Words and more Words
There were far more people here than I remembered from last time at this hour. And the quality of person here had changed somewhat. The atmosphere had a roughness to it that was new also. We said hello to Sue, and some of the other women that were on the beach with us, and then sought out Red. I’m glad we didn’t linger around Sues tent for long, she seemed on edge tonight.
Red was happy to see me, it seemed that he wasn’t getting as much money since the shift in crowd, and he blamed it on them being too familiar with him, but I sensed there was something else behind it, and worried that the tents may not reap as much as we hoped. Mags told him not to worry, that she, Beth and Francis would see that he got a pay tonight.
Francis was a little wary, her eyes were shifty, and she fidgeted. I thought she was scared to be here maybe, because she may be asked to do something she said she wouldn’t, or even, maybe she was mentally calculating how much she could make if she did. I hoped it wasn’t the later. I kept smiling at her and making sure she was apart of what we were doing because hopefully it would ease her mind on both things.
“Shall we start out with some fun stuff then?” Red asked I nodded. I wasn’t sure how my voice was going to go, I think I should have asked for something a little slower to warm me up, but Red was already into the first song, smiling at me. So I smiled back at him and fell into the fast tempo he set.
Half way through the second song I saw from the corner of my eye, Benjamin, the man who helped me with the horse, when I was going after the Governor on that horrible night. He was smiling at me and tapping his hand on his leg to the beat of the fiddle. I was sort of used to men looking at me here, it was the nature of the place, and as time went on I began to recognise a lot, not all, but a lot of the faces.
Benjamin looking at me the way he was, was making me feel ill at ease, even though his smile was wide and warm. It felt hard to keep my gaze away from him, I had a feeling that the moment I finished this set he would be by my side. I didn’t smile back I didn’t want to encourage him at all. Which was silly I thought, I should be trying to broaden my horizons a bit, shouldn’t I? I hadn’t heard hide or hair of Brandon since the night I barged into the Davidsons. I was probably an embarrassment to him, and my actions I felt may have driven him away. I didn’t think he was like that, but it was the only logical explanation. The situation with him nagged in the recesses of my mind, I’ll deal with that later too.
I glanced briefly at Benjamin again, he wasn’t too bad to look at, and he seemed strong and capable. But with the feel of Tristan’s touch still lingering on my skin even hours later; I couldn’t look to someone else, not yet. So I turned my head away again, to smile at a portly man sitting near the front. Which was a timely move because he stood up and threw a coin onto the cloth laid near my feet.
I could see Mags and Beth moving around the crowd of people, sometimes stopping to chat and sometimes just encouraging them to go ahead and give some money. I was glad I could see them, to know that they were near and supporting me this way felt good. Well they had an interest in it too, but it went beyond money now, and from where I was standing they were having a good time socializing it seemed. Francis stayed close, and every now and then I could hear her joining in or humming. She did this at the beach too; it made me wonder if we should try to sing together sometime. That may make her feel better about being here. That is, if, we came back again.
Red said he needed a break, I knew what that meant; it meant that he had too much to drink prior to starting, and he needed to visit nature. I welcomed the break because I needed to wet my throat; it felt on the verge of becoming hoarse. When I turned around from talking to Red, standing before me was Benjamin, just as I had predicted. I don’t know why, but I felt the warmth of a blush creep up my neck and spread through my cheeks. The heat intensified as he reached for my hand, opened my fingers and laid some gold pieces into my palm. I looked up to see his face, he was smiling.
“I didn’t know you had such a lovely voice. How come you haven’t been here to sing before?” He asked.
“Oh but I have been here before sir.” I answered smiling coyly back at him. Why was I trying to flirt with this man I thought? He didn’t seem to mind though, as he continued to smile at me.
“But that time you didn’t sing.”
“No I had other things on my mind that night.” I said lowering my head. Why oh why, was it so easy to talk with this man like this? I surely didn’t want to lead him on, did I?
“Oh such as?” He asked. I was looking to the ground, so I didn’t see him look away, but, just when his feet shuffled I looked up in time to see his gaze was set over my shoulder.
“Such as coming to meet me.” I closed my eyes, what was he doing here? I felt a moment of annoyance, relief, and joy at the same time.
“And you are?” Benjamin asked, shifting his stance again.
