;-)
"What?"
Yoongi asks with a little frown at Jungkook's smiley face. "Ask your boss if you can miss work on friday" Kook replies, of more like repeats since Yoongi seems to have not heard- or believed him the first time. "Kookie, I..." Jungkook senses the refusal, is not like he hadn't expected it. Yoongi loves his job and he is a very responsible man. He wouldn't take a day off just like that, without knowing what it is for. Even so, Jungkook knows what he is doing. Or well, he at least knows he is following Dr. Kim's instructions. He's thought about it for a while now and he even talked to Jimin before the latter returned to Busan three days ago. Jimin told him it was a great idea, a change of atmosphere would most certainly do wonders for Yoongi.
"Please, hyung. Is just one day" Jungkook insists carefully, because even though they have not fought in the past few days, that doesn't mean that they will not fight anymore. "Kook..." Jungkook's able to see that Yoongi is also working on maintaining his temper. Trying not to start an argument. These last few days have been great and the second session with Dr. Kim went pretty well too. Jungkook waited for Yoongi outside the doctor's office again and then took him out to dinner and everything has been alright. Kook goes home after work and Yoongi does too, they enjoy their evenings with Netflix or a good set of music while they work on their computers. Is not as good as what they used to have but it is way better than fighting all the time.
So maybe Jungkook is pushing his luck a little here by asking Yoongi not to go to work but just like his previous crazy ideas, he thinks it is worth it. "Just one day" he says again, Yoongi looks at him from where he's sitting across the table. "What do you want to do that day?" he asks and that is not a plain no, so is progress. Kook thinks carefully of what he is going to say next. Yoongi has almost accepted his offer. A million ideas cross his mind. I want to live an adventure. I want to see the moon and the stars. I want to appreciate the roundness of the Earth.They are all so cheesy, so corny, they would make Yoongi laugh but his amusement doesn't guarantee his acceptance.
Therefore, Jungkook chooses to be blunt "I want to take you to the beach" Yoongi frowns a little but doesn't say anything. "I know is still a bit cold but I would like to go away for a little while with you" There's still no response, Jungkook hopes that isn't a bad sign. He hopes it doesn't mean that he's gotten Yoongi upset and that they would now fight. Is a little risky, maybe he should have used one of the cheeky phrases he thought of before. He's just about to say something when Yoongi sighs "If you're okay with traveling in the afternoon, I can get out of work at midday".
Jungkook can barely believe what he's hearing. His eyes must be huge right now because he didn't think he would be able to convince Yoongi of going away for the weekend. Let alone this easily. He only needed to ask, literally. Jungkook feels a little shocked and maybe he's portraying exactly that because after a few seconds of silence, Yoongi lifts his face to see him.
"I have a very important meeting on Friday, Ggukkie, I can't take the whole day" Oh! Jungkook realizes, Yoongi is trying to justify himself. He might be thinking that Jungkook's upset, perhaps it has something to do with the fact that he's remained silent since Yoongi accepted. He needs to say something. "If not, maybe we can go next week? Or take a vacation to Jeju later this year, if you'd like?" Yoongi looks at him with concern and he might still be thinking that Jungkook is mad, so he needs to say something fast!
"Uhm- no, no, no" Jungkook begins "Friday afternoon is perfect, hyung" he says, extending his hand to grab Yoongi's on the table. "I will find us a nice place to stay and we can even go visit Jimin before returning to Seoul" That last part makes Yoongi smile, Jungkook pretends that he doesn't get jealous over how easily Jimin's name draws a smile on his boyfriend's face.
"Okay, I like it, I also wanna go away with you for a little" Yoongi says with that kind of expression that makes him look irresistible. That soft smile, those shiny eyes, the little lift of his cheeks, his pointed nose. Jungkook feels like that college kid who first landed his eyes on Yoongi back in his first year of college. Yoongi apparently notices his enticing look so his smile gets a little wider at the same moment he turns his hand around, exposing his palm for Jungkook to intertwine their fingers together. Is a little gesture, very small compared to what they have already done with and to each other; but for the time being, Jungkook feels it perfect. He can't shake away the feeling of the college kid he was when Yoongi first grabbed his hand. It was a little more shaky than this back then but equally as shy. He hopes this gives them a new beginning, a new start, a new step into the wonderful world their relationship used to be before Hoseok left.
A few hours later, submerged in the quietness of the night with nothing but the sound of the wind against the window and while Yoongi peacefully sleeps on his shoulder, Jungkook texts Jimin. Tells him that they will be going to Busan for the weekend. As expected, Jimin is fast to offer his home for the couple but Jungkook refuses, he thinks is better for them to be alone and Jimin agrees immediately, perfectly knowing that they need some time for themselves. He does ask for them to visit and Jungkook accepts his offer almost right away. Despite the fact that they just spent some time in each other's company, Jungkook does want to see Jimin again and he knows that Yoongi does too- a tiny jealousy sparkle surges through Kook at the thought and so he envelops Yoongi a little tighter around his arms, presses his body closer to him.
Yoongi usually sleeps like this, pretty unconscious so is no surprise that he doesn't wake up when Jungkook pulls on him, neither does he move when he presses a soft kiss on the crown of his head. Yoongi's hair has grown quite a bit, Jungkook notices, he nuzzles on the thin strands with his nose and it is only then that Yoongi shifts a little. Jungkook stays static, thinking that maybe he has woken up his boyfriend but the older does not open his eyes, he sighs contently instead, hugs Jungkook tighter and presses his face further against Kook's chest. He looks quite angelic. Very vulnerable too.
Jungkook knows how Yoongi always wants to appear strong. He knows that his boyfriend is not really keen on letting his weaknesses show. If anything he always wants to be the Superman to everybody's Lois Lane. He wants to be the one people rely in times of trouble and not the one who needs someone to rely on. So he might not be on his five senses now- given that he is deep in dreamland- but even so, the fact that he fell asleep in this position, looking for a sort of protection, looking to be taken care of. Trying to be pampered and comforted. Letting just a bit of his emotions shine through for Jungkook to look after them, that much is enough to bring a heavy sense of relief to Jungkook. A whole lot of happiness too.
Is a start, maybe not a big one but a start nonetheless. No race is won if one does never leave the yellow stripes. So now, as they finally walk on the right pathway, Jungkook finally feels like they will cross the finish line. Together and victorious.
