Billie realises Scott is back at school when he comes to her spot behind the cafeteria during their lunch break. Billie is halfway through her peanut butter and jelly sandwich when Scott rounds the corner, knowing who those hunched shoulders belonged to.
Before her brain registers what she's doing, Billie is rushing over to Scott and wrapping her arms around his shoulders, hugging him. Billie freezes in her spot when she realises what she's done. Billie is berating herself; how could she be so stupid? Scott and Billie hardly know each other and he is Curly's friend, not Billie's ⏤
Scott's thin arms wrap themselves around Billie's torso, returning the hug. Relief courses through Billie's veins.
"Are you better?" Billie asks Scott as they break away from the hug.
"I am," Scott answers, nodding his head. They sit down, their backs against the brick wall of the cafeteria. Billie doesn't realise how close she and Scott are sitting beside each other until Scott's leg brushes against her own as he shifts in his spot.
"Thanks again for coming over the other day," Scott says to Billie. "Not many people care about me enough to do that," he admits, cheeks flushing.
Billie gives Scott a small smile. "Not many people care about me either, and you've been nice to me so I thought it was the right thing to do." As Billie admits this, her cheeks start to flush too. She feels like a tomato and wonders if she actually looks like one, or if her anxiety is taking over.
Billie can hear the sound of footsteps around the corner of the cafeteria, and she and Scott lean forward to see the girl from the other day ⏤ Laura ⏤ round the corner.
Seeing Billie and Scott sitting together, she stops in her tracks. "Am I interrupting something?" she asks.
Billie and Scott's eyes widen at what Laura is insinuating. They both cry out, "no!" Scott then adds, "this ⏤ isn't what you're thinkin'. We're friends."
Hearing Scott say that he and Billie are friends leaves Billie with a foreign feeling in her stomach. It isn't a bad feeling, in fact, it's a good feeling. She's never had a friend, a true friend, anyway. Everybody had stayed away from Billie when she was younger, always drawn to Curly and his escapades in grade school, such as jumping off roofs of classrooms.
"Okay," Laura says, eyebrows slightly raised, giving the impression that she doesn't really believe Scott.
"No, really," Scott continues. "I don't see Billie in that way. I've known her since we were kids. She's like a sister."
"I believe you," Laura says, but from her playful tone and the smile tugging on the corner of her lips, Billie knows that she doesn't believe Scott. "Anyway," she says, changing the topic, "can I sit here? Leo isn't here today and I don't feel like being yelled at by Bob Sheldon and his goons in the cafeteria today." She says it so lightly, so casually, like she isn't affected by the fact that Bob Sheldon and his Soc friends harass her, but Billie can see through the mask of nonchalance. She can see that Laura does care, otherwise she wouldn't be behind the cafeteria with Billie and Scott right now.
Billie nods her head. "It's fine."
Laura nods her head in thanks to Billie and sits down across from Billie and Scott. Upon seeing Scott's confusion, she explains, "Leo is another Greaser. His parents used to be friends with mine. Normally I'd go into the cafeteria, but I promised Leo I'd stay out of trouble." Pointing to Billie, she adds, "Her sister stepped when Bob Sheldon was picking on me."
Scott nods his head. "Bob Sheldon's a piece of work."
Laura snorts. "As well as being a racist piece of shit. Most of what he says to me is about going back to the place I came from, which is fucking stupid as I am born here."
"Where is your family from?" Scott asks.
"The Dominican Republic," Laura answers. "Came here looking for a better life, for 'The American Dream' ⏤ that was a load of shit," she adds bitterly, eyes darkening. She looks away and Billie sees the hint of silver in her eyes. When Laura looks back, it's gone.
"I'm sorry," Billie says softly. She knows it's not much, that it won't change anything, but she knows that she has to say something, anything.
Laura gives her a smile in reply, as thanks. Changing the subject she asks, "what's your stories?" and points at Scott and Billie.
Scott answers first. "Born on the East Side and will live the rest of my life on the East Side."
"You?" Laura asks Billie.
"Same as his," Billie answers. "Can't go anywhere anyway, not without my siblings."
"I wish I had siblings," Laura states, "I don't have any, and the closest thing I have to a sibling is Leo."
