That kiss wasn't supposed to happen. None of last night was supposed to happen. Yet, it did. And I couldn't stop smiling while I weaved past pastel townhouses similar to Grace's.
Intel. All I wanted was intel on Logan. What he wanted with me, and if his interest was because of Jake. What I got was a sweet guy who introduced me, weirdly, to his family. Who took every punch thrown in his direction with minimal cockiness. Logan was just a normal, relaxed, ridiculously handsome guy around his mom. I never expected to spend more than an hour with them. But I had fun. Real, relaxed fun.
Euchre was simple and Grace was something else, but Logan was the most pleasant surprise. Grace's stories, like when Logan burned his eyebrows off with his first chemistry set, made me laugh so hard that I cried. He sat back, sent me a few smoldering smirks from behind his cards, and took everything Grace said in stride.
And she roasted him hotter than a charred marshmallow that fell off its stick.
I was disappointed to leave. He looked so ethereal in the moonlight, with pale highlights on those handsome features, and no shadows of being guarded or pretentious.
Until he kissed my neck. For that reason alone, I shouldn't have liked it as much as I did. Tingles erupted where his soft lips lingered, and my body hummed with pleasure, but he shifted. I couldn't explain it. His cocky armor nudged me to give in, like leading a lamb to slaughter. A hot executioner that accelerated my heart and flushed heat through me with one tease of a kiss remained an executioner. The temptation's pull was strong, so strong that only the unknown of why snapped me out of it.
Logan's irritated reaction made hesitating the right decision. Had he shown a sign of personal infliction, disappointment, or sadness, then I would've trusted him. But it was more like he expected me to react a certain way, I didn't, and he got frustrated.
His kiss was more a game than genuine interest. Play along, Ellie. Play with me. I wasn't interested in games and not with Logan, after what Grace told me.
His sincerity surfaced about Brody. True concern flooded his eyes and weighed them with an edge of desperation, which pinched my heart in sympathy. His voice softened to a quiet plea, sourced from an older brother's pure love. That I knew and embraced.
That's why I kissed him, reassurance of my promise. Nothing to do with the way my heart rammed my chest like it wanted to punch through or the damp underwear I sat on. Those physical reactions –despite years since I felt anything remotely close to them– didn't mean anything.
Correction: they didn't mean anything to me. Harper used them to bide her time, but not me. And that wasn't the promise I made to his mom. The drive home wasn't long enough to unpack that conversation, even as it looped on repeat.
Halfway home, the peaceful serenity in the quiet car was interrupted by my ringtone. I smiled at the contact. "Hi, Harper."
"Elle! What the fuck?" Harper's frustration rang out of the speakers. "Were you ever going to call me tonight?"
Was I supposed to? "Thought you were on a date."
"Yeah." She exhaled. "I'm home, but no fucking way I'm sleeping until you let me know you're still in one piece. Or, at least got some tongue action."
"What? No. Sorry," I mumbled. "I'm driving to get Jake. He was the one on a date tonight, not me."
She was silent for a full thirty seconds before loud laughs burst through my speakers. "A date? Him? 'Hey, let's take this to the back seat,' is not a date!"
My eyes shifted to the rearview mirror, where Brody had sat earlier tonight. Eww. "This one might be normal. Look, I'm driving, and I can't talk right now. I'll call when I get home. I am fine, thank you for the concern."
She hummed. "Alright. Don't get in any accidents. But, if you do, then I hope your underwear is clean."
No comment.
"I can't believe Jake spare tired you." She sighed again. "Don't worry. You'll find someone else, someone to twist your panties inside out and release the floodgates... or tumbleweeds in your case. Someone to make Jake your third wheel. An annoying, wobbly clown wheel with rusty spokes."
"Harper." I smiled, but I didn't want any of that. I wished her goodnight and let radio music accompany me. The light traffic humming around me blurred into background lights.
I'd been around asshole football players since Jake slipped his first helmet on. I'd interacted with cocky, testosterone, sex-driven footballers regularly, but none of his teammates affected me. I'd brushed Kieran's advances off like flicking a strand of hair over my shoulder.
