Okay, so I wrote this fic late 2018, but I'm adding (nearly) all of my twenty one pilots fics to this, including old stuff and then new stuff.
Warnings: Emotionally abusive relationship, it was based on a few relationships I was in before. It's also soft Joshler at the end. Some self harm, but nothing graphic. I think there's a mention of suicide but no one dies, dw.
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Josh was sure Tyler wouldn't notice.
The singer was busy with fans, with practicing, with writing, was just... Busy busy busy.
So Josh didn't feel bad when a smooth lie escaped his lips and Tyler ate it up to get back to whatever he had been doing.
Josh was tired every day. He stayed up till about 4 am every night (sometimes earlier depending on time zone, sometimes later depending on their insomnia) because the person on the other end of his phone seemed to always be on another time, and stayed up late.
The problem wasn't really the staying up.
The problem was Josh complained that it was late and he had important things tomorrow, and he was still guilted into staying up until the other fell asleep.
The suicide attempts took a toll on Josh.
Every other night, the drummer stayed up holding back sobs as he tried to keep the other person alive for just a little longer.
Josh took up a new hobby. One that left him cleaning up blood.
Josh's phone buzzed a lot.
In the morning, he was the one who would have to first message. His phone mate got angry if it was too late, but never did text first.
Josh wondered briefly if they would even notice if he didn't always start with "Sorry I'm late".
It was a few months in before he was pushed into sexting the other.
Josh didn't enjoy it- he was uncomfortable with how the other put things, and found many of the things the other found hot simply scared him.
He didn't argue when they started their electric shock fantasies, or vomiting fantasies, or any other fantasy that left his stomach rolling.
Honestly, even the vanilla sexting wasn't fun.
But his... Datemate? Yeah, his datemate now, enjoyed it, so he would "enjoy" it too.
Tyler was starting to notice a little.
The tour date where they would be in his datemate's town was nearing, and they were almost there, and Josh felt sick sick sick.
Tyler was paying more attention now.
Josh had heard the "Who's that?" question when it came to his phone going off, but they were always flippant, mumbled, while he was doing something.
This "Who's that?" was eye contact, clear, actually speaking to him and paying attention and-
"Oh, it's no one."
Josh doesn't stay in the conversation for long. He turns on his heel and walks away, and Tyler is left looking confused and lost.
He's heard the phone go off late at night, and he's finally starting to notice how late Josh was staying up, how exhausted he looked, how...
Tyler's lips purse, and he looks back at what he was doing. Maybe being so busy busy had left him not paying enough attention.
Tyler needed more information.
Josh needed less phone time.
Josh is crying as messages berate him fully and bare every message sent in confidence as he had poured his soul out to the person on the other end of the line.
He knows he should just block them and pretend he didn't know them.
He also knows he could never do that.
Josh relied on the other a lot, just not in the same way. While his date mate used him to feel better all the time, attempted their life over and over, Josh relied on the good times. He never got help when he felt terrible, but when he felt good and they felt good, it was so good and he couldn't get rid of that.
Also he was afraid of the other dying, or doxing him.
Josh gave a soft sigh as he put his phone down and curled up, trembling a little. He didn't want to be talking to the other anymore, but he still jolted a bit when the phone buzzed again and again and again and he grabbed the phone.
"Josh?"
Josh flinched a bit when Tyler called for him, shoving his phone into his pocket.
"Yeah?"
"Are you going to sleep any time tonight?"
Josh pulled his phone out again (he always did that, in out, in out, in out), glancing at the time, and his lip curled to be pinned by his top teeth. It's nearly 2 am. "Yeah, later! I'm just a little busy!"
"With what?"
Josh doesn't respond, because Tyler is climbing out of his bunk and coming up to Josh's and opening the curtain and staring at him and...
Josh hid behind the phone, trying to hide the tears still streaming, still showing his heart ache.
Tyler is silent as he stares into the dark bunk, before he moved to climb in with Josh.
Josh doesn't fight it for a moment, because he's used to this, shifting to allow Tyler in before he gave a strangled noise.
"Wait, not tonight."
Yeah, Tyler definitely knew something was up now.
He pries immediately, because part of him wondered if that's what he needed to do a long time ago.
"What's wrong? What happened? Is it the person you've been texting?"
It's questions, and Josh doesn't know how to respond. He swallowed. "Nothings wrong, I'm just in need of alone time. Nothing happened."
Tyler doesn't believe it, and his facial expression shows it.