°°°
By the time Friday arrives, Jungkook has everything ready. Yoongi packed his bag the night before and Kook is supposed to pick him up at work half an hour after noon. He made a reservation at a village hotel. Blissfully isolated from the traffic of the city and with its own portion of private beach for them to enjoy. Jungkook thinks Yoongi will like it very much, plus as if the universe wanted to help, the forecast predicted a full moon for tonight. So they will be able to enjoy the beauty of the Earth's natural satellite from the ocean shore. He can't think of a better setting, of more perfect circumstances.
Dr. Kim had told him to make Yoongi comfortable but that is not everything Jungkook wants. What he is seeking goes beyond comfort, he wants Yoongi to feel loved. To feel alive, he wants to make Yoongi feel like it is worth living because he has been struggling with life for so long. He wants to erase the dark circles under Yoongi's eyes, wants to dry the tears from his soul and wants to heal the wounds in his heart, even if he was responsible for some of them.
So now, as he drives through the highway and takes the exit to Yoongi's workplace, he feels butterflies in his belly. Such a common thing to get when in love and yet Jungkook had almost forgotten how they felt. It occurs to him that he never felt those in Taehyung's company. Not even once and he might never do because Taehyung has greatly backed off. He's still a very bright person, he jokes around and makes Jungkook laugh but he doesn't hit on him anymore. If that's the right word to use. Jungkook's sure that his change has everything to do with that time Jimin confronted him. Not only because Tae stopped his flirtatious act pretty much overnight but also because he has asked about Jimin a time or twenty.
That's not really important now though because he's already texted Yoongi to let him know he is there to pick him up. Yoongi replies with a smiley face, which is so unlike him but tremendously endearing at the same time. It makes Jungkook smile and feel giddy inside. He hopes this trip turns out the way he wants it. And he also hopes it is enough for Yoongi to open up and talk a little. He imagines that he's said a lot of things to Dr. Kim and perhaps he doesn't want all of those to be known by Jungkook but that's fine. He figures that if Yoongi ends up letting his guard down, he will only say what he needs his boyfriend to know. Which is everything Kook is looking for. He does not need for Yoongi to let down all of his walls, he just wants to be able to see over them while still preserving the integrity of what he chooses to keep a secret.
Jungkook gets so lost in thought that he doesn't notice the moment Yoongi steps into the car with dark sunglasses and a little smile. "Jungkookie" he passes a hand in front of Kook's eyes. "Hey Jungkookie" he repeats and is only then that Kook snaps out of his thoughts. "Yes?! Hi, hi hyung" he replies a bit startled.
"Are you okay?" Yoongi asks with a smile that expresses more irony than actual concern. "I was just daydreaming" Jungkook replies for lack of anything better to say. "I figured" Yoongi tells him while he stretches his hand to stroke Jungkook's cheek.
"Want me to drive?" he offers as he softly removes a strand of hair from Jungkook's forehead. "Sure, if you want to. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night" Kook says, throwing his head against the headrest of his seat comically sticking his tongue out. Yoongi chuckles sweetly.
"Okay, baby, let's change seats then" Jungkook nods and undoes his seatbelt. Honestly, he did sleep a lot last night and quite deeply if he may say so, but he wants to see Yoongi driving. To reminisce a little on the times he didn't have a driver's license and Yoongi would drive him around town to pretty much anywhere they wanted to go. Plus, Yoongi is a one hand driver and Jungkook happens to think that looks very hot.
So he seats comfortably and sees as Yoongi adjusts the mirrors and the seat. "Ready to go?" he asks sweetly. Jungkook eagerly nods and locks his eyes on him. "Let's go then" Yoongi says and with that, he starts the car and they are off. Going from Seoul to Busan in car is quite a long trip, around five hours long but Jungkook didn't want to go by train because it would take away the magic of the time spent with Yoongi in the car. He wanted for this trip to be intimate, for just the two of them from the very beginning.
"If you get tired, I can take the wheel" Kook offers but Yoongi shakes his head. "Is okay, babe. Why don't you put on some music? You'll be our DJ today" The butterflies make a glorious return to Jungkook's belly and he feels all giddy again. Much like a teenager in love. He picks Yoongi's phone and opens Spotify, not shocked to find a lot of hip hop and rap in his recent plays. Although the few very selective sad songs that also appear there do call for his attention. Yoongi has never been one to like very nostalgic music but Jungkook guesses Yoongi has had plenty of stuff to be sad about lately.
He ignores those songs for now and goes for the poppy songs he usually listens to. He settles for Billie Eilish's Bad Guy. As expected Yoongi scrunches his nose at the sound. "I should've guessed you wouldn't put on good music" he says mockingly, a smile on his face, teasing Jungkook as he has always done with his music taste. He doesn't really complain though because Yoongi knows that those songs make Jungkook happy and as he has always done, he does everything to see Jungkook happy and smiley.
So they listen to Billie Eilish, to Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez and every other trendy artist Spotify finds. Yoongi focuses on the road as he maintains easy conversation with Jungkook. They stop at a gas station where Kook buys all kinds of snacks and smiles widely when Yoongi grabs a bottle of banana milk for him. "Do you want me to take it from here?" Jungkook asks as they approach the car. There's still about two hours to Busan and maybe Yoongi's already tired. Even so he shakes his head in denial.
"No baby, is okay. I am actually quite enjoying your music selection" The older replies and Jungkook chuckles happily. "I will download some more Justin Bieber then" Kook teases and the scruch of Yoongi's nose makes it totally worth it. Yoongi is being overly cute today and for a second it feels like nothing ever happened. It feels like these months have been nothing but a fleeting nightmare in an ocean of unexplainable chaos. Which reminds Jungkook of how deeply in love he is with Yoongi, how easily his boyfriend can get him to surrender at any given time. Whenever he wishes, wherever they are, Jungkook is too his to resist.
Kook can't even believe he thought himself being able to break up with Yoongi. Truth of the matter is that had he done so, had he actually manage to leave, the minute Yoongi called for him, he would've gone to meet him. No doubts, no hesitation, because Jungkook belongs to him. Always and forever.
