I found him sitting next to an elfishly perfect girl with a short black bob and a perfect figure. She rivaled his beauty and had smoky make-up around her light brown eyes. I was guessing that they were all rich judging from their perfectly clean, unwrinkled clothes. He was talking to her and looked excited about something. My stomach rolled over and my eyes hurt as I concluded that this must be his girlfriend. After all, how could a guy, like that, not have one? What had I been thinking? There was no need for me to choose between Jack and Alex. First of all, I hadn't gotten over my dead boyfriend, second, I was a junior in high school, and third, he already had a girlfriend. I explained to myself. I could never have him, but as I saw them sitting there next to each other in the dim pub, I knew I wanted him. I tried to talk my wounded heart out of it but it didn't work. I could barely get my eyes off of him, even when Marnie called me back to reality. She was studying my features probably trying to interpret my emotions. I didn't know what my face showed and I didn't even know what I really felt.
"So! I was wondering if you and Scarlet were interested in being in a sort of Wiccan group with me." Marnie repeated, after we had sat down at the little pub that was below her apartment where she lived with her single mother.
"You mean like a coven?" I asked, my eyes narrowing.
"Yeah..." she smiled, with hesitation, as if she was embarrassed of the idea of a coven.
"Sounds cool." I smiled warmly, trying to give her confidence in the fact that she was Wiccan. She smiled sweetly, her eyes squinting personably.
"Good." She laughed. "We could have an initiation ceremony later this week." She suggested with her index finger pointed and her eyes swiveling like she was going over a list in her head.
"With Scarlet and Cassidie?" I clarified. Marnie wore a brief frown, but quickly replaced it with a furtive smile. She doesn't want Cassidie to join us. I thought to myself.
"Yes." Marnie chimed. Then, her expression changed suddenly as she looked up past me.
"Hey, Silver, can I talk to you?" he asked in his quiet, smooth voice. I turned to see Jack standing right behind me. There was a smile in his voice and the way he said my name made my heart swell. His eyes were mesmerizing and I could barely think straight enough to nod.
"What's up?" I asked with an awkward smile, as my eyes located his girlfriend still sitting in their booth. She sat with a dark-skinned guy with a buzz-cut, who leaned on the back of the black leather booth with a cool expression on his handsome face.
"Do you want to see a movie with me on Friday?" he asked coolly.
"Yeah, that'd be fun... do you want my number?" I asked standing up stiffly and taking out my phone shakily but quickly. I suppressed a cringe. My question sounded stupid out loud and my movements bordered on clumsy. He smiled slightly and took out his slim black phone and exchanged it for my bulky red dinosaur.
His phone was slippery and its clean, shiny surfaces were almost intimidating to me. I typed in my name and my number as fast as I could, trying not to look developmentally and technologically slow. I could feel Marnie's eyes analyzing us from one angle and Jack's friends from another as I read over my number three times to make sure it was right. I could see my hands shaking with each beat of my pounding heart and it made me want to scowl at body for being so difficult when I just needed to be cool. I had my foot still resting on my chair and I had to take it back before moving to give his phone back. I was tottering over my own chair because I hadn't moved far enough away from it. Jack handed me my phone back and I used my sleeve to wipe my fingerprints off the sleek surface of his phone as inconspicuously as I could before giving it back. He smirked as he watched me and I knew he had seen me wipe his phone off like a weirdo.
"See ya." He said, making a face, with his eyebrows raised and his mouth pulled into an insane grin.
"See ya." I called, as his two friends followed him out after they left the tip on the table. When they had left the pub, I exhaled loudly, collapsing down onto my chair. I turned back to an intense-eyed, serious-looking Marnie.
"Who was that?" she asked furtively.
"He's the one who drove me to the hospital." I told her. Her unenthusiastic tone made me feel like I had to keep the shock and wonderment I was feeling from showing. I also tried not to look like my heart was beating a million beats per minute or my head was spinning.
"Do you like him?" she probed.
"I do..." I said hesitantly, deciding that I should divulge and tell her my fears. Her eyebrows raised at my uncertainty like I knew they would.
