People fall in love in mysterious ways
Maybe just the touch of a hand
Chapter 12 ~ Thinking Out Loud
Jamie Myers
It's all my fault. It's all my fault! It's all my fucking fault!
Sinking back into the uncomfortable chair, I clutched onto handfuls of my long hair and rocked back and forth while staring aimlessly at the tiled floor. I had probably been doing this for about an hour or so, just staring.
Amy placed a hand on my back in an effort to comfort me, and I appreciated the gesture, but it did no good. "Jamie," she said softly, "please don't beat yourself up."
I shook my head, refusing to listen to her. How could I not beat myself up? I'm the reason why we were both sitting in the hospital's waiting room, anxiously waiting for the doctor to tell us that Scar is going to be okay. If something happens to him, it'll be my fault.
I dug into my pocket for a cigarette and lighter, and stuck the cig into my mouth once I lit it.
Beside me, Amy gasped. "Jamie. You can't smoke in here."
I gave her a sideways glance. "Don't care," I said, short. Honestly, I didn't. No one could throw me out because my feet were planted into that very spot and if the other people in the waiting room got cancer from my secondhand smoke, then I still wouldn't care.
"They can fine you if you don't stop," she said again, still trying to get me to stop.
I shrugged. "Let them."
"Look," she said as she fixed her posture in her seat and gave me a serious look. "I understand why you're being like this. Hell, I'm freaking out on the inside but I'm not letting it sway my actions. I know Scar will be fine."
I rolled my eyes and groaned as I threw the lit cigarette on the floor and stomped on it. She was wrong. No one could possibly know if someone was going to be okay. I thought my parents would be fine when I left them alone in that car, but they weren't. They died.
But just for Amy's sake, I stubbed out the cigarette.
"Jamie?"
I lifted my head to the source of the voice and I was instantly relieved when I saw Jillian standing just in front of the revolving doors. "Jill!" I exclaimed as I stood from my seat and practically ran to her. I wrapped my arms around her and reveled in her embrace. "You came!"
She returned the hug. "Of course I did, Jamie."
"I'm so so sorry for leaving you, Jill. I should've stayed. I promise I won't ever do it again," I whispered into her ear. "I love you, Jill. Please don't ever forget that, okay?"
She patted my back. "Love you too, Jamie. Though it's kinda funny that it took Scar to end up in the hospital for you to tell me you love me."
I broke away from the hug and gave her a stern look.
She raised her hands in defense and pulled her rosy lips into a wide smile. "It was just a joke, Jamie. Just a joke."
I took a deep breath as I led Jillian to the waiting room, where Amy awaited us with a huge smile on her face. She nearly jumped out of her seat. "You're Jillian, right? Jamie's twin sister?"
She nodded and returned the friendly smile. "Yeah, I am." She took a seat next to Amy and they began to talk about, well, girl stuff.
I, on the other hand, was too busy worrying about what could happen to Scar that I couldn't join in the small talk. I just needed to make sure he was okay. Maybe then I could relax.
About fifteen minutes later, a doctor dressed in a white coat approached us. His hands were interlocked and he looked at us with those you-have-cancer eyes. His facial expression was so blank that I automatically assumed he was going to deliver bad news.
"Which one of you is Mr. Patterson's sister?" He asked us.
Amy raised her hand slightly. "I am."
He directed his news towards Amy, but all of us heard it. "He'll be fine," he said and it was only then, he finally smiled.
I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I could finally breathe again. After losing my parents, I was certain that I would lose Scar too, because God was a bastard like that.
"He hit his head pretty hard," he continued, "and we're actually surprised that it hadn't caused that much damage. Although he probably won't remember the events leading up to the accident, he will not suffer through any type of anterograde or retrograde amnesia. He does, unfortunately, have a concussion and will need to take it easy for the next few days."
I breathed a sigh of relief. "Can I see him?"
The doctor seemed taken aback by my sudden question. "Are you a family member?"
Amy spoke up, "He's his boyfriend."