So it is when they start driving again that Jungkook reflects on what he thought a few months ago. How they hadn't broken up because Yoongi was too proud and he just didn't want to feel guilty for leaving Yoongi in that state. He realizes now that neither of those arguments are true. They are not even close to reality.
Jungkook was angry when he elaborated those ideas, he felt beyond frustrated and was upset at Yoongi, at Hoseok, at Seokjin, at life and at everybody else. He knows now that he wasn't thinking clearly. He was being driven by a mix of emotions that he could not understand and that was slowly eating him alive. So as he sees Yoongi's little smile, his feline eyes focused on the road while the wind makes the raven strands of his hair flutter, Jungkook realizes that the real reason why adversity hasn't defeated them is because they belong to each other. Like the moon and the Earth, they are each other's reason for existing, they were sent into this world to be together and now that they have found each other, there wasn't a too big of an obstacle to separate them.
From today on, they could only go like the car Yoongi was driving: Forward and with a whole road right ahead.
ººº
They arrive to Busan just a little past the sunset, the city greets them with bright lights and the characteristic scent of the ocean breeze. Jungkook guides Yoongi to their hotel, right on the outsides of the city where the atmosphere is quieter and the scenery is more romantic. Thanks to the reservation Jungkook made, they are able to check in quickly. The room is nice, not overly big, with a queen bed and an en- suite bathroom. It is on the first floor with a little balcony that leads them right to the beach. It is beautiful and Yoongi seems to like it too if the little and soft smile on his face is something to go by.
"You hungry?" Yoongi asks as he sets their luggage on the small couch located by the window. "Yes, I am starving" Jungkook nods, walks closer to Yoongi who immediately snakes his arms around his waist. Jungkook's heart starts beating faster and feeling just a tiny bit nervous, he leans in and pecks Yoongi's lips softly. He means for it to be a fast gesture but Yoongi grabs him by the neck and pulls him closer. His lips become a little more insisting and Kook is not one to refuse, he follows his boyfriend's movements, lets one had slide to Yoongi's waist as the other settles on his face. Is soft, unrushed, delicate and it resembles the very same heaven he has so badly missed these past months.
When they separate, Yoongi kisses his cheek "Thank you for bringing me here" he says warmly, quietly as if he didn't want anyone else to hear even though they are alone in the room. Jungkook keeps his eyes closed as Yoongi softly whispers to him. "Hyung" he calls then, his hands now reaching for Yoongi's. "Yes, baby?" Yoongi's voice is alluring, he speaks a little deeper, breathy and Kook can't help but feel lost in it. So it is with a foggy mind that he intertwines their fingers together.
"After dinner, can we go to the seashore to see the moon?" He's careful not to mention that he wants to talk because that could add unnecessary pressure to Yoongi which is exactly what Jungkook doesn't want. "There's going to be a full moon today and I wanna see it, please?"
Yoongi chuckles, presses his fingers tighter around Kook's. "How are you so adorable?" he asks, kisses Jungkook's cheek again while the latter still keeps his eyes closed. Flying high, lost but found at the same time. "Of course we can go, it might get chilly though" Yoongi warns with another kiss being delivered, this time to Jungkook's neck. "We can take a blanket" Jungkook proposes and that's enough for Yoongi to nod and accept Kook's invitation. It feels so delightful that Jungkook is afraid of opening his eyes, fearing that he will wake up.
Yoongi senses it though, Jungkook can't see it but he can imagine his boyfriend standing on his toes in order to deliver the two fast kisses he lands on both of Kook's eyelids. Jungkook opens his eyes immediately, heart racing, cheeks blushing. "Don't tell me you're sleepy" Yoongi speaks softly, so close that Kook is able to feel his breath landing on his face. He shakes his head cutely, just like he knows Yoongi likes him to do.
"I'm hungry though, let's go for dinner?" Yoongi nods and just like that, they are out of the room, on the sidewalk looking for something they will both enjoy. They make easy conversation, Jungkook makes fun of Yoongi wearing only black at the beach until Yoongi reminds him that he is also dressed in full black. They laugh quietly, hold hands when they can and play with their feet under the table.
Is the fairytale Jungkook remembers. The wonderful adventure of being in love and being loved. The feeling of touching the clouds with bare hands and flying instead of walking. Is the knowledge that no matter from high he falls, Yoongi will catch him. So Jungkook smiles bright and openly, feeling all of those emotions flooding his being to the point where he feels like he will combust. It used to be like this with Yoongi all the time. A trip around the sun, a midnight stroll under the moon. A love that books describe, as beautiful as it is supposed to be.
Still, once dinner is done and they return to the hotel, Jungkook feels a little anxious. Yoongi grabs the blanket and in what seems like a second, they are both sitting on the sand in front of the vast sea. There's a party going on a few meters away, the music can be heard but thankfully it is not loud enough to disturb them. There are a few people walking around and the city lights reflect in a portion of the ocean. They are not alone but it is so calm that it feels as if they were. Just the two of them and the rotation of the planet. Is not only peaceful, it is warm and Jungkook's heart beats strong in his chest, just as he takes out the camera to take a picture of the moon.
Yoongi watches him with loving eyes, there aren't many words exchanged at first. Jungkook just takes a few pictures and even manages to convince Yoongi of taking a selfie together. Yoongi sulks but smiles cutely for the camera anyway. Time goes by slowly and is with the white brightness of the moon reflecting on their bodies that Jungkook decides to begin "I really missed you, Yoongi- hyung" he says carefully, wary of his words. He doesn't know if Yoongi's feeling calm enough to talk but he tries nonetheless.
Yoongi doesn't turn to him, neither does he speak. He nods a little and looks up to the sky, the full moon showers him with light and while the ocean and the sky are a beautiful landscape, Jungkook can't take his eyes off Yoongi. A few moments go by, Kook gives his boyfriend time and waits calmly. He knows Yoongi must be gathering some ideas in his mind. And of course he isn't wrong because when Yoongi speaks, the first thing he says is:
"I'm sorry"
Jungkook looks at him, doesn't say anything. He feels a little stab to the chest because he knows this is not going to be easy but it is necessary. If anything he is glad that Yoongi wants to talk.
"Jungkookie" Yoongi turns to see him, unlike the last few hours of laughs and relax, he now looks serious and deeply taken aback. "I'm sorry" he repeats, Jungkook slowly reaches for his hand places it just above Yoongi's and doesn't fully grab. Is more of a support gesture than anything else.
