The night after their heartbreaking trip to Jeolado was spent in silence. The house felt empty and quiet without the sound of little footsteps running down the hall or the random fights between the two children.
Heeryung went straight to her room and locked herself in, not even coming out for dinner, which worried Lisa and Jennie.
They thought they heard sobs but since the girl didn't cry all day, they assumed that she was finally letting it all out so they let her be.
They had nothing to say to each other so Jennie spent her time in Inho's room while Lisa tried to distract herself by catching up with the work she had abandoned for two whole weeks.
Lisa tried to focus on the laptop and papers strewn before her on the dining table but her eyes kept going to the phone lying quietly next to the folders.
She wanted to text or call Aesook and asked how Inho was doing but she knew she couldn't. She must give the boy some time to calm down and adjust no matter how difficult and painful it was for her and for him.
After more than two hours of failing to get any work done, she decided to just try to sleep it off.
Lisa gathered her papers and shut down her laptop.
She turned off the kitchen and living room lights and went upstairs.
She headed to the girl's room first, listening quietly for any sound and when she heard none, she checked the small crack underneath the door. It was dark.
She must've cried herself to sleep.
Lisa then moved to the other door across the hall and stepped inside the dark room.
The light from the hallway highlighted a part of the small bed where Jennie was still lying on, clutching the sheets and pillows.
Lisa sighed and lay down next to Jennie.
"Nini..." She reached out to hug her.
Jennie didn't move nor did she reply.
Lisa quietly watched the closed eyelids. She brushed the disheveled hair away and tears seeped out from under the eyelashes at Lisa's touch.
Lisa pulled Jennie closer and kissed her forehead. She had run out of comforting words to say.
Jennie let go of the sheets and clutched Lisa's shirt instead. "Did we make the wrong decision?"
"It wasn't ours to make."
"But we could've appealed..."
"What good would it do? Prolong the inevitable?" Lisa sighed. "It would be different if Aesook's totally unreliable or incompetent in taking care of Inho... but unfortunately..." Lisa couldn't continue. As a lawyer she knew that their chance of winning was practically zero.
Jennie wiped her cheeks and they lay quietly in the small bed.
"How's Heeryung?" Jennie asked.
"I think she's fallen asleep."
They quieted down.
"I wonder how he's doing..." Jennie sniffed.
"I don't know. I wanted to call but..." Lisa sighed. "Maybe tomorrow morning."
"I just hope he had stopped crying." The memory of the boy's painful cries made Jennie cry again.
Lisa couldn't do anything but wipe the steady flow of tears. "We'll go see him next weekend."
"Will he hate us?"
"I don't know." Lisa gulped. "I hope not." She tightened her hold. "Let's go to bed. It's been a long day." Lisa tried to get up but Jennie didn't want to move, her hands still clutching Lisa's shirt.
"Nini, let's go. Don't sleep here. I don't think it will be good for either of us."
"I can still smell his shampoo..." Jennie inhaled the scent from the small pillow under her head.
"Nini..."
"Did we pack his shampoo? He likes the smell too. And his toothbrush... the Thomas toothbrush holder..."
"Nini..." The look in Jennie's eyes worried Lisa. "Come on." She tried to pull Jennie up.
"His blankie!" Jennie sat up abruptly. "Did we pack his blankie? He can't sleep without his blankie!" She got off the bed and went to the drawers, pulling them open and rummaged in them.
"Nini, stop." Lisa grabbed hold of Jennie's arm and held her from behind. "We packed everything. He's good."
"The night lamp! He can't sleep in the dark." Jennie tried to move towards the small table next to the bed but Lisa held her tight.
"Stop, Jen. Stop." Lisa pulled Jennie closer and buried her face in her hair, whispering in her ear. "Please stop? He'll be fine. He has everything he needs."
"How can he have everything he needs? We're not there! He needs us! He needs me!" Jennie tried to break free from Lisa's hold. "Did we pack all his toys? His crayons!" Jennie lunged forward again.
Lisa felt her heart shatter as she stood her ground and held Jennie in place. "Stop, Jennie." Lisa closed her eyes and let the tears trickle freely down her face. "Please... stop..."
"Let me go, Lisa! He needs his blankie! We have to give him his blankie!" Jennie pushed Lisa with all her might. "He needs his blankie..." Jennie sobbed. "He needs us..." All she could see was the boy crying, calling her and reaching out for her. "He needs me." The pain of the embedded image overwhelmed her. She felt useless, worthless, evil. She was disgusted at herself, a parent who abandoned her own child when he was clearly crying out to her, for her.