"I also don't have siblings," Scott says. "Curly, Dean and Lloyd ⏤ my mates ⏤ they're like my brothers."
"Curly's your brother, right?" Laura asks Billie. Billie nods her head in confirmation. "Why haven't I seen your friends at school?"
"They don't care about school. Not like Billie and I do, anyway," Scott answers and turns his head to smile at Billie. Billie smiles back. It's nice, really nice, to have someone who cares about school like she does. It's nice to not be judged for liking school, or wanting to be at school, just because she is a Greaser ⏤ and a Shepard; the worst type of Greaser.
"I don't care about school," Laura admits. "I only go because my mom thinks it will keep me out of trouble. Not that she knows that I get into just as much trouble at school as I do out of it. I don't see what the point is. I'm never going to have the same opportunities as the Socs."
"If life was different and you could do anything you wanted, what would you do?" Scott asks Laura.
Laura ponders Scott's question for a few minutes, deciding on her answer. Then, "I don't know. I've never really thought about it."
"There must be something you want to do," Scott persists. "If I could, I'd be an astronaut at NASA. Maybe go into space like the Russians are planning to do."
"If I could, I'd go far away from here," Billie speaks up. It's a private thought; one that she's never voiced before, but she figures since the others are sharing, why shouldn't she? "Maybe go up North to New York or Chicago."
"And do what?" Laura asks.
"I don't know." Billie shrugs her shoulders. "Maybe write a book, or join a newspaper."
Nobody says anything after Billie and silence descends over the three teenagers. The silence lasts five minutes, with Laura looking down onto the ground as she throws small rocks into the distance. Then, she looks up. "If I could do anything, I'd go back home to my grandparents and cousins. I don't feel welcome in America. Not here, when I look and am so different."
Billie's heart clenches at the way Laura says the word 'different', like it is a dirty word. Being different is nothing to be ashamed of and Billie's chest feels heavy at the fact that Laura felt ashamed about her heritage. Billie couldn't relate to Laura; not with her parents and grandparents and great-grandparents and so on being white Americans and had never experienced racism, but she feels disgusted that someone would target another person based on the colour of their skin.
"You have nothing to be ashamed of," Billie tells Laura. "You're not the problem. They are." And I'm sorry society has made you feel this way, Billie wants to add. But the unspoken words are conveyed in her tone, and with the small smile Laura gives her, Billie knows that Laura understands the unspoken words.
Scott flashes Billie a smile as they meet up at the front of the school when the day ends. "How was the rest of your day?" he asks Billie as they start walking.
"Alright," Billie answers, shrugging, "I have a lot of homework to do."
"Me too," Scott replies and pulls a face of disgust. Billie laughs at Scott's face, feeling a lightness in her core that she hasn't experienced in a long time. It's the feeling of friendship, of belonging, of not feeling alone. She knows that Scott is Curly's friend, but maybe he can be her friend too.
They have started walking home when a voice calls out their names. Turning around, Billie sees Ponyboy running over to them, cheeks flushed red and eyes wide in fright. "I need to tell ya something," Ponyboy tells Billie, his tone laced with urgency.
Ponyboy's words and his tone creates a knot of anxiety in Billie's stomach. Her whole body goes numb. Has something happened to Angela? To Curly? To Tim?
"What is it?" Billie asks, thankful she manages to not stutter when getting the words out.
"It's Angela," Ponyboy tells Billie. "Two-Bit and Kathy saw Angela in an alleyway near Spencer's Special. She's not good."
Billie's whole world stops. She freezes, not knowing what to do as panic takes over. Her mind is running over everything that could have happened to her sister. "Come on," Ponyboy says to Billie and Scott, snapping Billie out of the panicked daze she is in. "I know where Angela is."
Ponyboy, Billie and Scott break out into a run, pushing past Greaser and Socs highschoolers on the sidewalk. Ponyboy is at the front, and Billie is finding it difficult to keep up with him, despite her long legs. Her lungs are burning as Ponyboy runs even faster (Billie has no idea it is possible, but it is. Curse Ponyboy for being on the school's track team).
"What's wrong with Angela?" Scott asks Billie in between shallow breaths as they stop at a crossing.
