KRISTEN’S POV
Kakatapos lamang ng rehearsals namin para sa live show bukas nang makatanggap ako ng text message mula kay Zia. She’s asking me to come over their house, magpapatutor daw sya sa akin kasi she’s been struggling with some subjects.
“Toffy, mauuna na ako ha. Ingat kayo ni Jea paguwi.” paalam ko kay Toffy na inabutan kong naghihintay na sa labas ng girls’ locker room.
“Sure. You too.”
I began typing a text message for Yam habang naglalakad sa hallway.
To: Yam <3
Be tutoring Zi 2night, won’t be able to meet u. Mian. be home safe okay? Luv U.
Sent.
Tatakbo sana ako para habulin ang papasarang pintuan ng elevator sa dulo ng hallway nang mapansin kong live On-Air ang radio studio ng Quest Training Center. Dito talaga sa Quest, mahahasa ka sa lahat ng entertainment fields. Kulang na nga lang pati sa news casting i-train ka nila eh.
Hindi ko napigilang sumilip sa malaking bintana ng studio.
Maririnig kasi dito sa labas ang boses ng dj through the speakers na nakaset-up dito pero ang loob mismo ng studio ay sound proof, walang ingay mula sa labas ang maririnig sa loob.
Si Bree~unnie pala ang dj ngayong gabi kaya pala nagmamadali syang umalis kanina matapos ang rehearsal. Hindi na nga sya nakapagpalit ng damit, nakatraining clothes pa sya at dumiretso nang sumalang sa radio show. Si Bree~unnie nga pala ay ang leader ng isa sa mga legendary groups ng Quest at tumatayong mentor namin habang nagtetraining kami nina Jea at Toffy dito sa Quest.
Makalipas ng ilang minuto ay tinawag na nya ang mga guests nya para magperform. Laking gulat ko nang makita ko si Stan, hindi sila magkakasamang magtraining nina Yam? Pero bakit? May tampuhan na naman ba sila? Wala namang naulit sa akin si Yam o ang kahit na sino sa kanila ah.
Nawala ang pagkagulat ko at napalitan ng excitement nang tumayo at lumapit sa mic stand si....
Totoo ba ‘tong nakikita ko?
Hindi ba ako nananaginip?
Si.... Liam.
The Liam Zhang.
The man with the amazing vocals.
The great Chinese musician, who can create beautiful melodies by just sitting in front of a piano.
The good looking Liam, who has those soft eyes and beautiful smile.
I can’t believe I’m seeing him again in flesh.
Grade school pa yata ako noong una ko syang makita. Hindi pa ako trainee ng WAVE that time. Napanuod ko sya sa isang gala show ng Quest, he was the youngest trainee that time. He’s ahead of me by only 2 or 3 years pero pakiramdam ko dekada na ang pagitan namin when it comes to talent and performing. He became one of my inspirations and I always dreamt of singing with him on stage, or kahit makaharap at makamayan ko man lang sya. Kung pwede nga lang magapply na p.a. nya, I’ll be more than willing to be one. My fangirl dream. Ang swerte naman ni Stan, makakaduet nya sya.
Nagsimula nang tumugtog ang intro pero nakatulala pa din ako sa gwapong mukha ni Liam. Sorry Yam, irresistible lang talaga ang dimples nya.
OMG! I know this song, this was self composed by Liam when he was 13 years old. Part of his Chinese debut album. I remember pleading my dad when he visited China to buy that album during its launch and have it signed by Liam.
[a/n: This is actually a song of Jay Chou. It was only covered by EXO Kris & Lay during a radio show. I don’t know who the real composer is. Ginamit ko lang po sya for the story. Maganda po kasi yung song pati rendition ng KrisLay. Its title is Rainbow. Full video on the side.:)) ]
Stan: Where do rainbows exist? Tell me.
Could you please return me my wishes?
Why is the sky so quiet?
Why do all the clouds all come to my place?
Di ko napigilan mapanganga nang marinig kong kumanta si Stan. Wow. His voice is husky yet sweet. It’s the first time I heard him sang like this. Well, he’s the group’s rapper you know.