“Lieutenant Bonnett” I felt Tristan’s warmth through my shawl. His chest pressed against my left shoulder in a protective manner, and I leant into it a little without even thinking. Taking a deep breath and smiling resolutely Benjamin nodded his head slightly, saying.
“Well then, I wish you a good evening, Avalyn. I should have known that a woman such as you would have a variety of suitors.” I never remembered telling Benjamin my name, maybe I did, but I was sure the only thing I gave him was a thank you and a coin. It probably didn’t speak well of what my character was like to him, who had now seen me, first falling into Brandon’s arms, and now practically standing in Tristan’s. Even though I knew the truth, it did look quite bad for me. So I did the only thing I could do, and that was to smile politely to bid him good night as he turned and walked away. I then looked up to Tristan.
“See, an interest.” Was all he said? I ran my eyes over his attire. He was clean, washed from today's labours, I could smell the soap he used, and he was back in uniform. He wore it as he always did when I saw him here. Sleeves rolled on his crisp white shirt with the first few buttons undone. Exposing some of the dark hairs that sprinkled his chest there, and of course, his pants and polished boots. He looked nothing like he did only hours ago, I wasn’t quite sure which way I liked him best. “Are you finished?” He asked, smiling at me.
“Yes” I said turning away. But he grabbed my waist pulling me back to him. I gasped in surprise.
“Why are you always walking away from me?” I took a moment to revel in his hold, then answered.
“I’m not actually the one who walked away from us, what game are you playing Tristan? Your making me feel sea sick.” He laughed at this, and I couldn’t help but smile. In the course of the last few days, he had broken down the defences I had built up concerning him.
“We need to talk, you and I.”
“Why?” I asked. Giving him the full force of my smile.
“Because.” And with this he reached out his hand to run his finger across my lower lip, slowly back towards my ear, then circling down to my jaw. When he was done he turned me toward Francs and Red.
Over the mountains
And over the waves,
Under the fountains
And under the graves,
Under floods that are deepest,
Which Neptune obey
Over rocks which are the steepest,
Love will find out the way.
Where there is no place
For the glow-worm to lie,
Where there is no space
For receipt of a fly,
Where the gnat dares not venture,
Lest herself fast she lay,
But if Love comes, he will enter,
And will find out the way.
You may esteem him
A child for his might,
Or you may deem him
A coward from his flight.
But if she, whom Love doth honor,
Be concealed from the day
Set a thousand guards upon her,
Love will find out the way.
Some think to lose him
By having him confined
Some do suppose him,
Poor thing, to be blind;
But if ne'er so close ye wall him,
Do the best that you may,
Blind Love, if so ye call him,
Will find out his way.
You may train the eagle
To stoop to your fist.
You may train in veigle
The Phoenix of the east.
The lioness, you may move her
To give o'er her prey;
But you'll ne'er stop a lover;
He will find out his way.
My heart beat wildly with the sight of him. While I was singing Love will find a Way, my love for the man standing not far from me rose to new heights. What could he want to speak to me about? I could only imagine. The look on his face spoke of his affection toward me; it could only mean one thing. Tristan was mine again. As I took in his presence, arms folded across his chest leaning one shoulder against a tent pole, eyeing me with the same longing I felt. I wanted to run to his side and tell him that whatever it takes, just find a way. I knew I was born to be by that mans side, and I would be everything he needed to ensure he got what he deserved in return.
It was late now, and I was quite spent. I couldn’t have a break from singing like I did again and expect myself to pull out a full night. I helped Francis gather our earnings. Paid, and said goodnight to Red. We all knew it was time to stop. People were disappearing into the tents, and the ones outside of them, were getting louder. A group of bawdy women whom I had never seen before were laughing loudly and starting to speak of things I was ashamed to hear. Francis gave me a knowing look.
“I’m glad you were saved from that Avalyn, your spirit would have been crushed.” I took her hands in mine and pulled them up to my heart, giving her a reassuring smile.
“Thank you Francis, for everything.”
“No thank you Avalyn.” I leaned over and gave her a hug. Mags and Beth were here now and ushering us to move on.
“I’ll walk you all to town then I’m going to take Avalyn for a while.” Tristan said as he came over to us.
“Do you think that’s wise if we show up without her Tristan?” Beth asked. I knew why, Edan was sleeping under a tree near the barracks, and would surely know if I were missing when Mags, Beth and Francis showed up without me.
