Fuck it I'm sorry, I'm changing her main friend to Drew sorry. Zoe just doesn't fit right in this story...
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"So...you're pregnant" Drew stated, staring at the test with a concentrated frown.
"Seems so" Billie replied in monotone, tracing the jagged lines on Drew's ceiling with her eyes.
"How do you know it's correct? We did buy a pretty cheap brand. Don't these things sometimes mess up?"
"99% accuracy, Drew" Billie drawled, "Let's face it. I'm knocked up"
Drew sighed and climbed up onto her bed, lying next to Billie, "So clearly we've gotten to that bridge now. What are you planning to do?"
"Honestly...I don't know Drew" Billie said, groaning, "Can you believe it? Pregnant in high school. Mom, would kill me if she found out."
"You haven't told your mother yet?"
"No. I came here as soon as I found out" Billie lifted a finger when Drew opened her mouth, "And no. I'm not planning on telling my parents anytime soon."
"But don't you think you should?" Drew asked slowly.
Billie stayed silent, chewing on her bottom lip. Drew glanced at her friend in worry. She knew Billie was feigning nonchalance and peace, but inside, must have been experiencing turmoil of epic proportions. It was only a matter of time before Billie lost her cool and blew up. Keeping stuff bottled up wouldn't be good for Billie in the long run.
Drew rolled onto her side, resting her head on her fisted hand, "Billie, talk to me. It's not good for you to be keeping things bottled up."
"My mom's sister had her son at seventeen and dropped out of highschool.." Billie said after a long moment, eyes trained on the light on the ceiling, "She saw how much it ruined her sisters life. Do you know what she's always had me promise her? She's always told me to be really careful when I had sex and always use protection. She didn't want me to make the same mistakes her sister made."
"Billie..."
"And I just made the same damn mistake. I broke our promise..." Billie forced down the growing lump in her throat, "She'd kill me if she found out, Drew. I can't let her know. And I know my dad will be just as pissed"
"You will have to eventually, Billie. What are you going to do when you look like you've swallowed a watermelon?"
Billie chuckled halfheartedly in a weak response to Drew's light humor. At least she could count on Drew to keep the situation from turning dark. But even with Drew's calming presence, a heavy weight continued to grow on Billie's back, pushing her down, and she felt like her lungs were constricting with each breath she took. As if water was slowly rising, and she was on the verge of being drowned.
"I can't tell them right now" Billie reiterated, her hands loosely resting on her abdomen. It still hadn't quite hit her that there was something growing inside of her.
Drew sighed and closed her eyes. "So that brings us back to square one."
"What I should do"
"Right"
Neither said anything for a while, both laying on the bed, staring at the ceiling, lost in their own thoughts.
"I get to be the godmother, right?" Drew finally said when the silence had been stretched to its limit.
Billie snorted and rolled her eyes. "You're the only one in contention, Drew."
"Good to know." She looked at Billie seriously, "But all joking aside, when did this happen? Was there someone else after him?"
Billie shook her head, running her hand through her tangled mess of silvery locks and blowing out an exasperated breath. "I couldn't. He was the last"
"So he's the father."
Billie nodded.
"Does he know he's the father?"
Billie shook her head.
"Will he know he's the father eventually?"
Billie took a deep breath, staring blankly at the ceiling.
"Drew, I still haven't come term with the fact that I'm pregnant. I don't even think I've accepted it altogether. I don't think I'm ready to tell someone else until we figure this out."
"Billie. He's the father of your child. Don't you think he deserves to know..." Drew frowned, "Especially since it's his fault you got pregnant in the first place."
Billie rolled her eyes, giving Drew a fond look, "Drew, you know sex requires two people, right?"
"I know..." she pouted, "But I need someone to blame, and you're too precious so I blame him."
"Drew, you're ridiculous..." Billie said, smiling softly, "But thank you..."
"So what now?" Drew asked.
Both were impeded from answering the loaded question when Drew's room suddenly burst open and Drew's mom, Sarah walked in, a frown on her face.
Drew's mom and dad, Derek were basically Billie's second parents. She could confide in them for a lot of her problems. She spent a lot of time at their house, especially when Billie and her mom would get into fights because of Billie's different choice of teenage lifestyle.