The doctor's brows perked up as his mouth fell open. "Oh!" He took one glance towards me. "Um, I guess, yeah, sure."
I shook my head in disbelief as I stood to my full height and placed a hand on the doctor's shoulder. "No need to get all clammy, doctor. Us faggots are just like you, give or take." I flashed him a quick smile before sauntering off to Scar's assigned hospital room.
The lights were dimmed significantly and he laid in the bed in a perfectly still position with his eyes closed tightly. He looked so cute when he was in such a peaceful state. Still, it angered me that it was my fault that he had to be hooked up to a heart monitor in the first place.
Spotting a plastic chair from the corner of my eye, I grabbed it and dragged it closer to Scar's bed. I couldn't help but smile at him as I took a seat on the chair. "Wow, Patterson," I said, even though he probably couldn't hear me. "You drive me so crazy that I ended up sending you to the hospital. You're such an asshole, you know that right? You had me worrying sick."
"I'm confused as to why I'm so worried about you. I mean, I haven't even known you for a full week. But, I don't know, maybe it's because I feel connected to you. That sounds beyond crazy, I know. I just feel like I know you, even though I don't really know you at all. As a fully functioning American male, all I want is sex. And I think that's what I wanted from you - sex. But now I don't want sex from you. I just want you, and you have no idea how scared that makes me."
"The doctor said that you'll forget some stuff before the accident, and I really hope you do. I don't want you to remember that we got into an argument. I don't want you to remember that you kissed me. You're already dealing with enough shit, and I don't want to make things harder for you. But that kiss made me feel all kinds of things. Things that I don't quite understand yet. I've never felt this way about anyone before, Scar. You make me feel like ... Like I matter."
Scar made a soft disgruntled noise and his eyes flickered open just a few seconds after. He stared at me for a few more moments as his brows drew together. "Who are you?"
My heart sunk to the pit of my stomach. "What? The doctor said that you won't-"
He smiled in amusement. "I'm kidding. God, you should have seen your face."
I narrowed my gaze and shook my head in disbelief. "Asshole."
He continued to smile as he closed his eyes again. "You know you love my assholed-ness," he whispered softy.
I found myself smiling too. I wasn't going to admit that I actually liked him despite all of his jerk tendencies. "So, um ... Do you remember anything?"
Scar sucked in a large breath as his eyes roamed around the empty room. "I remember smelling your cologne. Which one do you use, by the way? It smells really good."
I stifled a laugh. "I don't know."
He shrugged a shoulder and breathed deeply again, letting his eyes open again. "Can you hold my hand?" He asked suddenly, his green eyes burning into mine.
I furrowed my brows. "Can I ask why?"
He glanced down to his hand. "So I know that you're here."
I didn't know why his words impacted me so much, but I wanted him to know that I was here. Through the good and the bad. "I'm here," I assured him as I clutched onto his hand.
We sat in silence for quite a while. I watched as Scar drifted in and out of sleep, occasionally saying something and falling back asleep. I didn't mind the silence though. I was just happy that he was okay. I would probably stay here for hours, holding his hand and listening to him breathe because that was the only reassurance that he was really alive.
"Hey," Scar spoke abruptly, "can I tell you something?"
I lifted my head up and rubbed my thumb over his knuckles. "Yeah, what is it?"
"I had a dream about you," he began to explain, "except it wasn't you. It was you, because you looked like him, but it wasn't you because you were you were younger. Like way younger. We were both younger."
"What are you talking about?"
He shook his head slowly. "I don't know."
"Oh my god, Scar!" I heard a dainty female voice exclaim from behind me. I took one look over my shoulder to see Francesca standing in the door way with a smile on her face. "I came as soon as I heard!" She ran over to his side, pushing me out of the way. "You're alive!"
Scar forced a smile. "Great observation." His eyes darted back and forth between me and Francesca. "How did you know I was..."
"I called her," I admitted, and I was starting to regret that I had. "I thought that since she was so important to you that you might want her here."
