Tw: The parts that are in italics like this are Remus' intrusive thoughts which are very graphic and gorey so warning for that. Yes I am aware they're not accurate to how actual intrusive thoughts are, trust me I have them myself but it reads nicer like this
Remus was sitting still on a chair in the kitchen of Remy's apartement. It had been several hours since he left Patton's apartment and he only recently had stopped crying. Logan and Janus had left a while ago. Seeing Jan had only made Remus cry harder so it was for the best if they left. Either way Dee was exhausted after standing up against Patton so he would need a lot of cuddles from Lo and snake plushies.
"Gurl wanna share one of your gory ideas? I know you like talking about them" Remy asked to try and cheer him up. They didn't get answer. They were sitting on the chair on the other side of the table.
They sighed and placed their forehead against the cold surface of the table. No matter what they did nothing seemed to work. If a quiet Remus was a sad Remus how miserable was a mute Remus?
They smiled when they felt a hand pat their head "Thanks hun" They mumbled.
Remy looked up at the clock on the wall and realized it was late, or well not late for them but late for normal people without insomnia. They had an early shift at the coffee shop tomorrow so technically they had to sleep about now.
"Ok Em you got a choose here kay. You can sleep on the couch or on the floor if you for whatever reason want that but my bed is always open and even if you sleep there it doesn't mean we have to cuddle or anything, hell I can take the couch if you want that"
Remus shook his head. He made some noise that was probably supposed to sound grateful before going into the bathroom. He laid down in the bathtub and made himself as small as possible.
"Wait gurl you can't sleep with that" They said pointing at the collar "You're gonna choke or some shit"
They tried to take it off but Remus kept biting their hands and growling. He backed away and put his hands in front of his face. He couldn't take the collar off. Patton would be so mad and it was his only reminder that someone loved him.
"Why won't you take it off?" Remy asked and their volume rose slightly but it was enough.
Remus whined in a pattern so it almost sounded like sorry over and over. He cradled his broken wrist as tears filled his eyes.
"Oh no no it's okay girl, I didn't mean to like...I dunno trigger you? Fuck is that a good word to use. Ehm you can keep the collar on tonight kay? But some day you gotta take it off"
They stood up and tried to give him a reassuring smile. "Well goodnight, sweet dreams"
Remus tried to hymn out the words 'don't let the monsters under the bed bite' but to not surprise it only sounded like nonsense. Instead he tried to smile and he waved back before laying down again and hugging his arms so tightly his knuckles whitened.
Of course Remy didn't sleep. Not just because of the insomnia. The last day, hell the last few weeks had been too much and now they had a mute and traumatized and broken roomate.
It was 2 am and they had been scrolling through social media for who knows how long. The light from the phone made their eyes feel dry somehow. They were close to passing out when he heard quiet steps.
The steps were so quiet and good at being quiet they wondered how many times Remus had had to sneak around. The steps went to the door and the door handle was pulled over and over but it was locked. Remy had made sure of it so he didn't sneak back to Patton.
The sound of hands hitting against the door echoed through the small apartement followed by muffled sobbing. Maybe they were hearing things but they could swear on him whining out something that was close to a name.
Remy turned off their phone and held their breath when the sobbing stopped and the quiet steps could be heard again. This time the steps went into their room. They pretended to sleep as the weight on their bed shifted. Remus pressed himself close to their chest and moved their arms around them before placing his head against where their heart was.
"Hi babe" They whispered while stroking his hair.
He looked up. His eyes were red and there were obvious tear streaks on his cheeks. He knocked on the wall before holding up 4 fingers. He whined and hit his hands against his head.
"Trapped? Trapped between 4 walls?" Remy tried to guess what he meant "Gurl I swear in the morning I'll unlock the door. You can go anywhere you want, do anything you want expect for go back to Patton kay?"
He hit his hands against his knees and whined.
"I know, I'm sorry but it's for your best. Come on you need sleep, try to get some"
He shook his head. He pointed at a fading bruise on his arm and mimed waking up from sleep.
"You're afraid of waking up with bruises?" He nodded "Gurl I would never-"
Apparently Remus took this as him doing something wrong. He held his hands in front of his face as he frantically nodded.
'Remy is going to kill you! they should kill you! It would be better for everyone if you took the knife in the kitchen and didn't stop at a scar this time' His intrusive thoughts shouted at him.
