"You didn't just fucking do that," I gasped while Harry laughed at me. I scraped off the cupcake batter that Harry had just smeared across my forehead and began chasing him around the kitchen with it on the tip of my fingers.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Harry giggled. He eventually stopped running, his arms up in surrender. I wiped the cupcake batter across his right cheek and kissed his left cheek before walking back to the cupcake pan on the kitchen counter. It was almost time for them to go into the oven.
Today was my last day living with Harry, for now at least. I wouldn't be surprised if I ended up staying over again soon. Freezy messaged me earlier this morning saying that he'd be home at 5pm, it was currently 4pm. If I were honest, I was looking forward to having my own space again but there was nothing that could beat the feeling of waking up next to Harry every morning.
"Should I put these in the oven now?" I asked Harry, referring to the cupcakes. Harry came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist.
"Yeah, go on," he said quietly near my ear. My feet shuffled towards the oven whilst I had the cupcake pan in my hands. Harry decided not to let go of me so I dragged him along with me. I put the cupcakes in the oven and sat on the kitchen counter. Once Harry had finally decided to wipe the cupcake mix off his face, I decided to check my phone for a little bit. Harry did the same a few seconds later.
"Fuck," Harry mumbled while looking down at his phone, "People found out I overdosed".
"What? How?" I asked, my head darted in his direction.
"A fan must've been at the hospital and overheard a conversation," he replied, "Fuck! It's all over Twitter!"
"If I'm being honest, I think it was bound to happen. The Sidemen fanbase can be insane," I said, "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just surprised," he said, continuing to stare at his phone.
Why couldn't people mind their own business? Youtubers are people too, their privacy should be respected especially in a situation like this. The person who leaked this information needed a slap. In what world would tweeting about this ever be a good idea?
I walked over to Harry and embraced him in a hug, running my hands through his hair. I was silently hoping that this didn't affect him much. People were going to be both nice and mean if it was any other situation, though it would've been amazing if people didn't know this information.
Harry's phone became to vibrate on the kitchen counter, an unknown number showing on the screen. I pulled away from Harry so that he could reach his phone.
"I'm going to grab a hoodie and take this call but I'll be right back," he said before kissing me and dashing upstairs to his room.
I couldn't help but eavesdrop. The house was completely silent and he was only one floor above me, what else was I supposed to do? I tried my hardest to hear and figure out who was on the other end of the call.
"Hello, who is this? ... Ka- ... Yeah sure, I mean, wait, no! No, I won't get coffee with you ... Kate, you made it pretty clear that things were over between us, please don't call again" was all I could hear before Harry came back downstairs.
It was Katie. Katie wanted to get coffee with Harry. Harry's first instinct was to say yes.
"You heard that didn't you?" Harry stopped walking and looked me in the eyes with sadness as soon as he saw me.
"Sniff, I don't want to be a rebound," I said quietly.
"You're not a rebound, I promise-"
"She asked you to get coffee with her, you instantly said yes before correcting yourself," I cut him off.
"I'm completely over her, trust me," Harry reassured me.
"Then tell me why your first instinct was to say yes," I locked eyes with him, "You must still have feelings for her".
"Wiper, I-" he couldn't think of how to respond.
"I love you Harry, but I think you might need some time to think about what you want," I said before walking past him to go to his room.
I was being reasonable. Harry needed some time to acknowledge his feelings and to understand them. I want nothing but the best for Harry and he knew that. He also knew that I was correct in saying that he needed some time to figure things out.
I grabbed my bag that I had packed everything into earlier and carried it downstairs. Harry was standing in the living room with his hands on his head, looking as if he were thinking of what to do.
"I'm a fucking idiot," he mumbled, it sounded like he was crying, "I love you so much".
"I know you do," my eyes were glazed with tears. He looked broken. I didn't want to distance myself but I knew it's what I had to do. I carried my bag downstairs and speed-walked out of the house. I began to walk down the driveway with my fists clenched. My ears suddenly erupted with the sound of a scream and something breaking inside of Harry's house, a piece of my heart broke with it.
My heart was stinging. I was well aware that leaving him alone and broken was a terrible idea, but I was broken too. It had crossed my mind that maybe Harry and I were rushing into things quite fast, considering he had just gotten out of a long term relationship. He still had feelings for Katie and you can't necessarily decide not to have feelings for someone anymore, so why was I so hurt if I understood what he was going through? Was it because his first instinct was to think of her before me?
