having a bit of difficulty..."
"We need you to film a porn video for us. It can be something simple. We need to get into the heterosexual male fantasy section. Gay videos aren't cutting it enough. Our demographic target market isn't watching those gay videos, as much as we thought they would. There's no one else we can ask. You are the only reasonably decent-looking youngish female here. All you would have to do is..."
I stomped out of there, as his words trailed off.
Fool. The damn fool. The damn fool of a man. I hate him. I despise him. He thinks nothing of me. I can't even stop thinking about his stupid fingers slipping and sliding inside of me, and he's just casually asking me to film a porn masturbation session as if it were nothing.
I really hate him.
I hadn't been looking where I was going, and I realized I was near the tiny brook that ran next to our camp. It was too small to even be called a brook, but the little trickle of water that ran close to us, was the only beautiful thing that kept our spirits up in these tumultuous times. Many of us called it the therapist's couch, coming to watch the brook gurgling its way across the land, bouncing, tumbling, and doing its thing. It was soothing in a way. It felt like if this brook could just keep on going, then we could as well. I squatted down next to the water, and with my chin on my knees, I watched the brook for what seemed like hours.
Gordon sat down next to me, and said, "What was that about? I thought you were trying to be a little bit more mature at this camp."
I had tears in my eyes, and I rubbed them off impatiently. I hadn't expected him to come looking for me. I had thought he would just leave me alone, and find someone else.
"Me being mature doesn't mean I let you all do whatever the hell you want with my body." I said angrily. Calm down, because if you don't, you are going to end up saying things you regret, I told myself. I have done things like this in the past, where I say things out of anger, and I end up hurting myself in the process.
I got up to leave, and he grabbed a hold of my wrist. "We are not done talking yet." He pulled me back down to sit on the ground next to him. He was there, cross-legged, and he looked just so comfortable. What is up with him? Why does he have to be such an asshole? I thought he was such a cute little boy when he was younger.
"Hey, so you might think I am being unfair here, but there are forces at play that you have no idea about. So you better suck it up and follow our directions. Without the porn that we have been filming, not only would we not have enough food to feed everyone, but also, we wouldn't be able to stay in contact with all of the rebel camps out there."
My eye twitched. All the rebel camps?? How many of us are actually out there? The truth is that I don't actually know anything about what is going on in the world right now. I didn't really pay attention to the news before this thing, and now I regret not knowing more.
"How many rebel camps are there? I thought we were one of the only ones." As soon as I said that, I realized how stupid I sounded. He looked at me with confusion for a second. He must have thought I was joking at first. When he saw my serious face, he couldn't help himself. He broke out into laughter.
"You are joking, right?" He asked, after I started pouting. He didn't have to be so rude about it. "You can't be serious. Do you have no idea about what's going on in the world? Were the burbs really so sheltered? How did they keep the news from getting to you folks?" He said, the last bit, almost in a whisper, as if he were asking that question to himself.
I wanted to be angry at him, but he was right. I had no idea about anything, and it was my fault. I was sheltered and it wasn't all the burbs fault, it was my own. I thought that whatever happened in the world, at least I was safe from it. I used to think if it doesn't affect me directly, then it doesn't affect me at all. And in the burbs, we had everything to stay safe and healthy - enough food, water, clothes, and stuff. Even when my parents died, they had left me enough that I had nothing to worry about.
"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. I shouldn't laugh at you like that. You just are the most clueless person I have ever met. Anyways, let's move on. So there are at least a hundred rebel camps all over the world, but the ones we are in contact with, are the dozen or so in North America. Those are the only ones who we were able to communicate with, to set up this system to share messages, and updates. And it's crucial for us to be able to tell them what's going on. You would be doing us a huge favour by filming this porn video." He stopped for a second, and looked embarrassed. "Actually, it might be more than one." He added, quietly, as if I wouldn't be able to hear it.