"Chill, chill. I'm not mad and I promise I won't hurt you in any way"
Remy gently took Remus hand and moved it up under their shirt. They moved it up so he could feel their heart beating.
"Just focus on my heart beating hun, don't worry about anything else" They said softly.
Slowly the fear in Remus' eyes disappeared. Remy let out an energy of safety and he was so tired so maybe he could risk sleeping. It honestly felt like he hadn't slept in months. He cuddled up closer against their chest but he didn't move hand. It was reassuring to feel the heartbeats.
Remy shone up into a small but tender smile when they heard quiet snoring and mumbled noises. They heart ached at the fact that they were right next to him but it still felt like they were lying next to a stranger. They would do anything to see Remus genuinely smile again. To see him get so happy he had to get the joy out by jumping up and down while flapping his hands again.
They let out a sigh before pressing a kiss into his dark curls. They closed their eyes and waited for sleep to come even though their mind was still spinning with racing thoughts.
A few hours later when they had finally fallen asleep intense knocking on the entrance door sadly woke Remy up. They groaned and complained loudly as they went over to open.
They hesitated and thank god for that. They looked through the keyhole and Patton smiled back at them. Their blood ran cold.
"ReRe we're not opening" They said as they went back into the bedroom.
The duke was just now stirring awake. Remy sat down and moved his head to their lap as they stroked through his long hair. They continued to whisper out short promises of everything turning out alright.
The knocking wouldn't stop. It got louder and louder until Remus started to whimper. It reminded him to much of doors slamming and yelling and doors slamming onto him. He could practically hear some of his exes voices.
Remy wasn't sure how much time had passed but the knocking didn't stop and they were worried their crush would be sent into a panic attack if it continued. They patted him on the head before deciding to do something about it.
They got up and quickly went over to the door and threw it up. Their hands were formed into fists and they were ready to knock Patton out if they had to.
Instead Patton stood still outside and held out a box while smiling. He didn't even make an attempt to go into the apartment.
"Get away from here you lil bitch" Remy growled out while taking a step closer to him.
"Oh don't worry kiddo I'll be gone in a minute, I'm just here to drop of my cuties' things"
"Don't call me kiddo" Remy forced the box out of his hands before hissing at him "You make me sick"
Patton's eyes turned cold and his smile turned sinister "If that's what you think doesn't it make you sick to think of all the times we hanged out and laughed while Deceit was stuck in my apartment beaten and bruised?" His smile turned bigger "4 years, think of all the times you could have helped him during that time"
"I hope you die over and over and over again" They spit the words out just like they wanted to spit in his face. They didn't want to admit that the words made guilt bloom in there chest.
Remy gave him the middle finger and pointed at him to leave before stepping back and slamming the door to the apartment shut.
With a sigh they sat down on the ground and opened the box. It wasn't what they'd expected and as they looked down into it they hoped Patton was still on the other side of the door so they could go back out there and beat him.
Inside the box laid clothes, books and everything else a Remus would need. But the clothes had been torn apart. The books had been put down into the water until the pages had been destroyed, including all of the pages filled with his drawings. The creepy dolls he liked looked like they'd been set on fire. His plush octopus had gotten it's head cut off and eyes torn out. Everything was destroyed.
Remy sat back against the wall while wondering what to do with any of it. Instead they realized that they would have probably disliked Patton even if he treated Remus perfectly simply out of jealousy. Now they despised him because he got the man they loved and didn't even treat him well.
They put the box near the corner of the living room. They stood up with a sigh while combing their hair back with their hands. It was still just a normal Tuesday so they decided to act as if nothing was unusual. They had to make breakfast, take their pills and get into work clothes as if nothing bad had happened just to get through the day.
Jeez, they had a lot to talk about with Picani at their next appointment.
--. --- --- -.. -... -.-- . .--. .- -
"Sup Gaaallll!" Remy exclaimed when they finally came home from the work. Sure work always felt like forever but now more than ever it felt like it would never end.
They'd texted with Logan during the break. He said that maybe Remus wasn't speaking because it was a response to trauma and he probably just needed time. They'd also sent a bunch of memes and cute pictures of snakes to Janus because they felt he needed it right now.
