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Spencer
It took every bit of self control I had to refrain myself from claiming her lips whenever she smiled or laughed . I almost lost my cool at the mention of her lover boy .Why would she think of another man in my presence?
She has a mothering nature , she thinks I didn't see the way she was admiring the young waitress or that her tip went unnoticed. She does everything with grace . She chooses to see the good and best in people.
I wondered if she'll still see the good in me when she came to learn of my secrets . She stripped my soul naked , no matter how hard I tried to fight for dominance, in that moment when our eyes locked , I couldn't . She has no idea how a single innocent look from her brown eyes could do to a man like me . It was evident that she had an effect on me , rather her touching me does .
The second her hands made contact with my skin , my mind stopped working , leaving me to try and detect the unknown sensations on my own . It was infuriating because that was the only thing in my life I had no control over ; the second thing I had no control over was , my need for her .
Walking next to me , kicking the warm sand with her feet , refusing to look at me but stole glances at me was the most enchanting creature ever created . The sky was with us tonight along with the stars dancing above our heads .
Inhaling the warm night sea breeze , the night belonged to us . Wanting to know about her , I asked .
"Why are you single , angel?" She stopped walking and sat on the sand , facing the sea . I took a seat next to her waiting for her response. She watched the water dance , thinking about her reply .
"I haven't found the one worthy of my time and love yet-"
" You do not care for anyone but you are trying to care for me." she replied but questioned , stated .
Her statement had me wondering the same thing but the answer to that was easy , I guess being around her made it less difficult to try and act in any other way .
" I guess you make it easy for me to be like that to you." Pushing my feet up , I stood . She turned her face to me , I held out my hand and she slowly reached for it , eyes looking at my lips , I fought the urge to smirk . I reposed immediately at the contact of her touch . I helped her back to her feet and held her waist . I began leading the dance and she followed my lead .
It was in this moment that I wanted to put an end to this misery and kiss her till we were both panting , in need of air but again I was afraid I wouldn't be able to stop myself from doing more so I pushed all thoughts that might cause me to take a cold shower again at the back of my mind .
I told myself that seeing her smile was better than sex .
" A movie ?" I asked and she nodded . I walked us back to the house . Once inside I let go of her hand and walked into the storage closet and took out a blanket .
I walked to the lounge and found her relaxing on her couch , I took my seat next to her and covered her with the blanket . We fell into silence , the comforting kind .
After five minutes of silence she finally spoke.
" Why are you single?"
How do I answer her question without hinting out or exposing myself . I thought for a few moments , avoiding her eyes that may detect my lie .
" I don't do the girlfriend thing." it's not really a lie but it's not necessarily the truth either . From my perplexed view , I watched her face fall.
"Oh."
This might be the perfect time to let her know that I couldn't give her what she wanted from me . I've seen the look of hope from the others , I've seen it on her face too .
I didn't want her to get her hopes up only to be disappointed in me when she finally learnt the truth .
"Angel , can't we just have fun , no feelings involved?I say this because I can't give you what you want and I don't want to fill your head with ideas , dreams and fantasies, I hope you can understand. "
She sat up from her position , this time it was her that was dodging my eyes , you could tell she was trying so hard to keep a poker face on but was failing terribly even her voice was failing her .
"Unfortunately we both want completely different things , I'm not about that life . I want stability, security, intimacy, love , commitment not fun . I'm sorry but I think it's best we stop seeing each other outside work ever again . It's a waste of time on both sides . I'm sorry Mr Thompson , but I'd like to go home now . Thank you for the wonderful evening."
Mr Thompson , I guess we were back to formalities again . All the things she listed were impossible with me . She was not for me then but I couldn't bare the thought of her being with another man , a man that wasn't me . It's selfish that I wanted to keep her for myself knowing very well that I wouldn't be able to keep her happy .
" What happened to , Adonis ?" I argued but she stood her ground , her voice trained in monotone.
" No , you're Spencer Thompson , the man who is a sponsor for my project , now please take me home. "
She said sounding more serious . What did I do wrong ? She couldn't possibly angry at me for being honest , could she ?
"NOW!" She shouted standing up when I made no action to move , I nodded standing up .
I took the car keys since Richard was off duty , she sat on the backseat , I sighed closing the door behind her and walking over to the driver's side .
The drive was silent , she looked outside the window the whole drive , she looked like her eyes wanted to 'leak ' because she constantly swallowed a lump in her throat . She didn't even wait for me to parked properly before she quickly exited without saying a word or looking back .
Hitting the steering wheel before composing myself , I sped off her drive away.
Damn it .
________________________________________________
Harley
His words echoed in my mind, I didn't want to have fun . I wanted more , to think I was stupid enough to think there might be a chance for us to be together but not I was living in a fantasy world . Although it did hurt me to call him by his last name , I have to be strong for the next time we see each other.
Two days without seeing him felt like forever . A knock sounded on the door . I opened the door to a not nice Anne but once she saw the look on my face , her face changed to a concerned one .