"Why do you sound unsure?" she probed.
"It's not him. I like him, but I don't really know him. He really looks like my ex did." I started, trying not to give her the wrong idea and failing.
"Ohhh!" she nodded like she understood leaning back in the seat and dismissing the matter. This told me I needed to elaborate and I sighed.
"No, it's not like that. It's just that my boyfriend killed himself in June." I whispered the last part, tears escaping my eyes. If it weren't for the intimate pub environment, I would've wanted to get up and leave. The dim lighting made it easy to feel like you were in your own place. "I shouldn't be falling for anyone so soon after..." I spilled. I hadn't told anyone about how I felt, but I needed to get it out.
"I know." she murmured, her sympathy almost inciting tears from me. Surprise hit my face.
"You do?"
"Yeah. Everyone does."
"Why did he do it?" she asked.
"His parents were having trouble. I had been dating him for three years..." I whispered through my constricting throat. I had begun to sob and desperately tried to pull myself together so Marnie didn't think I was being dramatic or something. I clenched my teeth together and stretched up in my seat to combat the sobs and wiped my eyes before looking up to focus on her.
"Silver, Baby, that's terrible." She cooed. "But you can't let it ruin your life. You should allow yourself to find happiness. Be sad for him, but don't lock yourself up and refuse to live your life because he can't." she insisted, working to empower me. It did make me feel better about Jack, but it also made me feel like a whiny sob-story too.
Marnie and I made plans with Scarlet to do an initiation ceremony the following week at Marnie's house and Damien, Cassidie, and Milo made plans with each other to play video games and eat junk food so they weren't interested. I secretly wanted them to join us, so that we'd all be united like a little gang, but I didn't want to admit this to anyone.
"He asked me if I wanted to see a movie and I gave him my phone number...He gave me his," I divulged to my group on Friday morning.
"No kiss?" Cassidie said it like she had been cheated.
"Silver, I don't know...Sounds a little creepy." Damien warned.
"I doubt she trusts him already, but what's the harm of going on a date?" Scarlet argued. Damien made a face that said 'lots of things', but to my relief we dropped the subject and moved on to talk about upper-year teachers and applying for college. This of course, I tuned out, as my mind wandered into thoughts of Alex and Jack. I wondered if Alex's ghost would be upset if he thought I was cheating on him with Jack.
Jack had texted me and we agreed to see The Bourne Ultimatum.
"So how are you?" Scarlet asked in a mellow tone as I joined her at the table after the final bell.
"Pretty good. I really like this guy." I confessed to her. "But... He reminds me of...him." I told her darkly, unable to say his name.
"Does it bother you?" I still felt guilty about going out with Jack, as if I was forgetting Alex.
"I feel like...I'm getting him back. The one I used to know." I realized, my eyebrows pulling together.
"Yeah," she agreed. "Don't forget that they're different people." She warned me softly.
"I haven't. I don't think I will." I told her. "I just hope he doesn't change. I want him to stay this way. The way I like him."
"Damien's worried he's going to hurt you."
"I'm not sure he won't." I mumbled.
"Well, just so you know. You'll always have us. I'll always be here for you if you wanna talk or something."
"Thanks, Scarlet."
* * *
As I got into my mom's car, she smiled widely at me.
"What's up?" I asked in surprise.
"John asked me on a date tonight and we're going to that really nice restaurant. You know, the French one?"
"Great, mom!" I exclaimed. "Oh, can I go to the movies with someone today?" I asked as an afterthought.
"Do you have homework or anything?" she asked lightly.
"Well, not due tomorrow."
"Hmmm, I guess. Who's this someone?"
"Umm, his name is Jack." I wasn't sure what her reaction would be.
"Oh, a boy?" she said with a hint of gladness and intrigue. "Do I get to meet him?" she asked cautiously.
"He's going to pick me up at 7:30."
"I'm leaving at 4:30 so I guess not. Now I want you to be careful," she warned me. "Don't let him pressure you into doing anything. How old is he?"
