"Still nothing?" She asked as soon as he sat back down.
Jeongguk shook his head, already thinking that his father might have made his mind up and there's no way for him to redeem himself now. His mother is still not picking his calls either. Shit, will he be on his own from now? Are they really giving up on him because of this issue? Maybe the shareholders are attacking his dad too much...fuck - should he start looking for a job now?! Who's gonna hire him - everyone would think that he's a total mess that even his parents couldn't tolerate -
"Distract me,"
"Hmm?"
"I need you to distract me. My mind's going crazy,"
"Oh...oh...shoot...cats?" She panicked. Cute!
"No, not cats - I know nothing about cats," He laughed nervously. "Tell me something about you, what do you do in Seoul?"
"Oh, I'm a photographer,"
"You are? Aahh...you did say something about taking pictures on a road trip just now...but you don't look like a photographer," He leaned back and squints his eyes to study her.
"And how should a photographer look like?"
"I don't know...like...more rugged?"
"You generalise a lot, don't you?" She chuckled. "I have my days...most days I'm in my boots. But I was supposed to meet my ex-boyfriend's mom remember?"
"And boots are not right...why?"
"Because..." Lalisa shrugged. "Because it's expected that a well-respected man should stand with a well-respected looking lady,"
"Define 'well-respected'," He should know this...but how 'well-respected' is her ex?
"Aish I don't know!" She looks out to the lake. Jeongguk could tell there are more behind it. "It's just...I'm a very simple person. I grew up in a village, I play with farm animals and I don't mind getting dirty in the mud. I have dreams of my own and I worked hard to achieve it. But when I moved here, suddenly I'm not allowed to do certain things and have to act certain ways...I never thought how complicated things could get -"
"Were you forced on doing it?"
"Not really...but it's what makes people's life easier - that's for sure,"
Why does it feel like he can relate to the demands of her life? "People...as in your ex?"
She shrugged. "Not just him...his friends...family...and my family,"
Was she forced by her family to be with the guy? Oh...is the guy her family's ticket for a better life? Is that why the mother thought Lalisa's a gold-digger? If that's the case...she wasn't wrong then - wait, stop being a judgmental prick Guk!!
"Is your ex...is he from a wealthy family?"
"My friends said he's gonna be a 'chaebol'," Ahh...makes so much sense now! Which one though? "Which is kinda funny cus he didn't seem like it when we met. That's why I couldn't have imagined it to be this complicated, you know? Like...I knew his family's well off but I didn't exactly know about the whole status thing here and how serious it is,"
Yes...it's a huge fucking deal here. "He never told you?"
"I guess you can't really talk about it. He might feel like I would judge him for it," Of course...she has to be smart and sensible too - making it even more confusing for him!
"Did you though? You know...judge him for it,"
"No, of course not - why would I? He was the same person I was with. I thought...I'm kinda lucky in that sense,"
"What do you mean?"
"Well...I don't know much about these things...or these people," Yes, you clearly don't. "But I constantly hear about it from my friends. Chae likes to follow all these celebrities and the who's-who here, and she talks about it a lot! Whenever I hear about all these dramas or scandals from her, I'd get worried a lot. But he wasn't like those guys at all,"
"Those guys?" Jeongguk frowned, not quite understanding.
"Like...okay for instance! This morning Chae was talking about someone on the news. Um...what's his name..." Oh God, please don't let it be me - "Jeon..." Oh dear God! "Jeon...Jeon..."
"Jeon Jeongguk?"
"Yes!" Fuck my life! She's really gonna use me as a reference?! "She told me about this guy - how like, he's the heir of something-something - I can't remember -" Really?? That's how un-memorable he is?! "And how he's always caught in some type of scandal with all these hot girls. I feel like I've heard so much of the same type of news, you know? I was always anxious on when it'll be my ex's name popping up but it never did. Until today of course, but at least he wasn't showing it to the entire world. Or maybe he should, then it would've ended way sooner,"
"So you're saying...that you're lucky cus he kept it well-hidden?" He can't help but feel angry. "At least the other guys with their so-called scandals were being themselves and not pretend to be something they're not right? At least they don't lie -"
"No...you're looking at it the wrong way - it's not about whether they're being themselves or not," Her tone also changed, matching his. "There are a lot of ways to show who you are as a person and of course - in an ideal world, everyone wants to do whatever they wanna do. But reality is, everyone should be mindful of their own actions and how it'll hurt people,"
"Or maybe, people should learn how to not butt into other people's business all the time!"
