Sofia
I don’t really know where I’m going yet, but I know I need to get out of here. Before I break down in tears for the third time today.
I can’t handle it anymore. My heart feels like it’s going to burst and as painful as it felt the first two times, I know I won’t be able to survive this one. I already found out today that I almost lost him, but now it’s just a matter of time before that happens again.
I find myself in the kitchen, grabbing the keys to the jeep. On a whim I grab a second pair of keys, an idea already forming in my mind of where I want to go. I just don’t know if I’ll be brave enough to do it.
I head towards the garage and jump in the car. I realize I don’t have anything else on me, not even my driver’s license that I’ve hardly had occasion to use or my cell phone. I think I may have some cash in my pocket, but it can’t be more than 40 Euros.
Great planning, Sofia.
But I can’t bring myself to care about any of it. I need to leave. I can figure it all out later somehow.
I adjust the rearview mirror and stick the key into the ignition with trembling hands. God, what type of eighteen year old barely knows how to drive? I’m so useless and pathetic I can’t seem to do anything on my own. An image of Adrian’s parents crashing to their death plays in my head and it paralyzes me. I’ve had a fear of driving all my life, but this just grips me to the core.
I try to shake it off as I put the gear in drive. My foot is about to reach for the accelerator, when the door to my side suddenly rips open and it causes me to scream in fear.
A hand reaches over my mouth to silence me and I instantly panic.
“Shh, Sofia.”
I relax somewhat when I realize it’s Adrian, but he’s looking at me with such a hurtful expression that I’m still in panic. I think I’ve really done it this time. Completely shattered his trust. He drops his hand from my mouth and reaches over me to put the car back in park.
“Move to the passenger seat,” he instructs in a low voice. “You’re in no condition to drive.”
What? He wants to come with me? I was prepared for him to yank me out of the car and give me a lecture on how I’m a complete danger to myself.
“Now, Sofia.”
He says it in a calm voice, but I can tell he’s really reining in his anger. I move to the passenger seat and he hops in, putting the gear back in drive and driving out of the garage faster than I can put my seat belt on.
He quickly makes it out of our neighborhood, adjusting the rearview mirror back in place and putting his seat belt on along the way. Once we’re about to reach the highway to the city, he pulls over and stops the car.
He sighs and looks over at me. He looks so hurt and disappointed, I can barely keep eye contact with him I’m so ashamed. I regret that I didn’t stop to think how this would affect him.
“When are you going to stop running away from me, Sofia? You can’t do this to me anymore,” he says in a painful voice.
“I wasn’t running away from you, Adrian. I just couldn’t be in there and needed to leave,” I explain.
“So you tell me that. You don’t just leave. We’re a team. I’m on your side. After everything, don’t you get that?”
“I do. I just didn’t want you to see me like this. I didn’t think you would want to put up with it again. I’m sorry.”
“Well, guess what? You’re wrong. I’m not putting up with anything. If you’re hurting, then I want to be there for you.”
I nod at him and try to hold in the tears from falling again. It’s like I’m a dam and I can’t get the floodgates to shut close. I don’t think I’ve ever been more of a mess than today and that’s really saying something because I’ve had my share of really bad days.
“Where were you planning on going?” he asks me softly.
“Marbella.”
His eyes widen. “You know that’s at least a five hour drive on the highway, right? You were gonna drive all the way there by yourself?” he asks me incredulous.
“I hadn’t thought it all the way through. I was thinking of maybe taking the train.”
“Do you even have the keys to the house?” he asks, clearly seeing that I have nothing on my person.
I reach in my pocket and produce the keys, dropping them in the console between us. That was the only part I was able to think about.
He gives me an endearing grin, as if to say you’re so cute for trying, and turns the engine back on. I’m fully expecting him to turn the car around and head back home after my failed attempt to escape, but he continues straight ahead and onto the highway.
“Where are you going?” I ask, uncomprehending.
