Chapter 22
Kumbaya
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A/N: An authors note at the beginning?*Gasp* What? What is this madness?
Is the world coming to an end? Yes, yes I know I normally put these at the end, but it felt counterintuitive all things considered. This. Chapter. Was. Hard. I wrote, I rewrote, I edited, and I edited some more. And there's still about a thousand and one mistakes. Everything about this chapter was difficult for me if I'm being honest, but it's been forever since I've updated and I'm getting sick of running myself in circles, I just want you guys to read it already!! So if there are mistakes (which there are, I know.) then I'm sorry, but honestly I got just about as sick of waiting as you guys have. I mean don't get me wrong, this chapter isn't awful! It's just I am a huuuuge perfectionist and incredibly overcritical, especially of myself. I've gotten so sick of rereading this chapter that I might not even give it my usual last once over before publishing. But anyways, without further ado, here you have it! As always, let me know what you think! (You can be mean and I pinky swear I won't mind.)
***
To say the least, gym in Valerod was much more riveting than gym in public school ever was.
The training room was separated for each of our abilities, which basically meant that Hazel and Haden shared a section, Parker and Delaney each had their own section, and the last one went to Alex, Adam and I.
This was going to be interesting.
While Asher doled out instructions, starting at the end furthest away from us where the twins were, I was stuck in between the boys, neither of whom were saying anything to each other.
"So..." I attempted to cut through the thick air of awkwardness that had settled around us, looking to both of them in the hopes that they would offer up something to say.
Nothing.
I could feel my cheeks reddening, halfway from discomfort and halfway from pure irritation. Adam picked at his nails and Alex kicked at loose pebbles on the ground, shifting them back to him when they got too far away, but they both wouldn't meet my gaze.
I flicked my eyes over to Asher, hoping salvation would come from her interruption, but no such luck. She was still with Hazel and Haden, casually introducing them to a small group of people in their section. Sigh.
"Are we all just gonna sit here and act like we don't know each other or?"
Adam shrugged, but otherwise kept his head down.
"Guys, come on," I groaned. "I mean I know it's awkward but can't we at least like, put aside our differences for now? At least just for this training session?" When they both remained silent, I continued. "Because it's really gonna suck if I'm the only one practicing, and it's really gonna suck even more if we go on our first real job together and you two just sit on the outskirts as far away from each other as humanly possible."
"I don't understand why we have to work together," Alex whined, shifting the pebbles off of the ground and twirling them around his fingers like little planets orbiting fleshy suns.
"Because unless you plan on going on the job and getting everything done by yourself," I began sharply, "we all have to work together. As in all eight of us, not just me you and Adam. And there is no way this is gonna work if the rest of the team gets pulled down by you two."
"Are you calling us dead weight?" Alex lifted his eyes to bore into mine, a familiar fire sparking in them.
"If you're just gonna sit around doing parlor tricks then yes, I am calling you dead weight," I replied while flicking his rocks out of the air.
"Are you two really gonna fight right now?" Adam spoke up for the first time, his voice disdainfully subdued.
Alex and I looked each other over for a moment, as if we were seriously considering his question. When it passed I cooly replied, "No, we aren't."
"Good, because I was thinking maybe we could warm up or something while we're waiting for Asher to get over here."
"Great idea Adam," Alex said in a sarcastic soprano that made him sound like Mickey Mouse.
"Oh, fuck off, I don't even sound like that," I shot, flinging another one of his stones at his cheek. To Adam I said sweetly, if a bit pointedly, "It is a good idea though, thank you."
Turning swiftly on my heel before Alex could immaturely retaliate, I marched over to the equipment laid out neatly behind us. I recognized a lot of it from my own personal training sessions, but some of it was new, strange twisted metal shapes that I couldn't make heads or tails of and some weird contraptions that kinda looked like diving boards.
"These seem simple enough," I mumbled to myself, running my fingers over the smooth metal of one of many oversized balls that were clearly weighted.
Though they varied in size, each one was a dark pewter color at the base, and the handles that sprouted from the top gleaned a reflective silver. They seemed like ordinary weights to me, that is, until I picked one up. Or tried to at least.