At first Remus didn't answer. He was too focused looking through the box he'd found in the living room. When he heard footsteps approaching behind him he tensed up.
"Found anything?" Remy asked while hunching down beside him. They tried not to notice the books which had been seemingly thrown against the wall and the pages which had been torn out of them and torn apart.
He held up the dolls that now had dark parts left from fire on them. He pointed at them before doing a thumbs up. They looked even more haunted now which he liked.
"I swear I will go up for a late night snack and those lil bitches will be summoning satan in the kitchen" They muttered back.
He opened his mouth to say that hopefully they will but nothing came out 'They will tie you to ceiling and cut your tongue out, your mouth will fill with blood until you choke on it' His intrusive thoughts whispered to him.
He ignored them held up one of his cut up shirts and motioned for sewing a needle through it before tilting his head.
'You should sew into your skin and make pretty patterns. Sew flowers into your skin. Stab the needle into you until your guts have stitches on them' His intrusive thoughts cut in but he tried to ignore it.
"I think I can like try to fix them, like I'm no Bianca del rio but I can try" They stood up before throwing off their leather jacket and taking out a coffee from their bag.
They planted themselves in the couch. Their sunglasses got thrown onto the table before they stretched out like a cat. For a few minutes they just laid there with their eyes closed. Remus started to wonder if they'd died.
He let go of the doll and instead cuddled up next to Remy. He nudged against their side until they half opened their eyes to look at him.
"I'm just chilling" They yawned out while patting his head "WAit! Girl holy damn I almost forgot"
They fished around in their bag and took out a brown book with green swirly details on the cover. Remus simply titled his head and stared at the book.
"It's a sketchbook sweetie" They explained "I thought since ehm your last one got destroyed by y'know who I thought like maybe you needed a new one too fill with you amazing ideas and stuff"
Remus took the book and pressed it close to his chest with a smile. Remy's heart warmed at seeing his smile. They wished they could kiss that smile but they knew it was for the best for both of them if they didn't.
"Sooo like LoLo told me that there's text to speech apps so if you can't talk you can still communicate" They said while pressing down the longing growing inside them.
He shrugged and Remy realized that maybe it wasn't just that he physically couldn't speak, maybe he didn't want to.
"Can you at least download the app in cause you want to talk? Or am in like some sort of emergency so you like need to talk or whatever"
Remus shook his head.
"Girl gimme your phone. Now" They ordered while holding out their hand.
They could see the way memories replayed in Remus' head. They could see the way he had to hold back a flinch. They could see the way he looked down as he handed his phone over.
'Great! Amazing! You haven't even been here for a day and you've already destroyed everything! How can you even fuck something as simple as this up! Just agree and obey! It's not that hard! You might as well drag out your own fingernails so you're at least interesting to look at! Drag them out! Drag them out! Drag them out!' His intrusive thoughts yelled at him.
Remy had installed the app when there was a notif showing there was a new text message. They felt it was rude but they were also really into gossip so they just had to see who had sent it.
Patton.
Patton had sent it. Of course he had sent it. Remy cursed on the inside. How could they had forgotten to block his number. How stupid could they be.
The recent conversations consisted solely of Patton talking about where he was and how Remus could get there and where Remus was and how much he loved him.
The only message Remus had sent was '💚💚💚💚 Luve you to cant talk remy hasnt givn me pemision to text any one dont wnt to be hurt 💚💚💚 sory 💚💚'
They slowly put down the phone again after blocking Patton's number. They felt bad for doing it without his permission but they kept telling themself it was for the best.
When they turned back to Remus he was staring into the floor while holding his wrists out.
"Girl whatcha doing? Some satanic ritual?"
He kept holding his wrists out and started to whimper.
"What do you want me to do? I have 0 clue what the hell you're doing"
Remus continued to whine with a desperate tone. In a last ditch attempt he opened the text to speech app and wrote something down quickly before letting the emotionless and robotic voice say
'I broke the rules Tie me up I deserve it'
Remy went cold, the only thing they could think of was joking the tense atmosphere away "Ok kinky but like girl what the fuck"
'For however long Ive done eight hours I can take it tie me up however you want i wont talk I promise'
"What? When where you tied up for 8 hours? That's like some extreme stuff. why would you ever do that?....I Mean I won't like judge if it was ehm consensual I guess"
'They're going to pin you to the floor and shove their arm down your throat and rip out your heart, you're horrible and worthless and you can't even be useful in the right way don't you get that they don't want to see you beg like the disgusting piece of shit you are' His intrusive thoughts nearly made him whimper.