"What are you apologizing for?" Jungkook asks then, lets his camera fall on his lap.
Yoongi sighs, Kook can tell that it is being a little difficult so he presses a bit tighter around his hand. "I haven't been fair to you these last couple of months and I've brought tears to your eyes when I should be the one drying them"
Jungkook breathes in deeply because the hurt in Yoongi's voice resonates heavy in his ears and heavy in his heart. He feels the need to embrace his boyfriend but he tries to control his emotions. Yoongi is one of those people who needs space for himself, that feels the most comfortable while being alone, Jungkook doesn't want to disturb that. If anything, he wants to be comfortable too because he has a lot to share as well, he is trying really hard to be honest.
"I have been unfair to you too, hyung" he confesses with a sigh, letting his eyes fall to where his hand still lays on top of Yoongi's "I should've been a support for you but instead, I tried to find comfort with someone else" It feels worse when he says it like this, when he is so blunt about what he did. It is not a surprise for Yoongi, he already knew, but the soft distortion of his expression lets Jungkook know that his boyfriend has been hurt, deeply and in several ways.
"You don't need to say sorry" Yoongi tells him quietly. "I can't blame you for what you did" Jungkook instantly lifts his gaze. Yoongi is looking at the ocean, seemingly lost. "Ggukie, I have always been a rather confident person, you know? I thought of myself as good in everything I did, everything I tried...until I started dating you" Yoongi swallows and the movement of his Adam apple catches Jungkook's attention. He looks awfully defeated.
"You're such a bright and talented guy, I really don't know what is it that you saw in me because I can't shine like you, Kook. You are like the sun and I am a black hole" Jungkook presses his lips tight, until they form a line. He feels tears starting to form in his eyes but he tries to keep them in. He doesn't want to cry, not yet.
"When I met your workmate, I didn't get startled over the times you two have gone shopping or to eat together. I got stunned over how perfect he seemed to be for you. He had that bright smile that would perfectly match yours, he was friends with everyone there, whenever he moved, it looked like light was following him. I understood then what I've always known, that I am just not good enough".
Is no surprise to Jungkook that Yoongi doubts himself so much. He is usually confident but he is also sensitive and gets easily hurt. It makes Kook think about the bigger picture, about what has been going on for the past few months. Is true that he has been hurting all along, Jungkook has had hell lately but Yoongi has too and even so, Jungkook never saw him breaking down. Not even during their worst arguments, Yoongi never cried and the only time Kook caught him on the verge of tears, Yoongi told him to go to sleep because he didn't need to see it.
"Hyung, why do you think people don't like to stand under the heavy sun at midday?" Yoongi turns to look at him, his eyes are red but he is not crying yet. His semblance is heartbreaking though, he looks the weakest Jungkook's ever seen from him. He presses a little tighter around Yoongi's hand. "So..?" he asks, Yoongi shakes his head. Looks at him with glassy eyes, doesn't give an answer.
"Too much sun burns, hyung" Jungkook replies with a little smile. "Everyone needs to rest under the shadow of a tree every now and then, everyone needs a little cover from the heat. The sun itself can't shine on us all the time, that's when the moon takes over" Yoongi doesn't reply immediately, instead looks at Kook a bit confused with a little frown in his beautiful and delicate face. Jungkook takes that moment to intertwine their fingers together, with his palm still resting on the back Yoongi's hand.
"If you say Tae is like me, we would be too much even for ourselves. If what you say is true, we wouldn't last because too much light makes anyone blind, hyung. That's why you and me...I might be light and you might be the shadow and we are as natural as day and night themselves" Jungkook doesn't even know where that came from. Yoongi is the lyricist, he is usually the one with the word gift yet now Jungkook finds himself being amazed by his own delivery. And it was probably too much, because it is then that a stray tear falls from Yoongi's eye.
Jungkook lets go of his hand, opens his arms while he locks his eyes with Yoongi's. His boyfriend might be stoic and he might always try to be strong but Yoongi is also sensitive and kind, he knows how and when to feel vulnerable. He knows when he needs care and that is probably why he doesn't hesitate to move closer to Kook. When the sides of their bodies collide and warmth is spread, Yoongi rests his head on Kook's shoulder as Jungkook so carefully embraces him by the shoulders, silently telling him that he's safe. That nothing will hurt him here because they're together. Yoongi's eyes don't let any more tears fall for a few seconds.
"I know I should've told you long ago" Yoongi says at a point, when the music of the nearby party turns a bit slower. "But the truth is that I blame myself over what happened to Hoseok" Yoongi exhales and is only then another tear appears on his milky cheek. Jungkook figured that Yoongi felt guilty a long time ago but there's a special bitterness over hearing Yoongi saying it that bluntly. "I was the one who asked him to meet me that day, I was the one who couldn't wait to tell him what I needed him to know"
Jungkook tightens his arms around Yoongi and kisses the crown of his head. "Hyung, did you know that Jimin also blames himself?" Kook asks and Yoongi flinches, he frowns slightly but still shakes his head.
"Why?" he asks as Jungkook strokes Yoongi's cheek softly. "Because he allowed him to go" Is Kook's reply "Jimin says that he should've told him not to take the car, not to go because the next day he needed to work but he didn't" Yoongi scrunches his eyes, more tears slip from his eyes and his nose starts turning red. Jungkook uses the corner of the blanket to dry the raindrops from his boyfriend's cheeks.
"It wasn't his fault" Yoongi says with a sniffle. Jungkook nods. "It wasn't but neither was it yours" Jungkook speaks calmly and pointed, pressing his cheek against Yoongi's hair. "Life is not always fair to us, hyung and sometimes no matter how hard we try, we can't find a reason to what has been thrown our way. There is no one to blame, you never expect bad things to happen, they just do" Yoongi nods slowly, a new set of tears fall from his closed eyelids. Jungkook lets him cry, he knows just how much he needs it.
