As I closed the door to Austin's room, I groaned to myself at the internal voices screaming back and forth in my mind.
I leaned the back of my head against his door in pure frustration as I reveled in my thoughts.
My hand went to my mouth and I grazed my lips that were still burning from our heated kiss.
My heart clenched as I kept picturing the near sadness in his eyes when he thought I forgot to kiss him.
But the truth is, I simply didn't forget.
I chose not to kiss him.
Last night became much too deep, deeper than I had anticipated.
He ignited feelings inside of me that I was trying so hard to deny. If I refused to acknowledge them, then that meant that they didn't exist, right?
I stupidly thought that if I didn't kiss him, I would somehow manage to stop my naive heart from falling head over fucking heels for him.
But as soon as he flashed those baby blues at me, I was a pathetic melting puddle in his hands and I helplessly surrendered my lips to him without even a second thought.
I shook my head and mustered the strength to pick up my heavy legs and lead myself away from Austin's door before anyone saw me.
I clutched my laptop and charger in one hand and my coffee cup in the other as I made my way down the stairs.
Once I reached the bottom of the staircase, I noticed Smitty, Vanessa and Natalie were already awake and in the living room along with Chris.
Jesus, how long was I up there for?
I rolled my eyes to myself as I somehow always let time get away from me when I was with Austin.
"Morning guys." I called as I made my way to the kitchen to free my full hands.
Everyone reciprocated their scattered greetings as I brought my cup to the sink and then placed my laptop on the kitchen island. I pulled out the bar stool took a seat to finish replying to some emails.
My nose was buried into the screen while I scrolled through the contract that was sent in from Arnette Sunglasses, as Austin's silhouette barely caught my eye as he came down the stairs.
He was freshly showered and wore a white tee shirt with light denim jeans. His curls were defined and a smile was plastered across his face. He went straight to the living room to chat with everyone as I continued to run through the contract in front of me.
After a short while, I noticed him making his way into the kitchen and walk towards the direction of coffee maker. I was in the middle of clicking away on my phone while he poured half of a cup of coffee and and smoothly slid into the empty seat next to me.
"Hey." He said as he brought the mug to his pink lips.
The smell of his expensive cologne in combination with fresh linens lingered in the air as he shifted his seat closer to mine. Our arms were braced against each other and the warmth of his body began radiating against mine. My head began to spin and I lost my train of thought as I held my phone in hands.
"Hey." I replied, with a small smile, glancing over to the living room to see if anyone was paying us any mind.
"I'm texting Brian about coming over later on tonight. I'm excited for you two to finally meet." I said, looking over to Austin's handsome face.
"Tell him to come to the concert tonight. It would be crazy for him to come to the after party here and not the show." Austin suggested as he shrugged his shoulders.
"Really? That would be awesome. Thanks Austin. He's really into your music." I grinned as I picked up my phone to send Brian another quick text, letting him know about the concert.
"Sure, it's no problem." He smiled back at me.
It gave me a certain thrill every time our eyes locked, knowing that only we were aware of what was truly going on between us.
Well and Adam and Vanessa, I rolled my eyes to myself.
I'm sure on the outside, it seemed like we were two friends that simply worked together as we were trying our best to act as normal as we could.
I saw Austin's hand slip under the counter, quickly finding its way onto my exposed leg and sliding down my thigh.
Well that didn't last long, I chuckled to myself as Austin was right about one thing. He truly could not keep his hands off of me.
"Did I forget to tell you how beautiful you look today?" He mumbled, his voice low and raspy.
"Yes you did but thank you." I teased, giving him a subtle smirk.
"Like you forgot to kiss me?" He cocked his brow as he gave me a look of suspicion.
"I'm sorry, I was trying to get out of there before anyone saw me." I said as I came up with an excuse.
I couldn't tell him the real reason why I didn't kiss him.
"Well don't let it happen again." He paused as he looked into my deep brown eyes. "It's the best part of my day Lena."
My heart pounded loudly in my chest as he spoke, his gaze now softened and sweet. I couldn't help but place my hand on the back of his, giving it a small squeeze.