"She and Tim had a fight a little while ago," Billie answers, "and she's been out doin' who knows what." And now something's wrong, confirming all their worst fears.
Scott doesn't get the chance to reply as Ponyboy starts running across the road. Billie and Scott start running after him and Billie's lungs feel like they're about to burst. She's never realised how unfit she is until now ⏤
"Billie? The hell you doing?"
Billie stops at the sound of her brother's yelling. She turns to see Tim driving the electric blue souped-up car he won a few weeks ago, with Wesley beside him in the passenger's seat. Billie doesn't know how she didn't hear Tim approach with the low but loud rumble of the car's engine.
Ponyboy answers for her. "Two-Bit and Kathy found Angela in an alleyway near Spencer's Special."
Billie watches as Tim's face pales. "Get in," he tells Ponyboy, Billie and Scott.
Wesley gets out and reclines the seat forward. Scott climbs in first, Billie following him in and Ponyboy climbing in after Billie. The backseats aren't particularly roomy, and with all three teens being lanky, they're all squashed on top of one another. Billie knows her bony elbow is digging into Ponyboy's side and that Ponyboy's nearly sitting in her lap, but there's nothing she can do about it.
"You said Ange is near Spencer's Special?" Tim asks Ponyboy as he starts driving again.
"She's in the alleyway just before Spencer's Special," Ponyboy answers, "the one on Simpson Lane."
"Shit," Tim curses. "That's where those Socs sell their drugs. What the hell was she thinking?"
Billie wants to say that Angela wasn't thinking, that she wasn't in the right frame of mind ⏤ and hasn't been since she fought with Tim at school all those weeks ago.
The worry must be written all over Billie's face because Scott reaches for Billie's hand and squeezes it in a comforting gesture. Billie squeezes his hand back and returns his smile. It doesn't quell her worry, but there is something settling about knowing that someone is here for her, someone that isn't her siblings.
Tim speeds through roads and past other cars in a frantic rush to get to Angela. Wesley tells Tim to slow down and was met with a crude snap from Tim for his troubles. Wesley mutters under his breath as Tim would be no help to Angela if he got himself in trouble with the fuzz. Tim chooses not to reply to Wesley and instead accelerates even more.
When they reach Simpson Lane, Tim slams on the break as he parks by the curb of the road. Tim jumps out and runs into the alleyway as Wesley jumps out and reclines the seats for the teenagers to get out.
As Billie enters the alleyway, she makes out Tim and a girl with long, blonde hair ⏤ Kathy ⏤ kneeling by Angela. Her long mop of dark hair covers her face, but Billie can see she is pale. Billie tentatively takes a step forward as Scott, Wesley and Ponyboy stay behind.
Kathy looks up and sees Billie, gesturing for her to come over. Billie jogs over and Kathy stands up for Billie to take her spot. Billie crouches down beside Angela and tucks a strand of her hair behind her ear. Angela's eyes are closed and she's sweaty.
She starts groaning and rolls over onto her side. "She's been like that since Two-Bit and I found her," Kathy tells Tim and Billie.
"Thanks for finding her," Tim tells Kathy before he lifts up Angela. "Ange? It's Tim. It's going to be okay," he says to Angela, with a kind of softness that is uncharacteristically Tim Shepard.
"Are you taking her to the hospital?" Billie asks Tim, getting up from her crouching position.
"No," Tim replies, looking at Billie like she was an idiot for saying it. "No hospitals. They'll only ask questions."
"Look at her!" Billie cries out, pointing to Angela, who is groaning in Tim's arms. "The hospital can help her."
"No," Tim repeats. "They'll get the fuzz involved and cause more problems. You do realise we want to fix the problem, not make more?" The tone he uses with Billie is brittle and condescending and downright rude, especially when he got angry with Curly for attacking Billie the day before.
And it ignites a fire deep in Billie's belly. She's not a baby, and isn't helpless, despite what her siblings think of her. And least of all; she's not stupid. All she wants is to say something and to have it actually considered and thought about, not just discarded without a second thought.
But now isn't the time to make a scene, especially when Angela's in this state. So, doing what is expected of her, Billie follows Tim out of the alleyway. She feels the pressure of tears building up and she tries her hardest to stop them before her eyes begin to water. She curls her hands into fists and digs her blunt nails into her palms so hard it feels like she's about to break the skin.