"What??? How many?" I asked. It's not like it matters. No one I know is even alive anymore, and no one who would watch it, would care that it's me. I'm sure hundreds of other women have taken to doing porn in order to sustain themselves. What does it matter if I do it, too?
"Well, probably a dozen or more. I don't know yet. It depends on how long this trend lasts. There are trends in porn as well, you know. Sometimes, people are big into gay porn, and then it's all about big tits, and then it's about solo adventures. Things are always changing. Listen, Cellie, I wouldn't ask you if I didn't think it was important. C'mon, what do you say?"
I glared at him. He was being ingratiating with me, right now, and I didn't appreciate it. He knew that if he stayed bossy and rude to me, I would be able to ignore his request. But him being like this, it was hard to say no. I sighed. He knew he had me. He smiled at me and said, "I'm sure you are horny as fuck, so why not take advantage of this. We will give you toys and lube and everything else you might need."
I punched him hard in the gut, just to get some of my frustrations out, and then walked off. I might have agreed to masturbating in such a public format, but it doesn't mean that I was happy about it. Angrily, I stomped off to my tent, to see if I still had any razors left behind. I might be filmed naked soon, and I needed to clean myself up down there.
I had one razor left, and I sighed as I realized, if I was going to do more than one of these videos, I would need more than one razor.
Weirdly enough, I wanted to cry. I thought that he would be one of those guys who wouldn't treat me just like a piece of ass. Most men that came into my life did just that. They were kind, until they realized that I wasn't a slut as they imagined me to be. I mean, I like sex just like the best of them. But I don't really know why everyone assumes that I would be happy to take it in the ass, and in the face, and in every other orifice, just because I look like one of those blonde sluts in porn.
I have to do my part, I know that. I have to contribute to this camp. It's my duty. I have been leeching off of them, getting lots of food, and water, and security, without them asking for anything in return. This is the least I can do for them. But why does it feel so terrible? Why do I feel so crappy about it?
When I was all cleaned up, I walked out to the office. I had to get it out of me before I changed my mind. If I didn't say yes to them right away, it would be a problem. I had to do it, while I could still have the courage to do it.
I flung open the door of the tent, and walked in, without announcing myself.
And that was a mistake, I realized as I walked into a gay porn video being filmed.
Umm, what the hell was that man doing to Goatee guy??? Oh my gosh, I blushed, as I realized, that gay men did it through their anus.
Yes, yes, I led a sheltered life. I can't believe though that I didn't know that gay men used their ass to fornicate. Oh my gosh.
I ran out of there, before anyone could see me, but as I stood outside in the cold, I could feel my body heating up. That was actually quite a turn-on to see them going at it. They seemed to be...
Okay, don't think about it, I told myself. Just don't think about it, otherwise, you are going to get horny, and how will you relieve yourself here? In the boonies? Don't even think about masturbating, with your dirty unwashed hands, I told myself.
I stood there for a few seconds, trying to calm my thumping heart, and then started walking off.
Someone grabbed my hand and pulled me back.
I turned to see it was Gordon.
"Why did you leave without saying hello?" He asked, with an impish grin on his face. Oh, he knows what I saw, and he knows exactly how it affected me. I didn't say anything though. I had no words. I literally couldn't think of a rebuttal. "I guess, that's your first time seeing a gay couple getting it on?" He said, as he started pulling me along with me.
"Where are you taking me? I don't have time for this. I have my shift soon and..."
He ignored me. "It was quite a shock to me as well when I first saw them push their thick dicks into that tiny little hole. Oh boy, I was worried that they were going to tear each other apart, and then bleed to death on the tent floor. It was quite worrying. But when they started moaning and groaning with pleasure, I realized that they obviously knew what they were doing with each other." He smiled at the memory, as he kept on pulling me to his tent.
"How do they manage to fit into each other's anus like that? I mean, isn't that hole quite tiny?" I was thinking about the pieces of poop that manages to pop out of my anus. They are never as thick as a man's penis. Or are they?? I was deep in thought, as we ended up in Gordon's tent.