As much as I knew in my heart that I felt the same way, I couldn't bring myself to say it back.
*****
The party was in full swing as the Air B and B was nearly packed with people. I had no idea who most of them were, while I was able to recognize a few celebrities that Austin had invited.
I wore a tight black dress with thigh high socks and black heels to match, while my dark hair was pin straight down my back and natural looking makeup applied on my face.
I was sitting on the sofa next to Vanessa, as we aimlessly chatted about how much she adored my shoes while sipping on cold glasses of my homemade sangria.
I hadn't had the opportunity to fill her in on what was happening between Austin and I and this party was definitely not the place to do it.
"Fuck Adam you made us lose!" Austin jokingly exaggerated as he shouted loudly throughout the room.
"You two still..?" Vanessa nudged me as she noticed my attention was diverted to Austin who was setting up for the next game of beer pong.
"Yeah. I'll fill you in when we're alone." I smiled shyly.
"Please do, I'm freaking dying for details." She rolled her eyes and shot me a wink.
As we chuckled together, I noticed Austin making his way over towards where I was sitting, a full beer spilling over in his one hand.
"I'm fucking done with Adam, we lost the last two games. Can you believe that shit?" He complained as Adam shouted a "fuck you" across the room.
Austin extended his hand for me to take as he continued. "Lets go groupie, I need my partner."
"Austin I'm not even that good." I groaned as he towered above me, patiently waiting.
"Lena c'mon, you're better than you think. Plus you're my little good luck charm." He pleaded, giving me the most adorable expression that I didn't have the strength to turn down.
"Go on little good luck charm." Vanessa cocked her brow at me, stifling a smirk as she tried her hardest not to make her thoughts obvious to Austin.
"Fine." I rolled my eyes, placing my small hand in his, allowing him to pull me up from the couch.
Ironically enough, we were playing against Chris and Natalie.
Chris had thankfully become alot less flirtatious with me since his multiple failed attempts of trying to talk to me. But Natalie on the other hand was glaring at Austin and I from across the table as she had a look of pure annoyance in her eyes, assuming because Austin hadn't chosen her as his partner.
After a fairly short game, Austin and I managed to successfully win and to say he was happy about our victory would be an understatement.
"The reigning fucking champions are back!" He exclaimed as he grabbed my hand in his, lifting it into the air as we laughed together.
"Yeah yeah, you guys got lucky!" Chris chuckled as he shook his head and began rearranging the cups once again before he headed to the fridge to retrieve more beers.
Natalie simply rolled her eyes and walked away from the table, sinking down into a chair nearby and pulling out her phone.
Austin held a lit cigarette in one hand and absentmindedly placed the other onto the small of my back. "Told you were my good luck charm." He smirked at me.
"Well I learned from the best didn't I?" I teased as I looked up at him.
"Next I'm gonna teach you how to do a beer bong." He mischievously grinned, taking a long drag of his cigarette, his hand traveling further down my back. It quickly dawned on him that we weren't alone and were in a room full of people, causing him to swiftly pull his hand away.
I chuckled as I shook my head at him. "Absolutely not Austin. There's no way in hell." I puckered my lip as I protested.
"Why not?" He questioned, his eyes suddenly darkening while his voice lowered, only loud enough for me to hear. "We both know how good you are at swallowing."
My eyes widened and my mouth dropped open at his innuendo, hoping and praying that no one else had heard him.
"Austin!" I whispered. "You can't say shit like that in public."
He chuckled his boyish laugh, "I'm just stating facts Lena. We can go upstairs and practice if you want." He cocked his brow, clearly enjoying watching me become worked up.
"I hate you." I chuckled, my eyes rolling back.
"You could never. I make you feel too good." He discreetly winked.
Well he got me there.
"Hey you guys down for another game?" Chris called from across the table as he refilled all of the empty cups.
I felt my phone buzzing in my hand, as I saw a text message from Brian. I didn't see him at the show as I was backstage but he confirmed he would be there and would also stop by the party.