Remus gave up. Communicating was too difficult so he put down the phone and decided that Remy was just waiting for the right time to punish him. It was just a matter of time. He frowned when he tensed up without meaning to. He was just supposed to take it so it wouldn't get worse why couldn't his body just accept that.
"I'm not mad at you" Remy mumbled after a few minutes of silence. All they got was whimpering in response. "And you're allowed to text and talk to people. You don't have to ask me about permission before hand"
They were so close to breaking "Please just say something. I miss your voice. I miss my friend. I miss you!" He could feel Remus nuzzling his head against their arm "I know you're here physically but You aren't here. You're not You. You're the remnants of my best friend after you were forced to become someone I don't recognize"
Suddenly all they could feel was sadness and they tried to hide it but Remus got the hint. He crawled over into their lap and tried to make himself useful. He cuddled close to their chest and held their hand.
When nothing seemed to lift their mood he took their hand and moved it up to his cheek. He moved it so it looked like they slapped him. He looked up at them and nodded before pointing between their hand and his cheek.
To no surprise this only made Remy feel worse "Gurl I won't hurt you, that won't make me feel better"
Remus whined while moving their hand again.'You deserve this. You deserve this. You've deserved all of this. You deserve more pain. If they won't hurt you you need to hurt yourself. Or else they will bury you alive and wait until maggots are eating you. You will rot like you deserve to' His intrusive thoughts shouted at him.
He shook his head to get the thoughts away. He grabbed his new sketchbook and the nearest pen. He quickly wrote down something before shuffling the book into Remy's lap.
"I'm sorry" They read out what was written.
They rubbed their eyes to get a looming head ache away "It's fine, I get that you can't like help it.....I'm just tired" They sighed.
He tugged at their shirt sleeve to get them to look up before motioning for throwing something into his mouth.
"Yeah I've taken my meds it's not that that's wrong" They replied.
'This is all your fault. You're making them feel bad. You should slam your head into the wall until your forehead is bleeding. You should throw that glass down onto the floor and shove the sharp pieces into your stomach. You have to make them happy even if it kills you' His intrusive thoughts snarled at him.
He hit his hands against his head to make it stop. Why did it choose today of all days to be so persistent. He moved closer to them and nudged his head against their shoulder while taking his phone and writing in the text to speech app
'Want me to draw something?'
They hesitated for a moment before placing their arm around his shoulder. They leaned closer to him while replying with "Sure. Anything you want"
He motioned for shooting his brains out while sticking his tongue out.
"Yeah gore too, whatever you feel like"
Remus shone up into giddy smile as he started to draw. He was a little bit annoyed he had to use his left hand since his right wrist was broken but he could manage. Remy relaxed and put on a reality show while waiting for him to be done.
After a while the duke dragged in their shirt to get their attention again. He held up his sketchbook. The drawing depicted a woman who'd gotten her legs cup up in several places so the blood and bones were visible. She was smiling while saying that she was worthless. Under her was a man with brown hair who was digging his nails down into his cheeks so harshly blood was pooling out. It was eerily realistic.
"Gal that looks great" Remy said while pulling him closer.
He shone up into a grin while giggling. He flapped his hands around to get the happiness out of him or else he would explode.
Remy gently moved his chin so he was looking up at them. They leaned close and murmured "I love you..r drawing. I love your drawing"
Even if they tried to keep eye contact their gaze kept going down to his lips. They bit their own lip to stop themself from moving closer. They hated how much they loved him.
They abruptly stood up to ensure that they didn't make a tremendous mistake"Does Chinese take out sound good? I mean for like dinner or something?"
Remus nodded before going back to drawing. He looked happy, that Remy could see but if they looked closer they could see how dull his eyes were. His eyes were normally a vibrant green but now they looked more close to grey. Every small sound made him look up to see if he was in danger and his shoulders were squared up as if he was ready to be attacked.
Remy took out their phone and dialed the take out place. They silently promised to make Remus happy again...somehow....even if it seemed impossible right now.