"Well, they have techniques. They use a lot of lube, obviously. But they also have a way of enlarging the hole, so it fits something bigger. It takes a while to get used to it, but eventually, their holes are soft enough and big enough to take even the biggest dildos. Oh man, you should see some of the things that these guys put into each other. It makes me blush to even talk about it."
We were standing in his tent. "Why are we here in your tent?"
"Well, you have something to tell me. Right? That's why you came into the office. And I have something to tell you. So I thought this would be a good private place to have our chat."
Something about him rubbed me the wrong way. He was way too excited about something and I was not sure that I was comfortable being in his tent like this.
"I have decided that I want to contribute to the camp in the best possible way so I will do the masturbation video. But just one. I think that would be payment enough for..."
"Plans have changed, doll." He said, imitating someone meaner and cooler than him. "There are many of those masturbating videos on the channel now, so we need something a little bit more risqué." His face seemed even more joyful now. What was he so giggly and happy about? It was freaking me out.
"What do you mean risqué? That word doesn't really suit you."
"I mean, we need something that includes a bit more than solo action. Maybe something to do with a couple having sex, and also, maybe a bit of sex toys and..."
"What in God's name are you talking about? Listen to me, Gordon, I only agreed to do the solo thing, because you made me feel so damn guilty about it. But the solo thing is already reaching my damn limits. Actually, it's going beyond my limits. But I said yes to it, because I think it's important. I will not, actually, I cannot do more than that. I am already freaking out here, so..."
He pulled me into his arms, and hugged me tight. His warmth seeped into my body and all of a sudden, I felt like all of that tension in my body started flagging away. "Shush, my dear. Just relax." He whispered into my ear, and I felt as if those simple words, and his simple touch was exactly what I needed right now.
"Do you feel better now?" He asked, about a minute later, as he felt my body relaxing in his. My shoulders relaxing and lowering, my stomach muscles calming down, and my facial muscles un-scrunching themselves.
I nodded against his chest.
"Good. Now look here, Cellie, we are childhood friends, aren't we? There's nothing for you to worry about. We are actually living in unprecedented times right now. No one is going to give a shit that you are having sex on camera with me, because most people are just busy trying to..."
"What did you say? With you?" He had tried to slip that into the conversation, but he had no idea that my brain was on high alert at the moment. "I'm going to be doing it with you on camera. But why? Why you? Why does it have to be you? Why can't it be someone else? I don't mind anyone else."
His face fell a bit. Oops, I might have actually hurt his feelings here. I tried to backtrack, but before I could formulate a good enough excuse, he said, "I thought you would be happy about doing it with someone you were friends with, someone you trusted in the past. I thought it would make you happy. But if you would rather it be someone you don't know, then I get that."
He looked like a little puppy that had been kicked. I am a terrible person, I thought to myself. I don't deserve this life. I should just end it all, before I hurt any more people.
"Listen, Gordon, I have thought about it, and you are right, I would probably be more comfortable with you. I mean, you've already seen me naked, so..."
"I have?" He asked, confused.
"Yea, don't you remember? It was that day when everyone was late to the club, and we decided that we were going to play strip poker. It ended up that I took off everything except my panties, and you still had everything on, except your shirt." He still looked confused. Oh shoot, did I confuse this memory with someone else's? Maybe it was some other member of the club who I was playing strip poker with? Oh god, I wasn't really a slut back then, but I sure seem like one from the stories I am remembering.
"Got ya!" He said, as he started laughing. "Of course, I remember. That was one of my most favourite memories from that time. Your nipples were the most..."
I ahemed. "Ha-ha, it's a balmy day today. Maybe we should start with our day. I know I certainly have to be getting on with it. I think I hear someone calling my name. I must be late for guard duty or something. I'm always late for something or the other. Ciao for now." I fumbled with my words, and ran off.
