Episode 3: Game Night, Lame Night
Clint: So Thor is in Asgard right now, so no pranking him for this segment of "Hawkeye's Handful of Pranks" where I will never stick to the same name. Pranking Thor was too easy, so this will definitely motivate me to take a bigger risk. Like going after Nat. *chuckles* Right. I'll try Tones himself. He's not the only one who can build gadgets.
Host: Hmm...I wonder where our favourite critic is.
Cameraman: Have you seen SpellCaster by any chance?
Steve: Instead of participating in this nonsense, Y/N is doing the right thing and patrolling the city with Queens, otherwise known as Spider-man.
Host: At least we still have our second favourite critic.
Meanwhile:
You: You and Scott doing okay?
Peter: Not really.
You: What's wrong?
Criminal: EXCUSE ME! I SAID...BACK.THEFUCK.OFF!
Peter:*webs him up* He's freaked out about the age gap. You and Steve?
You: We made progress until I told him about Daisy (random dog name).
Peter: You're opening up to him, how is that bad?
You: He then proceeded to shout at Stark and Tony retaliated with a story about his visit to the Yulin Dog Festival.
Peter: You've got to be kidding me. And captured on TV as well.
You: Not exactly. They don't remember what happened cause I may have purposely put a memory spell on them...and magically erased the footage. Oh, which reminds me, game night tonight.
Wade: Greetings, fellow fourth-wall breaker. 'Sup, Spidey. Heard about your little show.
You: I could probably use this for a more important reason, but whatever.
So much drama in the show
Let him know all the info
Peter: You weren't supposed to tell him about me and Scott.
You: Hubub. In the show.
Wade: Petey-pie and Insectoid?! Amateur porn has never been more interesting. Did you use-
You: Scott as a dildo? Nope. I asked. Anyways, let me fill you in on the rest.
Criminal: Helloooo! Let me go!
You: Oh right.
This man escaped Budapest
Put him back under arrest.
I'm basically Alex Russo.
Peter: Who?
You: Main character from Disney Channel show Wizards of Waverly Place; she's lazy, stubborn, and a wizard. Am I a wizard? That's a question for another day.
Wade: Or another One-Shot.
You: Hasn't the whole origin story thing already happened?
Wade: There can be several origin stories.
Peter: Will somebody ever explain to me what you guys are talking about?
SpellPool:...no.
Peter: I can speak nonsense too.
Toe...Bee...Lizzie McGuire.
You: Did he just accidentally break the 4th wall?
Wade: Why do I suddenly have the urge to masturbate?
You: Yes! Masturbate! Not fuck a stuffed unicorn! You're learning.
Peter: I'm heading to the tower. Game night, remember?
You: You're underage, remember?
Peter: What does that have to do with-
You: Genius, billionaire, playboy philanthropist?
Peter: Mr. Stark is very inconsiderate.
You: It's not like he got rid of your dog.
Peter: Touché.
Game night:
Tony: Welcome adults! Now that Thor and Peter are gone! Let's get dirty.
You: Clint, prank him now.
Clint: How did you?
You: Just do it.
Clint: Fine.
Clint grabs his proximity water balloon, and activates it. So guess who's splashed and soaked?
That's right, he pranked himself.
Tony ignores this because he just wants to start preying on everybody.
Tony: Let's start with a classic...Truth-
You: Goddamn, not Truth or Dare!
Tony: I was gonna say 2 truths and a lie but good idea.
You: No you weren't. You literally said Truth, no twos or Ss.
Tony: How about we play 2 lies and a truth.
Tony: Category #1...Your origins. Y/N! How did you first discover your powers?
You: -I set a rapist's pants on fire
-While I was dancing,terribly might I add, to a catchy song and started swaying my hands and knocked over everything in my room.
-I read out a poem I wrote in class and accidentally turned my bully into a literal bitch.
Bruce: If you turned your bully into a female dog, then you must've put the "word" into the poem to rhyme, so how did you write down such a thing in a class poem? I'm going with 2.
Steve: The first one. It makes sense that he discovers his powers saving someone else. He is very selfless.
Tony: 3. Of course this nerd writes poems.
Nat: 3. I'm only picking that one
because I hate bullies.
Clint: 1. Of course a rapist would follow you around.
Steve: I think you misunderstood what he meant.
You: Oof, there is a lot to unpack. Steve, I was the rapee, well...close to being the rapee. 2 happened because I didn't think dancing would cause a mini-tornado in my room. And the 3rd one was on purpose. Oh, forgot to mention, these all happened, but the first one HAPPENED first.
Steve: Did that criminal do anything to you?