"I am worthless." Jennie felt life being sucked out of her and she lost all strength, slumping to the ground with Lisa unable to balance herself from the sudden limp weight in her arms.
"No you're not." Lisa kneeled down and held the now quiet Jennie. "You are not worthless, Nini. You're a great person, a great mother. It's not your fault. It's not your fault."
"Then whose fault is it?" The tone was flat and the gaze was blank.
Lisa had never seen Jennie like that. It scared her. "Nobody's. Just... bad luck."
"I seem to have a lot of that."
Lisa sighed, not knowing what to say anymore. Her eyes suddenly caught the shadow of a figure standing in the doorway, watching them.
"Ryung‐ah..."
The girl turned around and ran to her room, slamming the door.
Lisa wanted to scream. She didn't know what to do. She couldn't leave Jennie alone but Heeryung clearly needed her too. Lisa took a deep breath and gathered her strength to pull Jennie up.
Jennie leaned quietly against Lisa as the latter tried to bring her to their room.
Grunting and panting, Lisa finally managed to lay Jennie down on the bed.
Lisa sighed. "Sleep, Nini. You'll feel better tomorrow." She kissed Jennie's forehead and tucked her in. "I'll be back in a minute."
Jennie closed her eyes.
Lisa swiftly left the bedroom, heading to Heeryung's room. She knocked softly but heard no response.
She tried to push the door open and was relieved to find that it wasn't locked.
"Ryung‐ah..." Lisa saw the girl sitting on her bed, hugging her knees in the dark. She quickly sat down next to her and hugged her. "Sorry you had to see that."
The girl said nothing.
"Ryung‐ah..." Lisa tried again, "Please talk to me? Tell me how you feel. Cry if you have to. Just... tell me."
It took a few seconds before the girl finally spoke. "Why did you give Inho away?"
"W-what?" Lisa thought she heard wrong since the voice was muffled.
Heeryung lifted her head and turned to look at Lisa. "Why did you give Inho away? Why did you let that woman take him away?"
"I didn't give him away! I had to let him go with her. I couldn't say no, Ryung-ah."
"Why?"
Lisa sighed. "There's this thing called law, Ryung-ah. It's the rules that we see everyday. Like, red light means stop and green light means go. Or that you have to walk on the right side." She tried to explain. "When the law says something, we have to obey it. When we don't, we'll get punished. We can even go to jail."
"Why?"
"Because people need the rules so we can live peacefully. Live better." Lisa paused. "There are rules in this house too. You must go to bed at nine and we can only have junk food on the weekends. Do you know why we make such rules?"
The girl shook her head.
"Well, if you don't go to sleep by nine, you'll get sleepy and tired in school the next day and you can't learn or play. When you have junk food everyday, you will get sick. So these rules are made for your own good. Do you understand?"
The girl tilted her head. "So that law says that you must give Inho away?"
"That law says that Inho has to go with his mother. The woman who gave birth to him."
"Gave birth?"
"Yes. All babies come from mothers. Remember when your teacher became really fat and had to stop teaching for a while last year?"
The girl nodded.
"She was pregnant. There was a baby inside her tummy. When the baby has to come out, the mother gives birth to him." Lisa sighed. "Inho's umma, Aunt Aesook, gave birth to him. So the law thinks that he should go with her."
"But Inho was always with me, back at the house, not with his mother."
"Yes, Inho's mother had to go away, remember? We told you that. And now she's back and she wants to care for him." Lisa gently stroked the girl's hair. "I don't want to give him away, Ryung‐ah. Neither does your Mommy. But we have to." She gulped. "We have to."
The girl went back to hugging her knees.
"Ryung-ah, do you understand why we had to do what we did?"
The girl didn't answer.
"Ryung‐ah..."
Heeryung turned away from Lisa and lay down, slipping under her blanket and pulling it over her face.
Lisa sighed. "I'm sorry, Ryung‐ah." She leaned down and hugged the girl, kissing the visible part of her head. "I love you. We love you. We'll visit Inho next Saturday, okay?"
Silence.
Lisa clenched her jaws and quietly left the room.
She closed the door behind her and leaned on it, closing her eyes. She was tired and drained. It felt like her whole world had fallen apart and the people she loved most were suffering. And there's nothing I can do about it.
