Harry's POV
The ride home was silent, the presence of Lucy in the car making me feel uneasy. In the back of my mind I knew I shouldn't have called her, and I knew that I was doing this in spite of what I just saw Eve do. It was a pathetic thing really, but right now, I couldn't seem to feel a thing. I didn't feel the wrongness of the whole situation, I couldn't feel the pain anymore that had exploded through my body at the sight of her with someone else, and I certainly couldn't feel Lucy's hand that was massaging my knee as she drove us to my house.
Once we arrived, she followed me through the darkness of the house to my bedroom. I dropped down onto the edge of my bed, sighing in frustration from the mixed feelings running through me. I had lost count of how many times Lucy had been in here, and it made me feel sick thinking about what the outcome of tonight was going to be. But I needed to feel something, anything to help me forget about the image of what I had seen tonight from burning behind my eyes.
I remembered the very day that I had first met Lucy. It had been a month or so after I became CEO when she turned up at reception wanting an interview. She hadn't scheduled an appointment, neither had she even notified my assistant or I, or anyone else in the building about wanting an interview. I thought it was exceptionally bold of her, to turn up unannounced and demanding to see me. I cancelled my next meeting in order to see this resolute journalist, happily inviting her into my office to see what all the fuss was about.
She was attractive, extremely attractive. I was stunned at how impeccable she looked, her work clothes hugging every inch of her slim body, her blonde hair neatly wound up in a bun atop her head, and a pair of glasses similar to mine sitting on the bridge of her nose. She walked with a purpose, her high heels clacking against the floor with each precise step she took, a determined look on her face as she greeted me professionally and sat down in front of my desk.
What I didn't expect was for her to be so nervous, her voice stuttering and hand shaking as she scribbled notes from our conversation onto her notepad. I studied her as she worked, my mind wandering and thinking about her in ways I probably shouldn't have. She looked as if she needed to relax, and I hadn't had sex for a few days, so before I knew it, she was laying across my desk and I was f.ucking her senseless.
After that, she seemed to have loosened up a bit, getting all the information she needed from me and ending the interview with a handshake and piece of paper with her number on it. The article she wrote was published within the next few days, and from what I had heard, she had gotten a promotion from writing such an informative piece.
Lucy and I had the same type of relationship you could say Eve and I had, in the fact that we only used each other for sex and that was that. It was easy access to something that I had grown used to getting every single week, Lucy always seeming to be around whenever I needed it.
"Harry, is everything okay?" She asked, the familiar tone of her voice bouncing sharply off every single surface in the room.
I smoothed my hands over my face, trying desperately to relieve any of the stress that was circling my body. To be completely honest, I wasn't okay at all. I know that what Eve and I had was strictly physical, and that I shouldn't be this affected by seeing her kiss someone else. We were both free to do whatever we wanted, and I could only imagine what Eve must've felt when I revealed to her that I had slept with a different girl due to a drunken night. I just wanted to forget about everything that had happened today, and it made my stomach churn knowing what the only thing was that would get my mind off it.
"Come here," I muttered, glancing up to see worry etched across her face.
She narrowed her eyes at me, skepticism evident in her features as she toed off her shoes and padded across my room. I wasn't sure what I was inviting her to do, so she took it upon herself to place her knees either side of my thighs to straddle my lap, hands cradling my face as she tilted my head up to look at her.
"I'll take care of you, don't worry," she spoke quietly, and it was at the moment where I knew I was going to regret it all.
Her lips felt so foreign against my own, and so did the way her hands felt as she dragged them over my shirt to the hem, pulling it over my head and tossing it to other side of the bed. I sat quietly as she undressed the both of us, unsure of what to do with all these thoughts racing around my head. I was like this most of the time we were together, unfocused and a little dazed and just wanting to feel something.
She was everywhere, her hands, her lips, her teeth, touching me in ways she knew would bring me out of this state. She had managed so far to push me back against the bed, ridding both of us of our clothes as her hands smoothed over my hips, fingers kneading into my hipbones.
"You sure you want to do this?" She asked hesitantly.