"Billie? Drew? Why are you still in your room?" Sarah asked in concern, "You two should have been at school forty-five minutes ago."
She stared at the girls laying side by side on the bed and could immediately tell from Drew's apprehensive expression, and the wan and worn look on Billie's face that something was wrong.
She crossed her arms across her chest, "Alright. Which one of you is in trouble this time? And what happened?"
Drew glanced at Billie anxiously, and Billie sighed in defeat, sitting up slowly with a grown.
"...I'm pregnant." She reluctantly said, after picking at her nail polish for a good moment, "I took a test this morning."
Sarah's eyes widened significantly, and she blinked rapidly for a moment, still trying to grasp the information Billie had just relayed.
Licking her lips tensely, Sarah finally rectified her expression and sat on the edge of Drew's bed, "Oh Billie..."
"I know, I know..." Billie said, her eyes watering and tears collecting on her bottom eyelid, "You're disappointed in me, right? I failed you."
Sarah shook her head and simply took Billie's arms, pulling her gently into a warm hug. Billie went willingly, wrapping her arms around her and fighting the urge to break down and start crying.
"Billie. You will never be a disappointment or a failure to me, do you understand?"
"I ruined everything in my life because I'm so stupid." Billie sniffled, cuddled up against Sarah's side.
"People make mistakes. It's part of human nature and everyday life. Don't beat yourself up over this, please." Sarah tucked a strand of loose hair behind Billie's ear. "It's how you take this mistake and what you do with it in the future that counts, okay?"
"That's the thing... I have no idea what to do."
"First things first, I'll try to get you an appointment with my OB as soon as possible, alright?" Billie nodded, wiping her nose with her shirt sleeve, "And then, all three of us are going to have a talk. Stay here for a second."
Sarah released Billie and left the room to make that phone call.
Drew breathed out in relief, wiping away a stray tear lingering on Billie's cheek. "I am so glad another adult knows..."
"Yeah. Me too..." Billie said quietly, though that feeling in the pit of her stomach was only growing involving another adult had only served to make the reality of the situation even more daunting and bleak. This was getting serious now.
Billie was grateful that Sarah was so understanding, but she knew that deep down Sarah couldn't be more disappointed. Billie had let her down.
They sat in silence waiting for Sarah to return, Billie loosely braiding Drew's hair in order to keep her mind distracted. A few minutes later, Sarah returned with a smile on her face to reassure the girls.
"Alright Billie. You're all set. You have an appointment for Friday afternoon after school. She'll be free until five, so show up any time before then."
"Wait." Drew said in concern, "You said I have to take my uncle to the airport on Friday. I won't be able to go with Billie."
"I'm sorry Drew. There's no way I can reschedule." Sarah said with a sigh, sitting back down in her earlier spot. "Billie, you'll have to go to the appointment on your own. Unless there's someone else you can think of bringing with you? Derek, perhaps? Or maybe on of your parents?"
Billie vehemently shook her head.
"No. None of them can know. I can go by myself. It's fine." She asserted, quickly and forcefully.
Sarah and Drew glanced at each other, identical looks of unease on their features.
"Billie...are you sure you don't want to at least tell Derek?"
She shook her head again, staring at a hole into the frayed edge of Drew's bed cover. She was already ashamed enough as it was telling Sarah. Telling Drew's dad and having to see his disappointed expression and downcast eyes would kill her. She would rather tell her own father before she told him. She looked up to him so much.
"Please don't tell any of them..."
Sarah sighed and gently squeezed Billie's shoulder, "Okay, Billie. I understand if that's what you want. What about the father of the child, then? Can he go with you?"
Billie's cheeks flushed slight pink, and she shot a 'help me' glance at Drew who returned her a sheepish look.
"Let me guess: the father doesn't know either?" Sarah said, raising a brow when she noticed the look the girls had passed to each other.
"I just found out this morning" Billie said quietly.
"But even so, you don't intend to tell him, do you?"
"I.." Billie sighed deeply, her shoulders slumping, "I'm not even sure what I'm going to do with the baby...I don't want to tell him until I at least have that figured out."
Sarah watched her carefully, "Are you thinking of aborting your child?"
Billie shook her head slowly, "I wouldn't be able to go through with that. I just couldn't do it."