-‐-‐-‐-‐
The first week after Inho's departure was tough on everybody in that house.
Heeryung became a lot more reserved. She spent most of her time alone in her room, only coming out for meals or when one of her parents called her.
Lisa didn't know exactly why. She tried asking and coaxing but the girl practically ignored her, choosing silence.
Jennie was a slightly better version of Heeryung. She still went about her days as usual, taking Heeryung to school and picking her up while trying to continue with the franchising plan for as much as she could. She kept herself busy to stop her mind from thinking about the boy she missed so much.
She never visited Inho's room again since that day. In her mind, pretending that it wasn't there was better. She couldn't risk breaking down again. She knew what it had done to Lisa when she woke up the next morning to find Lisa sitting quietly at the dining table, staring at nothing with dark circles under her eyes and an empty bottle of wine in her hand.
Lisa went back to work, also hoping that it would distract her from the constant need to grab her phone and dial Aesook's number. She counted the days, waiting for Saturday to come while trying not to mention it to Jennie for as much as she could. She didn't want to witness that broken down Jennie again. It hurt too much.
Their friends and Jennie's parents tried to help by calling them or visiting them or just asking them to go out for a meal. Jennie's mother felt especially guilty after seeing her daughter so lifeless and her granddaughter so quiet. She apologized to Lisa for what she had said that day and Lisa only smiled a bit, telling her that it was okay. The strong and determined look she usually saw in Lisa's eyes was replaced by a blank and sad gaze that made her feel uneasy.
The only time that the three people in that house were alive was when it was finally Saturday.
They got up early, actually talked to each other and smiled. They got ready, finished their breakfast and hopped in the car.
Lisa and Jennie were nervous to see the little boy, afraid that he would turn them away and hate them.
They took their time before they stepped out of the car and rang the doorbell.
An elderly lady opened the door. "Ah... we meet again," she recognized them from the week before. She kindly shook Lisa and Jennie's hands and patted Heeryung's head. "Inho's in the living room." She showed them in.
Lisa and Jennie held their breaths as they saw the boy quietly playing with his toys. There was no noisy sound effect or random mumblings. Just silent movements of the robots and trains in his hands.
"Inho-yah!" Heeryung ran towards the boy.
"Noona!" He dropped his toys and cried. "Noonaaaa!"
Lisa and Jennie had never seen the two kids hugging each other like that. It pained them and filled them with guilt.
The boy let go of Heeryung and turned to see Lisa and Jennie standing anxiously at the doorway.
"Mommy! Umma!" He ran towards them and cried. "I want to go home." He hugged Jennie's leg and Jennie had to remind herself that she was only there to visit. Every cell in her body wanted to grab the boy and take him back to Seoul with her.
Jennie squatted down and hugged him. "I miss you, Inho." "I miss you too, Mommy. Can we go home now?"
Jennie gulped, fighting back tears. "This is your home now, Inho. I can only come visit you every Saturday."
"Why?" He wouldn't let go.
"Because your umma wants to get to know you," Lisa squatted down as well and repeated the same explanation she had given the boy the week before.
He let go of Jennie and hugged Lisa. "You're my Umma."
That almost made Lisa cry right then and there. "That's right, Inho‐yah. But you have another umma too. She lives here with you now." But I'm glad that you still acknowledge me. She sighed in relief and ignored the painful stab at her heart.
"I don't like her."
"Hey..." Lisa pulled away a bit to look at the boy. "Don't say that. Be nice to her."
The boy sulked.
"Let's go to the mall and get ice cream!" Jennie said.
"Yay!"
"Ryung‐ah..." Lisa extended her hand to the girl. "Let's go."
Heeryung took hold of Lisa's hand. She then held Inho's hand with her free hand while Jennie grabbed Inho's other hand.
Lisa had to smile at the image as the four of them were now linked together by the hands. My family. Just like how it's supposed to be. She felt tears brimming in her eyes and had to look away. She thanked the old lady kindly and told her that she would bring Inho back in a few hours.
"Let's go!" Lisa guided the group out of the house and into the car.
The next few hours were bliss for everyone as they ate and laughed and talked like nothing had happened.
Lisa and Jennie were more than relieved that Inho didn't seem to hate them for what they had done.
True to the cliché of how fast time flies when one's having fun, Lisa only realized how late it was when Inho suddenly yawned. She glanced at her watch then at Jennie who didn't seem to want to meet her gaze.
Lisa sighed. "We should get going."
