(The next morning)
Harry was seated with Neville, Fred, George, and Draco at the Slytherin table when the doors burst open and a group of Aurors appeared, followed by Sirius and Remus.
"Gilderoy Lockhart!" the head Auror barked, and the Defense teacher jumped, startled. "You are under arrest!"
"What!" squawked Lockhart as the rest of the Aurors swarmed up to the staff table.
"Under what charges?" Dumbledore asked cautiously.
"One, performing magic on minors without their permission," the Auror replied, "two, performing the Memory Charm without permission, three, manhandling minors-"
"I really must protest!" Lockhart sputtered, struggling against his captors.
"You have the right to remain silent, Lockhart," the Auror said coldly. "Albus Percival Wolfric ⎯ oh for Merlin's sake, just Albus Dumbledore, you are under arrest for hiring unsafe teachers for children, including but not limited to: a child predator, a vampire..."
Harry smirked as the Aurors dragged a loudly protesting Lockhart and a furious but silent Dumbledore away from the Great Hall.
"Minerva," the head Auror said as he turned to McGonagall, "you will be temporary Headmistress until we are sure you won't hire teachers like Nautilus Abbot."
McGonagall shuddered. "I was furious with Albus when I saw who he'd hired, but he refused to hear anything about it." She smiled tiredly at Harry's godfathers as the Auror left. "I assume you're here for the Defense position, Sirius?"
"We're actually tag-teaming," Sirius explained. "Remus is going to teach most of the time, but for a week during his time of the month-" He broke off with a yelp when Remus swatted him. The Hall burst into laughter.
"I will be teaching three weeks out of every month," Remus said stiffly, "and Sirius will teach the rest of the time."
"That's acceptable," McGonagall replied, faintly amused. "May I introduce Professors Remus and Sirius Lupin-Black?"
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"Why is Professor Lupin-Black only teaching three weeks out of every month?" Draco asked as Harry led the other second-year Slytherins to the Defense classroom. It was the start of Remus' "man-period," as Sirius called it, or, if you wanted to be technical, it was the week of full-moon, when werewolves became snarky and irritable.
"I will tell you later, Draco," Harry replied as they arrived at the door, where a familiar black dog was waiting for them, allowing the second-year Gryffindors and Slytherins to pet him as they passed.
"Aw, what a cute dog," Parvati Patil cooed as she rubbed Sirius' head. "Is this your godfathers' dog, Harry?"
Harry chuckled. "In a way, yes." Sirius yapped in agreement.
Blaise gave Sirius a faintly nervous look.
"What's wrong, Blaise?" Harry asked curiously while Draco patted the dog, hiding a smirk.
"I ⎯ er ⎯ don't really like big dogs," Blaise said nervously.
"Padfoot is a very well-behaved dog," Harry promised. "He won't hurt you, unless you plan on hurting me." Sirius growled quietly, causing most of the students to back away.
"I'm not going to hurt you, Harry," Blaise grumbled. "I'd have to be incredibly stupid to do that."
Sirius padded over to Blaise, who froze, sat down, and leaned his head against Blaise's side. His dog form was so large that he almost reached the boy's shoulder. Hesitantly, Blaise patted Sirius, then relaxed, running his fingers through the dog's thick black fur.
"Class is in thirty seconds," Harry reminded them. He let the other students go inside first, before giving Sirius an amused look. "That was one way to introduce yourself to the class, Uncle Padfoot."
The black dog grinned at him and led Harry into the class.
"Where do you reckon the other Lupin-Black is?" Dean was asking Draco. Harry noticed that he, Seamus, and Parvati were sitting with the other Slytherins.
Padfoot barked loudly, causing the class to jump and turn to him. Then, he smoothly transformed back into Sirius Lupin-Black.
"Welcome to Defense," Sirius grinned as the class gaped. "Since I share the same last name as my husband-" he ignored Weasley's wrinkled nose and Granger's horrified look "-I've received permission from Minnie ⎯ sorry, the headmistress ⎯ to have my students call me Professor Padfoot." He strode to the front of the room. "Take a seat, kiddos."
Harry sat down between Dean and Draco, smiling lazily at the Gryffindors, most of whom glared back at him.
"Before we begin, I'd like to take a couple minutes for you to ask me questions," Sirius said, sitting on top of his desk. "Favorite color, favorite spell, things like that. If you think it might be too personal, please don't ask."
