September 06, 1993
Pune
The morning sun burned brightly in the sky in a Pune suburb, the blazing heat penetrating the skin and making it impossible to stay outdoors even for a few minutes. In this scorching heat, a tangle in the hair was waging a fierce battle against the comb, trying to hold on to its existence, unwilling to come undone. As the fight intensified, she pulled the comb away from her hair and threw it aside in frustration with a force that could've possibly broken it.
It didn't take her long to lose her composure and cave in to this kind of mood of late, the most insignificant of reasons becoming the trigger to wreck her erratic emotional state. Incidentally, the heat, the sweat or the thick untenable mane around her face had nothing to do with her turmoil.
Khushi Joshi was on the verge of losing her mind, and she was fully aware of it.
Standing near the parapet of the balcony on the second floor a residential block of apartments, she looked at the sky and quietly sent another prayer to her bhaggu ji, begging Him for some peace of mind and strength. She sighed as she picked up her comb lying in one corner of the balcony and tied her thick long unhandy hair into a ponytail with finesse. One quick look at the clock on the wall in the bedroom made her dart inside to get dressed for college.
Payal was going to kill her today.
Khushi stood as a fairly tall, slim and a light-complexioned nineteen-year-old in front of the mirror. Her eyes caught their reflection, which refused to conceal the tumult of her mind. Words which had sunk deep into her mind and heart were back to haunt her all over again....
I don't know how else to say this but...I think I am in love with you Khush.
She ignored the voice that tugged at her heartstrings along with the familiar feeling of restlessness inside her heart. The memory brought back the shock and confusion that had jolted her when she had heard those words from his mouth for the first time. She had blinked a few times then, disbelief written all over her face. The moment was etched in her memory forever --clear, lucid, as though it happened just a minute ago.
Get hold of yourself Khushi, she said to herself, as she pulled out her favourite maroon coloured top and jeans from the old metallic cupboard.
I don't want to go, Khush.
His words were back to bother her again. Stop! She admonished herself the umpteenth time as she hurriedly changed and ran out of the room before her entire being succumbed to the disquiet again.
The heavenly aroma of the rice appe took over her senses and irritation as she rushed towards the kitchen where her Aai was busy serving hot ones on a plate with coconut chutney on a small dining table. Everything seemed so normal, routine. Yet for her, it wasn't. Her world had turned upside down a week ago.
"Can I skip breakfast, Aai? I'm running late for my lab session, and it is going to be another dead stinky organism we need to tear to shreds or observe today. The appe will find their way out of my mouth without any effort anyway. There is no point in eating!" Khushi said, looking at her plate on the table with a frown on her face.
"Empty stomach won't help you focus on the dissection, Mithhoo. No excuses. Have a few so that I can go through my day without worrying about you" Aai replied, feeding a spoonful to Khushi while pushing her on the chair.
It was futile arguing with her mother. Khushi knew it. She almost swallowed a couple of them along with the delicious chutney which she would have sung praises of any other day. But for the past few days, her effervescent spirit had deserted her. She couldn't smile without effort and putting on an act of normalcy had started wearing her off. Kissing her Aai goodbye, she walked out with her bag.
Khushi opened the front door and stood there, staring at the front door of the apartment opposite to her's. Her heart hammered unexpectedly in her chest, remembering the image of a smiling face waving her goodbye from the half-opened door. She remembered the wink. She remembered the smile. She remembered the twinkle in the eyes. What was she going to do?
She flew down two floors of stairs to escape the anxiety that was threatening to resurface from within her, straight into the vehicle parking of the building where her black Kinetic Honda stood in its majestic glory. She had to pick up her childhood friend Payal on her way, and she was late by a good half hour already. "Jhumri, you need to fly today. Please!!" She pleaded to her bike as she pressed the ignition button firing up the engine to life and rode away towards Payal's house.
***
"You look like someone died." Payal stood staring at her while Khushi waited for her to hop onto the bike. "Sakhi, please. We'll handle this together, we'll think and talk about it, but you need to get a grip, alright?" She smiled and hugged Khushi as she sat behind her on the bike.
"Any news from him?" Payal asked as they made their way to college.
"I heard that he reached safely a week ago! Isn't that good enough?" Khushi questioned her slightly irritated
"Is it?"
"Who cares!" Khushi answered as she yelled at a person on the road.
Life wasn't the same anymore. Everything felt different. Something had changed, and he had changed it.
***
"Your journal work is impeccable, Khushi. I am going to keep it with me after the end of the year as a reference for the future Microbiology students" Professor Jadhav looked at Khushi with a look of pride that any professor would bestow only upon their favourite student.
"Thank you, Sir!" Khushi said with surprise written all over her face. It felt good when a senior professor like Prof J praised her. These compliments didn't come easy.
"Today's dissection was good. I am very pleased. I want you to get serious about this now, Khushi. More concentration in the classes from now on, alright?" Prof J spoke to her with a grim look on his face.
"Yes, Sir. Thank you once again. I'll see you tomorrow" Khushi smiled after what felt like ages and left the lab with a skip in her step.
What was wrong with Prof J today, she wondered. The end of the day was turning out to be better than she had expected!
She walked past the Lab floor with a smile on her face, and had turned towards the Botany Wing of her college when she rammed into someone, her journal flying out of her hands and the contents of her bag now public.
Though there were just one or two students around at this time of the day, she hurriedly got down on her knees to pick up the things lying on the floor, completely ignoring the apology of the person who had helped her in creating the mess.