"Billie, that's a very mature decision to make."
"But I don't know if I could raise it myself." Billie continued, "Honestly, I might send it for adoption. And if I do that... then I can't tell him. Because what if he wants to keep it?"
Oh god...What the hell would I do?
Drew rubbed her back soothingly when Billie's pulse began to quicken and her breathing started coming out in choppy little pants. She was starting to hyperventilate.
"Billie. I know you're scared. And I know you want to figure all of this on your own." Sarah took her hands and gently squeezed, to calm her down, "But you need to tell the father of your child. He has a right to know. And he has a right to be part of whatever decision you want to make."
"I'm scared..." Billie said, her lip quivering minutely, "Because I know what kind of person he is. He'll want to stick around and take care of the baby. He'll want to raise it."
"How is that so bad, Billie?" Sarah said, rubbing thumbs along the back of Billie's hand. "Having the support of the father is something to be happy about."
Because he'll end up wanting to leave me...
"Billie, who's the father?" Sarah asked softly when it became clear Billie was struggling to respond.
She hesitated and licked her lips nervously, her hand shaking slightly.
"Billie, it's okay..." Drew said, still tenderly rubbing her back, "My mom's going to help us get through this."
Billie sighed deeply, "It's Brandon."
"Brandon Adams?" Sarah asked, a bit shocked at the revelation.
"I know right?!" Drew exclaimed, "I was so surprised when she told me they had-"
They both shot Drew disparaging looks, and she snapped her mouth shut, chuckling nervously.
"Nevermind..."
Sarah shook her head, "Okay. You better not tell Derek. He'll probably kill him."
"He will kill him..." Drew declared, "After I kill him for getting you in this mess."
"Again Drew. We're both responsible." Billie sighed, turning to Sarah. "I'll tell Brandon; I promise. But I can't do it now. I'm not ready. I still need to figure things out myself."
Sarah nodded in understanding, "Alright Billie. I trust you to make that jurisdiction when it's time."
"Thank you. And thank you for being so supportive."
"Anytime, sweetie. If you need anything, don't hesitate to let me know, okay?" Then she frowned sternly at them both, "As for school, I want you both to get to school right away. You are already late enough as it is. I know this has been a rough morning, but that is no excuse to skip school. You should have come to me first. Now get."
Sensing Sarah had reached the end of her patience, the two girls scrambled off the bed and hurried out the door and down the driveway to Billie's car.
Billie asked Drew if she could drive because her nausea had come on again. They had stopped at the corner store on the way to get some Peppermint gum to ease that a little. Though she wasn't certain if she could attribute it to actual pregnancy or from her fears of seeing Brandon. Thankfully, the only class she had with him was Bio after lunch, and she could easily skip and pretend she needed to go to the nurse's office because lunch upset her stomach
"Drew... I changed my mind. You can kill Brandon if you want to..." Billie groaned as they walked through the halls to get to second period.
The effect and flavour of the peppermint had worn off long ago, and Billie's nausea had returned.
"It's that bad?" Drew crooned sympathetically.
Billie nodded, decreasing the pace of their speed walking to a slow walk. Her body was not healthy enough to keep up with Drew's perkiness, "Feels like a really bad hangover..."
"Hmmm...Alright, stay right here for a second! Let me run to the nurse's really quickly and grab some of her peppermints."
Drew took off, stomping her feet down the hall and around the corner. Billie sighed and leaned her head against the lockers tiredly. If this was what school would be like for the rest of the year with this...thing in her, she wasn't sure she even wanted to come anymore. It wouldn't make a difference anyway. She wasn't planning on applying to any colleges. So ultimately, the purpose of high school was moot for her.
Begrudgingly, Billie realized this must have been exactly what her aunt thought when she had gotten pregnant. That she should leave high school before graduating because it didn't make a difference since her future had been lost. She didn't want to follow directly in the footsteps of her aunt. Besides, Billie knew she would eventually start to feel guilty if she left school for good.
Sighing, Billie rummaged through her bag, digging around to make sure she had remembered to grab her music notes for class. She'd grabbed the first things she could see on her desk without paying attention to what was necessary for her classes for the day, so she wasn't even sure she was prepared for her lectures. There were some crumpled balls of paper left at the bottom of her backpack-failed assignments, she suspected-and Billie plucked them out and dumped them in the garbage bin at the end of the row of lockers.