"I resented you for so long, Kookie" Yoongi says then "Because you seemed so fine, like nothing ever happened and I couldn't move on, I felt like I was stuck in time, always wondering what I could've done to avoid that accident" Jungkook listens and is only then that his eyes water for real. Is true that the hit wasn't as hard on him as it was on Yoongi but not because he wasn't hurt. Hoseok's passing was really painful for Jungkook and he most certainly was not fine but he tried to be the pilar Yoongi needed to lean on. To be fine for his boyfriend to rely on and maybe that had been a mistake.
"I was really sad too, Yoongi" Kook speaks softly "Hoseok- hyung loved me a lot and I loved him too, when he parted, I felt like a part of my life had been ripped from me but I thought I needed to remain strong because you needed someone to hold you upright" Yoongi nuzzles on Jungkook's shoulder, sighs heavily. "I guess I thought you didn't care, I'm sorry" Yoongi tells him, now sliding his right arm around Jungkook's waist. "I'm really sorry, Kook" he repeats with a broken voice that only manages to break Jungkook's heart a little further.
"We should've talked" Jungkook says but that only makes Yoongi become a bit sadder. "You tried" he replies with yet another tear falling from his eye. "You tried to talk to me but I kept saying no and when I wanted to, you were no longer available to listen" Jungkook feels the raindrop that falls from his right eye as he hears those words.
These past few months, he has thought of everything Yoongi did wrong. He has focused on how Yoongi hurt him, on the several ways he kept pushing him away. On how much it hurt him, on how badly he needed to leave. It is only now that he realizes that lost in the turmoil of never ending chaos and confusion, he forgot the most important thing about being a relationship: that they are two.
Jungkook focused on himself and felt little to no remorse when he left work with Tae or when he fled their home during the weekends in order to avoid Yoongi as much as humanly possible. Everything done in order to feel loved even if it came from a different heart. He really didn't think of Yoongi during those times, if anything he guessed Yoongi was fine as long as he was not around. It is quite shocking how tremendously wrong he had been.
"I'm sorry" he says for lack of a better word. "I'm really sorry I hurt you" he repeats and Yoongi must take notice of his broken voice because he lifts his head, places both hands on Jungkook's cheeks. He presses just enough for Jungkook's cheeks to become chubby and make him giggle.
"I hurt you too and you were only looking for a way out of the chaos I got you in, Jungkookie, you might forgive me but I can't forgive myself for having made your life miserable".
Jungkook places his hands on Yoongi's, slides them off his cheeks presses on them tight. He eyes Yoongi carefully, taking in the beautiful landscape of his features and the deep brown of his dark eyes. "You didn't make me miserable, Yoongi, don't say that, please" Yoongi sighs, tries to remove his hands from under Jungkook's but the younger's grasp is stronger. Yoongi just shyly nods. "You do need to forgive yourself for everything else though" Jungkook tells him with a little smile. "For the moments you didn't get to live with Hoseok, for the times you argued with him too. Forgive yourself, hyung because nothing of what happened was ever your fault".
Yoongi cries at that, throws his head down and this time Jungkook can't hold back. He moves closer and embraces Yoongi as tight as he possibly can. Yoongi allows himself to be hugged, hides his cheek on Jungkook's neck. "I could've waited, Jungkookie...I could have" he says between sobs, Jungkook presses his cheek on the crown of Yoongi's head. Nuzzles his nose on the soft locks of hair and a few tears escape his eyes. He hates to see Yoongi in so much pain and yet he doesn't want him to stop because this is much needed release, Yoongi needs to let everything out. So he's here to comfort and support him until every word he needed to say has been said and until every tear he needed to cry has been cried.
"But I didn't...I asked him to meet me right away before I needed to tell him, I needed to show him" Jungkook's a bit confused at that but he strokes Yoongi's arm softy. He kisses Yoongi's hair, feels the trembling of his boyfriend's shoulders against his chest. "If I had just waited...had I just waited until the weekend" Yoongi repeats, Jungkook presses a hand against his cheek as if shielding him from the world. As if telling Yoongi that he can freely cry because he won't let anyone see, he won't let anyone hurt him, not anymore. He hugs him as if telling him that he is safe and that he will always be safe as long as Jungkook's there. The same safety he feels whenever Yoongi is around, that goes beyond protection, it a sort of mind and soul lock that shields him from all the ugly things that live in this wicked world.
"Shh, it was not your fault, hyung" Jungkook comforts, he presses Yoongi's side closer to him as the moonlight showers them with cosmic glitter. If they weren't crying, it would actually be a really beautiful scene. "It was, Jungkookie. I should've waited...I should've waited until the weekend but I really wanted him to know, I wanted his opinion, I wanted to show him" Yoongi sobs, Jungkook frowns a little.
He is not sure if this is a mistake but his curiosity gets the best of him "What did you want to show him so badly?" he asks, Yoongi suddenly becomes motionless. He lifts his head with his eyes wide open. Jungkook suddenly feels like he shouldn't have said anything, maybe that's one of the things Yoongi doesn't want him to know.
Nevertheless, Yoongi breathes in deeply, Jungkook watches him from the side. He's just about to say that he doesn't need to tell but then Yoongi sighs, sniffles quietly and looks down to the sand under this feet. "The ring" he replies shortly, pointed, very clear and direct.
"I wanted to show him the ring I've bought...to propose...to you"
The night is already cold but at that exact moment, Jungkook freezes. He can feel his mouth going slack, his eyes open so wide, they might burst free from his skull. Silence overtakes them then, only the music from the party and the crush of the ocean waves resonate through them as the chilly wind strokes their hair. A few seconds go by and Jungkook still doesn't react, thankfully, is Yoongi who turns to him. "He knew I wanted to do it and I told him that I would get the ring for the weekend but I bought earlier so I asked him to meet me at that cafe" Yoongi speaks with his eyes firmly locked on Jungkook's own.
"I could have waited but I didn't because I was too excited" Yoongi's eyes rain again, he sighs heavily. Jungkook can only look at him, barely breathing, shocked and moved at the same time. "Had I waited..." Yoongi's voice breaks at that again. He sniffles and closes his eyes, feeling the pain of what he's kept hidden for such a long time. Jungkook softly pulls on his shoulder, get Yoongi's head to rest on his shoulder again and then he hugs him. So tight, so strong, he presses his cheek on Yoongi's temple, lets his own tears flow. They had talked about it, getting officially married, be together forever but he didn't know Yoongi had been about to do it. Right now, as that information suddenly sinks in, he feels caught in a different realm. A sort of dream.