"If that's the case, your neighbour could be starving or dying and you won't even care,"
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"Everything! Empathy creates reactions and reactions pushes people into actions. These 'people'...the ones who sits at the top of the chains - they're idolised for something. They're being looked up upon and admired over something. That's the whole reason why they're up there and why people cared so much about their lives. What do most people struggle for in life - it's money, respect and love - and in the eyes of the world we live in, these 'celebrities' or 'chaebols' have it!"
"But it doesn't mean they can interfere -"
"If they can't treasure that, they'll lose at least one of those three, which is either respect or love. Do you think it's easy to get that? People like Chae - people who reads into these things - they look for something that'll make them wanna be better, but instead they're given all these unflattering sides that makes them lose interest. These people with power...they can do so much and help so many people if they weren't selfish enough to think only about themselves. I'm not saying everyone should change the way they are...but at least be mindful as they are setting an example. We've had enough dictators running the world, don't you think?"
"Dictators? How - just how, going out with a few women made -"
"Younger generations are looking at them, holding them on a pedestal. Young minds who developed a thinking that 'one day, I wanna be like them'. And that's all there is to it. Would you feel good about it? If your kids or your friends' kids watch the news and saw you changing partners every week like it's some sort of a trend and tell themselves 'he's so cool, I wanna be just like him when I grow up. He can do whatever he wants and gets away with it' - does that make you feel good?"
"No, but I don't think it'll lead to some kind of dictatorship - that's harsh -"
"It's just one of the few messages that you're giving out to people who probably don't have the kinds of capacity you had. You probably been through a lot to say that you deserved to have fun every now and then and you'd still be able to control yourself - but to others whose looking at you with their only focus is to materialise everything? You just opened more doors to the type of mindset that rich people can do whatever the hell they want and get away with it - how can you live consciously like that?"
"We can't control what others think about us,"
"Of course we can't but at least at the end of the day we can pat ourselves at the back and think 'hey, I've done my best to protect myself and the people I love'. For instance, my ex - he's on the news here and there - but hardly anyone knows me as his girlfriend except for his close friends and family, and I'm thankful for it. Imagine the disaster this would be for me if we were to parade ourselves in the public too much - I might as well pack my bags and leave the country now!"
Jeongguk couldn't speak. It's like a slap in the face and suddenly he's embarrassed to hear her perspective on it. Worst part is, she wasn't talking specifically to him but about him! It's making him feel like he's one of those unknown serial killer on the loose and no one knew who it is so everyone's sceptical on everyone - wondering 'are you that psycho?' - if you take Lalisa as 'everyone', and he's the 'psycho'.
Suddenly he understands what his mother was saying earlier this morning. Suddenly it made sense...
"Look, I'm not saying that what he did was right," Her voice softens. "And I'm not saying that those people shouldn't be themselves - by all means, have fun as much as they want to. My point is...if they wanna have a private life, maybe the best way to do it is do everything privately instead of proudly getting caught over and over again. But that's just...my 2 cents on it I guess,"
Jeongguk takes a deep breath and leans back to his seat, facing the lake. She's right...deep down he knows she's right. It's just hard to admit that he fucked this up...on purpose. Yes...the reason why he's still unable to learn from constantly getting caught was because...well, he wanted to get caught.
Subconsciously, that is. He enjoyed getting the attention - especially the women. Yes, it's weird because rather than questioning why he's constantly in these scandals, women are more inclined towards how amazing he could treat them. Even for just one night! The mystery behind his good looks and charms - coupled with what follows at the end of the night - keeps them lining up for him and he enjoyed every flirty process of it.
But of course now, Lalisa's words are stinging that sense of pride in himself. He has always been an all-rounder - good at everything he touches on. Hence, more and more people started recognising him, not just because he's a Jeon but because he's the Jeon everyone wants to relate to. Boys want to be him and girls...could only dream of having him as an 'oppa'.
Blogs are talking, digging up every single details about him - what he likes to eat and where, what's his style at work and off work. People are looking up his name on search engines, even though he's not a celebrity! He's featured in a lot of magazines, although deep down he knew he didn't earn enough success by himself to be on one. And now it feels like he's been living in his own made-up bubble, criticising everything and everyone that didn't understand.
It's always their faults...and not his. And now it's taking a toll on his parents...they tried so hard to trust him, and all he cared about was himself.
"Kook?"
"Hmm?"
"Are you okay?"
"Y-yeah, I'm just..."
"You look like a bunny when you pout,"
A...a bunny?? "Yahh I'm not a bunny!" First he's a selfish dictator, now he's a bunny?!
"You're doing it again!" She laughs. Jeongguk crossed his arms across his chest. This is probably the first time that he ever felt insecure.
"I'm not a bunny - you are!"
...
