I STARE AT the brown door leading to Sebastian's house, feeling the coolness of the night on my skin. It was Friday. I'd narrowly avoided Sebastian every day this week. Seeing him reminded him how much I liked him and I couldn't do that because I wasn't supposed to like him like that and Hayley and I are still seeing each other.
I know he noticed my distance but he didn't push me to talk about it. I was grateful and also slightly angry. If he asked me, I would've told him. I would've spilled everything and possibly ruined everything, but it would've been off of my chest, out of my soul. But he didn't. So I couldn't.
I stare at the door again and sigh. I couldn't bring myself to knock, but I couldn't bring myself to walk away either. I lick my lips, glancing from the door to my bike. And then back to the door. And then the bike.
I jump at the sound of a trash can being pulled out and I find myself looking directly at Sebastian.
His hair was messy and there were still bruises all over his tanned skin, but seeing him was enough to make my heart race. His arms were sticking out of his black t-shirt, showing every muscle and perfect ridge of his skin. I sighed softly. "Hi."
He quirks an eyebrow up. "Hi."
I realize I probably looked insane just standing at his door and chuckle nervously. "I was going to knock."
Sebastian leans onto the trash can, nodding. "Clearly," he says sarcastically, a smug grin appearing on his face. It disappears almost immediately. "You've been avoiding me."
"Yeah," I mumble. No use denying it now.
He nods again but painfully, setting his jaw. "Did I do something wrong?"
I step towards him, eyes widening. "What? Sebastian, no. This...it's me, not you. I just had some stuff I had to work through."
"'It's me, not you,' huh?" He looks away from me and pushes the trash can to the end of the street. When he's done he wipes his hands on his jeans, standing in front of me and giving me his full attention. "You could've talked to me about whatever you were going through."
"I know. I thought about it...more than once, actually," I admit. "I'm sorry."
Sebastian shrugs, crossing his arms. "I'm not angry with you, Brayls."
I smile at the name. "Good. Because once you're all better I will be expecting my swimming lessons to commence."
"The water will be cold," he warns, but he's smiling too. "I'm really sorry about everything. I should've never shut you out all this time, I should've never argued with you that day a couple of months ago. And I definitely shouldn't have scared you like that on the roof. I'm an idiot."
I shrug. "It's part of your charm."
He laughs, reaching forward and playfully nudging my shoulder with his fist. I laugh with him, thinking how nice it felt to be by him again.
The door clicks open and I watch as his smile drops. A medium-height man shows up, smiling softly. He had rich dark skin and short black hair that framed his face in stubble. "Sorry. I didn't realize Sebastian had a friend over. I'm Victor, his stepfather."
I smile, reaching up and shaking his hand. "I'm Braylen."
"Braylen, huh?" Victor asks, smiling in a friendly way. "Say, aren't you the boy that's gotten my kid in all types of trouble since you two met?"
Sebastian bristles. "It's my fault, Victor. And I'm not your kid."
Victor stiffens. "Right, I was just..."
His voice trails off as he stands there uncomfortably. I smile gingerly at him. "In my defense, he's gotten me in far more trouble than I've him."
Victor smiles again, but it doesn't reach his eyes. "Well you kids better be getting inside now; it's awfully cold tonight. Braylen, you're welcome to stay for dinner."
Sebastian stiffens next to me, but Victor disappears. He wasn't forcing me into an answer right that second. I couldn't help but appreciate him. I turn back to Sebastian. "That wasn't very nice."
Sebastian rolls his eyes, looking away from me. "Hey, I'm serious," I say. "Victor obviously adores you. Did you see how glad he was to see you smiling?"
Sebastian scoffs. "That's your damage, Braylen. You see the best in everybody."
"That's my damage?" I spit. "What about that is even remotely damaging?"
He sighs. "Whatever. Just go home."
Heart thumping in anger, I cross my arms. "Who said I was leaving? I believe I was invited to stay for dinner." Sebastian's eyes widen in disbelief.
"You're not staying for dinner. I'm not going to play house with them and I'm certainly not going to have you there to make things worse."
I glare at him. "How would I make things worse?"
"With...with all your positivity and crap!" he yells as I fight back a laugh.
"You're just trying to think of reasons at this point," I say and turn to walk up the steps to the front door. "I'm going in now...we can talk when you grow up, okay?"
I start to push the door open, half expecting Sebastian to pull me away from it and yell at me some more. But he doesn't. He steps in front of me and holds the door open and I have to fight the butterflies that threaten to take flight in my stomach. I send him a small reassuring smile and he returns it with a playful scowl. "Never tell me to grow up again, okay, Brayls?"
"Then don't act like a child," I whisper back, walking timidly into the house. Unlike usual, it wasn't dead silent. Victor and a small woman with long brown hair and bright blue eyes look up at me.
"Oh! You must be Braylen," she says, immediately standing and wrapping me in a hug. "I'm Rachel. How do you do?"
"I'm good," I say, surprised by the affection but grateful for it all the same. She had kind eyes, the ones where you felt safe. "I'm sorry to intrude. I can go if you'd like."
"Nonsense," she says and I smile as I realize she means it. "We're having steak, mashed potatoes, and asparagus."
"Careful," Sebastian says, speaking up for the first time. I turn to him and am happy to see the smirk on his face. "Braylen has an unusual relationship with mashed potatoes. Doubt they'll last for long."
I laugh and after a moment's hesitation, his parents do too. It was as if they'd never heard him joke before. Rachel squeezes my hands once more before we take a seat at the table. I'm next to Victor and across from Sebastian and vice versa. I find myself looking up at his blue eyes more than once as I butter my bread.