Seconds, minutes, probably even hours go by but Jungkook's not longer conscious of time. They don't say much, just hug each other tightly, meaningfully. It strikes to Jungkook then that he would give anything to spend the rest of his life with Yoongi. That he would never imagine a more perfect way of spending his future and all of his days ahead.
"Did you get to show him?" Kook asks them, Yoongi moves slightly on his shoulder. "What?" he replies, probably too taken aback as Jungkook hugs him tightly. "Did you get to show Hoseok- hyung the ring? To tell him that you'd propose?" Yoongi shifts, lifts his face again to look directly at Jungkook, seemingly deep in thought. "I did" he replies with a soft nod.
"What did he think?" Jungkook inquires then, sliding his hands until he reaches for Yoongi's. Unlike the previous one, this question makes Yoongi smile softly, clearly remembering that last moment with his best friend. "He was very happy for us. He told me that we would make a really happy home together...he wanted to be my best man" Yoongi chuckles, a bit of pain filtering in his tone as he does so. Jungkook breathes in deeply, brings Yoongi's hand closer to him, to his chest.
"Then that's another reason to forgive, hyung" Jungkook tells him, Yoongi just looks at him, waiting for his delivery. "When he parted, he left us with the idea that we would be really happy. That you would be really happy, so we should honor what he expected from us" Yoongi's eyes become deep, shinny beyond the tears and as beautiful as the stars looking at them from above.
"You still want to be with me?" Yoongi asks then, apparently startled. Jungkook smiles, for real this time. No pain to pollute his expression. "I would never want anybody else" is Jungkook's answer and upon hearing that, Yoongi also smiles.
"Let's go inside? It's getting cold" Yoongi offers as he gently thumbs around Jungkook's cheek. Jungkook nods and in a sudden move, they are both on their feet. Hugging each other tightly. "Thank you for listening" Yoongi says with a soft kiss being landed on Jungkook's neck.
Jungkook kisses his temple. "Thank you for telling me" he says at last with nothing else clouding his mind or his heart. He feels like he's finally reached the lap, still on race but so close to the finish line. So close he can almost touch it, as much as he could touch the stars right now by how high he feels on Yoongi's love.
So is with reddened eyes, soft smiles and tangled hands that they walk back into their room with nothing but the full moon and the quiet whispers of the night to keep them company.
°°°
It is not that late, Jungkook thinks when he unlocks his phone. Just a little past two in the morning. Yoongi is busy in the bathroom, most likely washing all the tears off his face just like Jungkook did a few minutes ago. There are a million thoughts crossing his mind and even more feelings in his heart. Is almost overwhelming but he is trying to focus on the most important one. He feels love. An amazing amount of love.
It makes him feel light, almost as if he was levitating. For the few minutes it takes for him to get under the covers, his heart beats as if it was going to explode so when he sees Yoongi, dressed in pajamas, with long bangs of hair covering his eyes, his heart races a thousand miles per hour. Yoongi smiles at him, briefly checks on his phone before laying down next to Jungkook. He turns off the lamp and gets closer. "I promise to be better" he whispers sweetly on Jungkook's ear. The younger giggles.
"I don't need you to be better, hyung" he turns to lay on his side, fully facing Yoongi. "You're already the best for me"
Yoongi shifts, also lays on his side facing Kook. "Let me rephrase" he says quietly, taking a hand to Jungkook's cheek. "I will try to be the Yoongi you fell in love with, I don't want to hurt you anymore" he thumbs lightly of Jungkook's chin. Leans forward to press a quick peck on the younger's lips.
"I don't want to hurt you either" Jungkook replies with closed eyes and his lips brushing Yoongi's palm. Yoongi presses a bit closer, hugs Kook by the waist. "You won't" he says, assures Jungkook and that's enough for Kook to lean closer, stealing a new kiss from his boyfriend's lips.
Is like sealing a promise, like agreeing to hold hands through the storm, it is a silent agreement. So Jungkook kisses him deeply, like he had not done for months, like he had been waiting to do every single night. Yoongi doesn't retreat, he too insists, drags more and more from Jungkook with every motion of his lips. He pulls, licks and bites telling Jungkook not to stop, not to let him go because he needs to be held. He needs to be hugged until his broken pieces are glued back together again. Yoongi asks, demands and requests but Jungkook is there to give him everything he's searching for.
Yoongi moves then, presses Jungkook against the mattress and climbs on top of him. Not once does he leave his lips, not once does he stop his requests. Jungkook doesn't let him flee either, he hugs him tightly by the waist, presses him down impossibly closer to him. It is only then that Yoongi ceases to kiss his lips in order to move his attentions a bit lower. He kisses Jungkook's chin, his cheek, his neck. Jungkook's fingers press a little tighter on Yoongi's hips as his mouth falls agape and his eyes scrunch closed.
The feeling of Yoongi's lips around his neck and all over his face is completely overwhelming, is erasing his thoughts one by one and is making him feel ticklish- or hot, more explicitly said. He can't help but slide a hand under the fabric of Yoongi's shirt, pressing his fingers against the warmth of Yoongi's skin. The older responds by returning to Jungkook's lips for a more insisting kiss. A lot more sensual too, their breathing starts to agitate and Jungkook's body starts to overheat.
He sighs against Yoongi's lips and is then that Yoongi sits up, pressing just a tiny bit on Jungkook's hips. They look firmly at each other as Yoongi slowly pulls his shirt until it comes completely off. It has been so long. Jungkook doesn't wait a second before letting his hands roam around Yoongi's form. He's a little less defined than what Jungkook remembers him to be but still absolutely beautiful. The white of his skin almost shines with the moonlight filtering through the window, his eyes have become all dark and deep resembling those of a predator when it looks at its desired prey. Jungkook would gladly be Yoongi's prey at any time, he would allow himself to be devoured as many times as Yoongi wishes to do so, he would never complain.
So he pulls his boyfriend closer, kisses him rough, now he is the one asking and Yoongi is giving. His hands roam all over Yoongi's back as Yoongi himself starts to pull on the fabric of his shirt. Jungkook moves away from his boyfriend's demanding lips and lifts himself slightly. They lock their gazes once again and that is enough for Yoongi to understand. Jungkook's pajama shirt had about four buttons, none of which remain stuck once Yoongi rips Jungkook's shirt open with a force Kook didn't even know he had in him. He can't help but sigh at the gesture though, it is incredibly needy, incredibly hot and that's why a soft vowel leaves his lips when Yoongi starts caressing all over his exposed chest.