It's a moment of tense quiet as the two stare at each other, before the phone buzzes and lights up and Josh's tear stained face is so *obvious* that Tyler's stomach rolls.
Tyler immediately snatches the phone, ignoring Josh's jolt and panic to try and grab it back.
Tyler opened the phone, reading the message aloud a little before his voice tapered off and fell into some dark abyss that was threatening to eat Josh alive.
Tyler's eyebrows furrow.
'You keep trying to say your problems are so important! You know what I've gone through, you know the shit I've been through and you still try and pretend like you can-'
Tyler throws the phone.
It doesn't land anywhere where it would get hurt, and Josh immediately snatches it back up to quickly read and shake and answer and try to pretend it doesn't hurt and that Tyler isn't staring, he's staring, oh god he's **staring**.
Tyler can't breathe very well. (For a moment, he wonders if this was his fault. Did his inattention cause the man in front of him to flock to someone else, someone so- abusive-?)
Josh tries to find words but there are none, and he merely jumps a tiny bit when the phone vibrates, vibrates, vibrates.
Always vibrating.
Tyler thinks back to all the times he's heard it vibrate, thinks back to all the times Josh isn't speaking, but typing at his phone and how he needs to go so much- is he crying his eyes out like this every night?
There was a line between loving someone that you messaged them all the time, and this.
Josh hadn't answered the last message, or the one before that. He was staring at his best friend, the one he missed so much, and wondering what he was going to say.
The next vibration causes a soft flinch as Josh finally takes it out and shuts his eyes and stifles a sob and- and-
"You're being abused..."
Josh feels sick.
"No I'm not."
Tyler doesn't stop pushing.
"They're hurting you..."
Josh bristled a bit, and he's only at a loss for words for a moment before he knows why this isn't abuse, and why Tyler should step off.
"They're just messages, you and I have both seen what real abuse is. I'm not being hit or touched when I say I don't want to be, they aren't even-"
"Then tell me what *does* happen!"
"We're having a fight, that's it! Just like you and me!"
Tyler's breathing hitches, cause this is an argument that shouldn't be happening, and those messages aren't a fight, it's someone berating and destroying another person methodically.
The shake of Tyler's head causes Josh to curl up a little and wince.
"This isn't a fight."
"Which one?"
Tyler huffed. "Josh, tell me what they do."
Josh hesitates, largely, not looking at Tyler at all. It's a long moment, so long that Tyler thinks he should ask again, but Josh starts talking.
"We talk all the time, and it's so good it really is...! But they... Guilt me into a lot of things... We sext a lot and I don't like it... Whenever I want to sleep before them I can't because they need someone to stay up with them... They try to die every other night and it's so exhausting, but whenever I'm feeling bad they just ignore me... They act like they own me a lot... They lied to mutual friends about things that I didn't do but they said I did and ruined a relationship I... Really liked... Remember when I was sick a couple weeks back, so much we had to reschedule?"
Tyler is holding back tears, but he nods. He remembers.
"I couldn't message them at *all*. I was so... So sick... When I told them I couldn't message because I was going to pass out and fall asleep, they did that dot dot dot okay thing, and when I could finally message they yelled at me for not being there when they needed me."
Tyler is watching the ground, because he doesn't want to look at Josh's tear streaked face and start crying.
"I hurt myself once and their response was to do everything I did but double to scare me into never doing it again."
Tyler flinches, eyes going wide. "You what?"
Josh opened and closed his mouth. He regrets adding that one, but Tyler knows now so...
Josh trembled. "I..."
Tyler moved into the bunk again, and this time Josh doesn't argue. When they're both laying in the bunk, Tyler looked Josh over.
"How?"
"... Legs."
Tyler reached down and tugged at his pants. "Can I see..."
Josh was afraid. Tyler was going to get angry when he sees, and Josh knows it. Why would Tyler be any different than...
Josh takes his soft sweatpants and pushes them to his knees, and Tyler grabs the stupid buzzing, buzzing, buzzing phone to shine a light at his thighs.
Tyler is quiet as he stares at raised white scars and scabs on Josh's thighs. He feel sick, so he quickly drops the phone and looks away.
Josh pulls his pants back up.
"... Because of..."
Tyler trails off and Josh doesn't answer, but it's obvious.
"Oh no, Josh..."
Josh is confused when Tyler starts to cry, shaking a little and clinging onto Josh.
"Oh no, they're hurting you so bad..."