I nodded, reaching over to open the drawer of my bedside table to pull out a condom, the sight of it alone giving her all the assent she needed.
She shot me a wary smile, ripping the foil open with her teeth and rolling it down my length with ease. I groaned at the tightness when she lifted herself up to sink down onto me, my hands clenching at the duvet below us as she found her rhythm, continuing to rise and fall.
I pushed all thoughts of Eve to the back of my mind, grasping on to Lucy's hips to urge her to go faster. It wasn't helping though, the rapid speed, the slide of skin, the gasps of air, it was all supposed to rid my mind of the girl I was stuck up on. I whined in irritation, sitting up to get a better grip and attaching my mouth to her neck, biting at her pale flesh to try and think about anything else.
She came with a high pitched squeal, piercing my ears as I somehow managed to find my high as well, spilling into the condom whilst both of us gasped for air. As soon as I came to my senses, guilt started to wretch at my stomach, and I wanted nothing more than for Lucy to leave me alone to try and figure all of this out.
I pulled the condom off me once Lucy had regained enough strength to stand up, tying it off and throwing it into the bin before pulling my briefs back up my legs. Lucy redressed quietly, neither of us speaking a word to each other until she was buttoning up her coat and opening the bedroom door.
"Look, I don't know what's going on with you," she breathed, "But I hope whatever it is works out."
"I'm not sure it will," I mumbled truthfully, "But thanks."
She flashed me an encouraging smile, tipping her head in farewell and closing the door behind her, leaving me to succumb to the feeling of disgust and regret that had settled over my body, replacing the indescribable pain I had experienced hours ago.
Eve was with someone else, and the agony that washed through me would be something that I don't think I'll ever be able to forget. I didn't want this to bother me, but it did, just like it bothered me when his arm was wrapped around her waist, and when she pushed her fingers through his hair, and when she leant forward and kissed him.
I was so weak, I could hardly believe I let myself sink so low. I had finally admitted my feelings for Eve and then I went and did something like this, what the hell was wrong with me?
I glanced over my shoulder, my eyes squinting at the crumpled duvet and the tangled sheets. I cringed internally, stripping the fabric from my bed and walking through the dark of my house to stuff it into the washing machine.
I made my way back upstairs with a new set of sheets, remaking my bed and feeling the tiniest bit better about what had happened so far this night. The scent of sweat and sex lingered heavily in the air, and I found myself opening the windows to try and rid the smell.
Next I jumped into the shower, determined to scrub away the dried sweat and the repulsed sensation of Lucy's skin against mine. I could still feel her touching me, the unfamiliar feel of her fingers running over the surface of my skin, and at that sickening thought, my hands started to work harder and faster determinedly to get rid of the feeling.
I don't know how long I stood in the shower for, the warm water starting to turn cold whilst the streams poured over my tense muscles as I stared at the tiled wall in front of me. I somehow managed to remove myself from the shower, drying my body off then slipping into my bed.
I had fallen for her, and there was no point in trying to convince myself that I hadn't. I just couldn't quite figure out when it had all started to happen. Perhaps it was when she came to my office to sought me out for comfort when her parents were fighting, or maybe the time I lay against her while she was drunk and I had to restrain myself from falling asleep whilst her fingers danced over my legs.
I found myself imagining what it would be like if she was mine. I would be able to kiss her whenever I wanted, and without having a reason to. I could touch her, drag my thumb across her lip, wind my arms around her waist, run my fingertips along her back. I marveled at how she would look tangled up in the sheets in my bed in the early hours of the morning, or how she would look dressed in a pair of my briefs and one of my t-shirts hanging loosely from her back.
I wondered idly if she could ever feel the same way about me. If she could forget about all the stupid things that I've done in the past and find a way to forgive me for hurting her. She seemed like the kind of person that could look over the fact that I was so horribly damaged, that I would be hard work to fix, yet she'd try her hardest anyway.
I wanted to tell her, I didn't want to keep making mistakes with her, I cared about this too much to let it fall apart. If I left it too long, I'd surely doubt myself and would end up not telling her. It was close, she was so close to being mine, all I had to do was get over myself and tell her how I felt.