So many questions without answers, there was something that needed to be seen and I knew that Ryder would have to face his fear to do this; I also needed Jace to help me with this. But this meant that I had to make Ryder relive that day three months ago, you could see the horror in his eyes whenever he looked at those doors to the hall. He showed pure reluctance to enter it once again it seemed to overwhelm him the last time he stepped foot in there when he had a melt down. I never really asked him about that day though because it never seemed like the right time too. Closing my eyes I put the notepad and pen away before I pulled out my phone to text Jace and Ry about what I needed to do. The library was quiet though you could barely hear the sound of pages turning as students read and the clicking sound as they typed against a keyboard. Rows and rows of books lined the walls and aisles that weaved in and out of the library giving it a maze look. Our library held every genre of book you could imagine and more. Leaning back into the beanbag more I began to type away at my phone and as I sat there I realized I might need another person to help me during this.
Me: Jace can you do me a favor after your class?
Jace: Of course but what do you need help with?
Me: you will find out later, I just really need your help with this.
Jace: Okay so I will see you after class.
Me: Hey honey is it okay if you help me with something after your class? It has been on my mind lately and I want to try and figure out if my theory is correct or not.
Ryder <3: Of course my love, see you in a little Bell.
Me: Chrissie I need your help.
Surprised I know but for some reason I needed her help and I knew she would help me even if it involved Ryder. For some reason she seemed off and that she really didn’t want to be around Ryder though I have no clue why.
Chrissie: Okay when do you need it?
Me: After the boys get out of their class, I want to test my theory Chrissie about what happened that day.
Her reply did not arrive right away and I was skeptical about asking her for help afraid that she would not help me look more into that day since she was the one to warn me about that day.
Chrissie: Emma…
Chrissie: I will help you we just have to be careful.
I left it at that not worrying about texting her back because she said she would help me so I created a group text saying to meet me in front of the old hall. I knew they would not like it really but I needed to try this theory I had. Putting my phone away I laid back fully and starred out the window behind me, the snow fell down slowly in soft swirls. The white flakes were hypnotizing as they floated slowly to the ground the last few flakes of the winter season. White lightly dusted the ground outside the ice had pretty much melted away form the roads leaving them clear and shining with salt. Trees swayed in the wind like bending bamboo as it bent left and right with the whistling wind twirling the leaves around on the ground as it moved about. The sun barely shown through the clouds as it let out slits of light shinning among the white ground, it reflected the snow giving off a white effect to the world around you. It was peaceful outside no yelling, no threats falling down on your shoulders as you sat there wondering what the heck was really going on in your life. The last snowfall of the winter though this snow fall was light and glistening with light as it floated downwards barely dusting the ground.
It was nice no parents screaming at you and not letting you explain anything at all to them as you try to talk with them. You had the world around you in a sweet serenade as you were alone in the world and in your own thoughts, there was no care in the world as you where there. If you were a snow flake would the larger snow flakes let you travel the world without them there or did they have follow you like a dog making sure they knew where you were every second of every day. The boxed in effect that made it feel like the world was caving in on you where you had no voice to even speak to scream to state your own mind, like you were a caged animal. If I were a snowflake I would want to travel as far as possible away from the larger snowflakes that were suffocating me, trapping me in a world that they controlled every inch of. How can someone make you feel like you are smaller than you are?
Whiteness it brought on a sense of peace and understanding a feeling I had been missing for months that have passed. If I walked in the snow would it erase my errors just like it erased any print once the new snow fell? I hated feeling like I had no way in life that all my steps and life choices have made my parents judge me and keep sheltered from the world around me. Who was really living my life because at this time it sure felt like I wasn’t living my own life but the life my parents created for me? Silence surrounded me as my gaze still lingered out the window watching the world move past me as I felt I stood still. What was to really come in two days? I had no idea where this was going or how it would end. Closing my eyes I tried to zone out the silence around me and in doing so I didn’t realize that someone had come up to me and take a seat next to me.
“Hi Emma.” A voice said from beside me.
Opening my eyes from my zoned out mode I looked over to see Sydney seating there next to me a smile on her face though she looked tired.