"Why?" The two kids asked almost simultaneously.
"Because it's late. You're already yawning, Inho. You need to go to bed soon." Lisa stood up and extended her hands to both kids. "Let's go."
Jennie reluctantly followed Lisa's lead and stood up as well. "Come on. Listen to your umma." She held Inho's hand and they left the restaurant.
-‐-‐-‐-‐
The door opened and Aesook greeted them with a slight bow. "Good evening, Unnie."
"Hi." Jennie answered shortly. She was still carrying the sleeping boy. "Can I tuck him in before I go?"
Aesook nodded and stepped aside, letting Jennie through.
Jennie went straight upstairs with Heeryung following close behind.
Lisa stayed downstairs, eager to find out how the boy was doing.
"How are you?" Lisa asked Aesook.
"Okay, I guess."
"How are you handling him?" Lisa noticed the slightly more distinct jawline and the exhausted face of the young woman. "Is he being difficult?"
Aesook smiled weakly. "Depends on what you call difficult. He wouldn't talk to anyone."
Lisa raised her eyebrows. "At all?"
The woman nodded. "His teacher said that he only speaks when directly asked."
"But he seems fine to me."
"He probably needs more time to adjust."
Lisa took a deep breath. "Maybe..."
The woman tilted her head. "How are you doing, Unnie?" She noticed the dark circles and eye bags under Lisa's eyes.
"I'll live... somehow."
Aesook felt guilty. "How's Jennie unnie doing?"
Lisa shrugged, not even sure about that herself.
"I'm sorry, Unnie."
"I thought we agreed on not saying that again?"
The young woman looked down.
Lisa tried to change the subject. "I've transferred this month's allowance to your account."
Aesook looked up. "Unnie..."
"No arguing. It's for Inho, remember? We agreed. Let's leave it at that."
"Thank you." Aesook bowed.
"Don't mention it. Maybe you can reduce your shift and spend more time with him now."
Aesook nodded. "Thank you."
"I said don't mention it." It sounded harsher than Lisa had intended. She realized it and sighed. "Sorry, didn't mean to sound harsh."
"Don't worry, Unnie. I understand." Aesook took a deep breath and met Lisa's gaze. "I hope one day you and your family will find it in your heart to forgive me. No matter what you think of me, I am forever grateful for all those years that you and your wife had spent raising him so wonderfully."
Lisa didn't reply. She knew that her words would not be as nice so she would rather not say anything at all. "I'm going to say goodbye to him."
Aesook nodded. "Go ahead, Unnie."
Lisa turned around and went upstairs. She saw Jennie reading a bedtime story to Inho and Heeryung and inadvertently smiled at the sight. She took a mental picture and gulped as reality hit her once again.
"The end," Jennie read.
Inho clapped his hands and Heeryung complained. "That's it? Poor Percy."
Lisa finally saw the gummy-smile she had been missing for quite a while.
"Now, go to bed." Jennie closed the book and got up.
Heeryung patted her brother's shoulder. "I'll bring my Barbie next week." She waved goodbye and went out of the room, going downstairs without even looking at Lisa who was standing at the door.
Inho kicked his blanket aside and tried to get off the bed.
"Whoa there, Mister." Lisa quickly stepped forward and held him in place. "Where do you think you're going?"
"Home. Bed."
Lisa sighed. "Sorry, Inho-yah. This is now your home." She patted the mattress. "And this is your bed."
"No." He pushed Lisa away and tried to leave the room.
Lisa caught him and lifted him up onto the bed.
He struggled and started screaming again. "NO! I WANT TO GO HOME!"
"Inho..." Lisa tried to calm him down.
Jennie didn't know what to do. It was like a recurring nightmare, a bad dejavu. She stood rooted in her spot, watching Lisa hugging and soothing the crying boy.
Aesook heard the commotion and went up to see what was going on. She was met with the familiar scene of a frantically kicking and punching Inho in Lisa's hold and Jennie standing helplessly near the bed. The boy's cries broke her heart. She began to wonder whether this was all worth it.
Swallowing hard, Aesook stepped inside the room and helped Lisa.
Lisa let go as soon as Aesook was able to hold the boy.
"UMMA!" The boy reached out for Lisa.
Lisa gulped. "I'm sorry, Inho-yah." She kissed the boy's forehead quickly and stepped back before he could grab her. "I love you."
Lisa then approached Jennie and put an arm around her. "Come on," she whispered in Jennie's ear.
