Chapter 42
As I promised I will spend my remaining time with him.
I can't tell this to my siblings because for sure they will do something just to make sure that I will be safe. Baka ipalipad pa ako ng states pero alam kong hindi ko rin naman 'to matatakbuhan.
"Leie! I missed you!" I said and I hugged him.
We are now in HJE's rooftop, wala narin ang pool dito kaya mas spacious na.
I forgot that we aren't alone, I saw Ate Caiohme, Kuya Agust, Kuya Ashen and Leilani's shocked face. When I realized everything agad akong lumayo kay Leie atsaka umupo sa upuan.
"Grabe late na nga, inuna pa yumakap." Pagpaparimig ni Ate kaya nag-iwas ak ng tingin.
Nagulat ako ng biglang lumapit si Kuya Ashen sa akin. "Let's talk." He said.
Lumayo kami ng kaunti sa kanila, we're near to elevator, I can now see Leie's back he is now busy doing some juices again for everyone.
"Haffai Jae! Stop fantasizing him for a while. Hindi siya tatakbo. Face me." Sabi ni Kuya kaya sa kaniya na-focus ang paningin ko.
"He might run though." I whispered.
I saw my brother's confused face, hindi pa niya maiintindihan sa ngayon kahit na i-kwento ko pa. Umiling na lang ako at umayos ng tayo sa harapan niya.
"Eversince I went back here with Lani, you were always pre-occupied, easy to get tired. I know you have much things to do and tasks to finish but I know that's not just the reason why, can you tell me what is it huh?" He said and hold my cheeks.
Yumuko ako saglit, hindi ko talaga kayang sabihin sa kaniya ngayon.
I shook my head before answering him. "Pagod lang talaga ako Kuya." I said and I sigh.
He look not convince but he sigh. "Alright, I won't force you to tell me. By the way you didn't answer my calls last night, where were you?" He asked.
Napatingin muna ako kay Leie bago ako ulit tumingin sa kaniya. Leie didn't tell him? Oh my god.
"Sa unit! Maaga akong natulog, sorry Kuya." I lied.
I'll ask Leie later why didn't he tell it to my brother.
"Alright tara na do'n, pangit mo kausap dami mo iniisip." Pagbiro niya kaya napatawa ako.
Hours later both of my siblings needs to go back to their branches, Kuya Agust and Lani also have different appointments.
"We'll go first, ihahatid ko pa si Lani sa mall." Kuya Ashen said.
"Sa malapit mo na lang ako ibaba Jiehne." Lani said and he nodded.
Nauna nang umalis sila Kuya at Lani, inubos muna ni Ate Caiohme ang panglimang juice na nagawa ni Leie. Hindi raw kasi niya malasahan.
After she finished everything, nagpaalam na din sila sa amin.
Kaming dalawa na lang ni Leie ang naiwan dito kaya nag-umpisa na rin akong kabahan.
"Haffai?"
"Yes?"
"Why are you late?"
"Bakit? Na-miss mo ba agad ako?" Tanong ko habang hawak ang kwintas.
Pinagsisihan ko agad ang sinabi ko nang ma-realize kung ano iyon, napaangat naman ang tingin ko sa kaniya dahil sa sagot niya.
"Yes." He answered.
I smiled. "I miss you too and I might miss you even more." I said.
Nag-iwas ako ng tingin nang makita ko na naguguluhan siya. Hindi pwedeng magkamali ako ng salita sa ngayon, natatakot ako sa lahat ng posibleng mangyari.
We're not in a relationship, kaya awkward din.
"Haffai tara dito, upo ka." Sabi niya sabay turo sa tabi niya.
Panatag ako ngayon na wala akong makikita na kahit ano dahil siya ang kasama ko pero ang takot at pangamba ko, nandito pa rin, hindi nawawala.
I sat beside him. "Why?" I asked.
"Give me your hand." He said so I gave it to him.
"Alam mo ba na kung mapaglaro ang tadhana, mas mapaglaro ang buhay?" He said.
"Huh?"
"Life can really be playful. Some people can see ghosts and some are not. People who can see ghosts are definitely strong because they have that ability that they can handle and they need to overcome every fear and circumstances they'll face."
Nanatili akong tahimik, pinapakinggan ko pa rin siya habang hawak-hawak niya ang kamay ko.
"And to those people who can't see their life are probably calming and not that creepy but you know they can be someone's special person." He continued.
"People who can see ghosts cannot survive if they loose their special person, do you get me?" He asked.