Billie climbs into the back of the car and Tim places Angela down beside Billie. Angela's head falls to Billie's shoulder and rests there. Billie hears Angela mumbling for Billie to not go and Billie grabs her sister's hand and squeezes it, communicating to Angela that she's not going anywhere.
She looks out of the window to Kathy, Wesley and Tim talking and Scott looking at something across the road. Billie's eyes then drift to Ponyboy, who is staring at Ponyboy with furrowed eyebrows, frowning. When he realises Billie is looking at him, he quickly averts his gaze, his cheeks flushing at being caught staring.
Billie's cheeks flush too, feeling self-conscious. Why was Ponyboy looking at her? Did he feel sorry for her? Did he notice that she was about to cry? Did anyone else notice she was about to cry?
Tim says goodbye to Wesley and Kathy before getting into the car. He turns the car on and the engine rumbles to life. Without a second glance at the Greasers on the sidewalk, Tim speeds off in the direction of their house.
"How are the others getting home?" Billie asks Tim.
Tim, without looking at Billie, answers, "Kathy says Two-Bit is coming and will take them." Then he adds, "don't worry about them. We have Angela to worry about."
Don't worry about them? Without them, you wouldn't have found Angela, Billie wants to say to her brother but bites her tongue instead. There are hundreds of thoughts rushing through her head, hundreds of things she would like to say to Tim, but now isn't the right time. Tim and Billie can't be fighting, not when Angela is like this.
But deep down, Billie doesn't know if there will ever be the right time to tell not just Tim, but all her siblings, how she really feels. For so long she's done what others want her to do, what the right thing is for others, that she doesn't know how to do the right thing for herself.
When they arrive home, Tim carries Angela out of the car and into the house. Billie doesn't get out right away. She stays seated in the car, absorbing the events of the last hour. She hasn't stopped since the end of school. Now that the adrenaline has left her body, Billie feels exhausted, her eyes drooping.
Fighting the exhaustion, Billie pulls herself out of the car and walks into the house. Angela is lying on the couch, eyes closed.
Tim emerges from the kitchen, wiping his hands with a teatowel. "Told her to go to sleep. Hopefully, she will sleep it off," Tim explains.
Billie nods her head, having nothing to say. She walks past the couch to head to her and Angela's bedroom to get a start on the mountain of homework she has due tomorrow. "I'll get started on dinner shortly," she mutters before she enters her bedroom and closes the door.
Tim and Billie have finished eating dinner when Angela wakes up. She's slept for just over two hours and when she awakes, she looks much better than she did when they found her in the alleyway.
At this moment, Curly bursts through the door, slamming the fly screen door open. Upon seeing Angela on the couch, he cries out, "Ange! You're back!"
"Shut up!" Tim hisses at Curly. "She was sleeping."
Confused, Curly looks at Billie for more answers. "She was in the alleyway at Simpson Lane in a bad way," Billie elaborates. "Think she took something."
Curly's eyes go wide in realisation. "Shit," he says ⏤ which sums up the entire situation perfectly.
"Your dinner should still be warm, if you want it," Billie tells Curly as Tim goes to Angela's side.
"Thanks," Curly says as he walks over to the table. Passing by her, he adds, "also, I'm sorry for the other day. Yelling at you wasn't cool."
Billie waves it off. "It's fine. You were just worried." She says, as both twins look over at Angela, who was mumbling something to Tim.
Curly sits down to eat his dinner and Billie walks over to the couch, crouching beside Angela. Angela grabs Billie's hand and squeezes it. "Thanks, Billie, for finding me," she says gratefully.
"It's okay. Are you okay now?" Billie asks her.
Angela nods her head. "Think so. Must've had a bad reaction to marijuana." Billie doesn't need to ask what possessed Angela to take marijuana; she already knows the answer.
"See? Didn't need to take Ange to the hospital," Tim tells Billie, the words I told you so unspoken but still there.
"You wanted to take me to the hospital?" Angela questions Billie.