"I said I am sorry. I wasn't looking, my mistake." Said the gruff voice.
Khushi stilled for a moment and stood up after collecting her things. She spotted her journal and picked it up and checked for damage. Satisfied, she started to walk away towards the exit stairs on the floor.
"Yes. Run away! Because that will help, Khush!" The gruff voice hollered, laced with irritation.
Khushi kept walking towards the exit, her steps slightly hurried than before. Before she reached the exit door, she was dragged by her wrist and pushed against the wall next to her.
"You and me, need to talk. Talk right here. Right now, if that is what you want."
"No!" She snapped. "We're done talking, Kabir. Now there is nothing left to talk about." Khushi threw him an icy glare as the words fired from her mouth.
"No. We aren't. Khush, how can you just --" Kabir almost whispered, eyes pleading, his fingers still holding her wrist firmly.
"Please don't do this, Kabir. Let go, please." Khushi said politely despite anger surging through her veins.
Kabir kept staring at her as he let go of her hand. Something about the way she had spoken to him, unsettled and angered him. Khushi turned around and left without a word.
****
"What the hell am I going to do, Pi?" Khushi stood in a daze before her Jhumri in the college parking lot, while Payal fumbled for the keys inside Khushi's bag.
"We can talk about this while you ride. First, please find the keys. I need to meet Akash in less than half an hour. If you drop me late, he will kill me. I got told off by the Prof today for reaching late, and I don't want Akash to get upset too." Payal continued the frantic search for the keys. "Where are the keys, Sakhi?"
"You know, I am still thinking about what he said to me. What do I do with it? What do I think? How do I think? And why should I think?" Khushi kept ranting, looking at Jhumri dumbly, while Payal stared at her fuming.
"Good! Keep thinking. I'm taking a rickshaw. Bye!" Payal turned around to leave when Khushi pulled out the keys from her pocket and jingled them in air.
Payal stood gawking at her, speechless. "What the bloody hell? Were they in your pocket? Why didn't you --- dammit, Sakhi! Start the bike and let us go! I'm running late, please!" Payal was almost screaming at the top of her voice, which forced Khushi into action.
The girls were on their way to Akash's house when the needed conversation took place.
"Look, it seemed to me that he always liked you and I have always said that to you. Fine, you grew up together and all that jazz. But it always seemed like you shared something special, something more than friendship. He's just following the love thy neighbour commandment Sakhi." Payal was almost yelling into Khushi's ears as they drove through the insane traffic.
"You know that's not the only problem. All this is pretty screwed up as you know. And I...I cannot --" Khushi would have almost completed the sentence if an old man had not decided to cross the road just then at the turn in the moving traffic. "Dadaji! Chaar dhaam is not this way, it's the other way!" She yelled at the older man, who walked past her as though he was deaf.
"You cannot what? Like him? Love him?" Payal screamed in her ears again.
"Shutup! I cannot stop thinking about the whole thing, Pi!" Khushi stopped the bike in front of a big house.
"You will be okay. First, decide if you want to think about him or not. Second, how do you feel about him now? Think about it. Will call you tonight. Promise. Take care!"
Payal got off in a hurry and kissed her on the cheek and waved her bye, leaving Khushi to ponder over what she had said.
****
It took Khushi almost an hour to ride through the crazy traffic to get back home after dropping Payal off, something that should've taken not more than fifteen minutes in theory. By the time she was parking her bike, she was about to explode in anger and frustration. She ran upstairs and hoped that her Aai would open the door.
Her agitation, frustration and irritation always ended with a smile from her Aai. She had the most beautiful smile in the world. Khushi's mother, Anagha Joshi, was the epitome of patience and elegance, a woman who was strong, independent, understanding, loving and the only calming force in her life. And the moment her mother opened the door for her, she ran into her arms and hugged her.
"They should ban all two-wheelers in Pune except mine, Aai! It's a nightmare riding a bike in the evenings. I am tired of this pollution, dust and traffic!!" Khushi complained as she let go of her mother and decided to have a quick shower.
"Did you not wear your scarf like a bandit-queen, where only the eyes are visible? You usually do that, don't you?" Aai questioned her on her way to the kitchen to make Khushi's favourite Bournvita drink.
"I always do, Aai. But what do I do about the traffic? I wish I had a gun like a bandit-queen as well. I would have shot everyone who jumped the red lights, took wrong turns and honked incessantly!! God, my head is buzzing!"
"Mithhoo! Stop cribbing and go have a shower. I'll make your drink by the time you are out."
"What is for dinner?" Khushi asked just to wind her mother up. She always garnered different reactions from her mother for the same question every day. It had become a game over the years, and they both enjoyed playing it.
"Everything you don't like!" Aai responded will a smile on her face.
Khushi laughed and was about to enter the bathroom when the phone rang. She glanced at the wall clock. Anjali! Just the person she wanted to speak to! Her world had turned upside down, and the most rational and logical person in her life was sitting miles away from her in Mumbai, clueless! She ran into the living room and picked up the receiver.
"Distance makes the hearts merciless, I presume? Have you found someone else to replace me? I haven't heard from you for over a week!" Khushi fired the lines over the receiver.
"But I don't want someone else."
She froze. The voice stilled her heartbeat. A moment later, it was back beating with a vengeance, and the noise was deafening. She stood numb, holding the receiver to her ear, not knowing what to say.
"Khush." The husky voice whispered over the phone into her ears, casting a spell over her all over again.
"Arnav."