His eyes went wide when Francesca wrapped her arms around him. "I can't believe this happened to you! Once you get out of here, I'm taking you to my place and I'll bake you some of those cookies that you like. And we can sit back and watch movies just like the old times, yeah?"
I tried to hold in a groan. I hated her. She didn't really care about Scar, and I hated that he failed to realize that.
She turned to face me with a sweet but killer smile on her flawless face. "Hey, do you mind leaving us alone? I think I saw a gay receptionist in the lobby. You guys can go flirt or whatever." Without giving me time to respond, she refocused her attention on Scar.
I looked at him. "Scar?" I thought after all we've been through, he would tell Francesca to take a hike and ask me to hold his hand again. But he didn't. He just laid there and stared at me.
"Fine," I spat as I turned on my heel and stormed out the room. I was stupid for believing that Scar actually liked me. Maybe he had some sort of feelings for me, but when it came down to it. He would always choose Francesca.
Once I was back in the waiting room, I latched onto Jillian, who was still talking with Amy, and pulled her aside. I ignored all of her questions as I dragged her out of the revolving doors and into the cold November air.
"Hey!" She protested finally as she wiggled out of my grip. "Where are you going?"
"We're going home," I growled. I couldn't tell Jillian about my developing feelings for Scar, considering the fact that I never developed feelings for anyone. Telling her would only sign the contract for me to be teased for the rest of my life.
"Home?" She inquired, raising a delicate brow. "You mean with Janice? How can you call that home? We have a chance to be happy and grateful for Scar's recovery and you want to go home?"Her face twisted into that in confusion as she awaited a credible excuse.
"I don't want to leave Brian and Ryan alone," I said quickly. "Especially not with Janice."
Jillian flipped her tousled blonde hair over her shoulder, folded her arms across her chest, and pursed her lips. "Funny," she hissed, "you didn't seem to care about the twins when you were gone for the past two days."
A low groan bubbled in the back of my throat. "Why can't you just let me off the hook?"
She took a defensive stance as she studied me skeptically with her bright pale blue eyes. "When have I ever let off the hook?"
Dammit.
"Jillian."
"Jamie."
"Let it go," I insisted, "and let's just go home." I reached over to grab her hand again, but she ripped it away from my grasp.
"I'm not letting it go until you tell me why you're so anxious to go back to Janice. Because that really doesn't make any sense."
There was something about being born five minutes earlier that made me feel like I had to be tough for the both of us. Now that our parents were gone, the responsibility fell on me, and I couldn't jeopardize all that for a boy. But at the same time, Jillian was my sister. No matter what happened, she would always be my sister and I needed to trust her.
"I like him," I spoke in a bare whisper. "More than I should. More than I ever thought that I could. And he's in love with Francesca and there's nothing I can ever do to change that. I don't even want to change it, because that would mean taking away something important from him."
I watched as my soster's face softened and her lips down turned into a slight pout. "He doesn't give in to your command. He doesn't obey your every wish. He has a mind of his own and it seems as though you've finally met your match, Jamie. You shouldn't feel bad. Unrequited love is something we all go through, but if it'll make you feel better then we can go home."
Unrequited love wasn't the word I would use, but I decided I've said way too much. "Thank you."
Jillian threw an arm around me and buried her head into my shoulder. "You're turning into a softy, Jamie. I kinda like it."
I rolled my eyes. "Oh, shut up."
**
For the rest of the night, it was calm for the most part. Of course, Janice had yelled at me for being gone so long but she hadn't gone as far as to hit me which I was thankful for. I knew I'd eventually have to see Scar again, because I just couldn't stay away and it'd be awfully hard to explain why my face was bruised.
However, she did make me dig holes in the backyard - something she made us do to teach us discipline - and cook dinner. I might have added a bit more salt to her plate, but I didn't care. She could honestly have a heart attack from too much salt intake and I still wouldn't take her to the hospital.
With time, I would have enough money saved up from my car-stealing job to buy us an apartment. As soon as I turn eighteen, we'll be able to run away from Janice and her horrible parenting skills and start a new life together.