Jennie took a step forward and kissed the boy's wet cheek, holding his hands to prevent him from clinging to her. "I'll see you next week. Love you." She quickly let go and left the room before anyone could see her tears.
Lisa sighed. "Goodbye, Aesook." She then waved to the crying boy and closed the door behind her. She quickly went downstairs so that she didn't have to hear more heart wrenching cries from the boy.
The drive home was quiet with Heeryung sleeping in the back seat and Jennie staring out the window the whole time, lost in her own thoughts.
"I'll take her," Jennie said when Lisa tried to carry Heeryung inside the house. "You've been driving for six hours. Go shower and sleep."
Lisa stepped aside and watched Jennie slowly pulling Heeryung out of the car. Jennie grunted a bit as she lifted the girl in her arms.
"You okay?" Lisa reached out to help.
"I got her." Jennie held Heeryung tight and carefully made her way inside the house.
Lisa sighed and locked the car before heading inside.
She went straight to the bathroom and took a long hot shower to relax her tired body.
She stepped out of the bathroom to see Jennie sitting on the bed and staring at her phone.
"What are you looking at?"
Jennie showed Lisa a picture of a messy ice cream eating Inho from earlier that day.
Lisa smiled. She sat down next to Jennie and hugged her, letting the towel in her hand drop to the floor. "Are you okay?"
Jennie nodded. "I have to be." She paused. "I'm sorry, Lili."
"For what?" Lisa pulled away.
"For being so useless."
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm sorry you have to shoulder everything alone like this after all I've said about sharing your burden with me." Jennie gulped. "I've thought about it and I'd totally understand if you're disappointed and fed up. Please tell me if you think you're tired of me? I-I understand if you need someone better... stronger..."
"W‐what?!" Lisa did not expect that at all. "What are you talking about?"
Jennie looked down. "Maybe this is why he did what he did with all those women. I'm too weak. Useless." Jennie gulped.
"WHAT?" Lisa couldn't believe her ears. "Have you lost your mind? You are the best thing that ever happened to me! He was a stupid jerk. A dumbass." Lisa lifted Jennie's chin with her hand and saw fear. "Nini..." She held Jennie's gaze. "I. Love. You." Lisa spelled it out slowly and clearly. "Remember what you said about sticking through all happy and crappy times?"
Jennie nodded.
"That goes both ways, you know. If you're willing to stick with stubborn, self-blaming, always-trying-to-be-strong control freak like me..." Lisa grinned. "Then you should know that I'm willing to do the same with you." She paused to kiss Jennie's forehead. "I admit that I'm tired, drained, frustrated. We all are. Do I wish that you had reacted differently? Honestly? Yes."
Jennie held her breath.
Lisa gently brushed Jennie's cheek. "But remember that cheesy movie line 'you complete me'?"
Jennie had to smile at the memory of that lame joke and Lisa's accent. "Yes?"
"I mean that." Lisa smiled. "I think we've had our share of fights to know that there's no such thing as an easy and perfect marriage. But I like the fact that you can calm me down when I feel like I'm losing my mind. I love it when you hold me when I feel like I want to just run away. I'm grateful that you can be strong when I'm not. And I will be strong for you when you're not." She looked straight into Jennie's eyes. "I will never leave you, no matter what happens. I don't need anyone else. I'm happy with you." She kissed her. "You can go slam every door and flip every table and I will still love you."
Jennie chuckled and wiped her wet eyes. "Thank you. I love you too." She kissed Lisa back and let Lisa hold her, her head fitting snuggly under Lisa's chin. "I'm sorry for tiring you out."
"It's okay. You couldn't help yourself." Lisa took a deep breath. "We all deal with it differently, I guess."
"How long are we going to have to watch Inho cry like that every time we leave?" Jennie asked after a brief moment of silence.
"I don't know." Lisa paused. "I asked Aesook how he's been this whole week."
"And?" Jennie pushed herself up.
"He never talked to anyone."
Jennie's eyes widened with surprise and worry. "But he was his usual self when he was with us!"
"I know. I told Aesook that." Lisa sighed. "He might be resenting her for this." She then gulped. "I know I'm not supposed to even think this but I'm relieved. At least he doesn't see us as the evil ones who abandoned him."
"I understand."
"I feel kinda bad for Aesook too."
"I don't."
"Nini..."
"I'm just being honest. She should know the consequences to her action."
Lisa frowned.