Several students raised their hands.
"Your name is?" Sirius asked, pointing at Dean.
"Dean Thomas," said Dean. "What was your favorite House when you were in Hogwarts?"
Sirius laughed. "Gryffindor, of course! All of my friends were lions ⎯ except Pandora Lovegood, who was in Ravenclaw. Now, I think it might be Slytherin, because my godson is a little snake."
More hands.
"And you are?" Sirius asked Seamus.
"Seamus Finnigan. When did you become an Animagus?"
A faintly sad look appeared on Sirius' face. "My fifth year at Hogwarts," he said shortly. "Along with my husband and our two friends." He cleared his throat. "Any more questions?"
Harry raised his hand.
"Yes, pup?" Sirius said, smiling slightly.
Ignoring the snickers and whispers that had sprung up at the nickname, Harry said, "What was your favorite prank you played at school?"
Sirius brightened. "The one we played on the entire school, on the last day of our seventh year. Your mother helped with that one," he added. "She insisted, because she didn't want anyone to be hurt." He looked embarrassed for a moment. "For our first five years, we weren't exactly the nicest pranksters.
"Anyway, on the morning of the prank, we asked the house-elves to put a potion that your parents and Remus made in every goblet in the Great Hall. It was supposed to change your robes to the House you hated the most, while changing your skin to the neon version of your least favorite color, and your hair the neon version of your least favorite house's colors. So the Slytherins were wearing Gryffindor robes and their hair neon red; the Gryffindors were wearing Slytherin robes and had neon green hair; the Ravenclaws had either Gryffindor or Slytherin robes and neon green or red hair; and the Hufflepuffs were wearing robes from all three Houses with neon blue, neon green, and neon red hair."
"That's one way to promote House unity," Harry said dryly, making the other Slytherins and Dean, Seamus, and Parvati laugh.
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"Hello, Uncle Moony," Harry said warmly, hugging the werewolf.
Remus ran his fingers through Harry's black locks. "Hello, cub," he grumbled. "Sirius, I need coffee."
Harry heard Sirius chuckle and head to the kitchen.
"What did you want to talk to us about, Harry?" Remus asked as he sat down on the couch. Harry joined him.
"Well, I was going to introduce you to my boyfriend, but-"
"DiD yOu SaY bOyFrIeNd?" Sirius shouted excitedly from the kitchen.
Harry blanched, and Remus smirked. "Sirius, you aren't allowed to prank our cub's boyfriend."
"Dang it!" Sirius came back in, scowling, and handed Remus a cup of coffee. He sat down on Harry's other side.
"Why don't you want to introduce us?" Remus asked, after taking a sip.
Harry raised an eyebrow and pointed at Sirius, who pouted.
"Understandable," Remus said dryly, earning an indignant look from his husband. "If he is anything other than polite and welcoming, he's sleeping in the dog house."
Sirius turned white. "Yes, Moony."
Harry relaxed and pulled out the diary.
"What's that?" Sirius frowned.
"You'll see." Harry pulled out a quill and wrote, Tom, I want you to meet my godparents.
...Should I be nervous?
Probably not.
A moment later, Tom emerged from the diary, making Remus tense and Sirius jump.
"Uncle Moony, Uncle Padfoot," Harry sighed, "this is Tom Riddle, my boyfriend."
Tom smiled nervously. "Erm, hi."
Sirius grinned, recovering quickly. "You live in a diary," he noted.
Harry snickered, and Tom blushed. "I suppose you could say that," he said in embarrassment.
"It's a pleasure to meet you," Remus said, casting a stern look to Sirius as he stood. He shook Tom's hand.
"Oh, yeah, right," Sirius said quickly, standing up and shaking Tom's hand, too.
"Sit," Harry ordered, pointing at the armchair across from the couch. Tom obeyed. "I wanted to discuss something with the three of you."
"We're listening," Sirius said, his eyes on Tom, who was looking more and more nervous.
"Stop staring at Tom, Padfoot," Remus ordered, his eyes flashing gold briefly. Tom's eyes widened.
"Yes, Alpha," Sirius said quickly, staring at the ceiling instead.
Harry rolled his eyes. "I wanted to talk about Voldemort's Horcruxes."
Sirius yelped and fell off the couch.