Oh gosh, I am such a fool. For some reason, I am fine with talking about sex, when it's with someone I don't give a jot about. But as soon as it comes down to someone I actually have a thing for, I become a bumbling idiot.
The truth was I did hear my name being called, and I was late for guard duty. But I could have excused myself in a more collected manner.
I sat down on the log that become my only friend and ruminated about my past, present, and the future. I was a bit worried about the amateur porn video I was about to shoot with Gordon. I was a lot worried about him seeing my naked body again - it was definitely not the same as it was back then. My nipples, and breasts weren't as perky as he might be remembering them.
I hope he has a terrible memory and he doesn't get disappointed by my body, I thought desperately.
And then, I caught myself. What is wrong with me? Didn't I think he was an abominable patriarchal douche just a few hours ago? Or was that my alter self? Just because he's turned out to be quite the handsome leader, doesn't mean that I can just cut him all the slack in the world. He behaved carelessly with me in the past few hours, and I cannot and will not forgive him for that. No matter how his hair seems to fall over his forehead, and no matter how his jeans seem to fit over his bum as if they were a match made in heaven.
I cleared my throat, getting my mind out of the gutter. But over and over again, I kept on wondering how it would feel to touch his bum. I was always a bum girl. When the other women were crying, and sobbing over six pack abs, and toned biceps, I always went to the back and searched for the hottest bum.
Well, to be honest, I haven't had sex in a while. And I did take the trouble to shave myself down there, even though I hate the atrocious task. I'm sure I missed a few spots, and I worried that he would see me naked, and scratch the whole project. But that was a chance I had to take. I wanted to see his bum without any clothes on it. I wanted to see it in its naked glory.
That was what sustained me through the guard duty. Normally, I would groan, moan, and complain the whole time I sat on that hard log. But today, I was serene. Content with my lot in life. I was ready for whatever the world threw at me. I wanted to prove my worthiness to the camp, so they would let me stay for a little while longer - at least until I have gotten my fill of Gordon's beatific bum.
Somehow, despite my ardent desires to stay awake, I fell asleep. Someone was nudging me awake. "Cellie, wake up, it's time for you to..."
"What? Yeah, I'm awake. I wasn't drooling." I said, as I jerked awake. I had been drooling, and not only because I was asleep. I had been dreaming about squeezing a plump, muscular ass with my bare fingers. It was a veritable feast and I was sorry to let it go.
Gordon stood there staring down at me.
"What's this about a veritable feast? You kept on repeating that phrase over and over again. Don't tell me you were eating in your dreams?"
Umm, I was biting and munching on something, but it wasn't actually food. But I didn't want to say that out loud.
I changed the subject. "Why are you the one waking me up? It's not even dawn yet."
"Well, you are not really doing a great job of protecting our camp, so I thought I would wake you up and drink some coffee with you until your replacement comes through."
Does he not need his sleep? From what I have seen, he's awake every hour of every day, without any lag in his energy levels, or any drop in his confidence. I envied him. He's probably like my military Dad, who could sleep four hours a night and be wide awake to take all of the challenges of the day. I'm not like that. Not even close.
I accepted the mug of coffee he handed me, and said, "Thank you."
I was quiet then, sipping on the hot coffee, letting it warm my fingertips, and thinking more lascivious thoughts about Gordon's bum, which was too close for comfort.
"You are pretty shameless, aren't you? Falling asleep on the job like that?" He was in a mood, I see. He was trying to get a rise out of me. I could sense that, but why? Did he want me to get angry with him? Does he like that kind of angry dominatrix play?
I decided to go along with it.
"You knew me back in school. I was pretty much shameless then. Why do you think I would have changed since then?"
He grinned at me. "There's this thing called maturing. It happens as you grow older, and..."