But never had I ever been asked, in seventeen years, what Grace asked me tonight. Despite her frank openness, she was genuine and sweet, evidenced by kind words, a lot of emojis, and a blackmail picture that I got when I pulled up to the movie theatre.
Grace: It was nice to meet you. Drive safe. ❤️😊🚘
Grace: [ image attached ]
I giggled at his naked baby butt in the bathtub, but the lightness in my chest faded quicker than it arrived. Like a platonic kiss on Logan's cheek, my conversation with Grace also wasn't supposed to happen tonight.
"Eleanor." Grace flashed me a sheepish smile. "I'm sorry for stealing you tonight."
"It's fine." Really, it was.
Her gaze turned scrutinous when Logan went to the bathroom, and her hand covered mine. "Logan lives with me. He doesn't have a close relationship with his dad, even after I moved here to foster one. It didn't happen as I hoped. And he's kind of an imbecile with girls."
She was unapologetically blunt with her open admissions, but I couldn't have predicted what she'd said next if my high school life depended on it.
Her brilliant blue eyes lowered to my phone on the table. "Eleanor, I need your help."
Almost an hour later, I couldn't process her request. Faint pulses between my eyes threatened a headache.
"I know how it sounds," she confessed. "Please hear a desperate mom out."
The same blank emptiness blurred the taillights on the cars ahead. Nothing Grace said, except the twig and berries, stunned me speechless. But this? I couldn't blink, let alone form words with my mouth.
"You seem like a nice girl, not like the others falling over themselves at Logan." Her eyes scanned over my appearance. "And I don't think you have ill intentions with either of my boys."
"How many other girls?" I whispered. My stomach clenched at the words. Logan sounded like a total player. No way was I the perfect match against Logan's arrogance. I shied away from relationships, including friendships, not thrust myself into them.
"I think that he could benefit from your... influence."
"Influence." Distance aside, I was a high school senior, not a therapist. And what kind of influence did I have? I couldn't convince Jake to put down the toilet seat.
Her eyes studied mine for a reaction. A compliment was buried in her words, but in which direction was this headed? "What are you asking of me?"
"Be his friend. Or cut his ego down," she said. "Just don't give up on him, not yet."
Friend? Cut him down? Harper was the male ego lumberjack, not me. I squeezed the steering wheel. His mom begged me to help straighten him out.
The more her eyes pleaded, weighed down with the possibility she'd failed as a mother, the more my resolve crumbled.
"Fine."
My promise to Grace felt empty and awkward at best. Work had a no-phone policy, and I wasn't going to contact him while in school. Guess I would find out his motives. I wouldn't have been surprised if he had ulterior motives. Jake threatened him twice, which he shouldn't have done either. Stupid boys.
Thankfully, Jake floated on clouds after his date with Chloe. His were fluffy cotton balls compared to the gray haze that fogged my brain. I buried my hands in my face while he dropped her off. My brain was too mushy to focus on anything outside the car. I didn't hear a single word he said on the drive home, and jumped out of my skin when Jake patted my arm. "Sorry about dragging you out tonight."
I exhaled my gasped breath. Ordinarily, the happiness shining in his eyes and tonight being over were enough satisfaction, but tonight I was a mess. "Jake? Why do you hate Logan Hightower?"
The words tumbled out, and I wanted them back. Damage control, Ellie. "Umm, I mean, at the library. He sure seems to piss you off."
"His existence pisses me off." All of the lightness in Jake's expression rushed out in a low groan. He gripped the steering wheel. "It's him wanting anything to do with you, Ellie. You can't see him again, Ellie. Ever." His voice lowered, and he spat out the last word. "Trust me. He's an asshole."
Again, vague. Were Jake's words a pot-meet-kettle situation, or was he not telling me something? "How do you-"
"Ellie." One of Jake's hands threaded through his hair, and he sighed. "At this point, I'd rather you go out with Brody. Annoying twirp won't stop asking me about you anyways."
Brody. I meant my promise, even if it turned my stomach into a pit of discomfort. I already lied to Jake by omitting my interactions with Logan, and Brody's secret was another omission. The words tasted awful as I said them, "I gave him a ride... home. And he's a baby, so no."
