"Okay okay! Stop! I give up! We'll go see the movie! Stop! I give up!!!" Jennie squirmed and squealed under the endless tickle attacks. "Oof!" She tried to catch her breath as the two culprits fell on her. Her arms went around both of them and she pulled them close, closing her eyes and trying to lock away this feeling and memory forever. The small warm bodies against her, the smell of powdery shampoo and fruity soap, the soft hair strands tickling her face. She held on for as long as she could, silently hoping that she could freeze time.
The boy got up first. "So we're going to the mall, right?"
"Yes. We're going to see that movie at the mall."
"Yay! Let's go!" He pulled Jennie's hand.
"Take it easy, Inho‐yah." Jennie suddenly realized how quiet the house was. Where's Lisa? Has Mom gone home?
"Ryung‐ah..." Jennie nudged the girl who was calmly resting against her.
"Yes?"
"Can you help me with something?"
The girl turned around and looked up at Jennie.
"Can you ask Aunt Aesook to help Inho get ready?"
The girl shook her head. "I don't wanna."
"Please? I need to talk to your Umma for a bit. Just knock on her door and ask her to help Inho get ready. Politely."
The girl looked away.
Jennie sighed and tightened her hold around the girl's body. She kissed the top of her head. "Please?"
"Fine." Heeryung pushed Jennie's arm off her and stomped out of the room.
Jennie sat up and took a deep breath. "Inho..." She called the boy who was now jumping up and down on the bed. "Hey, don't do that. You might hurt yourself." She caught him. "Follow your noona. Your umma will help you get ready, okay?" She gulped, still not used to referring to the young woman as the 'umma'. It was a term she had only used to refer to Lisa.
"Why?"
"Because we need to go soon. See the movie, remember?" She got off the bed and put the boy down. "Go on."
The boy ran out of the room. "Noona! Where are you?" He bellowed through the hall.
Jennie chuckled. She stepped out of the room and went downstairs. She saw Aesook following Heeryung into the living room where the latter threw herself on the couch and turned on the TV.
Jennie let Heeryung do as she pleased for now. She saw Inho in the kitchen and looked at Aesook. "Can you help him get ready? I need to talk to Lisa."
"Yes, Unnie." The young woman quickly went to the kitchen.
"Have you seen your umma?" Jennie asked the girl sulking on the couch. She only got a shake of the head as a reply.
Jennie sighed and went upstairs again, hoping to find Lisa in Inho's or Heeryung's room. When she couldn't find her, she went back downstairs and into the kitchen.
"Have you seen Lisa?" She asked the young woman who was trying to coax Inho into going to his room to change.
"No but I think I heard the front door closing after your mother left."
Jennie sighed. "So you heard?"
The woman nodded slowly, guiltily. "Sorry, Unnie."
"Stop saying sorry. This is already hard enough as it is." Jennie stopped herself before she became even harsher. She turned to leave the kitchen and went outside.
Lisa's car was gone.
Jennie felt her heart beat accelerate as she started to panic. Lisa never left the house unannounced.
She quickly went back inside and searched for her phone. Maybe she left a message, she thought as she checked the device. No new message and no missed call.
She dialed Lisa's number but it went straight to voicemail. She tried again and again and still got the same automatic recorded reply.
"Dammit!" She muttered under her breath and called Jisoo.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Jisoo. Is Lisa with you?"
"Err... no. I'm not even in Seoul right now." Jisoo heard the sharp intake of breath. "What is it? Why are you looking for her?"
"My mother came by and saw Aesook."
"Uh‐oh."
"Yeah. Now Lisa's missing."
"Call Yeri. She might know where to find her."
"I'll do that. Thanks."
"No problem. Good luck, Jen."
Jennie hung up and quickly called Yeri.
"Hi, Unnie!"
"Hey, Yeri. I need your help. Now."
"Shoot."
"Find Lisa for me."
"What?"
"She left the house and I don't know where she is. Her phone's off and her car's gone."
"Try the office maybe?"
"It's Saturday."
"She might just be looking for a quiet place to think."
"Okay I'll try that. And if she's not there?"
"Let me know and I'll try to find her."
"Okay. Thanks Yeri."
"No problem, Unnie."
Jennie hung up and called Lisa's office. No answer.