"Cut the bullshit. Why are you trying to annoy me? What do you want?" I was tired. Actually, I wasn't actually tired. I was wide awake. But I was cranky, because my dream had been interrupted, and even though I have the real deal in front of me, I can't do anything with it, because he thinks nothing of me. Is he even attracted to me? Am I even attractive anymore? My jeans stunk to high heaven, no matter how much I washed them, and my hair was a straggly mess, because I didn't have all of my Curly Girl products with me. I was covered with grime all day long, from the fire that was constantly burning nearby, and I felt like I hadn't had a decent night's sleep in days - I always end up dreaming about being captured by the enemy, the nameless, and faceless enemy. Who was the enemy, I wondered, as I thought about it?
"Woah," he said, as he lifted his hands up in mock defeat, "why are you so grumpy this morning? Had a bad dream?" He looked a little concerned, which placated me. But he was still an ass with a nice ass, one of which didn't negate the other.
I sighed, dramatically. "I'm cranky, because I wish I had bought a change of clothes, rather than a useless, stupid power charger for my phone, which I can't even use. Also, I wish I had fresh underwear, instead of my wallet, which contains pieces of paper which are pretty much useless as well."
"That's all?" He asked, as if he genuinely cared.
"No, that's not all," I was getting warmed up to the subject, and I decided if I was going to let him see my bad side, why not go all out. "My hair is a complete mess, because the shampoos here are too strong for them - I miss my products. And I want my pillow from home - I cannot sleep without my lavender essential oils, and the smell of soot and smoke is in my eyes all day long, irritating them." I took a deep breath and let go of the tension in my body. Surprisingly, I felt a whole lot better.
Well, they do say that you would feel better after venting about your troubles.
I looked up at him and saw him staring at me with an indiscernible look in his face.
"What? I know I'm behaving like a spoilt bitch, but I can't help it. I am not like you - I am not comfortable out in the wilderness. I'm a 'burb girl - I like my comforts, and pleasures. I want my lavender essential oil." I had tears in my eyes. Oh shoot, I didn't want to go that far with spilling my guts. I didn't want to cry in front of him.
He was still staring at me. "Is that all you need? Some hair products, essential oil, undies, a change of clothes, and a pillow? That's all? If you had all of that, would you be happier?"
I looked suspiciously at him.
"I'm seriously asking here." He said, when he saw my eyes narrow in suspicion.
I took a moment to think. Hmm, would I need anything else? Some pen and paper to write with would be nice. I told him that.
"Okay, that's totally doable. How about this? I'll get you all of these things from your house and you do the porn video with me when I'm back. Actually, I want you to do five of them, just so that we have enough footage to last a month or two."
"Go to my house? You can go to my house?" I asked, a bit surprised that this was even a possibility. "But what if they have burned everything down? What if there's nothing left there?"
"Who would burn everything down? Anyways, I'm sure it's all still there. I can be there and back in a matter of hours. About ten, I think should suffice. What do you say? Do we have a deal?" He held out his right hand to me in a gesture of goodwill.
"Can I come with you?" I asked. I have been dying, absolutely dying of curiosity - I want to see what's going on outside this camp. I want to know what the state of the world is. Is there anything actually going on, or are they all just feeding us a bunch of lies to control us, as Conspiracy Dan likes to say at dinnertime, when he gets drunk and in a sermon-like mood.
"Absolutely not." Gordon said, his eyebrows scrunching up as if he smelled something bad. "It's too dangerous for you out there." He looked down at my Timberlands and said, "I will get you some socks as well." He pulled out a little notebook and started annotating my list in there.
"Please, I will be good. I am stronger than you think. I will be able to keep up with you. I just want to see my old home one last time. I didn't think that the last time I saw it, would be the actual last time, you see. I didn't take a good picture of it in my mind. I am missing a bunch of details."
"I said, no, and that means, no." He seemed pretty convincing.
But I had the realization that Gordon doesn't like seeing me cry. Or maybe I was imagining it. There's no harm in trying, though.