Liam: Do you have a mask? Give one to me.
If released the mind and said too much, then they won’t be able to become true.
Perhaps time is an antidote, or perhaps it is the poisonous drug that I am taking now.
Oh my Liam... Why do you have to be so perfect? Where the h*** is my ‘I LOVE LIAM!’ banner? Fangirl feels.
Stan: I can’t see your smile, and how can I be able to sleep?
Your voice is so close, yet I could not embrace it.
Without Earth, the sun will still rotate around. Without reasons, I also can walk by myself.
Liam: You wanted to go; I know it is easy. You said dependence is our obstruction.
Even to release, but could you please not confiscate my love?
Just think that I finally understood in the end.
Stan: Do you have a mask? Give one to me.
If released the mind and said too much, then they won’t be able to become true.
Perhaps time is an antidote, or perhaps it is the poisonous drug that I am taking now.
I don’t know why pero pakiramdam ko sobrang lungkot ni Stan. Bawat bitaw nya ng salita may kalakip na sakit. Tila napupunit ang puso ko sa ekspresyon na nakikita ko sa mukha nya.
Liam: I can’t see your smile, and how can I be able to sleep?
Your voice is so close, yet I could not embrace it.
Without Earth, the sun will still rotate around. Without reasons, I also can walk by myself.
You wanted to go; I know it is easy. You said dependence is our obstruction.
Even to release, but could you please not confiscate my love? Just think that I finally understood in the end.
Stan (Rap): I can’t see your smile, and how can I be able to sleep?
Your voice is so close, yet I could not embrace it.
Without Earth, the sun will still rotate around. Without reasons, I also can walk by myself.
If released the mind and said too much, then they won’t be able to become true.
Perhaps time is an antidote, or perhaps it is the poisonous drug that I am taking now.
Liam: You wanted to go; I know it is easy. You said dependence is our obstruction.
Even to release, but could you please not confiscate my love?
Stan: Just think that I finally understood in the end.
Alam kong hindi nila maririnig ang mga palakpak ko pero sige pa din ang mga kamay ko. It was a very touching performance. Their voices match really well. Maybe, in the future, Quest can put them in a sub unit.
Kumaway sa akin si Stan nang mapalingon sya sa direksyon ko. He went outside when Bree calls for the break.
“Hey, why are you here?” tanong nya.
“Napadaan lang.”
Ewan ko ba pero parang nadagdagan ang lungkot sa mga mata nya.
“Hinahanap mo ba si bugoy? May solo dance work shop sya ngayon para sa dance teaser nya.”
“Magkakahiwalay kayo ng workshop?”
“Oo eh, sina Alex at Eid may photoshoot. Si Dave naman nasa acting workshop. Dito ako sa radio show naassign. DJ kuno. Haha.”
“Ah... I see.”
Tumatawa sya pero malungkot pa din ang mga mata nya.
“Stan... /Tin...” nagkasabay pa kami sa pagtawag sa isa’t isa.
“You go first.” Stan.
“No, ikaw na ang mauna.”
I smiled to assure him that everything he’ll say will be fine with me kahit may kaunting kaba sa dibdib ko. Para kasing may problema na naman nga sya... Sa puso na naman kaya yun?
Humugot muna sya ng malalim na buntong hininga bago muling nagsalita.
“Can I... I mean.... You and me... You know....”
Natawa ako sa pagkandautal utal nya. Well, sanay kasi ako na brusko sya, mahangin, mayabang, the typical Stanley Park.
“Kalma ka lang. Ako lang ‘to, si Tin.” biro ko sa kanya. Sa panimula kasi nya parang magpopropose sya sa akin which obviously he won’t do kasi girlfriend ako ng kaibigan nya. Hay naku. Baka naghahalo halo lang ang words nya kasi gusto nyang magopen up ng problema nya sa akin pero nahihiya sya.
I put my right arm around his shoulder, nakatiptoe na nga ako para maabot lang sya. Grabe din ang tangkad ng Stanley na ‘to eh, parang PBA player.