It came up to about my knee, not the smallest but definitely not the biggest either. I figured it would be heavy, but when I tugged on it with all my strength, it wouldn't even budge. I tried again, and again, but it refused to move even a single inch.
"They're shifting weights," I heard Alex say from behind me. "Unless you're a block you're gonna have a hard time lifting them with only your arms."
"Oh yeah, I remember these," Adam reached out to one, feeling the cool material beneath his palms. "My dad would use these to train me when I was younger."
"What's a block?" I asked, turning around to look at Alex.
When I did, he was much closer than I had expected, making me jump in surprise. He looked me up and down slowly, not moving from his spot although we were so close I could feel his breath on me, and I couldn't help but think that we were close enough to kiss.
"Do you remember the first day I brought you here?" When he asked me that, something in the way he said it made it sound like he wasn't just asking if I remembered my first trip to Valerod, but if I remembered him being there too.
The double question made my mind flash back to the day I stumbled into the woods, the day I discovered my shifting. Or after, when I met him again in the same spot. How he seemed so mysterious, so dangerous. And yet, so enticing.
"I remember," I said quietly, looking up into the golden pools of his eyes.
Before he could reply, Adam cleared his throat loudly, and the spell between us was broken.
I coughed a little, maneuvering my way around the weight behind me awkwardly and fiddled with my hair, suddenly more interested in the state of my split ends than anything else. Likewise, Alex took a step back too, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his jeans and looking off at something on the other side of the gym.
"Well, uh, those people who we saw outside the inner village that day, they're blocks. Asher is one of them too. A block is basically-" But Adam cut him off before he could finish, stepping between us as he did so.
"A block is exactly what it sounds like, basically like a shield against all things magickal. They're like scanners in the sense that their ability is continuous, and they can only stop it with training. Also, they're kind of like physical blocks too, because the other part of it is they have the strength of someone around ten times their size, even though, yeah," He added on with a chuckle when he saw my disbelieving look towards Asher, "they're already pretty huge. That's part of it too."
"That's funny," Alex butted back in while glaring daggers at Adam. "because I'm pretty sure she asked me, not you, lover boy."
He moved to get closer to the both of us, and Adam mirrored the movement. This was going to get ugly fast if I didn't do something.
Suppressing the desire to kick them both in the groin and tell them to reel in their testosterone, I shifted them back away from each other simultaneously, Alex on my left and Adam on my right. How was it that I ended up playing referee for them?
"Can the both of you cut it out?" I hissed, looking back and forth between them. "You're acting like idiots."
Alex looked taken aback. "Me? Tell him to-"
"Me?" Adam laughed incredulously. "You're the one who-"
"Both of you!" I snapped, pushing them even further apart with a sudden vigor that made them stumble over their own feet. "Just shut up, and get over yourselves! You don't have to be friends, or even remotely like each other, I honestly don't care at this point. But we need to train, and we need to do this job. So if you have to be entirely silent while you two are forced to work together, then fine. But I'm not going to keep sitting here and pulling you two off of each other's throats. It's stupid, and you're acting like five year olds."
They didn't say anything, just stared each other down.
What have I gotten myself into? I mentally punched myself.
"Fine," Alex eventually grumbled, trying to fidget out of my shifting. "let us go Kaylee. We should start warming up before Asher gets here."
I gave them each one more look, warning them with my eyes before reluctantly dropping my arms. They slumped forward at the sudden release before collecting themselves, Alex straightening out his shirt and Adam running his fingers through his messy hair.
I rolled my eyes at their childish primping but otherwise left them both alone, focusing instead on the shifting weights.
Gripping the smooth handle in my fists, I took a precursory breath, closing my eyes for a moment to prepare myself. But as I did so, I noticed something that had been niggling at the back of my mind. With all the drama going on and the excitement of meeting new people and learning new abilities, I hadn't even really registered it until then.
I was afraid.