She quickly changed her clothes and ran downstairs. This is not Lisa. I have to find her. I can't lose her. Not now and not like this. The thought made her breathless and she quickly grabbed her keys.
"Ryung-ah..." She sat down next to the slouching girl. "Can you do me a big favor? Please? Help me?"
The girl saw the fear in Jennie's eyes and urgency she had never heard from Jennie before. "What is it, Mommy? What's wrong?"
"Can you stay here with your brother and Aunt Aesook? I have to go out for a bit but I'll be back later and we'll go to the movies, okay?" If I could find Lisa in time, she gulped.
"S-sure."
"Thank you so much." She handed the girl her other phone. "Here. Hold on to this and call me if there's anything at all." She hugged her. "I'm sorry, Ryung-ah. Please hang on just a little bit longer? Everything will be back to normal soon." She felt guilty for demanding so much from the young girl. "I love you. I'm sorry."
"It's okay, Mommy."
Jennie let the girl go and kissed her cheek. "I'll be back soon okay? Keep an eye on your brother? Please?"
The girl nodded.
Jennie ran upstairs to the boy's room. "Aesook." She pushed the door open.
Aesook was struggling to help Inho put on his pants. She stood up, "Yes, Unnie?"
"I need to go out for a bit. Can you stay here with Inho and Heeryung until I get back? I won't be long. An hour max."
"O-of course. Is everything alright?"
"I hope so." Jennie turned to leave the room. "Heeryung knows my mobile number. Please call me if there's anything? I know it's crazy to trust you with my two kids but I have no choice at the moment. Please? I'll ask my friend to come by to help. Heeryung and Inho know her."
"Of course, Unnie. Please don't worry. I will not do anything to hurt you. I swear." Too late. You've already done that. But Jennie just nodded. "Thanks."
She rushed out of the door with her phone to her ear.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Sooyoung."
"Hey, Unnie. What's up?"
"Are you busy?" Jennie got into her car.
"Not at the moment. What is it?"
"Can you do me a huge favor?"
"Sure."
"Come by my house? Now? I need to go out for a bit and there's only Aesook with the kids right now. I won't be long."
Sooyoung immediately understood. "I'll be right there." "Thanks. I owe you."
"Don't mention it, Unnie. Be careful." Sooyoung had a feeling that something bad and serious was going on.
"I will. Thanks." Jennie hung up and threw the phone on the passenger's seat and drove to Lisa's office building.
-‐-‐-‐-‐
"Yes, Unnie? Have you found her?"
"No. The office's locked and the security said he hadn't seen her." Jennie rattled the locked doors.
"I'll find her. Go home, Unnie. And drive carefully, please." Jennie sighed. "Let me know when you've found her."
"I will. Bye."
-‐-‐-‐-‐
Lisa bent forward and held on to the tree with one hand. She tried to catch her breath.
She straightened up and inhaled huge gulps of air. "I'm so out of shape," she muttered and walked on.
She saw a bench and sat down, wiping the sweat dripping from her forehead.
Her mind replayed everything Jennie's mother had said and each word stabbed her already torn heart.
She chuckled bitterly. "Wow. Talk about being a total failure." She kicked a stone near her foot. "Looks like the apple really can't fall far from the tree after all. Failed parents, failed kid." She took a deep breath and leaned back, watching the bright spring sun shining through the trees.
"Who says you're a failure?"
Lisa jumped in her seat. "What the..." She turned to see Yeri casually walking towards her. "How the heck-‐..."
"I drive faster than you, I'm in better shape than you and I'm smarter than you." Yeri grinned and sat down next to Lisa. "Please forgive me, Unnie."
"What fo-‐... Ow! YAH!" Lisa rubbed the back of her head. "I'm older than you!"
"I've already apologized beforehand."
"Why did you do that for?"
"Because you're making Jennie unnie worry. She's panicking right now, looking for you. Why do you think I'm here? I have better things to do than to follow you around."
"How do you even know I'm here?" Lisa felt guilty after knowing how Jennie was.
"It's either the river or here, remember, Ahjumma? And since there will be a lot of people at the river, I figured you'd go for the less crowded place."
Lisa sighed and kicked another stone. "I messed up, Yeri."
"No, you didn't."
"I did. Look what I made Jennie go through. And Heeryung and Inho."
