ZARA
I had a shift nearly every day for last week, longer hours, more money for me to save up.
I made a list of gifts for Teddy's first birthday, handed it to one of the guards along with money. Jane helped me, I didn't have a fucking clue.
What do you even buy a one-year-old?
I took Teddy to the beach along with a few other parents from the centre yesterday, transported by the security coaches and guarded like royalty.
It was strange how we are only part of a respite centre and having so much security.
The parents don't like me either, ruining their days out regularly just by sitting near them.
They requested that our days out were separate.
The world won't fuck off.
I contemplated sneaking back within the walls to get away from it all, get away from all the people thinking I'm a monster and that my son doesn't deserve his life.
It's torture.
So, after a lengthy discussion with Jane and hours of researching the strange country, I requested a relocation to a centre in Scotland.
It got refused.
I appealed.
Refused again.
"Bullshit." I threw the pen down, head in my hands and letting the refusal letter drop to the floor.
"A beautiful woman like you shouldn't be speaking like that." Kerr sat down next to me, lifting up the useless paper and without asking, he reads it. "Scotland?"
I snatch it out his hand, scrunch it up and threw it in the bin next to the revolving doors. "I start in five, refrain from sticking your nose in any more of my business."
He smirks at me, stuffing his hands in his pocket. "Let's go." He followed me out and across the busy road to the cafe.
Kerr was growing on me.
If I didn't know any better, I'd think Grace was trying to set me up or try to help me to forget about Theo by partnering us up constantly. I haven't worked one shift he hasn't been on.
I appreciate it. But, not a fucking chance.
No matter how much we laugh together, catching him staring at me and 'accidentally' rubbing himself against me, he had no chance.
"Can we have that girl's night out this weekend, Zara? Kerr, you should come too." Julie claps her hands when I roll my eyes, smiling at her.
Julie started a few days ago, short, blonde girl with far too many piercings on her ears. She's friendly and ignored the news reports about me, constantly sending me messages to hang out.
It was good to have a female friend again.
"I can't." I lie, "I don't have anyone to stay with Teddy." Another lie, Jane keeps getting at me to go have fun.
It's not that I don't want to have fun, I do. But, I can't set foot in a store without thinking I'm getting evil glares and snarky comments. Jane claims it's all in my head but I don't know.
What would happen in a club full of drunk people?
"What about Jane? She watches him so you can work?" Kerr questions, arched brow.
I never told him that
"How do you know?" I frown, crossing my arms. "When have I ever mentioned Jane?"
"You mentioned it before." No, I didn't.
"Whatever, man. Tell Jane 'what's her face' to watch the kid so we can party." She flips her hair over her shoulders and goes back into cooking mode, shoving the pastries into the oven.
I didn't ask Jane when I got home. We sat down at the reception waiting for the guard, Paul, to drop off the presents he went for.
I eyed Kerr walking along the first floor with Grace, both laughing and entering her office.
"We have one spoiled boy, haven't we?" Jane helped me up the stairs with the bags Paul in tow with a large box. Teddy on my hip and nearly ripping my earring out.
I think Paul and Jane have a thing for one another. Both around the same age, single and get along well. Paul is my favourite guard, a silver fox with his green eyes and perfectly shaped stubble.
I saw Jane blushing when she closed the door over, saying goodbye to him. "Jane! I fucking knew it." I beamed and waited for her to scold my language, but she didn't.
"He's nice, ok? I'm too old so get those ideas out of your head." She shook her finger at me.
Jane picked up my vibrating cell, showing me the screen.
Julie: did you ask Jane? I need alcohol before I blow.
"Ask me what?" She tilts her head.
"Oh, nothing. Julie just wanted me to go out this weekend." I shrug, throwing the cell on my bed and changing Teddy into his pyjamas. "It's too dangerous."
"No one has recognised you in a while now, Zara. You don't look the same." She twirled a blonde strand and cupped my cheek. "One night. Give yourself one night."
Julie: ignore me and I will make your life hell, Coulter.
Jane whipped the cell out of my hand and quickly tapped a reply, ignoring my thrashing hands from behind her. "Yes, Julie. I would love to party with you. Woop... woop." She says while typing, turns with a grin and hands me my cell.
"You did not say woop, Jane." I roll my eyes. "What if someone notices me?"
"Paul can go with you." She's serious. "Now, we have our boy's birthday tomorrow. Let's get wrapping."
Jane left before midnight. I fell asleep not long after.
"I missed you." Theo whispered against my lips, arms pinned above my head and pushing himself against me. "I thought you forgot about me."
"Nearly." I smirked but it faltered to a sigh, "I don't want you to go with them, Theo." I sucked in his bottom lip, grazing my teeth along it. "Stay."
"You know I can't." He leans his forehead against mine. "It's the only way we can get out of here."
My heart starts to thump against my chest, matching Theo's. "Keep your hands here." He warns me, a smile playing on his lips.
I feel the tingling sensation over my body as his fingertips glide down my arms, passing my neck, chest until he starts to unbutton my trousers. I bite my lip, deep breathing. His eyes don't leave mine.
He dips his hand in while the other pushes the material down. "I'll miss this." A finger pushes into me and my arms drop to try wrap around his neck. "You aren't very good at following orders, Zara." He's mad.
"Theo..." he pulls back from me, angry and frowning at me.
He lifts a gun to my head and fires.
"Fuck." I jolt upright, sweat pouring off me and soaking the bed.
They are getting worse, he gets angrier each time.
I'm losing my damn mind.
I keep seeing him in crowds and while watching tv, hearing his voice in a silent room and smelling his manly scent amongst the fresh baking.
Maybe I should go out and clear my head.
It doesn't help that I stare at news articles when I have free time, studying the images of Theo from his college days, pictures of him as a child.
I keep them all, the only pictures of him, before me.
All of them paint him as this evil spawn of the devil himself, killer, rapist, abusive and the worst one was... the man who met his deserving demise.
It was all bullshit.
I got back to sleep, a blank sleep that I was grateful for. I no longer wished to see him and his wicked behaviour.
He isn't the real Theo.
"You look like shit." Kerr shoulders past me, turning me and tying the back of my apron. "What's wrong?"
"I couldn't sleep." Lie, I slept fine after that. I'm just mentally drained.
The rest of the morning continued in silence, not awkward, but calm.
I was staring at the entrance to the cafe, five minutes before my shift ends and hoping no one walks in with a massive order.
I wanted to get back to Teddy so we can celebrate his birthday.
My heart nearly dropped when someone walked past the glass window, blonde, tall, tattooed.
I lunged over the counter without thinking.
"Theo!"
-OLD VERSION-UNEDITED