I nearly jumped when I heard the doorbell ring, because I didn't expect it. Janice never had visitors because she didn't have friends, which was pretty understandable. No one else knew of our foster situation other than the school principal.
So when I opened the front door, I didn't expect to see Scar on the other side of the threshold with a wide grin on his face and a bouquet of flowers clutched tightly in his hands. "Hey."
I studied him for a moment, my eyes shifting back and forth between him and his orange Jeep parked in the driveway. "Scar? What the hell? Did you drive here? You have a concussion! You're not supposed to be driving."
He glanced back at his Jeep and shrugged in nonchalance. "So? I came to see you. You didn't really say goodbye or anything. And when they released me, Amy said you went home."
I stepped out onto the porch and closed the door behind me. "How did you know where I lived?"
"I pulled some strings here and there," he quipped with a cocky grin. "You know, I've never really seen your house. Can I come inside?"
He took a step forward but I stopped him by placing a hand on his chest. "No."
Scar's brows knitted together. "Why not?"
"Why are you here?" I asked instead, changing the subject.
He gestured toward the flowers. "Don't you see? I bought you flowers because I thought, I don't know, you might like that? I'm not sure. Because you're not a girl, but then I didn't know what else to get you..."
I tapped my fingers against my thigh impatiently. I should've been flattered that he bought flowers for me, even though I wasn't the flower-loving type of guy, but I wasn't. Not after he allowed Francesca to insert herself between us when we were clearly having a moment.
"I thought they were for Francesca," I mumbled.
A look of confusion quickly cast over his face. "Why would they be for Francesca?"
Not even bothering to explain, I sighed. "Scar, please go home. You can't be here."
He shoved his hands into his pockets and smiled weakly. "I would, but I'm not really supposed to drive. I have a concussion." As soon as he did, his grin grew wide.
"So you choose now, of all times, to listen?" I questioned, shaking my head in disapproval.
He raked a hand through his short brown hair and sighed in frustration. "If you really want me to leave, then I will. But I'm not leaving without getting what I came here for." He released his grip on the bouquet, allowing it to fall to the ground and advanced towards me. In one swift movement, his strong hands grabbed into the sides of my face and he pressed his lips against mine, rough and hard.
The contact was enough to send butterflies through my stomach and I reluctantly wrapped my arms around his neck, tugging him closer to me. I kissed him back, letting our lips move together in perfect sync. Like we were made for each other.
Never have I ever kissed anyone with this much passion before. With Scar, I wanted to give him all that I had. I wanted him to feel what I felt. I wanted him to kiss me until the world stopped turning. I wanted him.
"Well, I'll be damned," I heard Janice's raspy voice say.
I gasped as I pulled away from Scar's soft lips and turned my attention to the middle aged woman standing in nothing but a loosely wrapped robe. "Janice..."
She placed her hands on her hips and gave Scar a dirty look. "I didn't know you were one of those. No wonder you walk like you got something up your ass." She took a brief pause to laugh at her own joke, then continued. "Speaking of asses, get yours inside before I whip you real hard."
I wanted nothing more than to disappear and completely fade from existence. I gave Scar an apologetic look as I reached for the bouquet on the ground and headed back into the house. Janice stopped me before I could step over the threshold. "You're not bringing those ugly flowers into my house."
I tried to hold in my tears as I let the bouquet fall to the ground again. I ran into the house quickly, because I didn't want to see the look on Scar's face.
**
A/N: Alright well, I uploaded two days in a row and it's all because of you guys and because I love you guys too much to say no. I'm really sorry if this chapter has any grammar mistakes or typos because I sort of wrote this on my phone and I hate when I do that.
So, um, is Samie a potential couple? And also... what was your favorite part of this chapter? Mine would have to be when Scar asked Jamie to hold his hand so that he'd know he was there. The feels hit me hard.
If you liked this chapter, then please remember to vote and comment and add this book to your library. Scar and Jamie would appreciate that very much.
Until next time,
Lara <3