“Edan knows, and we won’t be far away” Well that solved that problem I thought, and my heart leaped with joy. I looked up to Tristan, and he winked at me.
Mags informed us of everything that had been going on through the night. It seemed that Sue was loosing her grasp on the area of tents she felt she controlled. With all the ships coming in with free settlers having nowhere to go, the tents were turning into something of a mix of people. I was glad in a way. These people would build homes and create jobs, Sydney was growing fast. It was a long way off, but things could only get better. I kind of hoped that Edan did become a policeman I could see him helping to make this change.
Tristan took hold of my hand, holding me back when we were almost at the barracks. Mags and Beth turned to smile at me and gave a small wave. I followed behind Tristan, well he had my hand, but he was most certainly not dragging me.
He was taking me closer to the ocean. The stretch beyond the Barracks was rocky, and the best I knew we could do was sit above the shore. Tristan found a spot that was patched with a small piece of grass. He pointed to it, and I took a seat being carful not to ruin Janes dress, then he lowered himself down right next to me. I didn’t want to say anything till he did; after all he was the one who initiated this, so I contented myself with looking out toward the sea until he was ready.
At first I thought it was the salty breeze that was blowing my hair around my neck tickling it, but it wasn’t. I turned my head toward Tristan and saw him watching me, intensely, brushing his fingers lightly through my hair.
“I don’t know how I ever thought life without you would be worth anything.” His words filled my soul, making the past month melt away as though it never happened.
“I don’t know either” I whispered. His grey eyes captured mine, holding them in a spell he wound around me every time he was this near.
“Avalyn I’m so sorry I didn’t have more faith in you.”
“And you do now? You hurt me Tristan, and I fear that I am feeling foolish enough right now to let you sweep me away again. That is if this is what you are trying to do?”
“I’ve been miserable thinking that the one women to touch my heart I let go. I’ve hurt and humiliated you, how can you ever forgive me?”
“What does this mean Tristan?”
“It means that I can’t live with out you.” Leaning back a bit so I could see his face in the soft moonlight, because this time, I would make sure I knew his real intent I told him,
“I will not be your mistress Tristan.” I reached out as he smiled and shook his head to cup his strong jaw.
“The only way I will be able to sleep at night is if I knew you were tied to me completely.”
“What are you saying?”
“Once I sort things out with Lucy, I want to wed you, make you mine as I should have done by now.” I shook my head and sighed.
“I truly don’t want Lucy hurt Tristan, why did you have to choose her?” He chuckled at me. “If it were someone I hadn’t met, didn’t know, it would feel better having you turn her away.”
“If there’s one thing I’ve learnt in this life, is that, I don’t want to live it being miserable. Don’t worry about Lucy; she may think she loves me…”
“She does love you.” I said. The thought of someone else laying claim to the man next me made me ache, and I ran my hand down his neck and across his shoulder. Tristan closed his eyes, seeming to soak in my touch. It made my senses come alive to think that he enjoyed my touch as much as I did his. No, there was no other man for me. I silently said sorry to Lucy, and took solace in the fact that if I were gracious enough to bow out of the running for this mans love than she could be too.
“Avalyn.” Was all Tristan managed to say before his lips captured mine in a kiss filled with the longing of our souls, a kiss that was soft and promising at the some time. A kiss, which sealed our devotion.
“Please don’t take too long Tristan.” I said breathlessly. Tristan was now raining his kisses down my neck, and I giggled with the sensation. “Tristan stop.” He did at my request, and raised his head while placing his arm around my waist drawing me closer to him.
“Will you wait?” I saw the question in his eyes. Would I wait for him to fix things? Could I trust him to keep his word?
“Please, don’t break my heart again Tristan, I’ve been through too much, I…” I didn’t finish as he held a finger to my lips.
“I wont let you go again, you have my word” and that would have to be enough, I thought. How easily I had been swayed once again to him, and how did I ever have the strength to push him away before. I did want Tristan to do things the honourable way. Lucy, and all involved there deserved an explanation; Tristan was a gentleman after all. And he was just one man there were plenty more for Lucy to pick from.
“Please tell me Tristan.” He smiled, and leaned in closer
“I love you Avalyn.” He said, kissing me again, softly, slowly. “I have to admit though” He said pulling away. I worried for a minute. “I loved your beauty first, and as I watched you on that boat I began to love other things about you, and at first I wanted Edan to go over board. I could no sooner watch you go to someone else then as I could now. I was more relieved than you know to learn he was your brother that day. I could have just asked someone, but that would have drawn more attention to you, and I didn’t want that. On that last day I needed to talk to you, I was watching you in that crowd on the dock, and I would have whisked you off somehow. I promise to make things right by you.”