The idea of using my shifting-of really using it to the full extent-scared me. Little things like passing papers and tossing rocks were simple, child's play. But using my shifting for something serious? Potentially dangerous? I didn't exactly have the best track record of keeping my dark magick in check when it came to things like that. Doubtful thoughts began to creep their way into my head. Images of my moms body shattering limply against the mirror, her body showered with glittering glass. Throwing Alex against the cave walls like a rag doll, the sound of his skin smacking heavily against the rock. Why did it seem like every time I used my shifting for more than trivial tasks, I managed to end up hurting someone with it? Even the very first time I had ever shifted, I had hurt Alex.
Why was I having these thoughts now? It seemed so random, and I was aware that both of the boys were staring at me expectantly, waiting for me to pick up the weight and start warming up with them. But all I could think of was how it felt to let my dark magick take control, to let it wash over me and contort my thoughts. And that sick part of me deep down that enjoyed it, the power I felt when I used my dark magick. Was my strength in shifting only from that? Maybe I didn't have any real power without it...
A hand on my shoulder pulled me out of the funk that had cocooned itself around me, and I looked up to see Adam with a worried expression etched on his face.
"Are you okay Kaylee? We called your name like a dozen times, but you were somewhere else just now."
That was weird.
The thoughts left just like they came; without warning. Although I could still feel a residual self doubt left behind, I felt as ready as ever to train, and just as irritated with the boys' bickering as before. Whatever had gotten over me, the worst of it was over now.
"Yeah, I'm good. Sorry."
"Don't sweat it." Adam smiled, but I could tell he was still uncertain.
And maybe I was too, more than I would've liked to admit. Because when I hoisted up the huge sphere of a weight, part of me held back. My hands shook, surprised by how dense it was, and I knew I could do better. That it would be easier to stop messing around and just pick the damn thing up. But a little voice in the back of my head was whispering in my ear, telling me I should be careful, and that I wouldn't wanna hurt anybody again would I? Maybe my stronger magick should sit this one out.
So I ignored the trembling in my hands and heaved the weight over to Alex, watching it spin slowly end over end. He caught it a few inches before it hit him, not needing the extra help of putting his hands up. He snaked it through the air around him, then juggled it back and forth like he was passing it between two invisible hands, testing how heavy it was. When he was done, he gave it over-maybe with a little more force than necessary-to Adam, who caught it just as effortlessly as Alex had, if not more so.
It hit me then that I had never really seem Adam use his shifting before that moment. But watching him do it, it was like he had been born to. And maybe, in a kinda sad way, I guess he was.
If the weight made me struggle, he made it look like it was no more heavy than a feather. After floating it around for a minute or two and growing accustomed to the feel of it, he shifted up some of the other weights, spinning them all around, stacking them on top of each other, rolling them around, you name it. And sure, maybe he was showing off a bit. But you had to hand it to him, especially for someone who had been locked up the past few years and hadn't really used his ability at all during that time, he was doing really good.
Alex didn't seem to be of the same frame of mind as me though, because while Adam was distracted doing his shifting tricks, Alex snuck one of the larger weights over to his side and hurled it at Adam the second he had an opening.
"Alex!" I practically screeched, throwing my hands up and trying to tug the spiraling ball away from its path towards Adams head.
If there was ever a time to use my stronger shifting, then would've been it. But I couldn't help it, the voice had struck a chord with me. And I hesitated. Even if only for a second.
It ended up not mattering anyways, because Adam caught sight of the gargantuan weight just in time and pushed it to a stop. It was so sudden that the weight actually pushed his hand backwards, but it quickly sprung back away like it was on a rubber band. No harm done.
And yet, I was still pissed off.
"Alex, what the hell is the matter with you?" I fumed.
He didn't answer though, if he was even going to, because the next thing we both knew Adam was hurling all the weights back at Alex left and right with the same petulant vigor, and he had no choice but to duck behind a large piece of equipment just as the weights slammed into the ground where he was just standing with a resounding boom!
"Adam!" I exclaimed, whipping around to stare him down.
But I might as well have been invisible.
Neither of them saw me anymore, and things were rapidly changing from forced training to full blown fighting. Only with gigantic weights instead of fists. Awesome.