For God's sake ⏤ "I didn't know what was wrong with you," Billie admits, trying to not be defensive, but it is hard when it seems that all her siblings are attacking her and her actions. She wants to say that it's a perfectly reasonable thing to do when your sister looks half-dead in an alleyway. Why does she always get questioned, but Angela, who's been keeping the rest of them awake, sick to their stomach with worry, doesn't?
The rage from the alleyway comes back, settling deep in her stomach, burning. She knows crying now won't help her case, as her siblings will keep seeing her like a little kid - which is ironic since she and Curly are the same age.
She just wants to snap, just wants to tell her siblings how she really feels, but the words don't come out. They don't come out as Billie is too scared of what the result will be after she says those words. Once she says them, she can never un-say them. She can't take them back.
There's a reason she's not like her siblings; there's a reason they are Tim, Angela and Curly Shepard: names in neon signs and with the kind of honour only a select few in Tulsa have. And she's just Billie Shepard: the sibling left behind, the black sheep; the one that doesn't belong, that piece in the puzzle that you can't seem to figure out how the hell it fits in.
And it's because she's scared and a coward. Her siblings never find it hard to say how they truly feel, no matter the effect it has on the other person. And Billie? She's too afraid to tell her siblings how she really feels.
Billie excuses herself, muttering how she has homework to do. She practically runs down the hall and into her room, slamming the door shut and sliding down until her back hits the door and her head falls into her hands, the tears starting to slide down Billie's cheeks, with her being powerless to stop them.
The next morning, Billie arrives at school early. She left the house before anyone awoke, desperate to not have to face her siblings after she cried in her bedroom after dinner. Not that anyone heard.
It seems like Ponyboy has the same idea, as he arrives at school a minute after Billie has. He hasn't noticed Billie, as Billie sits on a bench with a book open. She's trying to read, but she can't concentrate, not when her head feels like it's full of cotton wool from staying up all night completing homework and washing up after dinner.
The sound of footsteps on concrete makes Billie look up from her book. Ponyboy hovers over the table, a shy smile on his face. "Can I sit?" he asks, pointing to the bench opposite Billie.
Billie nods her head. It wasn't like there was a long line of people wanting to be around her. Ponyboy shrugs off his backpack and sits on the bench across from Billie. "I wanted to see how you were doing, you know, after yesterday," he tells Billie, looking at Billie sincerely with his green eyes.
"Why wouldn't I be okay?" Billie asks, closing her book.
"It must've been scary seein' Angela like that," Ponyboy says. Then he adds, almost sheepishly, "I saw that you looked like you were gonna cry after Tim said somethin' to you."
Billie's cheeks flush in embarrassment at this, so hot that Billie felt like they were on fire. She knew Ponyboy saw that she was about to cry, how embarrassing. "I'm fine," she mumbles, averting her gaze from Ponyboy. She's so humiliated, all she wants is for the ground to swallow her up.
"I know what it feels like," Ponyboy states. "You saw Darry yellin' at me last week when you walked with me to school," he elaborates. "I know what's it like to not be heard, is all." This time, Ponyboy's cheeks flush red and he looks away. Billie has a feeling this is the first time he's told someone this.
Never in her wildest dreams would Billie have thought her and Ponyboy would have reached common ground, an understanding, over their older brothers. It's not that her and Ponyboy like each other, it's just that they've never really spoken over the years. Ponyboy talked more to Curly, but Billie figures that's because Curly is more open whereas Billie is closed off, making it hard for anyone to talk to her, and want to talk to her. Besides, Curly is the more interesting twin, anyway. Of course, Ponyboy would want to talk to him more than her.
"You don't have to talk to me about it, but I just wanted you to know that I understand. That you're not alone," Ponyboy says, giving Billie a small, but sincere smile.
Billie smiles back at Ponyboy. "Thanks."
"What did you get for the Maths homework? I was up late last night trying to do it but I couldn't get it," Ponyboy asks Billie, changing the subject.
Billie, glad to be talking about something else, replies, "I found it hard too, but I think I worked it out." She gets out her Maths exercise book and begins explaining the first question to Ponyboy.
a/n: here's a longer update to make up for the wait! + with some cute billie/ponyboy moments because they're so soft and i'm weak for them 🥺🤧 I hoped you enjoyed this chapter and don't forget to vote and comment what you thought! 💞💕💗💘