I started bawling. It wasn't hard. There were a lot of tough things going on in my life right now. And my tears were always just underneath the surface. I liked to cry without an audience, usually, but we were in special circumstances at the moment.
Tears ran easily down my clean face. There was no makeup to streak down my eyes, or nose. No foundation, and no mascara. I wondered what that looked like.
"Stop crying, for God's sake. Why do you look so pretty while you cry? Aren't women supposed to look horrendous when they are sobbing?"
I don't know if I looked pretty or not, but I had to use what I had to my advantage here. "C'mon, what's the big deal? I could be a boon to you. In fact, I could actually help you by guarding you or keeping watch or stuff like that." As he just caught me taking a nap on my guard duty, that argument seemed a little bit implausible. But I had to try, nevertheless. "Okay, how about this - I will do ten videos with you, oh, and could you add deodorant to that list, I stink to high heaven because I have none with me. And some herbal soap..."
The list was getting ever longer, and my attempt to distract him from my proposition didn't work. He stared greedily at me. "Seriously?? Ten? You sure about this, right? You are not going to back out later, pretending like I misheard you or something."
Trust issues much? "Nah, I won't do that. But that means I can come with you, right?"
He took a second as he weighed the options in his head. And then he nodded. "Okay, yeah sure, let's do this. You can come. But..." He started off, and then stopped. He looked behind me and stood still. What was it now? Don't tell me it was another random leader of the camp showing up out of the blue. I was about to turn around to look, but Gordon said quietly, "Don't move an inch. Just stay still, while I grab my shotgun. If you make any sudden moves, it might get frightened."
What the hell is behind me? The suspense was absolutely killing me. But I obeyed the great leader. I am sure he knew what he was talking about. I didn't want to do anything to harm my body, or worse, harm someone else. He bent down slowly to pick up his gun, and I stood as still as I could.
Did he agree to me going with him or not? That was the question that occupied my mind. Not that I wasn't concerned with dying or something like that, but I cared much more about the prospect of new clothes, and some luxury items that could potentially turn my time at this camp into a less grim, more positive experience.
And if I was going to die at this camp, which seemed likely, with or without the creature behind me right now, I wanted to die comfortable.
I heard a screech from behind me, and my heart started pounding a bit faster. It had nothing to do with the fact that Gordon was now aiming at the creature behind me, through my legs. Like, from in between my legs. It was an erotic position to be sure, but for some reason I couldn't get excited about it. Erotic or not, I wanted him to shoot now.
He did.
The shot landed on the right spot, because Gordon whooped and grinned up at me.
"Can I move now?" I asked.
He nodded, and I turned to see what it was. It was a rooster. A big one, to be sure. But still just a cock-a-doodling rooster.
I turned around to see Gordon laughing at me.
"Oh man, you should have seen the look on your face. It was priceless. You must have been expecting something bigger. I just couldn't help it." He said, with a sweet smile on his face. I had to forgive him. It was the least I could do. Also, I was hoping he would let me go with him.
"Can I come with you then?"
"God, you are still stuck on that. I just don't see how it would be safe for you. If you get scared by a rooster, then you are going to be completely useless on that journey. We won't encounter many animals, but there will be lots of humans with guns and other implements. I'm sure you will not want to be stuck with me, while I'm trying to shoot those down from in between your legs."
Damn it. This was a test, and I didn't even realize it. But he was the one who told me not to move, and I was calm. Yes, my heart was beating like mad, but I was calm on the outside. I didn't panic, I didn't scream, and I didn't make a big deal out of it. Isn't that what any partner-in-crime would want from each other.
But I was getting nowhere. I had to recalibrate. Perhaps, if I took a few seconds, and thought about a different strategy to convince him... I stepped back. I sat back down on the log, and sipped my coffee.
He looked surprised, but then relaxed as he thought I had given up.