"Thanks." Jake's expression softened before he shut off the car and got out. "I went there for Chloe but couldn't leave Brody alone."
His having some level of concern for his rookie was nice to know, even if it scraped the bottom of the decent human barrel. I sighed and joined him on the driveway. "I understand, Jake."
"But Hightower." Jake's eyes narrowed, his voice hardened again, and he pointed at me. Under the moonlight, he was more of a dark devil than an angel, with his eyes almost black and his jawline outlined with shadows. "Stay away from him, Ellie. He's probably why you're having nightmares again."
I froze at the word. How could that be true? The first one happened the day before I met Logan, then after I picked up Jake from the party and tonight. Logan couldn't be related to them, could he?
"I don't know," I mumbled and hugged my elbows. "I fell asleep while you were getting Chloe and Brody and... had another one tonight."
Jake's face wrenched into lines of tension. "Fuck, I thought you did!"
"You did?"
"Yeah. You were white as a ghost, but I wasn't going to ask. Come here." Jake's arms choked around me. My head snapped back and I lifted my hand to steady my balance. "I'm sorry."
His words passed over my head, followed by an exhale that tickled my scalp. With a shuddered breath, I sagged into his chest. Tears welled hot in my eyes, and I buried my nose in his warm, spicy deodorant scent. "I don't know why and wish they'd stop."
"Me too," he whispered and squeezed me tighter. "Me too, Ellie."
School served me with the best redirection my wandering mind needed. Reading assignments and homework demanded my attention as much as sitting in class, and the ambassador program shone a focal light on Thursday evening. Until then, I suffered through work shifts and watched Jake's practices.
Up in the far right bleachers, last row, last seat, no one climbed over or stomped on my feet, and no one approached me for a conversation. The same spot was my home during games, with Mom and Dad on my side.
Jake's team and their fangirls knew me -correction: defined me – as Jake's sister. Is that what Logan thought too? He must have thought that I would bend under his stupid, hot teasing session, like the girls whose skirts rode up their legs, giggled at Jake's team, or almost flung themselves over the chain fences.
My stupid traitor heart thumped at the image from Logan's moonlight-pale, softened expression. I found Jake in the huddle and 'Stay away from him...' echoed in my mind. Disappointment slumped over my shoulders.
"Elle, are you ready to go?" Harper frowned and pointed to my outfit. "Why are you wearing that?"
"It's all I had." My oversized light blue sweater and black leggings were nicer than my normal sweatshirt and jeans. After my wardrobe change in a bathroom stall, I tucked my hair back with two clips, so it fell behind my shoulders. I smoothed my palms over my stomach. "I thought it looked nice."
Another 'accidental' football knocked my thermos of homemade tomato soup onto my lap. After my initial shock wore off and I napkin-mopped myself dry, my shirt and jeans looked like my uterus had exploded. So, I did the mature thing – cursed at Jake and changed before being accused of getting my period.
"It does." The curious glint lingered in her eyes. "Sorry, you have to get a ride home from Jake."
"I have the first volunteer thing today," I said. "At Santa Cruz Meals on Wheels. I'll walk to my Mom's office and take her car. Jake or Dad will pick her up later."
"The charity thing," Harper said in a flat, disinterested tone. "For a minute, I thought you got dressed up and were going on your date with Logan."
"What?" I stared at her. All week she harassed me about that, almost as bad as Logan's 'tell me what time you're free on Saturday' text. "Why would I do that? On a Thursday?"
"So that maybe you can get kissed by a hot guy who likes you?" She cocked her head sideways, which cascaded her hair over one shoulder. "Any day of the week is good for that."
"Harper - you don't, ugh." I knew when the attempt wasn't worth the effort and snapped my mouth closed. She wasn't talking about me. How does she score them so quickly? I grabbed her arm. "You are going on a date, aren't you?"
She slipped a pair of sunglasses over her eyes. "I am."
I stopped in my tracks at her flippant reply. "I thought you were going to some guy's practice? Is this the same guy you wouldn't tell me about before school started, the weekend guy, or a new guy?"