“Marbella. Where else?” he answers as a matter of fact.
“But you just –”
“Do you not want to go anymore?” he asks confused.
“I do. But you don’t have to take me. You can just drop me off at the train station or something.”
He looks over at me like I’ve gone mad. “Please stop insulting me,” he says exasperated. “I’m not taking or dropping you off anywhere. I’m going with you.”
He thinks I’m insulting him? “I’m not. I just … I don’t want you to get in trouble because of me.”
“You think I give a shit about anything that doesn’t concern you right now? I swear Sofia, I will chase you until the end of the earth and back. I’m not losing you again.”
Wow, this angry, no nonsense Adrian is really something else. I’m a bit startled by it but at the same time I’m finding it incredibly sexy somehow. I decide to keep my mouth shut, not knowing how to respond to that but also because I don’t want to keep agitating him.
He seems to relax a bit after a while of silence among us. As we pass the first toll booth, we look at each other and I can’t help but grin at him when it sinks in that we’re really doing this. He’s running away with me. We’re running away together.
He reaches over and grabs my hand. “Sleep, darling. I’ll get us there.”
I kiss his palm and get comfortable in my seat, laying my head down to the side and facing him. I enjoy the last rays of sunshine warming me over through the window until I close my eyes.
When I open them again it’s night outside and we’re in Marbella, pulling up to my family’s beach house. I immediately smile at all the good memories I have of this place. Even though the weather isn’t ideal as it’s the end of March and it’s still a bit cold out, I can already tell this is exactly what I wanted. After all, nothing bad has ever happened in this house.
Adrian pulls me into a hug as we walk inside the empty, quiet house. Normally it’s loud and filled with people and so it feels different that it’s just the two of us. It feels good.
“Better?” he asks me.
I nod into his chest as I hug him back. “Thank you for coming with me.”
“I think I needed this as much as you,” he answers. He lifts up my face to kiss me softly on the lips. “Are you hungry? I can order us a pizza.”
“Yeah, that sounds good. I just want to take a shower first,” I tell him. I need to wash this day off of me and start over fresh.
“Okay, you go ahead then and I’ll order.”
When I get out of the shower, Adrian is waiting for me in the kitchen with a large box of Domino’s and a two-liter Coke. My stomach instantly grumbles as I’m reminded I’ve barely eaten today. I don’t know how Adrian has survived all these hours without even complaining about it once.
“Eat, then talk, then sleep,” he instructs.
I chuckle as I join him on the other side of the kitchen bar and we dig in directly to the box, not even bothering getting plates. He’s ordered our usual - half pepperoni and half Hawaiian. He usually sticks to the former, claiming fruit doesn’t belong on pizza, but he always ends up stealing the remaining pieces from my half regardless.
I practically moan after taking my first bite, relishing how good it tastes. “How come pizza always makes everything better?” I wonder.
Adrian smiles. “Yeah, it’s hard to go wrong. Unless it’s like seriously burnt or something. But I think it’s because people usually associate it with something fun. Like a movie night or some celebratory event.”
“Just imagine a world without pizza. People would be literally lying around depressed all day.”
“And to think it’s really only tomato and cheese,” he laughs at my existential musings. “I have to take you to get deep dish pizza in Chicago one day. You haven’t lived until you try that.”
I smile that he talks so easily about doing stuff together in the future, but it’s bittersweet because I truly don’t know if that’s ever going to happen.
I finish eating my second slice and am still debating whether I have enough room for a third. It’s that weird in between period where you want it and think you might have space, but you might end up feeling sick if you do. I look over at Adrian and he’s already on his fourth slice. I swear I don’t know how he’s not 200 pounds.
“Go for it,” Adrian encourages. “We have to finish the entire box, you know.”
“That’s easy for you to say,” I complain.
“Okay, how about this? If you have a third slice, then I’ll have the last of your gross fruit pizza,” Adrian proposes.