We fall into an easy conversation, Victor and Rachel supplying most of it since Sebastian is being Sebastian and I'm too enraptured by the food to be of any interest. Sebastian was right; I was practically inhaling the mashed potatoes! And the steak was the most delicious thing I'd ever tasted. Rachel even managed to make me like the vegetables, which was rare.
"Braylen?" Victor echoes and I look up with a mouth full of potatoes. "Did you hear me?"
"What?" I ask, trying my hardest to swallow the food.
Sebastian looks as if he's fighting laughter, but Victor only smiles kindly. "What colleges are you looking into?"
"Oh," I say with a peckish grin. "Berkeley has been, like, my dream since I was a kid. They have an awesome writing program and I've been dying to go there."
Rachel grins. "It's a fine school. I'm sure you'd do great there."
"What do your mom and dad do?" Victor asks casually but it causes both Sebastian and I to share a worried glance.
"Victor," Sebastian murmurs, looking uncomfortable.
I smile sweetly at him, not wanting him to feel awkward. "My aunt is a heart surgeon. She's my guardian."
"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—"
"Completely fine. Type of thing you wouldn't know if I never told you, yeah?" I say, attempting nonchalance. I glance at Sebastian again and he gives me a reassuring smile.
Rachel smiles sweetly. "Sebastian, how's the swim team?"
Sebastian freezes and I bite my lip. The change in his face was clear to see. He'd been closed off all dinner but complacent, at the very least. That seemed to be out the window now. "Swim team?" he mumbles. "Are you actually kidding me right now?"
"Seb," I start, but the anger is gone as fast as it came. At least, the rage is. He grits his teeth and digs back into his food, clearly put out.
"If you'd pay any attention to me you'd know I quit my junior year," he mumbles after a while before pushing back out of his chair and wiping his mouth. "Excuse me."
He stands up and leaves the table in four long strides, disappearing up the stairs. I'd never been up there before, but I stand up and follow after him, smiling apologetically at Victor and Rachel.
I hear the sound of a door slamming and it leads me to the last door at the back of the hall, tucked away. I knock once on the wood before just pushing the door open.
It was beautiful. There was a deep black piano in the center of everything, surrounded by drums and guitars and ukeleles. I gape. "I didn't say come in," he mumbles from the piano stool. He was fingering the keys solemnly, clearly trying to avoid thinking of what was bothering him.
"This place is amazing," I say, sliding into one of those cool hanging chairs perched in the corner. "What do you play?"
He sets his jaw, trying to go along with my nonchalant demeanor. "Guitar is what I'm best at. I play piano a lot too, the ukelele, the violin sometimes. I took lessons for five years."
"Wow," I murmur. "You're incredible. I mean, the fact that you can do this is incredible."
Sebastian smiles softly as I feel a blush coming onto my face. "Thank you."
I grab the ukelele from the corner, strumming a chord I'd learned years ago and smiling softly. "And you sing."
"I don't," he argues, puckering his lips.
"You do," I retort, grinning back. "I've heard you. In the car?"
Sebastian shakes his head. "That was just me goofing off," he mumbles, waving me off. I set the ukelele down and slide into the space next to him on the bench, our thighs touching. He pinches the bridge of his nose. "Doesn't it just make you sick?"
I raise an eyebrow. "What?"
"They pretend like everything's fine. Like we're this picture perfect family. Like she didn't move on as soon as my dad was six feet under. Like he isn't trying to take my father's place."
"I don't think that's what he wants to do, Seb," I murmur, scrunching my brows together. "I really do think he just wants to get to know you. I think he wants to be there for you."
Sebastian shakes his head. "You don't get it," he spits, looking at me. I shrink under his gaze but he doesn't pull away. "Everyone I get close to hurts me, Braylen. Every single person. I can't take that risk again."
"Then what's the point of loving someone, then?" I ask, exasperated.
Sebastian crinkles his nose. "There is none. Love isn't real, Braylen. All those stories and songs and poems and movies—it's all what people want to believe. But just because you want to believe something is true doesn't mean that it is."
His eyes soften a bit and I sigh. "I don't think that's true. I think love is real and I'm really sorry if you feel it isn't. It's a hard life to live without love."
"Yeah, well, I'm doing all right, aren't I?" he asks, standing up. "I've got this awesome house. More money than I can count." Sebastian waves his arms around before letting them fall to his side. "I could get any girl I want and never even have to try. I've had a trust fund since the day I was born. Never had to work, never had to want a day in my life!"
His voice raises until he's shouting. I swallow hard.
"And that's the thing, isn't it?" he whispers, the hollowness clear in his raspy voice. "That's the thing, because I have all of this and I still don't feel anything. I don't feel anything, Braylen. You know what I was thinking when I was getting my brains smashed into the concrete the other day? I was thinking at least somebody else had enough balls to finish the job I couldn't that night at the party."
"Sebastian!" I say, standing up. "Stop."
He looks over at me and gives me his signature smirk, but it doesn't reach his eyes. "I'm fine."
"You don't have to be," I say, walking over to him. "Not for me."
Sebastian sighs softly. He wasn't crying, but his eyes echoed sadness that showed more pain than any tears could. I reach up and wrap my arms around his neck, standing on my toes and holding him as tightly as I can. After a moment's hesitation, his strong arms circle around my waist. I take a breath of relief and pull him closer, shutting my eyes.
We didn't say anything else and for once there was no need to. I just held onto him until it was time to let go.
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i just want to give sebastian the biggest hug UGH!
so what do y'all think is gonna happen next? do you think seb likes braylen? i wanna hear predictions people !
-jo