"Yes, I know I shouldn't think that too but I can't help it. She could have met us halfway, Lisa, you know that. We were more than happy to help her be part of Inho's life again. She chose the hard way so let her share some of the suffering. Call me mean and selfish, I don't care."
Lisa sighed. She agreed with Jennie but she couldn't help but sympathize with the woman. She didn't want to argue about such a trivial matter though, so she decided to say nothing further on the subject. "You should go shower and sleep. It's been a long day. We're meeting your parents tomorrow, remember?"
"I canceled."
"What?"
"I'm tired and I think it's time that we take Heeryung out to have some fun of our own."
"Yeah, I'm worried about her," Lisa frowned.
"Me too. That's why I hope a little shopping trip or maybe a short visit to the amusement park would help cheer her up. It's sad to see her so quiet and reserved. She's not like that."
"I know what you mean," Lisa sighed. "Fine. Let's take her out tomorrow." She stood up and picked up her wet towel. "See? I'm improving under your patient guidance."
Jennie grinned. "Do it everyday and I'll believe you."
"So hard to please," Lisa muttered under her breath as she threw the towel into the basket.
"Good night." Jennie gave Lisa a quick peck before she went into the bathroom.
-‐-‐-‐-‐
"Hey, do you want to go to the park and play?" The young woman sat down beside the quiet boy.
The only answer to her question was the sound of the colorful pencils scratching the paper.
"Or we could go to the market?"
The blue pencil was replaced with the brown.
"Or get chocolate ice cream?"
The coloring movement stopped for two seconds before it resumed its steady pace.
Aesook sighed. "Inho, please say something?" She reached out to touch his arm.
He pulled his arm away and looked at her. He then put his pencil down and scooted aside to grab his toys. He started to play with them quietly, turning away from the woman.
She clenched her jaws and sighed again.
-‐-‐-‐-‐
Week after week was spent with driving for hours to visit the boy and bidding him a teary goodbye afterward.
The cries lessened after a few months and Lisa and Jennie didn't know whether they should feel relieved or worried that Inho had finally begun to accept that he would not be living with them again.
His behavior towards Aesook and everyone around him didn't change though. The only improvement was that he had started to make sound effects again when playing with his toys.
Aesook tried her best to spend more time with the boy, taking Lisa's advice to reduce her shift since the monthly stipend from Lisa and Jennie allowed her to do so. However, the lack of progress had started to discourage her.
Sometimes Lisa and Jennie would call her to check on Inho and when the boy happened to hear it, he would run and beg for a chance to talk to either his Mommy or Umma. That was the only time he would actually speak to her.
It broke Aesook's heart each time it happened.
A soft knock came from the door and made Aesook close the book she was reading. She stood up from her chair and opened the door.
"I'm sorry to bother you," the old lady smiled. "Were you asleep?" "No, Halmeoni. I was reading."
"I see. Mrs. Kim from down the street just delivered some strawberries. I was hoping that we could snack on them together. They are good for your body."
Aesook smiled. "Sure." She quietly closed the door to not wake up the sleeping boy.
They made their way downstairs where a bowl of freshly washed strawberries was sitting on the small table, next to two cups of herbal tea.
The old woman sat down and Aesook took her seat across from her.
"Eat as much as you want. I would never be able to eat them all anyway. It would be such a waste to see them rot." The woman pushed the bowl towards Aesook. "And drink the tea. It's good for you."
She smiled. "Thank you, Halmeoni." She blew the hot tea and slowly took a sip, grimacing a bit at the bitter taste.
"I don't understand why you won't take any medicine."
"I'm fine, Halmeoni."
"No you're not. You're getting paler and you've been losing too much weight. I can see how tired you are these days." The woman suddenly reached out to touch Aesook's forehead. "And you're still warm!"
The young woman quickly pulled her face away from the woman's hand. "I'm fine, Halmeoni. I'm used to this."
"Sigh... you don't have to worry about money anymore. Why don't you just go get treated?"
"That money is not for me, Halmeoni. Lisa unnie gracefully gave that for Inho's needs. So unless he needs something, I will not touch it."
"I know but that means that you can now use your pay to get the treatment. I'll reduce the rent for you!"
"It's already too low as it is, Halmeoni. Don't do that. Besides," she took a deep breath. "I've asked. It would only prolong and not cure. And it's too late anyway." She smiled bitterly.
"Prolonging is a good thing, Aesook‐ah. You'll have more time with Inho."