"Err... it was Jennie unnie's decision too, wasn't it?"
Lisa didn't reply.
"And as for the kids, well... I think you did a good thing saving them from that house, from going through what you had to go through." Yeri paused. "What's happening to Inho is not your fault, Unnie. You know that. Stop thinking silly things and stop blaming yourself. You're not helping anyone."
Lisa stayed silent.
"You still have Jennie unnie and Heeryung. They love you. And there's us too. We love you too although I can't remember why at the moment," Yeri grinned. "Jennie unnie and Heeryung need you, Unnie. Not to be their perfect savior but to be there. To be you. That's it. And I honestly think that you've been doing a great job so far. I know it's not easy but you manage to keep it together somehow."
Lisa sighed. "Jennie's mother seems to think otherwise."
"You're married to Jennie unnie's mother?"
"Ew... What?!"
"You seem to care more about what she thinks than what Jennie unnie thinks."
That last sentence hit Lisa hard. She took a deep breath. "I'm a babo."
"Yes, you are. Glad you've finally realized that." Lisa hit Yeri's arm.
"You have a wonderful person who loves you, two great kids who adore you, awesome friends, a nice job that you actually like, a home, a car... everything you could possibly need and want." Yeri smiled. "Time to count your blessings and start being grateful, Unnie. Sitting alone at some ahjumma-favored hiking trail does not become you." She paused. "You won't lose Inho permanently, Unnie. He knows you love him. As long as you don't let him forget that, I think you'll all be okay."
"Even though I'm sending him away to live with a woman he doesn't even know?" Lisa turned to look at Yeri. "Won't that seem cruel to him?"
Yeri shrugged. "It's possible but I think he'll understand in due time. Like I said, as long as you try to still be a part of his life, I think he'll get it one day."
Yeri took out her phone and gave it to Lisa.
"What's this for?"
"Call Jennie unnie. Tell her you're okay and that you're coming home."
Lisa stared at Yeri with wide eyes.
"No, I'm not psychic. I just happen to know you well. You left your phone in the car, didn't you?"
"Smart ass." Lisa snatched the phone from Yeri's hand. Yeri grinned. "I appreciate the smart part." Lisa sighed and dialed.
"Yeri! Have you found her?" Jennie's voice was loud and filled with panic.
Lisa felt guilty.
"Hey, Nini. It's me."
"Lili?! Where are you?! Are you okay?!"
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just need to clear my head, that's all."
"Don't ever disappear like that again, you hear me?! Do you know how worried I am?!" Jennie choked. "What if something happens to you?" She couldn't even imagine what that would be like.
"I'm sorry," Lisa gulped. "I'm coming home."
Jennie sighed in relief. "Okay."
"See you."
Lisa hung up and returned the phone to Yeri.
"Don't ever do this again, Unnie." Yeri stood up. "I might not be here to come after you next time and I can't imagine what that would do to Jennie unnie." She started to walk away.
Lisa took a deep breath and let out a frustrated scream.
Yeri heard it but didn't turn back.
-‐-‐-‐-‐
Lisa had barely set one foot inside the door when she was pounced.
She sighed and held the sobbing Jennie. "I'm sorry."
Jennie was still crying, half in relief and half in anger.
"I won't do that again. I'm sorry."
"Why did you have to scare me like that?" Jennie's voice was muffled by the sobs and by Lisa's shoulder. She hit Lisa with her fists. "I thought I lost you. I can't lose you. I... can't..." She stopped her hands and held Lisa tight.
"I'm sorry. I won't ever leave you. I just..." Lisa didn't know what else to say. "I'm sorry."
Jennie stopped crying a few minutes later, nuzzling her nose against Lisa's neck. She breathed in the familiar comforting scent and her mind automatically went back to that night more than seven years ago when Lisa came to take her home after a rough night out.
Jennie let go of Lisa. "How can I make you understand that you don't have to shoulder everything alone? That I don't expect you to be perfect or to rescue me all the time? Or that I never regret all that we've been through?"
Lisa didn't know how to answer that. She looked down. "I'm sorry."
Jennie sighed. "I love you," she searched Lisa's eyes. "We're in this together through thick and thin, Lili. I promised to always stay here with you in better times and in crappy times like this. For as long as I can still breathe." She paused. "I thought you felt the same way..."