“It’s not called fruit pizza, and it’s popular for a reason! Besides, don’t pretend like you wouldn’t eat it anyway.”
Adrian grins at me and picks up a slice, signaling for me to do the same. “Cheers,” he says, tapping his pizza with mine. He then proceeds to take all of the pineapple off and gobbles it down in ten seconds.
I laugh as he easily washes it down with another glass of Coke and then rubs his stomach in satisfaction. I wish I could record him sometimes.
He patiently waits for me to finish and the second I do, he pulls me over to the couch in the living room.
I frown, knowing this is the talk part I’m not looking forward to at all. We’ve been talking all day and I seriously can’t handle any more bad news. I’d much rather skip ahead to the sleep part, especially that it’s going to be with him. Now that I’m very much looking forward to.
“I’ll try to make this quick, okay? I know you’re exhausted, but this needs to be said and then we can go to sleep.”
I nod at him, but still feel unsure I won’t break down again during this conversation. I don’t need the recap of him moving to DC while I moan around wailing for the rest of my pathetic existence.
“Okay, so the first thing I need to tell you and that you need to understand is that I’m not going anywhere if it’s not with you. That’s a deal breaker for me right there. As much as I love soccer, it’s a means to an end and it wouldn’t mean anything if it weren’t for you in my life. So the way I see it, that leaves us with a few options. Option one is that I don’t take the offer and try to look for something local.”
I immediately shake my head. “No, Adrian. You have to take the offer.”
He sighs. “Okay, I was expecting you to say that, so that takes us to option two. I accept the offer, but only if you come with me to DC,” he says very seriously.
I look at him dumbfounded. “You want me to go with you?”
“Yes, but only if you want to. If you don’t, I have a few other options.”
“Like what?” I ask curiously.
“Option three is I forget about soccer entirely and find a regular job in Madrid until you graduate.”
“Are you serious? That’s such a waste of your talent. No way.”
“Option four is I become a famous voice over actor for Spanish films. Option five is I become a farmer and you can be my sexy cowgirl on the ranch. Option six is we run away to Zihuatanejo and join Morgan Freeman from The Shawshank Redemption and live off of fish for the rest of our lives. Option seven, boudoir photography, maybe some pornos if we’re feeling frisky. Personally, I think there’s definitely some future there,” he says grinning.
“What? Adrian, have you lost your mind?” I practically scream.
He lets out a hearty laugh. “I’m kidding, obviously. I was just trying to make the first options seem like more reasonable life choices.”
“Oh. Obviously,” I let out, embarrassed that I actually thought he was being serious about some of those. It’s just hard to believe he can joke around right now. Sexy cowgirl? Get a grip, Sofia.
“Baby, in all seriousness. Would you consider moving to DC with me? I think it could be good for us, but only if you want to, of course.”
“Are you kidding? I would love to, Adrian. But how would we do it?”
“Well, the first thing is you would need to apply to universities in DC. The good news is that there are a lot of great schools there and you could probably transfer your credits from your first semester. The offer I got is for three years so hopefully that gives you enough time to finish college in case we need to move again, or I can try to extend it longer if you need more time.”
“You think I could get in?”
“Of course, darling. There are some that are bit tougher like Georgetown, but there are also universities like American that actually a lot of international folks go there and children of diplomats and that kind of thing, so I think you would fit in really well with the profile.”
“What if my parents don’t let me?”
“Sofia, that’s another thing you have to understand. You’re eighteen now, going to be nineteen soon. You don’t need to ask your parents for permission anymore. It’s your life and it’s short, so you get to decide what’s best for you and then you tell them what that is.”
“Okay, but what if they cut me off or something? I mean, financially they support me so it’s not like they don’t have any say in this.”
“They’re not gonna do that. But even if they did, you could try to find scholarships and I can help support you. I would be making some decent dough with this offer and like it or not, I also have an inheritance now from my parents.”
“Adrian,” I say immediately hugging him at the reminder. “I hope it doesn’t come to that. Will you help me talk to my parents about it?”