Is Yoongi who leans down then, their lips meet again in a sensual waltz that resonates for their ears only. The sheets fall around Yoongi's hips and the only thing Jungkook can think of right now is the soft press of Yoongi's lips all over him. Is heavenly, is everything he's wanted for so long and yet, it is not perfect. Not the way he needs it to be right now. As Yoongi places a trail of fleeting kisses over his front, as his lips so deliciously engulf the hardening bud in his chest, Jungkook remembers what Yoongi had said before. How he thought of himself not being good, not being enough. How much better Jungkook would be with Taehyung.
The idea is not inconceivable, Yoongi's everything he ever wants. Yoongi is the only one he loves, the only one who can have every bit of his mind, body and soul. The one and only. Forever him. Jungkook wants to make sure his boyfriend understands that. He wants to make sure Yoongi feels every single drop of love Jungkook's got to offer. He wants to make Yoongi feel blissful, to shine and rejoice as he lays under the soft press of Jungkook's body.
So it is with an abrupt motion that Jungkook grabs on Yoongi's arms and turns their positions around. Yoongi seems taken aback at first, looks at Jungkook with a confused expression from below. His hands grab on the younger's defined arms as Jungkook sets a knee in between his boyfriend's legs. He leans down, presses a quick kiss to yoongi's lips
"Let me take care of you tonight" he whispers, not more than an inch away from his boyfriend's lips. Yoongi moves his head to the side with a questioning look, a coquettish smile on his face.
Jungkook kisses Yoongi's cheek and chuckles tenderly. In complete contrast with their current position. He knows why Yoongi is looking at him like that.
The times have certainly been few, Yoongi being more enthusiastic to give and Jungkook being more delighted to receive, but on those occasions in which they have reversed their usual roles, passion has blossomed the same way. Sending them to the core of the universe itself. Jungkook wants exactly that tonight. He wants to have Yoongi surrender, not to him, but to the gigantic love he feels for him every hour or every day.
Jungkook presses a few fleeting kisses around Yoongi's face. The point of his nose, his eyes, his cheek until Yoongi's hands travel a bit further around his back. "I'm all yours" he whispers and that much is enough for Jungkook's heart to skip a beat.
He lifts his face, sees the deep look in Yoongi's eyes, the mix of emotions hidden in those pupils as dark as the ocean itself. He can't help but feel taken aback by how beautiful his boyfriend is, by how lucky he was to find him. He can't think of anyone better for him, anyone he would love more, anyone he would want more.
And that is the main reason why it is so easy. Is easy to kiss him again, to let his tongue taste every single corner of Yoongi's mouth. Is easy to have Yoongi arching his back against his torso to feel and to reach for more. Is easy to slide his mouth to Yoongi's cheek, down his chin and to his neck. Is easy to suck and bite a little right on his shoulder blade. Is easy to mark him as his. Everything is incredibly easy because Yoongi doesn't resist. Instead, he presses on Jungkook's hair with intention, asks for more of him, asks to be treated kindly, to be brought to heaven and nothing makes Jungkook happier than to comply.
He can feel the rush of adrenaline and lust that travels all around his being, the most primitive of instincts calling for him especially when his thigh collides against the prominent bulge hiding underneath Yoongi's sleeping pants. "I love you so much" he whispers against the delicate skin of Yoongi's chest. "I love you so much, hyung" he repeats just before his lips land on that particular spot that has Yoongi flinching and sighing. Jungkook's delicate and at the same time he's rough. He nibs around Yoongi's bud and licks carefully when he feels it has been a lot. His hands slide down the sideline of Yoongi's body, tentative and carefully until he reaches his boyfriend's thighs. He presses his fingertips there not even once ceasing to kiss all over Yoongi's chest.
The night might be cold outside but right now everything feels warm. Jungkook can feel himself growing harder and with each passing second the need becomes as prominent as the obvious tent in his boxers. So he becomes a little more impatient and that is why he slides his tongue down Yoongi's torso. He kisses him wetly, leaves a whole path of love as he makes his way down until he reaches the hem of Yoongi's pants. Jungkook pecks the spot right above the fabric once or twice before lifting his head.
Yoongi looks at him with a gaze he doesn't need to decipher. It is loving and it is deep. His slightly open mouth pants and grasps for air while his pupils become as dark as the ocean itself. So despite the lack of words, there's really nothing that Jungkook can't understand. That's why he doesn't hesitate to grab on the hem of Yoongi's pants and boxers at both sides of his hips, kisses him one more time before starting to pull.
Yoongi loses no time lifting his hips up, allowing for him to be uncovered, to be completely undressed. Jungkook watches him from where he stands, moved and entranced by the beauty presented right before his eyes. The beauty presented for him to love and for him to take. "You look gorgeous, you know?" Jungkook tells him but Yoongi has no response other than sitting up, grabbing Jungkook by the waist and pulling him close. Jungkook gasps a little at the motion and sighs loudly when Yoongi starts kissing his abs.
"Not as gorgeous as you pretty baby" he tells him kindly, with that whispering voice that could send Jungkook to heaven and beyond. Jungkook places his hands on Yoongi's locks, pulls softly as the latter kisses and licks his lower torso. He too seems to become impatient, pushes the fabric of Jungkook's own sleeping pants down. Further and further until they slide down his knees.
"Seriously?" Yoongi chuckles, the lust of the moment breaks for the briefest of seconds. "You sleep with no underwear?" Jungkook giggles, just as Yoongi places a kiss on his V line.
"I wasn't planning on sleeping tonight, hyung" he replies and is then that Yoongi lays down again. All naked on the white sheets. "Then don't" he tells Kook with a predatory, fully blown look. Jungkook surges forward, he positions himself on top of Yoongi and in between his legs. He kisses his lips again, enrolls his tongue around Yoongi's and slides his right hand down his boyfriend's body until he reaches what he's looking for.