“Hey Syd how are you?” Leaning up to my full height I leaned my elbows on my knees to look at her, she did the same.
“I have been good getting along with Roger more and helping make sure that everything is ready for the carnival.” She told me as she sighed before leaning her head back to look to the ceiling before turning back to face me with a small smile on her face.
“How do you do it all Emma? I mean you have the perfect grades, boyfriend, family and so much more.” There it was the word ‘perfect’ is that really what everyone thinks of me? I had no idea how to reply to what she asked because to me my life was not perfect at all.
“Honest I have no idea Sydney just takes a lot out of you I guess” I mean that was all I could say since I had nothing to say to her saying I was perfect. Sydney looked at me with a hidden gleam in her eyes one that I had never seen before in her eyes and the look brought my hair to stand on end.
With a exastperated sigh she reached forward taking my hand in hers and looked me right in the eyes which was a little weird since she never did this. But then she said something that confused me.
“I wish I had a perfect life like you Emma you literally have everything.” A smile slid onto her face before she dropping my hand. “Oh I have to go, ill see you later Emma” was her cheerful reply as she skipped off. Okay I thought. Leaning backwards I closed my eyes with a sigh just as the bell rang signaling the end of class, scooping my stuff back into my purse I made my way out of the library and into the quad. There they were waiting patiently for me in the middle of the quad though Chrissie looked a little jumpy waiting for me and as I approached them they smiled at me before following me quickly to the old senior hall. Once inside though it was eerie silent and with a flick of my wrist I hit the hall lights illuminating it in a warm glow. I had forgotten this switch even existed weeks ago.
“Okay I need your help” I told them all softly as I turned to face the three people before me all three had wide eyes as they saw the hall full of light. It looked different small discolored stains were scattered around the hall representing where the blood had gotten to, though the biggest color change that I could see was ten lockers in front of me. I knew the next big color difference would be right where my locker was. Breathing in deeply I looked to the ceiling before looking at them.
“What do you want us to do?” Came Jace’s reply as he stepped towards me while the other two lingered backwards closer to the doorway. Turning my back towards them I once again took in the scene before me as I stepped forward I could vaguely picture what had happened that day.
Without turning around I spoke “ I need to test a theory of mine that has been bugging me and I need all three of yours help.” A subtle gasp left someone’s lips from behind me and I figured it had to have been Chrissie seeing as it was to small and feminine to be the boys. Ryder was silent as he stood behind me and that worried me. Looking over my shoulder I took in each of their expressions, Ryder had no emotion what so ever, Chrissie looked frightened and Jace looked worried. Closing my eyes and turning away from them I began to speak my thoughts out loud.
“I want to recreate that day to some degree to test my theory that Ryder was not the one who should have been shot but I was.” No one moved so I began to take small steps forward until I stopped in front of my locker and looked down to see the discoloring on the floor as well as on the locker. I ran my fingers over the locker door closing my eyes in the process as I tried to recreate the day myself but my mind could not come up with much.
“I was in class early that day waiting for you to come in because you are always early that day Emma so it surprised me when you hadn’t shown up even when the clock struck 9 o’clock am. The room was silent until there was a commotion in the hall and then…” She paused, my eyes still closed as she made her way towards our morning classroom door the one that sat adjacent to where Richard was shot before she continued. “Then there were gun shots Emma screams filled the hallway causing us all the run outside to see what had happened though by the time we had gotten out was when the last bullet sounded and Richard was on the ground. I mean we all were scared to leave the room thinking it was an intruder so we hid somewhere in the classroom until the shots ended.” She stopped and took a shaky breath in as I opened my eyes and turned around and there she stood two doors down from me tears streaming down her face running her mascara. I looked at the boys waiting for them to move but they didn’t, they stood there starring at nothing in particular that was until I spoke.
“Jace I need you to stand where Richard was” I pointed to the nearest color change in the tile all he did was nod his head before he took slow steps towards the point and stood there facing me. Turning I gazed softly at the love of my life and watched the emotions flash across his face before he met my eyes and his eyes shown bright with conflicted emotions.