Oh, you have no idea what you are dealing with here, Gordon. Once, my parents had to deal with me for 48 hours straight as I tried to convince them to let me sleep over at my friend's house. And when I say 48 hours straight, I mean, 48 hours straight. I didn't sleep and I didn't let them sleep either, the poor dears. I hope they are happy wherever they are right now. How could they just leave me and go? Oh well, that's not something I want to talk about at this moment in time. I'm busy thinking.
He sat down as well, and sat there, staring at the rooster which wasn't dead, but just frightened.
"You didn't actually shoot at the damn thing."
"Nah, there's no need to kill it. It's just trying to survive, just like we are."
"You are a bit of a softie, aren't you?"
"Not as much as you." He said. "You remember that time in school when you went on that hunger strike, because the school wouldn't allow you to bring your dog to classes with you - your parents were going away on holiday, and your poor dog would be alone at home all day, and you didn't want him to suffer like that. I thought you were going to give up half-way, but you stuck through it. Eventually, they decided to comply with your request. But it was hilarious to watch from the outside in. That's when I started really wondering about what kind of person you were."
I had forgotten about that incident. I wondered why he remembered so much about my time at school. We were both so young back then. I feel so old now. Like I have seen and done so much. My soul feels tired. I feel like going to sleep and never waking up, but I knew that wouldn't work out for the best. I wanted to cry, but there were no tears left in my eyes. I hoped that my replacement would come soon, and I would be able to go into the semi-privacy of my tent and spend some sad, lonely hours there.
"What happened to your parents?" He asked, breaking the bubble that I had been trying to create for myself. "I remember they didn't want to leave you for even a second - even on their vacation, they were always hankering to bring you with them. You were the independent one who stayed behind for school."
"I..." I started to say something, but what would I say? I myself had been wondering about this exact question for the past ten days. Where did my parents go? Where could they have possibly gone? It doesn't make any sense. They were here, just a few days ago. I had seen them. Exchanged words with them, smiled at them, and wondered about their goofiness. And now they are gone. Are they dead? No, that can't be. I can't even allow myself to think about that. It's not possible. It can't be. It has to be something simple. A simple explanation that would seem silly in the end.
I'm sure we will see each other soon enough and I will laugh at the silliness of it all. I'm sure of it, I said to myself, again and again, trying to convince myself.
"They disappeared, huh?" He said, with a knowing smile.
I turned to him. "What do you mean? Does that happen quite often? Have you heard of other parents disappearing like that? I mean, other people?"
He nodded, as he took another bitter sip of his coffee. "Many people have disappeared in the past few weeks, especially since the pandemic started getting big. But weirdly enough, it's been mostly people of a certain age. From what I remember, your parents had you when they were pretty old. They must be in their 60s now? Or early 70s?" I nodded. They were 72, and 75 respectively, my mom being the older one.
"For some reason... well, the conspiracy theorists say that it's the older folks who spread the pandemic the fastest. Thus, in order to protect the younger, more viable folks, the government eliminated all of the older folks, especially the ones in a certain age bracket." He sighed. "But I don't really know what to believe here. I know our government is capable of anything and everything, but the conspiracy theorists even say that they are the ones who created the virus that caused the pandemic, so that they could have an excuse to eliminate the older population. Now I don't know what's true and what's not anymore. It's all so damn confusing." He looked much older at the moment. Old, and tired. Exhausted. And I started feeling like an ass for bothering him. I'm such a fool. Thinking about foolish things such as soap and deodorant, when my parents could be held hostage somewhere or dead, and when poor Gordon has to deal with such important things like government-led mass eliminations of the geriatric population. I really need to get my head out of my narcissistic ass, and look at what's going on around me sometime.
I promised to start today. My replacement chose that moment to walk in. She was quite happy to see Gordon, and I left them chatting with each other about encryption codes, and such geeky things. The rooster was still there, sleeping now, and so I let it sleep and I decided it was time for me to catch up on my sleep as well.