"I don't know." I told her honestly.
"Hmmm. I don't know..." she said, sounding like she disapproved.
"It's okay, mom." I said impatiently.
"Just go straight to the movies and then come straight back. Ok?"
"Yeah, ok." I suppressed my excitement. It was always hard to convince my mom about going places with Alex.
My mom was only seventeen when she had me and my father left. My grandparents helped raise me until about the age of six, and then, my mom moved out and got a job as an editor's assistant after going to college as an English-Business double major. She had boyfriends on and off. They didn't bother me that much because I had never gotten used to having a father anyway. My mom was now in her thirties and she was going out with a guy named Johnny, or at least I called him Johnny. I liked him and they had been going out for a few months. She often left me home alone so she could go out to dinner with him. He liked kids and didn't have any of his own. He was young: a few years younger than my mom. They weren't really serious and Johnny was very formal and traditional. I loved that about their relationship. He would bring her flowers, presents for holidays, and always kiss her goodbye.
* * *
My mom was all dressed up and ready to go with her red dress and her grey trench coat in an hour. The doorbell rang and she bustled to the door in her strappy black heels and swung it open. Johnny was standing there and he looked like he had just shaved and was wearing his black suit. He was holding six red roses and his brown hair was a little less messy than usual. She screamed and hugged him. She was so excited. He saw me over her shoulder and smiled. I beamed back and watched her take the roses and replace the other flowers in the vase on the table.
"Bye, honey! Have fun at the movies!" She said as she left. Johnny waved before she pulled him down the hall. "We're going to be late." I heard her say as they disappeared down the hall. I watched them go and then closed the door behind them.
I decided to finish my homework real quick and then get ready to go. I was so anxious to see him it was hard to focus. I restlessly watched TV, after finishing my homework and getting ready. Finally, it was 7:30. I kept picking up my purse and then putting it back down impatiently. The doorbell rang at 7:32, and I took a deep breath before opening it. Jack stood there looking like a work of art in the doorframe. He was wearing a perfectly fitted designer t-shirt under an unbuttoned black collared shirt and some straight-legged dark wash jeans. I was speechless for a moment, smiling up at him.
"Hey, beautiful." He said, smiling back.
"Hi, Jack." I replied, trying to sound cheerful rather than nervous, but just sounding dumbstruck. I closed the door behind us and he led me out to his shiny black car. I got in the passenger seat and he turned on some music. The car was dark and the traffic lights were the only source of light as we drove fast through the city to the movie theatre. I watched the lights pass over him as he focused on the road.
"You don't have a girlfriend, do you?" I asked him, sounding as confident as I could.
"No, what makes you say that?" he asked, looking over at me with confusion.
"I was just wondering. You were sitting with a girl the other day..." I shrugged, referring to the gorgeous girl that was at the pub. I tried to sound like I didn't care or something as I watched him watch me and not the road.
"My sister." He clarified with a laugh. "Do you have a boyfriend?" he asked, raising a dark defined eyebrow and definitely expecting a no.
"No." I laughed, looking away awkwardly, embarrassed about my uncertainty.
"We're twins." He explained, causing my eyebrows to rise and my eyes to fly back to him.
"Oh my gosh!" I gasped. "I didn't even notice!" I frowned in embarrassment with my eyes wide and my hand over my mouth. I thought back to her pale skin and her long straight nose. How could I have missed that?
The car slowed, I looked out the window at the theatre, lit up like a Christmas tree and packed with a raucous Friday-night crowd. We rolled slowly through the parking lot, searching for a spot and I watched people walk in. He had to park really far from the theatre and my heart was beating hard when I got out of the car. I watched him walk around the car and waited, holding my cast and fidgeting sub-consciously. He raised his eyebrows as he approached and we started off together towards the entrance. As we walked, the six inches between us got shorter. His hand found mine and I held it tightly, feeling my heart beat out of my chest. I had to focus on keeping myself together. We stopped at the end of the line and looked over at the list of movies playing. I was suddenly too conscious of our hands still held together and loosened my grip. He let go and used his hand to get his wallet out of his pocket, while I just awkwardly started fiddling with my cast again.
