The cold sweat consumed me as I lurched up from my resting position. The blanket that once covered my shaking body fell from my shoulders and into my lap, although it didn't stay for long, as my hands acted on their own in throwing the blankets off me. I felt a chill run down my back and I brought my hands to my hair and pulled. The roots of my hair stood strong as I ripped at my scalp. Anxiety clawed its way up my throat. A sour taste filled my mouth, I opened it in desperation to get the taste out. The anxiety filled screams rang silent in the air. I froze. Wide eyed in panic, desperate to find the calm once again. From the corner of my eye I noticed movement, and before my mind could comprehend, I felt a heavy weight in my lap. A soft paw patted my arm in comfort, drawing my hands out of my hair. My eyes flickered in front of me, and I saw my dog laying on me. She propped her paws up on my shoulders and forced me to lay back down as she laid on top of me and whimpered. My hands immediately found her fur, but instead of the pulling, I pet her softly as sobs erupted breaking the silence. My night continued in a pattern of dozing out of consciousness, and coming back to reality only to continue crying and petting.
"What time is it?" I mumbled to myself groggily. I felt Bebe, my dog, nip at my shirt as I stopped my gentle strokes. A slight smile arose on my face at her neediness. My eyes shifted to look at the clock resting besides my bed.
5:53
"Come on, get up." I demanded as I shifted my body to the side. Bebe scooted off of me noticing my attempts to get up. I swung my legs off the mattress that rested in the corner of my apartment. Grumbling at the thought of getting up, I forced my legs into action and made my way into the bathroom. Doing my business, and starting the shower, I became distracted by my appearance in the mirror. Dark circles surrounded my eyes as evidence of the sleepless nights and my hair was matted around my head framing my face only adding to the psychotic look. With a deep sigh, I stepped away from my own terrifying appearance and into the shower. Hot water poured down my body, as I stood. One may picture a girl standing in the rain looking up, arms outstretched, and eyes bright with life, but I was not that picture. I was the image of a drowning rat. My dark hair fell flat against my neck and shoulders adding to the malnourished look.
Laughing at my own thoughts, I proceeded with my shower soaking in the water until it fell cold. The shower always felt cold. I never showered longer than 10 minutes, due to the water bills I could receive, but by 8 minutes and 30 seconds the shower water had most definitely become cold. I stepped out shivering slightly as my bare feet touched the cold tile of the bathroom floor. I opened the door feeling more awake than just 15 minutes earlier, and walked to the closet. The apartment wasn't a nice place by any means. In terms of style, the interior designer must have been drunk every day, and even the location of the place. I lived on what was considered the 'bad side of town.' The closet was no more than a bar hung between a nook in the wall. No doors and no nice walking space. I pulled out a warm wool sweater, that would protect me from the cool autumn breeze, as well as my trusty pair of jeans. Slipping on my clothes, I walked out of my bedroom and into the kitchen, once again the interior designer was most definitely drunk. Bebe's soft footsteps cautiously followed me as I walked into the kitchen.
Most nights I had nightmares, but most nights I would wake up and have trouble falling back asleep. Some nights I woke up in panic. She was my court mandated service dog. After I was released from the hospital one night, the hospital demanded that I receive help. After my private court case was filed, I was 'assigned' a pet. Bebe was the best thing that ever happened to me.
I smiled back looking at her cute puppy face. She wagged her tail in response and my heart beat calmed further. She galloped towards me in joy as I scooped her some food and plopped it into her bowl. I plopped some of my own cereal into a bowl, and filled it with milk. We both ate in a peaceful silence, but if I had learned one thing from life, peace and quiet never lasted long.
A loud knock pounded on my door and I cringed as the sound shattered the peaceful morning. I glanced up at the analog clock that hung from the wallpaper-wilted wall.
6:28
I sighed and stood from my chair. This caught Bebe's attention as she stood from her resting spot next to her bowl, where she had been staring longingly at the dish. My feet carried me without permission to the door. I peered through the small hole in the door. Unsurprised, my mood fell as I gazed upon his face.
"What do you want Noah?" I called quietly through the door. My voice was soft and broken. He obviously heard how fragile it sounded.