Tila naman syang nakuryente na lumayo sa akin. Hindi sya tumitingin sa mukha ko and he was clenching his fist. Parang napakabigat pa ng paghinga nya.
“Are you okay.” buong pagaalala kong tanong sa kanya.
“Umuwi ka na.” malamig nyang tugon sa akin.
Lalo akong nakaramdam ng matinding pagaalala sa inaasal nya. Tinangka ko syang lapitan ulit pero sa bawat paghakbang ko palapit sa kanya, humahakbang din syang palayo.
“Stan...”
“Please Tin, don’t make this hard for me.”
By the way I see it parang maiiyak na sya anytime, parang nahahawa na din ako sa kanya, nararamdaman ko na din kasi ang pangingilid ng mga luha ko.
I know he is not someone na madadaan ko sa pilitan, sana lang hindi ‘to maging part two ng naging kabaliwan nya noon sa ex girlfriend nyang si Khloe. Sana hindi na sya muling gumawa ng mga reckless na bagay at sana he’ll be man enough to face it this time.
“Whenever you need me, just give me a ring.” I said trying to assure him that he has someone whom he can count on always.
With a heavy heart, I walked towards the elevator. Papasok na sana ako, when Stan called me.
Patakbo syang lumapit sa akin at niyakap ako ng mahigpit na para bang natatakot syang lumayo ako sa kanya.
“I’m sorry...” he whispered.
What was he sorry for? Yan ang tanong na pumasok sa utak ko, nakahanap naman ako kaagad ng sagot na marahil ay dahil sa kawirdohan na inaasal nya. Pero tila ako binuhusan ng malamig na tubig sa mga katagang sunod na sinabi nya.
“...but I love you.”
Hindi ko alam kung paano kami naghiwalay, kung paano ako kumawala sa mga yakap nya. Hindi ko na din maalala kung ano ang sinabi o isinagot ko sa kanya. Basta pakiramdam ko, nanghihina ako. I was physically drained by the rehearsals, then I suddenly felt mentally and emotionally tired. Para akong may hangover sa sakit ng ulo ko.
How will i face Stan now? And Yam, do I have to tell him about it? Argh! Anong gagawin ko????
“Unnie.. Are you okay?” Zia asked.
“Ha? Ah... Eh... Oo naman. Why?”
“Kanina pa kasi kitang tinatawag kasi I’m done with the equations na, hindi mo naman ako pinapansin. Nakatulala ka lang dyan. Did you have a fight with oppa?”
“No. We’re perfectly fine. May naalala lang ako.”
“What is it unnie?”
“Nothing important.” I smiled to her. “ Akina, I’ll check your papers.”
Tuloy tuloy naman sa pagkukwento si Zia about random stuffs while I was going through her answers and solutions.
“You know what unnie, although namimiss ko si oppa, I’m happy na sa dorm na sya ulit tumitira.”
“Bakit, kasi you’re free to do everything you want and solo mo din nagagamit ang credit card ni Tita Zaida?” biro ko sa kanya. Madalas kasi nilang ginagamit ang credit card ni tita kapag may siblings date sila pero nagtuturuan naman sila sa kung sino ang pinakamadaming binili kapag umabot sa credit limit ang bill nito.
“Those were the two other reasons.”
“So what’s the other one?”
“Kasi almost a week nang dito sya nakatira eh.”
“Ha? Sino?”
“Si Ate Tanya (Anja).”
Ramdam na ramdam ko ang pumumutla ko. Parang may malaking bato na dumagan sa dibdib ko.
“Unnie, my papers.”
Yung answer sheet ni Zia, nabutas ko na dahil sa higpit at diin ng pagkakahawak ko sa ballpen.
I heard her gasp.
“Oh my gee!!!! Oppa didn’t tell you?”
“Me and my big mouth.” Guilt automatically flashed on her face. “Eotteoke? (what should I do). Unnie mianhe (sorry) I didn’t know.”
I stood up from the floor and sat on the couch. I pat Zia on the shoulder. “Gwaenchanha (it’s okay).”