We found seats quickly and Jack rested his feet on the chair in front of him. I sat cross-legged and stiff. When the movie started I found myself thinking more about Jack than what was happening in the movie. I saw him put his feet down and look over at someone walking up the aisle closest to us. It was dark but a few flashes of a light from the movie were enough to reveal a fairly normal-looking man wearing some plain black pants and a blue long-sleeve shirt. The only thing odd about him was his long black or maybe brown hair. He could've been an artist, I mused.
He sat two rows behind us and I stole another glance, looking from between Jack's and my chair up at the man. My heart skipped a beat when I saw his eyes looking ominously at me. They were a shocking blue, but it could've been the blue light from the movie. I only looked for a second before averting my gaze. Jack looked uncomfortable, like the guy made him nervous; I could tell he was tense because his jaw clenched and his eyes were glued to the movie-screen, but they were unseeing and serious.
I enjoyed the movie a lot, especially the ending, but I had held myself in an uncomfortable position the whole time so my body ached when the lights turned on in the theatre. I looked at Jack and waited for him to get up. He waited a few minutes and then got up and went down the row the other way, away from the man who still sat watching us. Jack guided me down the stairs and I glanced up to see the guy sitting there. The crowd intercepted my view and when we were out of the theatre I noticed Jack looking around, as if he was looking for someone else. I wouldn't have been very surprised if the guy had friends. Maybe Jack owed him money.
"So how'd you like the movie?" he asked me. He seemed to be struggling to be cheerful.
"It was good! How 'bout you?"
"It was just as good as the first two." He shrugged as he pushed the glass door open and seemed to relax as we stepped outside. I was thinking of asking him what was up with that guy, but I decided I didn't want to ruin the mood, if there was one. He held my hand the whole way, until we got to the car. After the car roared to life and he turned on the radio, we sped out of the parking lot and stopped at my curb at 10:20. I ached with the thought of him leaving and with the idea of trying to say good-bye. He turned off the car and turned to look at me. I was watching him, his body language was cryptic and I wondered what mine told him. I sat completely still, unable to speak and our eyes got locked together in the silence.
The light turned off automatically and he leaned toward me slowly and quietly. I leaned towards him like he was drawing me in or like my body moved of its own accord. All I wanted was him and his breath on my face was like a trigger helping me make the decision to close the gap between us. Our lips touched and his moved against mine methodically. His hand found my neck and I felt his lips with mine. My arms reached around him pulling myself as close as possible over the center consul.
When we parted, he looked me in the eyes again. After a few endless minutes analyzing his cherry red gaze, I pulled myself together.
"Bye," I breathed in a whisper.
"Do you want me to walk you to your door?" he smiled mischievously. He looked like he had fangs for a second.
"No, it's okay." I didn't want my mom to see us. She was bound to be home by now and she would have a heart attack if she saw him with his black hair, red contacts, and eyebrow piercings.
"Call me any time, Silver." I was surprised when he said my name. It sounded familiar in his voice and the way it rolled off his tongue so smoothly made me smile.
"I have to go. I'll see you later." I whispered as I hugged him, breathing in his scent and then swung the door open carefully and reluctantly.
"Bye," he said before I closed the door and ran up to the entrance to my apartment building. I heard the car roar to life and saw the light from the headlights illuminate the street, right before I went inside and ran up the dark stairs.
When I got up to the apartment my mom hadn't come back yet. There were two messages on the phone. My mom had left a message telling me that she went back to Johnny's. The other message was just her dentist reminding her of an appointment next week. I settled down on the couch and let the TV run while my thoughts lingered on my awkward but satisfactory date.
The whole night my heart hurt. I missed Jack like hell. I knew it was hormones that were making my lips tingle and my heart beat, but I couldn't help pretending it was love. I doubted that he felt the same way about me. I bet he went out with all kinds of girls better than me. I couldn't shake the feeling that he was going out with me for a different reason than for me.