"No, you don't under-"
"Oh god Joshie, I understand plenty."
The duo sits in silence for awhile, the only sound Tyler's quaking whines and the phone giving little buzzes, now a couple minutes apart.
"We're going to be in their town soon-"
"No we're not."
Josh blinks.
"Tell me which one, we'll say sorry to the fans but-"
"You know we can't do that."
Tyler shifts. "You can't see them in person, look what they've done to you just by messaging!"
Josh's bottom lip is trembling and Tyler finds it unfair. Josh is sugar sweet and sunshine and doesn't deserve this.
"Tyler please..." He whimpers, and Tyler knows that they can't skip it.
"I know... But you can't go see them when we get there..."
Josh doesn't want to promise that.
Tyler shut his eyes. "Please just end it today, it's so bad..."
Josh gives a noise. "I can't! They'll die without me!"
Tyler's eyes snap open. "Oh god, no no. Josh, they wouldn't, I promise you that. They're manipulating you, please."
Josh whimpers.
"I need them..."
Tyler simply plays with Josh's hair. "I'm here. I know I was distant but I'm here now Joshie."
Josh clings to Tyler so tightly that Tyler is worried even further, and he makes a soft noise as Josh sobs and runs his fingers up and down Josh's back.
Josh started to calm down, and Tyler notices that Josh is asleep.
Tyler doesn't know what to do. He had to get Josh out of this situation.
The next morning, Josh is trembling again.
"I didn't answer them at all last night and I fell asleep and-"
Tyler gives a noise and cuts Josh off. "You're afraid. That's a sign of abuse."
Josh sits up a little. He grabbed his phone to look at it, not turning on the screen.
"... I'm afraid to break up with them... And I don't want to stay away forever..."
Oh, no, Tyler didn't know they were dating.
"Try just asking to take a break instead."
Josh swallowed and did as he was told.
Tyler watches, horrified, as Josh's expression shifted and his lip disappeared under teeth that leaves a dent-
Josh starts crying, and he dropped the phone to curl up.
"What happened..."
"They said I was supposed to be theirs, called me toxic, and blocked me..."
Tyler barks out a noise between a laugh and an angry growl. "Calling *you* toxic? They're even dumber than I thought."
Josh just stares at him.
"You're the kindest person I know. You're **not** toxic."
Josh looks away.
Tyler plays with his hair gently, breathing softly as his best friend cries, and Tyler feels his heart break a little farther.
He wants to kiss away all of his tears, wants to rub Josh's back and promise everything will be okay.
Tyler bit his lip hard. He wants to love Josh.
He remembered asking Jenna about dating Josh. It had taken a lot of courage, and his wife, his amazing wife, was alright with it.
Jenna knew Tyler loved her, and he loved Josh, and he had a lot of love to give.
Tyler of course gave Jenna permission to date another person as long as she told him in return, even if she didn't have anyone at the moment.
He would extend the same to Josh, as long as the other was a good person.
But he couldn't ask now, not with Josh breaking down right in front of him.
"Josh, hey, it's okay. I've got you."
Tyler moved to curl up around Josh and let the other sob and cry and finally, finally doze off again.
They didn't talk about it again until after the next show.
Josh had seemed antsy for awhile, not used to not having someone to message all day. But Tyler included him in as many things and conversations as possible, and made sure to talk to him while doing anything.
After the show however, Tyler took him into their dressing room and sat Josh down.
Josh stared up at Tyler as the other paced, obviously nervous.
"Tyler?"
"Would you like to go out with me?"
Josh went through about 10 stages of confusion. He was confused about why now, why him, what, what about Jenna, what about how horrible he was, what was going through Tyler's head, what-
"Josh."
Josh looks back up at him, and when their eyes meet, he feels much calmer.
"I talked to Jenna. I've been wanting to ask you for a long time but... And of course if you date me you can date someone else, obviously..." His voice tapers off again.
Josh swallows, unsure but wanting to say yes.
He's been in love with Tyler for so long...
"... Why me?"
Tyler starts to laugh, and it doesn't hurt. It's not malicious. It makes Josh's heart flutter.
Because that question was stupid, but in a good way.
Why not him?
"Why not you?"
Josh wastes no time in hugging Tyler tightly, and they don't pull away for at least a full minute.
"I love you. That's why you."
And Josh feels so much better now. He forgets his phone datemate, forgets his insecurities.
Tyler is so warm, that he practically deletes the problems.
Josh feels warm too now.
So very warm.