I can't get his point, this is actually our situation right now. I don't know if one of my siblings told him about this.
Hindi ako sumagot, hinihintay ko pa rin siyang mag-salita.
"I guess you didn't get my point. Let's say I can see ghost and you are my special person, you're the one I need, Haffai I can't loose you." He whispered.
Wala akong ibang gustong gawin sa ngayon kundi umiyak ng umiyak pero hindi ko magawa dahil nasa harapan ko pa siya. Naiinis ako sa sarili ko dahil kailangan ko pang itago 'to sa kaniya.
He's my special person, I believe on that and I am so much scared right now because I know there's a possibility that he might forget me and of course on that I will surely loose him.
"Hey you have tears, why are you crying? It breaks my heart." He said and simply wiped my tears.
I said I will spend my remaining time with him for us to have more memories but why am I hurting right now? Nasasaktan ako dahil parang mas nahihirapan ako kapag napapalapit kami sa isa't-isa.
I am not confident enough that I will finish my last mission in a good way, I am afraid to wake up next days knowing that Leie wouldn't recognize me anymore or I will disappear to their lives.
Johnson was right, I should just focus to my mission.
"Why did you say that?" I said.
Kung kanina lang ay nanghihina ako, ngayon ay may plano na agad ako.
"Nothing." Binalik niya ang atensyon sa kamay ko na pinaglalaruan niya. Binawi ko iyon at hinarap siya.
Sobrang gulo na ng sitwasyon ko, ayoko ng mas paguluhin ito.
Ayokong madamay siya kahit na alam kong connected siya sa akin, hindi ko lang kayang tanggapon na mawawala ako sa kaniya o makakalimutan niya ako. Magfofocus na lang ako sa mission ko kesa mangyari ang isa sa dalawang 'yon.
Tumayo ako at lumayo ng konti sa kaniya atsaka ako nagsalita. "Let's stop here. I'm confused to your words and I don't want anything about us." I said.
"What? What do you mean? Stop what?" He asked.
"Let's stop here, let's end everything between us."
"What?"
"Itigil na natin 'to. Nahuhulog na ako, nagugistuhan na kita ayoko nitong nararamdaman ko kaya please, tama na." Sabi ko sa kaniya.
Hindi ko na siya tinignan, instead I walk towards the elevator.
"Why Haffai? Ako ba hindi?" Sabi niya.
Napatigil ako sa pag-pindot ng button, hinarap ko siya kahit na may distansya na sa aming dalawa.
"What?"
He looked away first. "Ako ba hindi? You want to stop everything because you want to prevent your feelings? Ako, hindi mo ba naiisip kung anong nararamdaman ko sayo? Haffai mahal kita matagal na." He said.
Hindi ko 'yon sinagot, humarap ulit ako sa elevator at muling pinindot ang button.
When the elevator door opens, tumigil ako sandali para magsalita.
I will hate myself for saying this and I know he will hate me too but I have no choice.
"I didn't ask because I don't care, lumayo ka na lang sa akin please or let's just stay as professionals." I said and entered the elevator.
The door slowly close so I had the time to see his weak smile and little nods to me.
He's agreeing only because this is what I want, kilala ko siya, alam kong ginagawa niya lang 'yon dahil sa akin.
"Damn." Bulong ko sa sarili ko.
That's the right thing to do, ang layuan siya habang maaga pa. Kahit na gusto ko pa siyang makasama ng matagal, hindi ko kayang makasama siya habang naiisip ko na mawawala ako o makakalimutan niya ako.
Mas ayos ng i-hate niya ako dahil sa ginawa ko sa kaniya, mas okay na 'yon kesa sa dalawang posibleng mangyari.
I do love him but I am afraid of everything. I'm doing this not just for my sake but also for him, I want him to be safe all the time, ayokong mapahamak siya dahil madadamay siya sa akin. I'll do my best to protect him at all cost.
Our feelings can leads us to danger and I don't want that. Mabuti na rin na wala kaming naumpisahan officially, mas madaling itigil.
If I will continue to hang out with him, mas mahihirapan lang ako dahil habang tumatagal mas mahihirapan akong bitawan siya, hindi na ako makakapag-focus sa mission ko kung gano'n. This is my only way.
I went home, I went straight to my bed and cry my eyes out.
This is the only time I feel loved but why is this world so cruel to me? Am I that sinful?
I just want him to be safe all the time, 'yon lang masaya na ako.
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SassyKylie