"Hey," He felt a poke on his shoulder. Seriously? He lets her laugh at him for a good 3 minutes and now he's going to let her poke him? He'd been mostly silent since she'd called him a bunny and left the garden. She didn't say much in the taxi ride to the station either, probably scared that he might lash out at her. Pshh...he won't do that - he's not an asshole that would lash out over someone calling him a bunny!
No, he's over it. The real reason why he continued sulking is because once they reached the station, she had purchased one ticket to Busan and one to Seoul. Which means this is their last stop together. He's not liking this feeling and he doesn't know what to do with it. Should he ask for her number? What else do people ask to keep in touch - should he ask for her address? Her work address too? Her e-mail? Maybe all of her SNS profiles so he can stalk her while not seem like he's crowding her space?
"Are you mad at me or something?" He pretends not to hear her and continues strategizing his next move. "Kookkk -" Another poke. "Kookkooo..." What - is she gonna poke me until the train gets here and takes her away?? "Kooki-yahh..."
God, she sounded so cute - he can't help his smile!
"There you go!"
Jeongguk sighed a laugh and shakes his head.
"You're so sensitive. You should take it as a compliment, you know...bunnies are cute!"
"You think I'm cute?" He leans forward with a big smile close to her face. Her cheeks blushes pink.
"A little...I mean...you're okay?"
"Who's cuter - me or your ex?"
"Yahh! What are you even -"
"Answer the question," He could stare into her eyes all day...
"I..." Her eyes darted to his lips, then back up. What is that blaze - is she...challenging him? Slowly, he leans closer. She closed her eyes, and for a second there Jeongguk thought of it as a sign. But then she opens them back, and there's a hint of determination in there. "That's a cheap trick. You knew I'd say yes cus what my ex just did,"
She's frowning sternly and it makes him laugh. It's so easy to get distracted by this girl!
"You're cuter -"
"Hmm?"
"I said you're cuter!" She hissed and Jeongguk smiles to himself, feeling over the moon that the girl had finally complimented him on something!
This girl is really...something. She throws lame jokes around. She super cute when she's frustrated. And she's amazingly beautiful when she talks about the serious things - even with that blaze in her eyes as she stated her opinions about him earlier! Just a simple girl, she said? There's nothing simple about her and whatever the reasons her ex's mother has for hating on her, he knew he wouldn't buy it.
"Come to Busan with me," Fuck!! What are you doing Guk - you're supposed to just ask for her phone number!
"Why?"
Fix this! Fix this so you won't sound like a desperate loser! "I mean...if you want to...I can show you around. It's the least I can do since you bought me lunch and snacks...and the ticket," Okay, good save...good save!
"Oh that's okay...I owe you a lot more anyways. Thanks...you know, for the help," She held up the package.
"So um...are you not gonna check what's inside that thing?"
"Um..." She stared at the brown box. "I'm actually scared of it. I mean...now that I know why she sent it, she probably expected me to open it. It could be something bad right?"
"Maybe it's empty,"
"No, there's definitely something...there's a bit of weight," She held it up and shook it a little. "I thought of opening it when I get home...maybe it's something illegal,"
"Just how much efforts do you think she'd pull -"
"Why would she send me this knowing well that her son is getting married - and asked me to send it to her today, the same day when her son's actually getting married??"
Jeongguk thought of it. That's true. Why would she go through this length?
"You're right. Shit, do you think she's trying to frame you or something? Make you carry drugs -" Jeongguk sits up almost immediately. A part of him is panicking over the assumption but another part is actually excited of the prospect of his life being turned into one of those action movies he enjoys so much!
"Oh...drugs...that's not so bad. You can just flush it! That's what they do in the movies right? I thought it might be a bomb -"
"You thought it could be a bomb and you're sitting here...with me...at a train station...where it could explode and kill other people...and me...and you,"
"The best way to die is with a friend. You'd understand once you reached heaven. There's nothing more beautiful than the sacrificed life of a pure heart -" She bursts into a fit of laughter.
"Yahh that's not funny!!"
"I can't help it, I'm sorry!!" How can she joke about this?? "You should've seen your face!" She tore the brown wrapper while maintaining her giggles, annoying the hell out of him! Jeongguk felt his heart beat speeding up as she opens the cardboard box. What if it is something illegal? What should he do if it's drugs?!
Her laughter stopped when she took out a...what is that? It's a monkey, stupid! Yeah...but...what?? Lalisa held the wooden-carved figure in a standing position. He now noticed how her expression changed as she looks at it seriously. Angrily, even!
"Are you...are you okay?"
He noticed how her hands are shaking and it's scaring him a little. Should he call an ambulance? Is she going to have a hysterical fit?
"Fuck it, fine. I'll go to Busan!" And with that, she left to the counter.
...