I'm surprised it got so.
Things aren't the way,
they were before...
--
Strolling on a sunny Nigerian evening on a quiet beach, especially on Sundays was good for the mind.
It cleared one's mind, and also, one got to breath in fresh air and let's not forget, the excess PDA being displayed by couples, varying from young to old.
To Chimdi, it was too odd a Sunday evening. Especially ones spent on weekend-offs without her friends.
But there she was, casually dressed in blue tank top and comfy sweat pants. Her luxuriant full hair, in a messy bun, dancing with the wind.
She felt at ease and welcomed the calming yet, foreign feeling that came with walking the beach, with comfortable clothes, zero makeup and no suspecting fan.
She looked away immediately, as she saw a young couple laughing heartily as the girl's bikini hand fell off.
Her mind drifted back to her room earlier in the morning, with her unsuspecting boobs on display. She felt heat creep up her cheeks and she looked away, avoiding TJ who was taking shots of her every move.
She scowled at an old white couple groping each other, to the discomfort of poor unsuspecting passers-by like she and TJ.
They walked around in silence, stopping when necessary to capture whatever caught their attention.
She heard someone laugh. She was yet to get used to his voice.
"What?" She scowled at him too. They were asked to take pictures and practice whatever they were taught in class on scenes and nature. But there he was, aiming a camera at her.
He sent her a cheeky grin. "Are you jealous?" He asked, referring to the old white couple, making her roll her eyes.
"Ewww no! What's there to be jealous of- and take the damn camera off my face!" She snapped and immediately regretted her action.
She promised to be nothing but nice to him, but there she was, snapping and scowling at him.
TJ kissed his teeth, totally enjoying getting on her nerves. He smiled as an old couple waved at them.
Chimdi frowned more.
Loving and responsible parents walked their children round the beach, laughing heartily and playing handballs.
Again, all felt strange to Chimdi.
As a kid, she never spent time with her Mother, but was always locked in with her worst nightmares or with Antni, who she totally ignored after a horrible school day.
And after she clocked twelve and things began to fall into place for Ginika, she spent the weekends alone, sleeping and eating.
She smiled as she saw a baby toddle to where she and TJ stood. Confused at first, she looked down to find an air ball at TJ's feet.
The baby smiled shyly at TJ, before looking back at his parents, who waited patiently, urging him to get the ball and smiling adoringly at him. The sight alone brought tears to Chimdi's eyes.
They were happy, so happy.
Still watching -- all smiles, Chimdi watched the baby stretch his chubby hands to receive his ball from TJ, who bounced the ball a few times before handing it to the baby.
The baby took the ball and toddled back to his parents, who waved at Chimdi and TJ, before proceeding with playing.
Chimdi couldn't wipe the smile gracing her lips, as she stared at the young family.
Despite not having a lovey-dovey relationship with her Mother, she sometimes wished she could have one with her father, who she was yet to meet.
That's if he does exist.
"You miss coming here as a kid hmm?" TJ asked, noticing her expression and mistaking it for a nostalgic one.
"Yeah." Chimdi nodded, lying through her teeth.
He'd heard enough. On a second thought, she felt like baring every thing -- word to word to him.
But sharing was hard. She didn't want to get pitying looks from him. Him being excessively nice to her was enough.
She didn't notice the stray tears running down her cheeks, and neither did she notice him take her hands, dragging her to where they set a picnic.
"Hey whats wrong?" He asked, after they sat down. More tears were threatening to stream down and she fought them back, refusing to shed even a drop.
"Nothing really, I'm good." She croaked out, giving him a fake smile, which of course, he didn't buy.
"Bulls. Glassy eyes and tear stained cheeks doesn't look fine to me. What's really wrong?" He prodded, urging her to face him.
She couldn't, not when her defences were at zero and not when she was about to be a crying mess.
He continued "Did you lose someone dear here?" She shook her no.
"Bad memory? What's wrong?" He was getting frustrated, and when she couldn't look at him, he gave up, held her hand and sat with her.
The awkward silence returning.
"You know," TJ spoke after a long uncomfortable silence. "My Mum... when she was on her deathbed, I usually stared at her sick body and all I felt was pain. I so wished to cry and scream, but had to keep calm and stay strong. For her -- for us."