You: No, Steve. I'm fine. As you can see.
Host: Jesus, this is sad and ridiculous at the same time and I do not know how to feel.
You: Guys, can I sit all the rounds out?
Tony: What excuse do you have?
You: I have a third power: The ability to randomly gain knowledge. And that's how I found out you've slept with 345 women.
Host: That's a lot to process. Magic and Mistresses.
Tony: Thank you so much. I lost count last year. Let's just move on to the next game, which actually is Truth or Dare.
You: Duh.
Steve: Is it as innocent as it doesn't seem?
You: Not with Tony, it isn't.
*Bottle spin*
Tony to Y/N:
Tony: Truth or Dare?
You: Truth.
Tony: *nonchalantly* How big is your dick?
You: Firstly, ew. Second of all, do I look like I kn- (d/s) inches. *gasp* Curse you, superpowers...literally?
Tony: Can't beat my (#)inch.
You: Please tell me you're at least a teeny bit drunk.
Tony: I'm never not drunk.
You: I just realized. Clint is a super soaker and you are GOING to be super sober...effective immediately...or tomorrow.
Tony: Can't you just let loose for once?
You: I give up *spins bottle*.
The bottle lands on Clint and Steve.
Clint: Truth Or Dare?
Steve: Truth.
Clint: Do you want to get laid?
Steve:*blushes*...I don't know what that means.
Clint: Yes you do, you hornet.
You: I know what you mean but we do not speak of those.
Clint: Interesting...
You: I will decapitate you. Just like those Asian Murder Hornets do to honeybees.
Clint: Steve, we know you never lie.
You: He has...once.
Steve: How do you know that?
You: Knowledge power, especially when it's related to me. But it's mostly random. Wait, this is related to me...you've lied to me before.
Clint: Heartbreaking. So are you horny or not?
You: Clint will you shut the fuck up?
Nat: Why am I even here?
Bruce: It's like we don't exist.
Nat: Should we maybe...*points at door*
Bruce: Wanna go get a drink?
Nat: Sure.
They skedaddle.
You: Steve...
Steve: Ok fine, I lied about the sketchbooks. Most of my drawings are of you.
You: Where is Peter? His room.
You get up and...cameraman #1 follows you.
You: No.
Jeff(?): It's my job, man.
You: Isn't it suspenseful to NOT know what I'm doing?
Jeff: Just let me-
You: ISN'T IT A TEENY BIT OBVIOUS THIS IS RELATED TO WHAT HE JUST SAID?! I WANT SOME ADVICE FROM MY FRIEND! LEAVE ME BE YOU IRRITATING INK STAINS!
Host: How are him and Steve friends? Steve is hot and able. Y/N is a lot and unstable.
Peter's room door:
You: *knock knock* Peter? Did you sneak Scott here again?
Host: Who is this Scott?
Jeff followed you. Betrayal of the century.
Peter: No. He's busy. Come on in!
You: *comes on in* Steve's sketchbook is mostly me. Steve has only lied once in his life, and it was about the amount of times he's drawn me. I usually don't make assumptions out of fear of embarrassment, but I think Steve has a thing for me.
Peter: Isn't this good news?!
You: I think he's the embarrassed one. Embarrassed of me.
Peter: Come on, don't say that. Maybe he's just nervous. Lord knows I was when I got a crush on Scott.
Host: Who is this Scott? Another hero? A classmate? A villain?! Probably not. Maybe in FanFiction. I'll have to check my Wattpad later.
You: I just realised something. Are Bucky and Sam exempt from this show? They've been on their mission for a while now. Poor Buck. It was bad enough with Nat and Steve. Tony is such a dick. I need a hug.
Peter: Ok?
Huggy
You: Steve has nicer hugs.
Peter: Are you complaining about my hugs?! *gasp* How dare you?
You: *chuckles* You're a good friend.
Peter: Alright, I gotta go get Scott now. He can't climb the tower by himself.
You: Can't he just fly on one if his winged-ants with pun names?
Peter: Scott had to give the suit back to Hank for a bit, so I'm gonna pick him up...
SpellParker: Literally!
Peter: It's gonna be so romantic.
You: I wish I could...ice skate with Steve...in the living room someday. That's probably the most romantic thing I could do with my powers. Maybe give him some nice flowers as well.
Host: There is a LOT to dissect here. A secret superhero boyfriend, a not-so-secret superhero crush. Y/N still has problems with Tony. Bruce and Nat are hitting it off. New Avengers will be coming soon! I can't wait! Tune in for the next episode of The Avengers: The Reality Show! Only on B!
1,640 words.
Well that was something.
Anyone want a Part 4?