"I do feel the same way!"
"Then stop beating yourself up for this!"
Lisa gulped.
"You're not your parents and you're not a failure. None of this is your fault. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise. I love you. I'm proud of you. I'm glad I have you." Jennie started to tear up again. "Please don't leave me or shut me out? I also don't want to fail again. You know that."
"I won't leave you." Lisa kissed Jennie's forehead. "I'll never leave you. This won't fail. I'm here to stay."
"Please remember what I said every time you start to think that it's your fault? Because it's not, Lisa. It's not."
Lisa nodded and hugged Jennie again. They held on for a few more minutes.
"Where's everyone?" Lisa suddenly realized how quiet the house was.
"Sooyoung and Aesook are taking the kids to the movies."
"Oh?"
"Inho wanted to see that new cartoon and I promised him he could go so..."
Lisa sighed. "Sorry."
"It's alright. You owe Sooyoung and Yeri."
"Yeah, I do." Yeri's right. I'm blessed with a lot no matter how crappy things are at the moment. She took another deep breath and pulled Jennie upstairs.
"Where are you going?"
"I'm tired."
"So?"
"Let's try to use this golden opportunity to catch up on sleep."
Jennie shook her head and smiled, letting Lisa pull her inside their room and onto the bed.
Lisa put her arm around Jennie and closed her eyes. "Sleep. Before those little monsters return."
Jennie snuggled up to Lisa and pecked her lips lightly before closing her eyes. She was exhausted. She decided to forget everything for the next hour and just rest quietly in Lisa's arms.
-‐-‐-‐-‐
"Inho‐yah..." Lisa and Jennie sat down at each side of the boy.
He ignored them and kept playing with his toys, making noises and talking to himself.
"Hey," Jennie nudged the boy. "We need to talk to you."
Lisa put a hand on the moving toys, stopping their movements. "Inho, listen to us, please?"
The boy finally looked at Lisa.
Lisa took a deep breath and glanced at Jennie who gave her an encouraging nod.
"Inho-yah, what do you think of your umma?"
"Umma?"
"Not me, your other, new umma."
The boy just shrugged and picked up another toy to play with.
"Inho..." Jennie took the toy away. "Do you like your new umma?"
The boy didn't really know what to say. He just kept looking at Jennie and Lisa.
"She's nice, right?" Lisa asked.
The boy nodded hesitantly.
"Inho, you know we love you, right?" Lisa asked again, gently stroking his head. "You know that Umma and Mommy and Noona love you very much, right?"
The boy nodded. He still had a confused look on his face.
"Inho, your new umma loves you too." Jennie swallowed. "She's actually your first umma. Even before you met us."
The five-year-old boy looked lost.
"Inho, your umma wants to get to know you better so you'll be staying over at her house for a while." Lisa gulped, not sure she had found the right words to say but how do you explain to a child that he had to move out and go live with someone else?
"Will noona come too?"
"No, Inho. Just you."
"With you, Umma?"
Lisa could feel her stomach lurch and her heart breaking again. "No, Inho."
"With you, Mommy?" He turned to look at Jennie who was almost in tears.
"No, Inho. Sorry."
He went quiet. "Will Auntie Yeri or Grandpa be there?"
"No," Lisa said. She saw Jennie quickly wiping her eyes. "Just you and your new umma, Inho. But Thomas, Gordon and everyone else will come with you." She hoped that that could at least appease the boy.
The boy felt fear. "I don't want to go!"
Lisa and Jennie were afraid of this.
"Inho..." Lisa tried to coax the boy.
"No!" He folded his arms and sulked. "Not going alone."
"We'll come see you every weekend."
"NO!" He shouted out.
"Inho..."
"NO NO NO NO!" He was screaming now. He kicked his toys and started to tear up.
"Inho..." Lisa tried to hold the boy still.
"NO!" He pushed Lisa away.
Jennie also tried to help. She took hold of Inho's flailing arms and hugged him. She couldn't hold back her tears anymore. "I'm sorry, Inho-yah." She let the boy kick and beat her while he struggled to free himself from her hold. "I'm sorry."
Lisa clenched her jaws. "Inho..." She held the boy's hands. "Hey, stop it."
