*Author's Note: This chapter corresponds to a couple of chapters in my other book, One Foot In & One Foot Out (a fantasy romance)!
The stories are NOT in the same universe, but I thought it would be cute to connect the two stories. Read that book (or chapters 25 and 26, although you may get slightly confused at some things,) if you want to read the entire account.
Ari's P.O.V
New Year's Eve 2017
I was very thankful to have such a caring and forgiving friend like Remi. I was so glad that he wasn't mad at me for liking his former girlfriend and for becoming intimate with her. But he was totally right in saying that I screwed things up and needed to fix myself and the problems I caused.
Nova and I didn't really speak to one another after our last encounter. The only interaction we had was to say something during the holidays.
We still were friends on our social medias because it was an easy way to nonverbally keep up with each other, however, I was rarely on social media because I was in the process of trying to better myself and social media was not the way to help that.
Because I wasn't really involved with social media as much, sometimes I would ask Maya how Nova was doing whenever she would come to visit Dakota (which, I'm living with him now), and she would inform me that, "she's continuing to excel at her job and in her life". But she did admit to me that every once in a while, she'll mention me or some memory we shared.
Damn, I missed her. Not just romantically, but also as a best friend.
A few things about me have changed since then. I have a stud nose piercing that I got about a month ago.
It was kind of becoming a trend where everyone and their second grandmother went out and got one, and I guess I wanted to be a part of that trend. My mom thinks I should get rid of it because she believes boys shouldn't have piercings, but I like mine, so I'm keeping it.
I've started back exercising more so I've lost a little weight, but gained a little muscle, and with that muscle brings a little more true confidence in myself. I think it's also making my mood a little better as well. It also has made me just the slightest bit less depressed.
I wear thick framed black prescription glasses occasionally that I will admit, also boosted my confidence a little because they look pretty damn good on my face.
In regards to education, I'm continuing my studies. Not necessarily to go back to university, but just to gain more knowledge in general.
You could say I'm a bit of a "nerd" now, but in all honesty, I'm finding different positive ways to occupy my mind.
I've also started therapy, which, for some reason has made me a little more timid than I used to be.
The therapy started out to simply be for my anger and finding healthy ways to deal with it, the rejection I received from my father, my former drug and alcohol use, and for me to find ways to be freer and more accepting with my sexuality, but it is now a way for me to just learn to love myself and become a better person.
I've been out on a few dates here and there. Nothing too serious. I think I mostly just wanted to feel the rush and excitement of dating again and now having the possibility of dating women, so I joined Tinder and Grindr. However, I deleted Grindr when I realized it was basically just a place to find random hook ups and not strictly dates. I wasn't interested in random hook ups.
Tinder wasn't too terrible. That one had a lot of people just wanting hook ups too, but I found a few gems out of there as well that were interested in just dates or making new friends. I was surprised by the amount of people who were ok with me being flexible/bisexual considering most are not which results in a lot of closeted bi men. I guess I got lucky.
I did, though, come across the profiles that were completely turned off by it or just straight up rude. That included both men and women, and the most ironic: bi men and bi women.
There were the gay men who would tell me there was no such thing as an "in between" or being attracted to both men and women. They would tell me I was either one or the other or that I was "still gay but was just trying to conform to my father's standards", like they were the personification of my sexuality and knew what was best for me.
Then, there were the straight women who couldn't understand how I enjoyed sex and romance with both men and women, or how I could be attracted to both. They would always ask me which I liked "better", or which I "preferred", and if there was a 50/50 split for me.
They would say things like, "I don't think I can be comfortable in a relationship knowing my man could possibly also be looking at other men." Honestly, it's a valid concern, but what's the difference with a straight man? Would you not also get those insecurities about him ogling other women?
The most ironic ones I got were the messages from other bi men and bi women who didn't want to date me.
"I just can't have a boyfriend who sticks it into other guys," they would say, and vice versa.
How does that make sense? I'm the exact same as you but you're telling me you don't like me because I'm the exact same as you. Huh??
I just didn't understand. A few times, it made me question if coming out as flex/bi was the right thing to do. Maybe I should just go back to being strictly gay.
However, I did found solace in the few bisexual men and women who were ok with me.
I made some really cool friendships with people who helped me find my confidence in being the way I am and accepting it. I think they'll continue to be lifelong friends.
I even went on dates with a few of those new friends. One sandy brown-haired, hazel eyed woman named Emile; I think she was my favorite female match. Completely beautiful inside and out and very independent.
She told me that she wasn't really looking for romance because she was Cupiosexual (an asexual person who doesn't have sexual attractions)/Asexual, but she does occasionally enjoy a good hook up but not for the romance of it. Just to satisfy a need when she doesn't want to do it herself.
Emile was definitely one of the ones I'll keep as a friend.
Then there was a tall blonde haired and "Zac Efron blue" eyed farm boy named Billy. I saw a lot of myself in him. He too was attracted to both men and women but didn't really know much about being bi.
He grew up in the countryside of Washington state on a horse farm and had really conservative parents that were also a little on the racist side. He told me that he used to have a secret girlfriend who was Native American, and his parents threw a fit. They were a part of that, "stay on the Reservations" bullshit.
Desperately seeking the approval of his parents and wanting to keep his girlfriend safe, Billy broke up with the her, but that's when he started finding his attraction to men becoming more prominent because he was no longer "tied down" by a relationship and was single. He knew he couldn't tell his parents or let them find out, so instead, he went off to college in L.A. so he could get a degree in international business and be free to date whomever his little heart desired.
I still see Billy off and on from time to time and I wouldn't mind continuing to see him.
But right now, I'm in Tennessee. Memphis to be exact. The city of rock and roll, the blues, the creative arts, barbeque, bipolar weather, and some of the goofiest people you'll ever meet. Memphis is named after the city in Egypt and has a replica of a pyramid that houses a massive and overly dramatic Bass Pro Shop.
It is also home to one of my good university friends. He and some of our other friends, were on Christmas break and decided to travel with him back to his home city to keep him company and make it a boys only trip sort of thing.
It was around 10:00pm on New Year's Eve and the downtown area on their popular street, Beale, was beyond packed full of party goers and people who were there to watch the guitar drop.
You read that right, a guitar. They don't drop a ball here; they do a guitar.
Anyway, since we had some time to spare before midnight, my group and I settled on a bar/club that was blasting some kind of hip-hop music I wasn't familiar with but it was catchy non the less.
We all huddled around the bar to try and obtain drinks to loosen us up a bit (nonalcoholic for me). There were no open tables available and the majority of the dancefloor was packed, so it looked like the bar was where we were going to stay.
A couple of times random men and women would come up to me asking if I wanted to dance, and I obliged. That was one new hobby I picked up in college that no one knew about: dancing. I loved it, and my friends completely gawked in awe as they watched me on the dancefloor.
I can't even lie, I probably had the best moves on this floor and I loved that everyone was seeing that.