" Suup with you?" She asked . I opened my arms and walked to her .
" He said he just wants to have fun , no feelings involved ." tears threatened to spill and my voice cracking . She broke the hug , inspecting me.
" He did what? You're telling me that he took your virginity and said that?" Anne's face changing into a scowl.
" We didn't do it , but Anne I thought we had something going on , the dates , pictures . I am such a fool to be in love with someone who just wants sex ." I sobbed in my hands and Anne pulled me into another hug , stroking my hair .
"No friend , he is the idiot here for not seeing you." she said counting to stroke my hair .
"Hush now Harlz , it's not your fault he can't use his eyes to see that he got a gem in you okay ? You're so much more and worthy of everything to be crying over a guy okay ?" She comforted me . It was in times like this that I was grateful to have a best friend like Anne.
My chest was in knots and throbbing , the knot in my stomach didn't make the situation easy . What's worst was the pain in my throat and the tears refusing to stop coming out . Everything that transpired tonight replayed on my mind , as if I didn't need any of that .
Was this what a heart break felt like ? How many did Anne endure on her own ? Was this how Lony felt whenever I rejected him ?
Lony.
I still haven't reached out to him . I sobbed harder into Anne's shoulder.
*
I woke up to an excruciating migraine, my lids feeling heavy . I slowly sat up from my sleeping position . My entire body was smarting , I was in need of a shower .
I tip toed out of my room and went to the bathroom . I stood in front of the mirror , taking in my appearance . Swollen , big puffy eyes from all the crying from last night , dry pale skin and small swollen pouty lips . I didn't even bother braiding my hair , it was wild and tangled everywhere . It was gonna take forever to untangle it .
I went inside the shower. My body immediately tensed as the hot water made contact with my skin , thoughts of him occupied my mind . Thoughts about my relationship with Lony hanging in balance . I pushed back the tears stinging my eyes . I let the water dance on me till the hot water turned cold .
I stepped out of the shower into my robe and went back to my room . I took out a grey loose sweatpants with a white vest and wore socks with my slippers. I didn't even bother drying my hair , I wrapped it in a doek and went down the stairs.
As I neared the kitchen , I heard low voices and whispering. I walked in on Anne sitting with none other than the person I thought didn't want to see or hear from me ever again .
There he sat in his perfect dark skin , wearing the jacket I had gotten for him and black jeans and his signature Nike sneakers . His waves were neatly done , he looked good . His scent filling the entire kitchen . My heart ached , remembering all the time he confessed his love to me and I rejected him . Maybe if I said yes to him , I wouldn't have experienced this heartbreak because I know he wouldn't have toyed with my feelings , he would have protected me like he did all the time . I could've been happy , I wondered if it was too late to try .
The thought of never seeing him brought me to tears . What I loved about him was that no matter how wrong I was or how angry he got at me , he never gave up on me or loved me any less . In fact he loved me with everything he had and I was too blind and stupid to see that . I was too blind to see what's right in front of me .
"Lolo ?" I called out in a low sorry voice .
He stopped speaking to Anne and looked up at me with a sad smile , breaking my heart even more but still I forced a smile and mouthed , " I'm sorry."
Anne gave me a sad smile before giving us privacy.
His hazel eyes filled with sadness . " Lolo , I am so sorry for leaving you without an explanation and for ditching you . I am so sorry , I just couldn't find the words , please forgive me Lolo . I'm sorry I didn't reach out to you either , truth is I was afraid of what you'd say , I just can't afford to lose you . I mean you're an important part of my life." I ranted without pausing .
He slowly stood up from the stool and made his way slowly to me , he stood a few feet away from me , his eyes refusing to look at me .
" Just not in the way that I love you. " he murmured underneath his breath , clearly not wanting me to hear him but I did .
" I do. " I answered him underneath my breath . He slowly raised his eyes to mine , they looked hopeful .
" Bebe , don't say it because you feel sorry for me just don't. " he said defeated .
I found myself backed into a corner , the way he was looking at me broke my heart . What he felt for me was visible in his eyes . I don't know whether it was guilt or true but I did something that would jeopardize our friendship.
I closed the distance between us and gently pressed my lips on his , to my surprise they were soft and warm . He didn't return my kiss at first , I almost panicked but relaxed when he starting kissing me back .
The kiss didn't last long because he broke it .
" Bebe stop , not like this. I want you to kiss me because you want to , not because you feel guilty or sorry for me." he said in a raspy broken voice .
It was like a bucket of ice fell on me .
I looked at him in shock , "I don't feel guilty....I want this. " I tried but he shook his head .
"You don't have to convince me Bebe , I know you can never see as your partner but brother , I understand ."
You could hear the sadness laced in his voice , it broke my heart even more , knowing that what he said was true .
"I-" he cut me off by placing a soft kiss on my head before turning to leave .
When he was almost out the door , he paused and said , "I need time. " and he closed the door .
I slowly turned and saw Anne , arms open . I walked to her with teary eyes . She hugged me so tight and brushed my back , I broke down .