"Noooooo!!" He bawled, crying his eyes out and choking on his tears. "Mommy, no!" He clutched Jennie's blouse and cried louder.
"I'm sorry," Jennie finally sobbed. "I'm sorry."
Lisa picked up the toys and put them into the box she had ready by the door.
She saw Aesook standing just outside the door, wiping her eyes.
"Here," she handed the woman the box. "Please put this in the car with his other stuff."
The woman took it. "I'm s‐sorry, Unnie."
Lisa didn't answer. She went back into the room and hugged the two crying people she loved so much. Her own tears started to trickle down her cheeks but she quickly wiped them. "Let's go," she whispered to Jennie.
Lisa helped Jennie stand up.
The boy was still crying loudly.
They made their way out of the room and down the stairs.
Lisa approached Heeryung and held her to her side. "Let's go, Ryung-ah."
The girl buried her face on Lisa's side, not willing to look at the boy crying on Jennie's shoulder.
Everyone was there to say their goodbyes but the scene rooted them in place.
Sooyoung couldn't help but cry, sobbing on Yeri's shoulder. Jisoo was constantly wiping her face.
"Hey, my little superman," Jennie's father approached the crying boy. "Don't cry. We'll still see you. Grandpa will come see you, okay? We'll go have fun like we used to." He ruffled his hair and tried to kiss his wet cheek.
The boy didn't stop crying.
Jennie's mother couldn't take it. She left the house.
Their friends patted the boy and tried to comfort him but to no avail. He wouldn't stop crying.
They got into the car with the four of them sitting at the back and Aesook in the front seat, next to their driver.
Jennie never let go of Inho all throughout the three-hour trip.
The boy eventually tired himself out and fell asleep in Jennie's hold.
Heeryung also fell asleep, leaning on Lisa with Lisa's arm around her.
Both Lisa and Jennie were drained and hurt but they couldn't do anything.
Jennie felt like her heart was being ripped out of her chest alive. She couldn't make herself relax her hold on the boy for even one second. Her eyes were red and swollen yet she couldn't stop crying for more than a few minutes. The tears kept streaming down her face.
They finally reached their destination but they didn't wake the boy up.
The driver took out the suitcase and the boxes, with Aesook's help, and set them inside the humble room on the second floor of the neat house.
It took everything in Lisa to not grab Jennie and the boy and run, go back to their home.
Lisa nudged Jennie to put the boy down on the bed.
Jennie shook her head and tightened her hold instead. A fresh batch of tears made their way down her face.
Lisa nudged again, pleading quietly.
Jennie turned around to avoid Lisa's eyes.
Lisa sighed and took the boy out of Jennie's arms gently yet forcefully.
The boy stirred and eased his head on Lisa's shoulder, automatically grabbing her neck.
Lisa closed her eyes and took a deep breath, nuzzling her nose in his neck for one last time. "I love you," she whispered and bit her lip to prevent herself from crying. She gently laid the boy down on the bed. "I'm sorry." She pried the small hands from around her neck.
The tug woke him up.
He saw Lisa's face and the unfamiliar room and started to cry again.
"Ummaaaaaa!" He wailed, not letting go of Lisa's neck.
"I'm sorry, Inho‐yah." Lisa couldn't hold it back anymore. She cried. "I'm sorry. I love you. I'll be back to see you. I promise. I'm sorry." She gave the small arms one last pull and broke free, taking a step back just in time to grab hold of Jennie who was about to pick the boy up again.
"No, Nini. No." She held Jennie and pulled her away.
"I can't do this!" Jennie tried to break free from Lisa's hold. "Let's appeal! Take him back! Do something, Lili!"
Aesook held the crying boy but he struggled, pushing her away with his hands and feet. "Mommyyyyy!!" He reached out for Jennie and the latter cried even harder.
"I'm sorry, Inho. I love you!" Jennie was dragged by Lisa out of the room. "I love you!"
Lisa closed the door behind her and winced at the loud cry from the boy inside.
"No! Go away! I want my mommy! I want my umma! Mommy! Umma! Noona! Where is Noona? Mommy!!!"
Lisa and Jennie sobbed in each other's arms.
Lisa pulled Heeryung close and kept her at their side. Please don't hate us, Inho. We're sorry. I'm sorry. Please don't hate us.