With this said I rested my head on his shoulder and he ran his hand over my head down to my back. His admission meant a lot to me, I remembered how frightened I was of him then. He placed a kiss to the top of my head. In that moment I felt the sounds of the sea, the smell of the fresh air and the warmth of the night wrap around us holding us together, it was empowering knowing that all forces pulled us together to help us find a way. I hugged him back, wrapping my arms around his waist also. In that moment I also felt more fragile that I ever had before, As though by accepting Tristan’s love, I was relinquishing the fight, making it not only mine, but ours.
Wordlessly and reluctantly Tristan let me go, and rose to his feet, holding out his hand to me to help me get up also. It seemed wrong to talk, as though speaking would break the pact that we had just made to each other. This time he didn’t just take my hand he threaded his arm around my waist, and I took his, and we walked all the way back to the Barracks wrapped in each other, it was glorious, my heart was flying.
The front of the Barracks was darkened, and it wasn’t until we turned the corner to head around the back that was I able to see anything, and that was thanks to the fire my brother sat near, feeding it to make it glow. He looked up, then rose to his feet.
“I’ll leave you hear Avalyn” I looked from my Brother to Tristan.
“Did you sort things out Tristan?” He smiled, bringing my hands to his lips, placing a gentle yet firm kiss upon them.
“Yes, as long as I do right by you, everything will be ok.” I didn’t mention the fact that Tristan held all the cards, he knew it already. Giving Edan the rights as head of our family was another testament to his feelings toward me, and his respect for my sibling. I stepped toward him, and he chuckled. “And the right thing now would be to go to bed, its late Avalyn.” I blinked and reluctantly nodded my head. I wasn’t ready to be parted from him yet, but he was right.
Releasing my hands, and stepping away he retreated into the night, but not before holding up his hand to Edan in farewell. I watched him until the darkness took him from me, and only then did I turn and walk to Edan.
He was sitting back down now, and I happily took a seat beside him spreading my legs out before me. He played with a stick in his hand prodding the cracking logs closest to him making them spark. I could only guess what he was thinking from the dour expression on his face, and my mood, which was light, when I arrived, started to smoulder.
“Say something Edan”
“What is there to say? You were right, you have had to survive on your own, and you’ve made do.”
“You don’t approve of Tristan?”
“Cassie told me what happened, so I am not as apposed to him now.” I squinted out into the night, again, to the place I watched Tristan go, not knowing what to say.
“I missed having someone’s guiding hand in my life Edan, and even though it’s come a bit late this time, I’m glad you still want the job.”
“If he hurts you again Avalyn.”
“It was a misunderstanding Edan, too many rash decisions were made.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t say that again, please?” He held up his hands, and the chains that held them together clunked with the movement. I didn’t notice them before. “It won’t be like this for long.” I offered
“It seems I owe Lieutenant Bonnett.” I thought about his for a moment. Yes, we all owed Tristan. I studied the chains linking the cuffs that restrained my larger than life brother and frowned, I wanted to rip them off him. “I suppose, if, for payment he wants you, than it will have to be that way, but only if you’re willing.” Edan warned.
“That’s not very nice Edan.”
“Do you want him Avalyn?”
“I love him Edan, and I believe he loves me just the same.” He studied me in the fire light, he could read me, he would see the sincerity behind my words. He threw the stick he was playing with fully into the fire.
“Come here” I scooted close to my brother and let him lay his strong arm around me, looping me into his embrace. “Well then, we shall see.” I didn’t know what he meant by that, but I snuggled closer. We watched the fire burn, and listened to the sounds of the night until my eye lids grew, heavy. He prodded me to go inside, and I lifted my sleep heavy body slowly from the log we were perched on and started to walk away.
“I love you Avalyn, and I’m proud of you.” Edan's words stopped me for a moment; I turned my head and nodded.
“I love you too Edan.” And with that I slipped inside the Barracks and into the bathing room. I didn’t think Jane would appreciate me getting her dress any dirtier than it already was. My spare dress was folded up with the others, so I pulled it on and went to find a place to sleep.