I caught an Uber back to my apartment with my fingers crossed. I didn't want Harry doing anything stupid. Freezy should be home now anyway, knowing that took a tiny amount of stress off of my shoulders. Once I had made it home, I instantly crawled underneath the sheets on my bed and began to sob.
I barely cried. The last time I cried was when Harry went to the hospital but the time before that would've been at least a year ago. I felt somewhat embarrassed or ashamed when I cried which was weird since I never cried in front of people, I only cried when nobody could see or hear me. I felt weak whenever I let tears fall down my face.
I sobbed for what felt like hours. A distraction was needed before I sunk even further into my own sorrow. I grabbed my phone and called Stephen. I knew that he would be able to cheer me up, there was no doubt.
"Hey Harvi! How are you doing?" he answered.
"Hey Stephen," I sniffed, "Are you busy?"
"No, I'm not at all. Are you okay? It sounds like you're crying," I could sense the worry in his voice.
"I'm not okay," I admitted, "Are you able to come over?"
"Yeah, of course," he said, "Send me the address, I'll come over now".
"Will do, thank you," I smiled through the pain before hanging up and texting him my address.
A knock on the door was heard 30 minutes later. I hugged him as soon as I saw him, my bloodshot eyes continuing to cry into his shoulder. We sat down on the sofa in my living room as I explained everything to him.
"I think you did the right thing by giving him a few days to think," he said whilst comfortingly rubbed my back, "Harry loves you, I know he does. I don't think he ever looked at Katie the way he looks at you. Katie was a bitch to everyone and treated Harry like shit. It took a long time for Harry to notice that she was a manipulative tramp. You don't deserve to be hurt like this, you are one of the sweetest, funniest, prettiest and big-hearted people I know".
I gave him a small smile, his cheeks blushing to a light shade of pink. Our eyes locked for a few seconds before he quickly leaned in and pressed his lips against mine. I didn't get the butterflies that I always got when Harry kissed me. I pulled away as soon as I realised what was happening.
"Fuck, I'm sorry," he moved away and put his hands on his head. He looked afraid and shameful.
"Stephen, I-"
"I'm an idiot, I know you don't feel the same, what the fuck is wrong with me?" he tugged at his hair, his breathing began getting faster.
"It's okay," I lied. It obviously wasn't okay, Harry and I were technically still together and I didn't have romantic feelings towards Stephen. If Harry found out that Stephen did this, he'd want to kill him with his bare hands.
"It's not okay. I fell for a girl who would never fall for me and now I've probably just destroyed any chance of us being friends," he said, jumping up and start to pace around my living room.
"Stephen shut up, you're making this worse by overthinking this," I said, "We can move past this and forget this ever happened if you want to".
"That's the hard part, I don't want to but I know that I have to," he stopped and looked me in the eyes.
"I still want to be close friends with you," I slightly furrowed my eyebrows, "This doesn't have to change anything".
"I'm sorry, I need to go, I'm sorry," he said before leaving my apartment looking disappointed in himself. I could hear his heart shattering.
I never intended to hurt Stephen's feelings, I wasn't even sure if I was the reason he was upset. He seemed more upset at himself. He would be foolish to get angry at me for loving somebody else. Love isn't a choice. Harry and I wouldn't have fought in the first place if it were.
I took a deep breath in and stood up to grab a glass of water. My hands reached for a glass, filling it with water. I became distracted when I felt my phone vibrate multiple times in my pocket. I turned off the tap and placed my glass on the kitchen counter before getting my phone out. My notifications were filled with nasty messages on Instagram from Harry's fans.
adxrebxggy
You're the reason he overdosed you bitch
w2scutiepie
he was doing so well before you came into the picture
harrysdmnxo
Harry deserves so much better than you ugh
Why was everything crumbling down like this? I felt like screaming and gorging my eyes out. My chest felt as if it was on fire; my stomach felt as if it was never going to stop sinking. Every inch of me wanted Harry back in my arms, every inch of me wanted Stephen to remain a close friend, every inch of me wanted to crawl into a ball and stay there forever.