She sat beside me and held my hands. “Ahmm... For sure naman oppa will tell you.. Ahmm... Humahanap lang sya ng right timing... Alam mo na unnie, si Ate Tanya (Anja) girlfriend nya... dati.”
I can see how frustrated Zia is. She was very sorry that it came from her and she was trying her best to justify his brother’s actions.
“Siguro nga.”
I tried to smile to her although mabigat sa loob ko. Wala namang kasalanan si Zia eh, she was just being honest and I love her for that.
“I believe you’re ready for your exam. You almost got everything perfect. So I think I should go now.”
Sinimulan ko nang ligpitiin ang mga gamit ko. Si Zia naman, tahimik akong tinulungan mag-ayos.
I believe I need some me time. Some time alone and reflect on everything that happened today. Una, yung pagtatapat ni Stan na mahal nya ako. I don’t even know how I will face him or how I should act if he’s around now. Ni hindi ko alam kung papaano ko sasabihin o kung tama bang ipaalam ko pa ang lahat kay Yam.
And now, ito. Sya naman ang naglihim sa akin na sa bahay nila nakatira si Anja. Although hindi naman talaga sila nagkakasama sa iisang bubong dahil sa dorm sya nakatira, sana man lang ipinaalam nya sa akin o inisip man lang nya kung anong mararamdaman ko sakaling malaman ko na ang past girlfriend nya sa bahay nila tumutuloy. To think na magkapitbahay lang naman sila ha. Damn it! Kung ano mang klaseng charade o skit ‘to, hindi nakakatawa.
Papalabas na ako ng pinto nang makasalubong ko si Tita Zaida na madaming dalang shopping bags, right behind her was Anja. Masaya pa silang nagkukwentuhan.
Honestly, gusto kong tumakbo palayo, anytime kasi malalaglag na ang mga luha. Pero pinilit kong pigilan ang nararamdaman ko at harapin sila ng maayos.
“Good evening po tita.”
“Oh my future daughter in law.” bumeso pa si Tita zaida sa akin. Nakaramdam ako kahit papaano ng tuwa sa naging pagtawag nya sa akin. “Are you leaving now? Dito ka na magdinner.”
“Mommy Zaida’s right, join us.” Anja said. She was smiling but I don’t like the way she referred to Tita Zaida. She even give stress to the word ‘mommy’ na para bang inaasar nya ako. “Mommy, I’ll just go upstairs and get changed.”
She passed by me at tila sinasadya nya banggain ang balikat ko. “Sorry.” she even smirked.
I took a deep breath before facing Tita Zaida again. “Sige po tita, hinihintay na po ako ni Mommy.”
“Iha, are you alright? You looked disturbed. Is it about Zac?”
“No tita. I’m just tired.”
“Iha, kung may problema kayo ni Zac kahit gaano pa kaliit yan, try to patch things up right away. Don’t wait ‘til it gets worse okay.”
“Yes tita. I’ll go ahead.” I kissed on her cheek and left immediately
Latang lata ako nang pumasok sa bahay namin. Ni magbihis ng pantulog hindi ko na yata kayang gawin. All I want now is to lie down my bed and close my eyes. With my heightened emotions, I don’t think it’s right for me and yam to talk. Baka makapagsalita ako ng hindi maganda o makagawa ako ng desisyon na pagsisisihan ko. I’ll talk to him kapag hindi na masama ang loob ko at malinaw na ang pagiisip ko.
Paakyat na sana ako sa kwarto nang marinig ko ang boses nina mommy at daddy mula sa mini library, parang may pinagtatalunan sila. Out of curiosity, I tried to peek.
“You can’t do that to Tin, you can’t clip her wings again. Hindi ako papayag.” Mommy.
“It’s for her own good. I can’t let our daughter go through that time again. Don’t you remember how devastated she was before?” Daddy.
I was puzzled. Ano bang pinaguusapan nila? Ano na naman ba ‘to?
“Don’t you remember, ikaw ang naglagay sa anak natin sa sitwasyon na yun? Kung hindi ka namili between....”
“Stop it Katherine. My decision is final. I’ll talk to her and she’ll withdraw from the competition.”