"Oh Brian's here. I'm gonna let him in!" I said to Chris and Austin as they both nodded towards me.
I pushed my way through the crowd of people to open the front door, revealing my old friend.
"Brian!" I exclaimed as I threw my arms around him.
"Lena it's been too long! It's so good to see you." He said as he let go of me. "And I'm so proud of you, expanding in the industry and all."
"It's good to see you too."I grinned up at him. "And thank you."
I saw his eyes shift behind me and instantly light up.
"Post Malone himself! It's awesome to meet you man. I'm Brian." He smiled as I turned around to see Austin hovering behind me.
"Call me Austin. It's my pleasure to meet you. Trust me, I know exactly who you are, I've seen nearly all of your movies." Austin replied as he shook Brian's hand.
"Well I'm looking forward to talk to you. I heard you're looking to transition a little into acting. Lena's said nothing but good things about you."
"Oh has she?" Austin's gaze traveled to mine. "Yeah man come on in, let's get you a drink and we'll get after it."
"Sounds good. Oh Lena, I brought someone that's been wanting to see you." Brian turned his attention back to me. "Hope that's okay."
I gave him a look of confusion and as I opened my mouth to question him, I heard footsteps coming from the open doorway.
"Sorry parking was a bitch, I had to park down the street." I heard a smooth familiar voice, causing me to turn around.
My eyes widened and I gasped as I saw Charlie Hunnam standing in front of me.
He was an actor that I met on set on one of Brian's movies that he shot a few years back. I was working for Brian as his assistant at the time and Charlie and I had become good friends, though it had been a while since I last saw him.
"Hey Lena." He smirked, instantly pulling me against his chest for a hug. I wrapped my arms around his neck, as he slightly picked me up from the ground.
"Charlie!" I exclaimed. "What are you doing here?" I asked, as I hadn't seen him in about a whole year.
"I'm in Brian's new movie that he's filming. When he told me you were going to be here, I had to come see you." He grinned, finally putting me down."Wow you look even more gorgeous than I remember."
Aw thank you." I smiled back up at him before quickly turning around to introduce Austin.
"Charlie this is Austin. I work for him as one of his managers." I said as I introduced the two.
It didn't take long for me to notice them subtly sizing each other up as they shook hands.
"Nice to meet you. I'm a big fan of Sons of Anarchy." Austin said quietly as his gaze shifted from me to Charlie.
"You too man! Awesome show tonight by the way. Rockstar is probably my favorite song." Charlie chuckled.
Austin gave him a weak smile. "Thank you. Appreciate it.
"You're a lucky man by the way. Our girl here is the best." Charlie wrapped his arm around my shoulder and smiled as he looked down at me.
I could see Austin's jaw begin to clench as his eyes flashed with a certain look that I couldn't quite figure out.
"Listen Austin, I don't mean to rush but I can't stay long, we have an early shoot tomorrow and I'd love to discuss some planning with you." Brian said as Austin's attention was pulled back to him.
"Of course." Austin answered as he hesistantly led Brian into the house.
I turned around to face Charlie once again, his gaze fixed on me.
"Do you want a drink?" I asked as I closed the door behind him.
"Yes that would be great." His blue eyes shining down at me.
Charlie was ruggedly handsome. Dirty blonde hair, a great smile, big blue eyes that were blinking back at me.
But I couldn't help but think about how Austin's were a deeper blue and how they made knees weak and my heart plummet with just with one single glance.
Okay Lena, can you go two seconds without thinking about him?
Charlie followed me into the kitchen, making small talk as I handed him a beer and sat comfortably in the bar stools by the kitchen island as we caught up.
I took in a breath as I looked through the party to search for those same blue eyes that always seemed drive me to my wits end.
As my eyes locked together with Austin's, I saw the darkness seeping in his gaze.
I saw him pull out his phone, breaking our longing stare and began typing away on his screen.
Soon after I felt my own vibrate in my hand as Charlie went on to me about his latest project.
I quickly slid my finger across my screen to unlock my phone.
Austin: Meet me upstairs. Now.