"Both of you! Cut it out!" I tried to scream at them as they slunk through the immense playground of a training area, popping their heads up only to assault the other with a torrent of flying metal.
Adam was currently slumped with his back pressed against the beam of a set of oversized monkey bars, his chest heaving with physical exertion and adrenaline. There was an animalistic joy in his eyes, like he was actually enjoying this and not at all worried about getting his head taken clean off.
Although the ball was literally now in Alex's court, he took the opportunity to surprise Adam and swung the tire swing to his left towards his head, which Adam only saw at the last second.
Instead of ducking or throwing himself to the side though, he crouched on his haunches and then sprung through the tire with ease and speed. Landing in a tucked roll that made me wince at the sound of him hitting the rock ground, he didn't waste a second before taking the nearest object not bolted to the ground-in this case, one of the life sized practice dummies that was lying in a heap on a long table-and heaved it over at Alex.
"A dummy, really?" He taunted with a smug smile.
Alex stood at the ready to heave up one of the weights and knock Adams dummy out of the air, but just in time Adam made it change course and instead of flying for Alex's head, it took him out by the knees, making him fall forward onto his face.
"Oh god..." I whispered.
My stomach dropped, and I knew that it was all over now. There was no way Alex was letting him get away with that. If I didn't do something right then...
"Alex," I called out cautiously as he slowly pulled himself up from the ground. "Don't do anything stupid okay? We should all just get back to practicing..."
He lifted his eyes up to meet mine, and when he did I could practically feel the anger radiating off of him like a wave of heat knocking me back.
"Move Kaylee," He huffed, standing up firmly and glaring daggers at Adam.
"Alex, just calm down okay? Just take a minute, things got a little out of hand but-"
"No, Kaylee. Get out of my way."
Without giving me a chance to reply, he simply moved past me like I wasn't even there, his eyes locked on Adams. It may have been all fun and games to him before, but as he wiped the blood from his busted lip off on his shirtsleeve, I could tell now he meant business.
Which left me with a choice, either let them fight like dogs until they killed each other, or intervene. Only intervening would mean I couldn't hold back on my magick anymore. Which would also mean that there was some chance I would end up hurting them, if my dark magick took control. Was I willing to risk that?
"You think you're tough shit don't you?" Alex was saying, cocking his head as he brought his face dangerously close to Adams.
Come on Kaylee, make a decision dammit.
"I'm gonna need you to back away from me," Adam replied through clenched teeth.
"No," Alex laughed. "why should I? What, you think just because your dad is who he is that that means you're better than us? Stronger than us?"
"I don't think that," Adams voice was quiet, reserved.
"Well you sure as hell act like it, doing all this pretending like you belong here, when you don't."
Adam wasn't one to anger easily, I knew that. But something snapped in him then, I could see it in the way he shot his head up. Maybe it was what Alex said, or maybe he had just been pushed too far.
"I belong here!" He shouted with conviction. "I belong here just as much as anyone else, if not more! I was raised here, I was trained here, and I was abandoned here! I don't know who you think you are telling me that I don't belong here, but you're in no position to be judging me in any way!" He jabbed a finger repeatedly into Alex's chest while he continued. "You walk around here all pissed off at the world because my father killed your parents, boo fucking hoo! At least when yours died you knew they loved you! You don't have a reminder every single damn day that your father only even wanted you to use you as a weapon, or that him and your mother up and left when you couldn't meet their expectations! You don't have to suffer through everyone's stares, like at any moment you're going to betray them to the man they think you still follow, when really, you hate him more than anything! So get the fucking stick out of your ass, and stop acting so wounded!"
"I should stop acting wounded?" Alex shoved Adam's shoulders, hard. "Do you even hear yourself? Do you hear what you just said?" He shoved Adam again, making him stumble backwards.
"I'm gonna give you one chance to stop pushing me," Adam said with an eerie calm.
Alex stared at him for a beat, then shoved him so hard that he fell backwards onto his back, hitting his head on the harsh ground.
What happened next was like an explosion.