Anak? Ako lang naman ang anak nila. Competition? Is this about KSS4? Withdraw? Aalisin nila ako sa KSS4? I can’t believe what I just heard. Bakit? Bakit nila gagawin yun?
Binuksan ni daddy ang pintuan at naabutan akong nakatayo sa labas. Bakas sa mukha nya ang pagkagulat. Nilapitan kaagad ako ni mommy.
“Baby, go up to your room please.”
“No. Ngayon natin sasabihin sa kanya.”
“Marcus!” saway ni mommy. But I want to hear it. I want to know why.
“What is it daddy?”
He ushered me inside the room. Naupo sya sa katapat na silya ng kinauupuan ko.
“Alam mo naman anak gagawin ko ang lahat para maprotektahan ka. Everything I’m doing is for your own good. Please try to understand okay?”
“Just say it already.”
“Iha... You have to quit on the show..”
Parang may sibat na tumarak sa puso ko. Sobrang sakit. Hindi ko na nagawang pigilan ang mga luha ko.
“Why?” malamig kong tanong.
“Cause it’s not healthy for your studies. With all the graduation requirements and the year end exam, I don’t think makakapagfocus ka kung nasa competition ka. You’re aiming for the valedictorian spot remember?” paliwanag ni daddy.
“Did you ever see me cram dad? Lahat naman ng projects naiipasa ko on time. Hindi naman ako bumabagsak sa mga monthly evaluations and consistent ako sa class standing ko. So don’t make a fool out of me and tell me what the hell is going on with you and why you freaking want me to quit.”
“Don’t you dare raise your voice on me young lady. At sinong nagturo sa’yong sumagot sa akin ng ganyan ha? Si Zac?”
“Marcus, leave the boy out of this. Wala syang kinalaman dito.”
Lalo akong naguguluhan sa mga magulang ko. Bakit biglang nadamay ang boyfriend ko?
“Anong wala? Kung hindi mo kinunsinte ang pagdedate nilang dalawa, walang magtutulak sa anak natin na bumalik sa mundong itinapon na sya. Binigyan nya ng ideya si Tin na mamuhay na naman sa panaginip.”
“Dad, wala na akong maintindihan sa mga sinasabi mo.”
“Simple lang anak. I want you to quit KSS4, and stop seeing Zac.”
Tinakasan ng lakas ang mga tuhod, nabuwal na sana ako kung hindi ako nasalo ng mommy ko. Masakit na nga ang kagustuhan nyang talikuran kong muli ang pangarap ko without any acceptable reason, pati ba naman ang puso ko gusto na din nyang kontrolin.
“He’s not good for you.”
Pinunasan ko ang mga luha sa pisngi ko, at hinarap ang daddy ko.
“Anong alam mo sa makakabuti sa akin o hindi? You stopped me from achieving my dreams before. Iniuwi mo ako sa Pilipinas without asking me what I want to do, without considering my feelings. Inakala mo na mas makakabuti sa akin na ilayo mo ako sa lahat ng kabiguan ko. Alam mo kung anong naramdaman ko that time? Sobrang hina ko pala dahil kinailangan ko pa ng mga taong gagawa ng bagay na dapat at pwede ko namang gawin. Pakiramdam ko wala akong kwentang kaibigan dahil nagawa kong iwanan ang mga taong umaasa sa akin. Ni hindi ko nga nagawang ipagtanggol ang sarili at inako ko na lang ang mga pagkakamaling hindi ko naman ginawa. Hindi mo ako tinulungang maging malakas dad, si Zac ang gumawa nun. Pero kailanman hindi kita sinisi dahil you’re my father and I respect you a lot. But this time, hindi ko hahayaan na putulin mo ulit ang mga pakpak ko. Kapag inulit mo pa yun, baka hindi na kita mapatawad. At baka kamuhian pa kita.”
Nilapitan ako ni mommy at niyakap ng mahigpit. Makalipas ng ilang sandali ay inakay na nya ako papalabas ng kwarto.
I’m sorry daddy but i won’t give any of my dreams up and that includes Zac.