"New guy," she replied as if I'd asked about the weather.
"Does new guy have a name?" Harper met so many, she didn't share their names until they were more significant than eye candy. She probably didn't remember them, but Harper played by her own rules. Most of which I couldn't understand even if she listed them to me.
"Mister Magic Hands."
By her wicked grin, I wasn't sure I wanted to know how she'd picked that nickname. Still, I couldn't help myself. "How did you meet him?"
"Ran into me after his auto shop class this afternoon." She shrugged. "He helped me after your asshole brother knocked me over in the hallway. Magic Hands was quite sweaty and greasy. I couldn't help myself from thinking about where he could put his dipstick when he said, 'Let's grab coffee after school,' so... yeah."
"Harper, you're so gross sometimes." I groaned at her choice of words, although I was impressed.
"One of these times, I hope it rubs off on you, Elle." She stopped at her car and smirked. I didn't need to see her eyes to absorb her knowing look before she stepped inside. "Someone else, remember?"
"No one else." I smiled at her, shook my head, and waved.
Not more than a few steps away, Jake called over the rushed noise of kids who left the parking lot. "Ellie!" He walked with Kieran and Brody, who struggled with three giant duffel bags.
I crossed my arms and frowned at Brody's red face. A vein popped out on the side of his neck, and he looked like a camel with giant bags lumped on his back. "Are you getting so weak that you can't carry your own shit, Jake?"
"Chill, Ellie." Jake took his last long step toward me. "Brody could be doing a lot worse right now."
Right. Poor Brody stared at the ground in a silent plea for me not to draw attention to him.
"Hi, Elle." Kieran flashed me his megawatt toothy smile.
I'm sure any other girl would've pooled in her panties at his toothpaste-commercial smile, but I gave him a tight-lipped version and looked back at my brother. "What do you need?"
He nodded towards the stadium bleachers. "You work tonight?"
"No." Derek was chill about school commitments, so he rescheduled my four hours today to Sunday morning. "I have a school, charity... thing. I'll get Mom's car, so I'll see you tonight."
"Okay. See you."
"Don't smack too many asses in the huddle." I returned his grin with one of my own. Kieran and Brody smiled goodbye, so I gave them a small wave and then left.
I hurried my pace because time had slipped away. The last thing I wanted was to be late. My short legs pushed me across the street to the shopping center where Mom's office building was. Ten minutes and one borrowed Mom's car later, I parked at a nondescript, single-story ranch house with white siding and dulled blue shutters. Principal Jans' email instructed me to arrive at four pm at this address. So, here I was, at 4:05 pm.
While I tried to be nice, I wasn't very charitable. The longer I sat in Mom's car, the more butterflies flapped in my stomach. Without the small sign on the door, I wouldn't have known this was the correct location. I reached for the bell, but the door flung open.
"You must be Eleanor." An older woman with kind blue-gray eyes smiled. "Principal Jans said you'd be here today. We appreciate all the help we can get. I'm Karen." She extended one hand and shook mine. Her red apron had 'Meals on Wheels' in white block letters, and her gray hair was tucked under a black mesh hairnet.
"Nice to meet you."
"Come in." Karen lifted her hand to the interior. "We're making the sandwich lunches. Your colleagues are already here."
"Colleagues?" I echoed, and followed her down a central hallway to an open kitchen area, stopped abruptly, and almost tripped over my feet.
A continuous row of tables lined up in an open kitchen attached to a breakfast room space. Six people wearing red aprons worked an assembly line. Three volunteers were older like Karen, Nina, Meredith, and Earl on their name tags. A tall, athletic guy with bronzed skin and black hair grinned at me, Caleb. He shared a table with a short, dark-skinned girl Marla, who kept her focus on her working hands.
I ignored all their kind expressions and zeroed in on the sixth volunteer. His gigantor frame towered over his table space, and his apron hung not far from where his black T-shirt was tucked in. A black mesh hair net matted down his blonde hair, and the widest smirk I've ever seen stretched from ear to ear. Weighted blue eyes tracked my movements like a police radar gun.
"Logan?"