One second, Adam was on his ass, and the next they were throwing punches left and right without a shred of hesitation. Alex landed one on Adams jaw, and the crack I heard made me cringe. No matter how much I screamed at them, they didn't let up, going for each other's throats and groin and any possible weak spot they could find.
Adam had just turned the tides and had managed to get Alex beneath him, beating him senseless.
"Adam, stop! Please!" I screamed, begging.
It was like he didn't even hear me.
I had held off until then, tried my best to convince myself that something else would work. Anything else. But seeing the alien savage look on Adams face, and seeing Alex being pummeled helplessly, I knew I couldn't restrain myself anymore. So with immense reluctance, I closed my eyes.
Reaching back into myself, I searched for the darkness that I knew I would find. And sure enough, as soon as I called out, I got an answer. If my magick was a person it would have greeted me with a hug and a kiss for the way it felt to let it take control again. I sighed dreamily at the feel of it burning through me, lost for a second in the ecstasy of it.
And then I opened my eyes. Adams arm was pulled back, ready to land another blow. But I was even more ready. With a yank, Adam flew to the side and off of Alex, yelping in surprise as he did. Alex, who was in no way incapacitated, tried to take the chance to throw himself at a slightly dazed Adam. But I didn't give him the chance.
I shifted him up by the collar of his shirt, pulling him a good few feet off of the ground. Once Adam had shaken his air of confusion at the sudden turn of events, I did the same to him, making sure to keep them far apart from each other.
"Kaylee?" Alex said, almost like, what are you doing here?
I snorted. "I don't know what the hell is wrong with the both of you, or maybe I do. But I'll tell you one thing, I'm not going to sit around and watch you two kill each other." I began backing them toward the far wall, and when they hit it, I pinned them both by their arms and legs. "You both have baggage, whatever, I get it. But I'm getting really sick of your guys's shit, real fast."
"Kaylee," Adam started, recognizing what was happening inside my mind. "Don't let your dark magick take over. Just stay coo-"
"HA! That's funny, Adam. That's really funny. You know, for someone who seemed like a really gentle, soft spoken guy, you can have a real edge for violence when you want to."
He hung his head, silenced by the truth of my words.
I pressed my shifting harder, squeezing my hold on their bodies so tight that they began to gasp and squirm.
"If you guys wanna get hurt, fine, I can play that game too. Only I'll win."
Harder and harder I squeezed, pressing their bodies tighter with each passing second. In a few minutes, bones would start breaking.
"Kaylee," Alex gasped, looking down at me and pleading for me to stop with his eyes.
"No, no." I held a hand up as if to stop him from talking. "You guys wanted to get beat up, so fine. I'm just giving you what you wanted right?"
"Kaylee!" A voice barked from behind me, and I jumped.
Keeping the boys pinned against the wall and writhing, I turned around to see that, finally, Asher had made her way over to us. Only now everyone in the training room had seemingly frozen mid task, and was watching my display.
"Kaylee what do you think you're doing? Put them down! Now!"
"Why should I?" I growled angrily, squeezing harder and making them both cry out.
Asher's brows furrowed further, and she looked like she was trying to figure out a puzzle.
Then all at once, I felt the flow of my magick stop in an instant, leaving my body with a whoosh. Behind me, I heard the boys drop to the floor and gasp for air gratefully. Settling upon me was the weirdest feeling, like someone had taken a giant blanket-a really wet, suffocatingly warm one-and mummified me in it. When I tried to move my limbs, I couldn't. Even my lips stayed sealed shut, the only thing I could move was my eyes.
What the hell? What just happened?
One second, power, adrenaline. The next, I might as well have been sitting a puddle of my own piss. I could feel a migraine coming on, and after the high of using my shifting, it was like some of the color had bled out of the corners of the world. There was a strange fading feeling to it, like after you've spun around too much on a merry-go-round and find yourself flung to the ground, the residual spinning in your eyes waning over time.
"Sorry Kaylee," Asher was saying, looking less like she was sorry and more like she was annoyed with me. "you didn't give me much of a choice."
So this is what it feels like to be blocked.