“Amour please come here” my voice was soft and quiet as he made his way slowly towards me his body slightly shaking with pain. He closed his eyes once he reached me and took a deep breath in through his nose letting it out through his mouth. Opening his eyes he looked at me before taking the spot I was previously at.
“I need you to show me how you were standing that day please.” I told him softly as I took a step back and stood in the middle of the hall so I could see all three of them. Looking at Ryder first I watched as he closed his eyes and leaned his shoulder against the locker causing him to shrink down inches from his normal 6 foot 2 height to about the same height I was when I stood there. I tried not to gasp as I watched him pull a baseball cap from his back pocket placing it on his head and leaning his head down lower blocking his face more from view. Tears pricked at my eyes as I looked at him because how he stood he was about my height and then when he added the cap it all fit. Taking my eyes from him I turned to Jace and made my way towards him until I stood right beside him and looked at Ryder.
“Oh my gosh” Chrissie said from beside me because I knew she saw what I did with the way Ryder was leaning and the cap lower on his face with the over sized sweater he had on he looked almost like me at first glance that it was outstanding.
“He looks so much like you Emmie” came Jace’s soft reply. All I could do was nod my head at him before Ryder lifted his head and looked at me from down the hall. He saw who shot him.
“Ry you saw him shot you?” Ryder shook his head as he looked back down at the ground.
“I was writing your note as you already know when I heard footsteps come into the hall then all of a sudden I heard a Christmas song being hum but thought nothing of it until I heard the loud bang of a gun and searing blinding pain crushing my head as I stumbled backwards and fell. The other bullets rang out as if there was a struggle the pain was unbearable as I tried to stay awake to take in whatever I could around me that day. Jamie went down next across from me next to where Chrissie is standing, and then Emily and Torrance were next though they fell on each other since they were sitting on the ground already. Richard shot himself last with the gun and I watched him fall to the ground with the gun in his hands the blood began to pour freely from his wound. I could feel the blood rushing from my head the feeling of being weightless and then my eyes started to go blurry…” He paused to breath, “Then I saw nothing.” He looked up at me from down the hall then made his way towards me with pain in his eyes.
“They were aiming for you wasn’t he Emmie?” Jace asked me once Ryder reached me and took me in his arms barring his face in my shoulder and neck area.
“I think so Jay, I don’t think Ryder was supposed to be shot that day but I was.” I told them truthfully and I heard them both gasp from either side of me.
“Are we done Emma?” Chrissie whispered from behind me as her voice sounded scared. Turning my head towards her I nodded my head and Ryder moved his head but only wrapped his arm around my waist as we made our way out of the hall turning the lights off in the process. We made our way outside to head our separate ways.
After testing my theory and finding out that I really was supposed to be shot that day not Ryder the day seemed to go by faster that I expected truthfully. Ryder took me home that day and once home we decided to invite a few friends over to have a slumber party and watch movies. I know a slumber party for a bunch of young adults seems funny but it was fun and enjoyable, lots of food and movies. We had Mike, Bryan, Jace, Chrissie and Sydney over for the night though they didn't stay over but just left a little after 1 in the morning to head home. I know we just left Chrissie and Jace earlier that day before we decided on a sleepover for everyone and it truthfully was wonderful to be around everyone. Though that night things seemed a little tense between Chrissie and Sydney and it made me wonder what was going on between those two. Sydney seemed off and so did Chrissie though what stood out the most was that Chrissie almost seemed scared to be left alone or be alone with Sydney. Where ever one of us went Chrissie would volunteer to help so she was not alone with her. You could also tell by the glances Chrissie stole her way when she thought people weren’t looking but as her best friend I noticed them while the others paid it no attention. Could there be something going on between the two? Could it be something to do with the threats? I wondered. No one else seemed to feel the tension in the room except me. Ryder stayed over that night to make sure I was okay as well as keep me company after everyone went home so late plus I wanted him to stay the night with me. I enjoyed sleeping in his arms because when he was around me I felt safe and sound, like I had nothing to fear because he would always be there to protect me.
I love him so much that when he was around me I was beyond happy and so many people could see that. With one look I could tell he loved me, truth was we did not need words to explain how we felt against one another because we just knew. We lay snuggled up in my bed watching movies until we finally fell asleep late into the early morning.