A pungent odour drifted lazily up and smacked Billie directly in the face. Her insides immediately lurched in protest and all of the colour drained from her face. Billie lost her footing and stumbled forward unsteadily, completely sucker punched by the stench. She was on a crash course of the ground, until two hands caught her shoulders, and she came to a graceful stop against someone's chest.
"Billie, are you okay?"
A familiar someone's chest.
Shit...
She looked up in alarm into the concerned face of one Brandon Adams, in the flesh. She couldn't help the little gasp that escaped her throat before she could control it. Never mind that his scent was calming her ailing stomach down, her heart was racing, she was nervous, and she couldn't help but feel like the thing in her was calling out to Brandon to let him know it was his. Any second now, Brandon would look down and just know she was carrying his child.
Her flight or fight response kicked in, and Billie knew she had to get as far away from his as possible. So what if she chose flight. Preservation came first and foremost.
"I'm fine" She replied sharply, a little too snappily, and pulled away from him quickly.
His eyes narrowed a fraction of an inch in confusion from the belligerence of her response, but other than that, he did his reaction well.
"...It's just, you're kind of pale." Brandon scratched the back of his head. "You look a little sick."
"It's nothing" Billie said again, trying to recover her neutral expression. She was absolutely positive she was failing. "I'm just tired. Anyway, why are you out and about in the halls. Shouldn't you be in English right now?"
She knew it was a poor deflection of the topic and one Brandon clearly picked up on, judging by his furrowed brows, but at that point, she didn't care. Billie just needed to find a way to wedge herself out of the conversation and head to class. She really didn't want to speak to him right now.
"I got back from New York late this morning, Just arrived at school."
Billie nodded in disinterest, silently begging Drew to hurry up and come back so she could save her from this conversation. She was in no condition to be talking to him right now.
"Hey Billie, can we talk?" he said after an extended period of her silence.
Her breathing sharpened, and she swallowed thickly, debating whether it was a good idea to make a run for it. From the way her stomach wouldn't listen to her, any efforts could result in her puking her guts out onto the floor, but it sure beat talking to Brandon at the moment. What the hell did he even want to talk about?
"What about, Que?" she said breezily, feigning indifference, though she knew her expression was a little too fierce and guarded to appear aloof. And she knew Brandon could tell, judging by the fact that he was watching her very cautiosly.
"I feel like...things have been weird between us for weeks" He started tentatively, gauging her reaction to his words.
Great... This is the last thing I want to be talking about right now.
Billie smiled widely and laughed, trying to adopt her usual nonchalance, "What are you talking about? We're fine."
"Billie, you look like you're about to hack into me with a machete" Brandon said in exasperation, "And you know we've been a little off since that night."
Oh my God...
This was literally the worst thing to talk about of all topics. She had to get the hell out of this conversation, and fast. Like an angel sent from heaven, Drew's footsteps could be heard once again before she bounded around the corner, excitedly waving her handful of peppermints in the air.
"Billie! I got the peppermints from- Oh, hey Brandon" Drew's eyes widened, and she gasped dramatically, "Brandon!"
And that was Billie's cue, before things got even more awkward and fucked up than they already were.
"Well, I've gotta run. Drew needs me."
Brandon looked hurt by her blatant dismissal, but said nothing, watching her silently with a look of defeat. Billie knew it was a bitch thing to do, especially since they were supposed to be friends, but she ignored her guilt, and walked around him quickly to get to Drew. When the going got tough, Billie ran. That was her most successful and fullproof defense mechanism. It hadn't failed her yet.
Billie caught up to Drew and tugged on her sleeve to turn around and walk with her.
"What was that all about?"
"I'll tell you later." Billie moaned gratefully when she popped a peppermint in her mouth and the effect was almost instantaneous "You're a lifesaver Drew"
Billie glanced over her shoulder as they walked briskly down the hall and cast Brandon's retreating figure an apologetic look.
I'm sorry Brandon.
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Don't worry the shit will start picking up next chapter.
I'm really excited about this story. I've can't stop writing it.
How are you guys coping with quarantine?