"Baby, open the door." He called through the door back at me. I listened carefully, and I could hear the slurring of his words. He was drunk or at least tipsy.
"I don't want to hear it from you, go back home." I muttered unhappily.
"Please honey, open the door. I want to explain. I shuddered at the pet name. He called me honey. He was convinced that I tasted of the sweet sticky substance. He filled my heart and mind with his love and kindness, only to rip away the mask he had hid behind only to show me who he really was. Reluctantly, I opened the door, I mean who would say no to the old pet name he used to call me.
"Noah, please, I don't want to talk to you." I looked down not making eye contact as I spoke.
"I know but I thought I at least deserved be heard out." He stated confidently causing a scoff to build. I had walked into his parents house, where he lived, and made my way down the steps to his bedroom. I was met with the image that would be forever engraved in my brain. He was over her and between her legs. He was pounding into her. His grunts filled my ears and pain flashed through my mind at the memory.
"You don't deserve to be heard out, in fact, I never want to see you again." I lifted my head to look him in the eyes as my eyebrows furrowed in anger. He mimicked my expression and stepped into my apartment. I stepped back once again wide eyed.
"You listen here." He whispered harshly through gritted teeth. The door was slammed behind him and he followed my movement into the living room. Bebe made the attempt to rush to my side, but he was quicker in running at me and kicking her away. She whimpered in pain and fell back slightly. She was a german shepherd, and by no means small even for a puppy, but she was no match against the boot of my new ex-boyfriend. He reached out to me and wrapped his slim fingers around my neck. The pressure wasn't enough to leave a mark, but the feeling of his fingers wrapping around my neck wasn't a foreign feeling. I struggled to breathe deeply as he pushed my back to meet the wall.
"You are mine." He spit out. "You will listen to me and only me. I own you. What you want doesn't matter to me, because I will have what I want, and I want you." Each word he said only made him angrier causing the hand wrapped around my throat to tighten. I nodded submitting to him. A smirk found its way to his lips as he grabbed hold of my wrists, this time tight enough to leave a mark.
"Good." Was all he said before smashing his dry cracked lips to mine. I could taste the alcohol on his breath, and I knew he had been drinking all night. Once he finally let up, he dropped his hands, but not before delivering a light slap to my cheek. It stung, and I knew a red splotch would be left as remnants of my disobedience.
"Better get to work honey, wouldn't want to be late." He said before pulling me away from the wall and pushing me to the door. I quickly snagged my keys and gave Bebe one last look of apology before walking out the door hand and hand with Noah.
We walked hand and hand down the sidewalk. Anyone who didn't know better would see us as two young lovebirds going for a morning stroll. It was 6:45, and the 15 minute walk to work was perfectly timed. We eventually arrived at the tattoo parlor that I worked at. I almost found myself sighing in relief at the thought of Noah going back home. He finally turned to me and planted a sweet kiss on my lips.
"Will I see you tonight?" He smiled sweetly at me, too sweetly. I sent back a tight lipped smile.
"Maybe, I have a late shift tonight." I stated knowing that if my tone had been slightly off putting to him, I would face consequences. It seemed like my lucky day as he smiled brighter.
"It's okay honey, I know rent can be hard sometimes. I'll see you later." He said before heading back in the direction we came from. I finally let the sigh escape me as I entered the building.
"Hey sweets!" I heard the overly happy voice of my best friend coming from the front desk. A genuine smile pulled at my mouth.
"Kat are you flirting with me again?" I asked humorously.
"Baby you're the only one for me." She joked with the same intensity smile. We both chuckled enjoying each other's presence.
"Do I have any clients today?" I asked as I made my way into the back. Kat opened her book and looked through the lists.
"Don't think so. How 'bout you and I go to lunch today?" She questioned excitedly. I shook my head immediately. I didn't have the kind of money to be eating at restaurants. Kat nodded, seeming to understand my situation.