"Her last week on Earth's surface, I stared at her, she was slowly fading. I couldn't hold back any longer, I was at the brink of breaking down. I fought the tears, Dad was already a mess and I-I needed to stay strong..."
He laughed, a pained smile gracing his face.
"I had just a little thread to hang on. Then she held my hands and told me the wisest of words. She said the worst kind of pain are not the ones everyone see while we cry, tearing our clothes to shreds and seeking for sympathy. The worst kind are when our souls weep, and no matter what we do, tears won't have their free course. You know why?"
"Because, there is no way to comfort it. And that kind slowly kills, from inside. She'd said that one has tears they should be able to shed them. They are a sign of feeling, healing and of letting go..." At this stage, Chimdi broke down, baring her soul in liquid torrents to him, for the second time.
"...you shouldn't hold them back. You are not alone. You have friends to comfort you, to keep you strong and not pity you."
To avoid curious glances from passerby's, he gathered her in his arms, missing the feeling of her being there, as she wept more.
"What happened to her?" Chimdi asked, she'd long stopped crying and all they did was stare into space.
"Hmm?"
"Your mum."
"Cancer." TJ answered, voice and face devoid of emotion.
"I was 12," he stayed silent for a while. Contemplating if he could share more. "She died of Leukemia." He continued.
"I'm sorry." Chimdi said, feeling bad. He'd lost his mother at such an early age.
And knew that though, though Ginika lacked in the caring department, losing her would take a toll on her. She loved her mother nonetheless.
"What was she like?" She asked sitting up.
His face immediately brightened, eyes twinkling with pride.
"Mummy was a happy woman," he started, a faraway look in his eyes. "She had this small stature and was often mistaken to be weak, especially by her boss. She was a reporter at the New Yorker and always wanted to publish her own book, but cancer didn't let her..."
"Anyway, she was a super woman. She was small but had big brains. She was from Ngwa tribe, if you know them. Dad always teased her around for being excessively smart." He laughed, reminiscing old times.
"She seemed fun." Chimdi said, perking up, ready to hear more.
"Yeah. She was one cool woman." He laughed. "She'd always call me by this dreadful nickname. Oh what I wouldn't give to be called that again."
"You had another nickname asides TJ?" She asked, curiosity getting the best of her.
He nodded. "Yeah. It was horrible though. She called me TBoy." His face scrunched up to the most adorable of pouts.
Chimdi unable to hold back, doubled up in fits.
"Not funny. That nickname hurt my ego in grade school." He whined, feigning an annoyed expression as he watched Chimdi laugh. He loved seeing her happy, as surprising as it sounded.
He watched her eyes light up as she teased him, enjoying every moment.
He knew that, he preferred seeing her laughing and happy, even if it meant, hearing her tease him with one his numerous horrible nicknames.
"Do you mind?" Someone interrupted their little moment of bliss.
They looked up to see an elderly couple, smiling down at them, polaroid camera held.
TJ stood up, offering them a smile.
"Do you mind taking a picture of us? You two looked friendly." The older lady asked, a hint of Afrikaans accent lurking in her voice. Chimdi quickly figured out they were tourists.
Offering them a smile, she nodded "Sure."
She watched TJ take the small polaroid camera from them, and with a smile, proceeded to take shots of them.
"Hope you don't mind, that we borrowed your boyfriend." The old lady teased, giving her a cheeky grin. While TJ and her husband looked at the pictures.
Heat flooded her cheeks.
Was that what they thought? That he was her boyfriend.
She laughed, trying to correct the woman, but the old lady wouldn't have it.
"You two look cute. But you know what brings an end to beautiful young relationships?" Chimdi stared at her in horror.
"A third party-" The woman said, a knowing look on her face as she used her hand to form a bump on her stomach.
Chimdi almost choked on her own spittle.
"Umm... we are not--" Chimdi tried to clarify things, but the woman wasn't done.
"Try not to be reckless dear." She advised, giving Chimdi, who flushed in embarrassment a wink.
Chimdi cleared her throat. "Ma-"
"Honey, we are good." The old lady's husband called out.
The woman gave Chimdi a final wink, before sauntering to where her husband stood.
Chimdi groaned, face palming herself. The woman's suggestive wink was going to haunt her forever.
"What did I miss?" She heard TJ ask, as she groaned again into her palms.
"Trust me, you wouldn't like to know."
--