"I don't think that matters now. He clearly hates me for taking him away from his parents."
"Don't say that. You are his mother."
She shook her head. "Lisa unnie and Jennie unnie were there when he needed them most. I wasn't." She gulped. "Their lawyer once said that parenting is not about DNA but about relationship. I agree with her."
"Give him time. He's young. He'll adjust quickly and he'll grow to accept you."
"Unfortunately, time is the one thing I don't have, Halmeoni."
"Then buy more time! Get treated. Come on, Aesook-‐ah."
"I'm sorry, Halmeoni. It's no use. This is all I can do for now." She sipped her tea again. Lisa unnie's right. There are mistakes that you just can't fix. And apparently, this is one of mine.
-‐-‐-‐-‐
"Ryung-ah," Lisa sat down next to the girl who was busy doing her homework.
"Hm?" She didn't look up.
"How do you want to celebrate your birthday next week?"
The girl stopped writing. She turned to look at Lisa.
"Well?"
She sighed and went back to her homework.
"Hey, what's with that sigh?" Jennie, who was working quietly next to the girl, finally commented.
"Just forget my birthday."
"What? Why?" Lisa was surprised and so was Jennie.
"You don't want to throw a party? Invite your friends? Get this huge bounce house and jugglers like last year? I'll even let you have that pony you wanted so badly," Jennie said.
The girl shook her head quietly.
"What's wrong, Ryung-ah?"
Heeryung put her pencil down and closed her book. She stood up and started to gather her things.
"Hey," Jennie stopped the movements with a hand to the girl's arm. "What's wrong? What's going on?"
"Nothing," the girl mumbled, looking down.
"Ryung-ah," Lisa softened her tone. "What is it? Please tell us?"
The girl kept her head down. "I don't want them to know." Her eyes started to glisten.
"Know what? Them who?"
"Heeryung‐ah," Jennie stroked the girl's back gently. "What do you not want them to know?"
The girl started to cry. "That I-I'm a b-bad noona."
"Wha... Hey... what?" Lisa stood up and pulled the girl in for a hug. "Who says you're a bad noona?"
"Heeryung‐ah, you're not a bad noona at all! You're a great noona." Jennie joined the hug.
"Then w‐why d‐did you l‐let Inho go awa-ay?" She sobbed with her hands covering her eyes.
Lisa sighed. "Didn't I tell you this before? It's because his mother wants to take care of him. Not because you're a bad noona."
"But y-you said that the law made you send him away. A-and the law p-punish people who b-breaks it. This is my p-punishment f-for being a b-bad noona."
"What?! No!" Lisa wanted to smack her own forehead. "That's not what I said, Ryung‐ah. How did you even think this? No, you're not being punished at all. You're not a bad noona." Lisa sighed and tried to comfort the girl. She looked at Jennie, pleading for help.
Jennie took a deep breath. "Ryung-ah, I'm going to tell you a little secret. Do you know why you're not a bad noona?"
The girl shook her head, still sniffing and choking on her tears.
"We wouldn't have known Inho if it weren't for you. Inho wouldn't even be here with us if it weren't for you."
The girl looked at Jennie with a confused expression on her face. "Remember when you were still living at the house? Before you met us?" The girl slowly nodded.
"Well, we only wanted one daughter back then. We only wanted you. But then we saw you playing with this quiet little boy that everybody ignored. You even tried to carry him around with you because he still wasn't able to walk that well. We thought you and him have the same Umma and Appa. But Mrs. Baek said that you were almost three when Inho came to live at the house." Jennie smiled. "So you see? You're not a bad noona at all. You've been such a great noona to Inho that you actually gave him a family. You gave him us and you gave us him. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
Heeryung stared at Jennie. "But... now he's gone." She started to cry again.
"Sigh... I know." Jennie hugged the crying girl. "And I'm sorry for that. But that's not because you're a bad noona. You've done nothing wrong, Ryung‐ah. You're a great noona and a wonderful person. I'm so happy you're my daughter."
"Me too," Lisa added, stroking the girl's hair gently.
"Now then," Jennie said after the girl had quieted down. "Your birthday?" She looked down at the girl in her arms.
"I don't want a party this year."
"Oh? What do you want then?"
"Can we go to the amusement park? With Inho too?"
Lisa raised her eyebrows. "That's it?"
The girl nodded.
"Are you sure?" Jennie asked.
"Yes, but just us."
Lisa and Jennie smiled. "Okay then. Just us."