"M'kay girl, you just let me know when you get some free time, and we'll go for a couple drinks, on me." She smiled and dismissed the conversation allowing me to head back to my station. A couple hours into work, I had almost finished up some tattoo sketches when I heard my name being called. I stood from my stool and exited the back. Kat stood looking over the ID of a young girl. She stood nervously with her hands wringing themselves out and arms crossed in front of her. I couldn't see her lower body from behind the counter, but I could bet her legs were crossed too. She was beyond nervous.
"Hey," Kat called me towards the front. I followed her pleading eyes, and made my way to the counter.
"What can I do for you?" I asked Kat. She smiled all too sweetly at me.
"She wants a little tattoo, is there any way you would be able to take a walk in?" Kat begged me with her eyes. I looked back to the girl and nodded at her. Although this didn't calm her nerves, she seemed happier then before.
"Thank you." Kat whispered to me as she took the girl's ID and cash. I smiled and ushered her into the back with me.
"What's your name sweetheart?" I question as we arrived upon my station. Everything had been cleaned and set up in case of a walk in. I had done everything needed to be done this morning.
"I'm Willow. What's yours?" She asked and tilted her head to the side slightly.
"I'm Adelaide. What can I do for you Willow?" I smiled warmly at her and waited for her response. She shifted nervously in my chair, but still kept the smile on her face responding to my own. She looked so young. I couldn't help but think about when I was as young as she looked.
"I'd really like a full moon." She stated with little to no detail of exactly what she was looking for. As an artist I used this to my advantage and got to work. I asked a couple more questions as I drew, but for the most part I listened to her talk while I sketched her tattoo. Once completed, I showed her. I had drawn a realistic full moon. It faded off with no hard edges or outline, but it was clear what the tattoo was.
"Wow." She mumbled, unable to tear her eyes away from my drawing. I smiled at that and started to transfer it to stencil.
"You said you wanted this on your shoulder correct?" I confirmed with her before instructing her to lift her shirt and lay on the chair. She nodded excitedly and followed my instruction. After placing it down I go right to work.
The sweet girl talked through her pain, and ended spilling that she was getting the tattoo in spite of her boyfriend. He had upset her and as revenge, she wanted to ink her skin to become less 'innocent.' I almost laughed because a little ink didn't change a person's innocence, only the perception of their innocence. Still, she was sweet and seemed happy with receiving the tattoo despite her intentions for it.
Eventually I finished up, and let her admire her new shoulder.
"It's amazing." She squealed and came running back to me. I smiled at her reaction and wrapped her up.
"If you're interested in any more, here's my business card." I smiled at her and handed her the card. She smiled brightly and nodded her head.
"There's no doubt that I will be coming back for more." She stated happily before following me out of my station and back to the front. She practically bounded out of the shop after thanking both Kay and myself. I noticed others waiting to get tattooed sitting in the waiting area, but none for me, so I walked back to my station and started to pack up for the day. It was around 6 in the evening, and my other job would be starting soon enough. Disinfecting and cleaning everything in my station was tedious but necessary, so I got busy. By 7 I had finished for the day and made my way back to the front.
"Thank you Kat, I'm out of here." I smiled and clocked out. She pouted at me, but I could tell she was holding back a smile.
"I thought we were doing for drinks." I smiled as her bottom lip stick out further.
"Not today Kat, I have to get to my other job." I said making my way to the door. She sighed acknowledging my busy schedule, but not commenting. "Goodbye!" I yelled through the waiting room as I made my way out the door.
"Bye girly, be safe." She yelled back with her pout still etched onto her lips. I chuckled softly at her childish actions, but loved her more for them.
Without much protest my feet carried me another block towards the club where I was also employed. A less modest job, but a job nonetheless.
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Hi everyone! It feels good to be back. I wrote this book literally so long ago, and after reading it for myself I started to wonder how I got so many reads out of it! I for real love you guys, you have no idea, so I decided to redo the book. I took into account some of the mistakes that got pointed out, and I want to make it overall better. If you didn't read the first version, lucky you haha, if you did I am not deleting it. I plan to archive the original version, and if you'd like it to be in a separate book I can do that. Keep me updated on how everyone's doing! I love talking to every single one of you, so please leave a comment and or leave a vote. Everything is appreciated even constructing criticism!
Have a good one peeps!
Love
-B
5/24/20