Yoongi instantly moans at the contact, arches his body a little as if asking Jungkook to move. To stimulate and the younger does exactly that. He begins with a slow pump, a bit of teasing around under the shaft. He makes Yoongi tremble, he makes him feel blissful and lost. Which is precisely what Jungkook was aiming for. He presses himself a little bit closer, until both of their erections can rub together. It is so hot that it actually feels like flames. Jungkook sees the way Yoongi's eyes scrunch and he himself can't help but throw his head backwards. His hand now engulfs both of them, the little bits of released fluid helps his moves.
"Ah- Jungkookie" Yoongi exhales when Jungkook's thumb presses on the slit. "Jungkookie" he calls again in between heavy breaths. "Please- please tell me you brought stuff" Jungkook lets his head collide against Yoongi's shoulder. He presses an open mouthed kiss there. He is so needy now. "I did" he replies shortly, not being able to create actual words from how blissfully drunk he feels. He begins rocking his hips, up and down in a perfect motion that gets even better when Yoongi slides his hands down to grab on both of his cheeks.
He presses tightly, grabs a handful of the flesh and Jungkook has no other choice but to whimper. His boyfriend's big hands have always been one of his greatest weaknesses. The way Yoongi is so good with them, the way they feel so good on him as well. Jungkook knows he can't wait for much longer.
Therefore, he makes an incredible effort lifting himself up. Just enough to grab the little blue bag that rests on the bedside table. "Who would go to the beach with their partner and not bring the stuff?" Jungkook jokes as he takes out a lube bottle and a condom. Yoongi chuckles, his hand still moving around his member, looking for some sort of relief. "Guess I do" he says, looking at Jungkook with a little smile.
Jungkook lays next to him, grabs on Yoongi so that he doesn't need to do it by himself anymore. Kook begins moving his hand again, Yoongi takes the hint and so his hand reaches for Jungkook as well. Kook leans forward, kisses his boyfriend hungringly but it doesn't last long. The motion of their hands have them both sighing and moaning so much that their kiss breaks. If anything they just share hot breaths in between their mouths for a while until Yoongi lifts up his leg and sets it around Jungkook's middle.
"Hurry please" he requests, Jungkook nods, kisses his chin before letting go of his boyfriend shaft in order to prepare him. He hasn't done it much, if anything he's usually the one being prepared. So he hesitates a little but once his fingers enter Yoongi, everything seems to work well. Yoongi seems to enjoy himself as he rocks his hips slightly against the soft press of Jungkook's fingers. Jungkook watches him attentively. The way his expression changes from a scrunch to a pleasurable one. The way his nails dig on the skin of his back, the way he seems to be fully delighted. It makes Jungkook want to give him more.
So he resumes his kissing, lets his lips travel around Yoongi while his fingers work on him. Yoongi does nothing more than hug him tightly, moaning and gasping with every new sensation Jungkook brings into him. It doesn't take long really for Yoongi to be fully ready and so Jungkook pushes him against the mattress again. He kneels in front of him and sees the dilatation of Yoongi's pupils. The way his dark orbits have expanded is beautiful and intriguing at the same time. Jungkook has never been more in love with Yoongi than tonight.
So when he opens the condom and slides it around himself; when he positions himself and Yoongi opens his legs, ready for him. It is then that he allows himself to surrender as well. To this love he feels, to everything Yoongi means to him. He slides in slowly, making sure that nothing but pleasure invades his boyfriend's face. He doesn't want to see an ounce of pain in him because he doesn't mean to hurt, he means to love and he means to please. He means to give and he means to leave nothing but bliss inside of Yoongi's body and soul. It takes a minute for Yoongi to adjust, not really used to this but when he nods and Jungkook starts moving, everything simply stops.
The months of sorrow, all the tears that have been cried, the arguments, the constant fights, the thoughts of cheating, the drunken nights. Everything disappears as Jungkook and Yoongi become one. As their bodies join in the most intimate way possible and their sight starts to fade. Jungkook leans forward, presses his forearms on both sides of Yoongi as he moves, kisses his neck, his cheek, his lips and everything else his searching tongue is able to reach. Yoongi has his hands on both of Jungkook's asscheeks, aiding him with his motions, pulling him as deep as humanly possible. It feels absolutely right and absolutely like paradise.
Jungkook moves a bit faster, reaches a bit deeper until he has Yoongi trembling under him. "Jun- Jungkookie" Yoongi moans when Kook presses on the right spot again. "I love you" Jungkook replies, increasing the pace of his hips, feeling the heat coiling in his lower belly. He moves his hand down to Yoongi's member, pumps a little to bring him close as well. He tries to edge him so that they can finish together. He moves faster, moans a bit louder, Yoongi grabs him by the neck, brings him down for a kiss. And it is while their tongues are dancing around each other that Yoongi releases. White spills all over them and the image is so erotic, so wonderful, so incredibly rich that it drives Jungkook over the edge as well.
He rocks his hips deep a few more times as he also releases his seed. Jungkook swears he can see all of heaven and every single star as he climaxes. It is everything he was looking for and the blissful look in Yoongi's face tells him that his boyfriend has been sated as well. So he leans down, until his forehead collides against Yoongi's shoulder. Yoongi embraces him but doesn't move probably due to overstimulation and the fact that Jungkook's still buried inside of him. He presses a soft kiss on Kook's hair.
"I love you, my Jungkookie" he says breathy. He strokes Jungkook's sweaty hair while his other arm gracefully hugs him. Jungkook nods, he needs a few seconds to come down from this absolute high. "I love you too" he replies then, delivering a new kiss to his boyfriend's chest.
It takes a while for the room temperature to cool down. It takes even longer for them to untangle but once they do and lay bare under the covers, Jungkook slides a bit closer to his boyfriend.
"So you were gonna propose?" he asks, Yoongi turns to look at him with a little frown but nods either way. In the darkness, Jungkook can recognize the small tension that catches on Yoongi's shoulders.
"Then you should know something, hyung" Jungkook tells him then, Yoongi fully turns to him now. Lays on his side and takes a hand to the younger's face. Even with the lack of light, Jungkook can tell that his eyes are locked on him.
"And what is that, precious?" Yoongi inquires quietly as he softly thumbs on Jungkook's cheek. Jungkook waits a little, lets the moment build around them before he leans closer and softly pecks his Yoongi's lips.
"That the answer is yes"