“Of course. Hopefully they won’t hang my head once we get back, but yeah, we can tell them of our plans together. I texted Nico when you were in the shower, by the way. I didn’t say where we were, just that you needed some time and we were safe. Hope that’s okay.”
“No, that’s good. Thanks for doing that. Thank god you’re the mature one around here,” I nudge him.
“I blame the damn therapist. He officially robbed me of my youth by making me plan everything ahead,” he says joking.
“I think you’ve always secretly been an old man,” I joke back.
He grabs me by the waist and brings me to his lap. “I’m not that old,” he complains. “You’re just too young for your own good. You’re like a little grasshopper.”
I pull on his shirt, faking hurt. “The old man and the grasshopper. Sounds like the title of a weird book I would never read.”
He laughs and kisses my forehead. “So are we really doing this?” he asks me excitedly.
“Yes,” I immediately respond, smiling so much just at the idea.
He smiles back at me and I don’t think I’ve ever seen him look so happy. “Okay, so one last thing and then you’re off the hook. Just promise you won’t freak out and I should warn you it’s not what you probably think it is.”
“Adrian, I don’t think I can handle any more bad news tonight.”
“It’s not bad, I promise. It’s good … I hope,” he says grinning.
He digs into his pocket and promptly slips something onto my finger. More specifically, onto my left ring finger. I stare at it in disbelief, admiring how beautiful it is and mesmerized at seeing something on my hand that I didn’t think would be happening for years to come.
“It’s a promise ring,” he explains. “I swear if you were older, I would be down on one knee right now and I really want that to happen someday. But until then, I’ll be waiting for you until you’re ready. I know it’s a lot to ask for you to move to DC with me, but I want you to know that I’m fully committed to you and I can’t wait to start a new life together.”
“Oh my god, Adrian. It’s so beautiful. Thank you,” I say hugging him fiercely.
Don’t cry, please don’t cry again. This is good, you’re really happy. I have to remind myself and take a few deep breaths to control my emotions.
“You like it? I was worried because I honestly don’t know about these things, but Carmen thought you would like it,” he tells me.
He consulted with her on this? That’s so damn cute! “Yes, I absolutely love it. When did you even get it?”
“This morning, but I had been thinking about it for a while. I wanted to find the right time to give it to you without scaring you off.”
I shake my head at him that he would think that and bring my hand back down to admire the ring some more. The band is shaped like an infinity symbol with diamonds running across the top loop. It looks so elegant on my hand and he couldn’t have gotten me anything more perfect. This has got to be the craziest day of my life.
Adrian brings my hand to his lips and softly kisses my knuckles, followed by the ring on my finger. “I love you, Sofia,” he says looking at me so adoringly.
I honestly have the best boyfriend in the world. I immediately lean over to kiss him, my heart warming and melting throughout my body. I bring my legs over either side of waist, sitting up on his lap so I can reach him better. He grips my back and draws me even closer to him as he deepens the kiss. It’s so tender and full of promise and I can’t wait to start the rest of our lives together either.
“Take me to bed, Adrian,” I whisper.
He grins as he wraps his arms under my thighs and stands us up easily. My legs fold around his waist as he walks the short distance to my room.
After kicking the door shut behind him, he deposits me on the edge of the bed and kneels down in front of me. My heart instantly starts hammering in my chest at the knowledge of what’s about to happen. He looks at me intently and runs his thumb across my cheek.
“You must be tired, darling. You’ve had a long day,” he says quietly.
Is he telling me he doesn’t want to do this? I shrug. I am tired but my body is also buzzing with electricity. “Yes and no.”
He chuckles. “We don’t have to rush this if you’re not sure. We have time.”
“I am sure, Adrian. I want to be with you,” I tell him confidently. I feel like I constantly have to convince him of it, and it almost feels like he’s rejecting me. An insecure thought rears its head in my mind. “Do you not want this?” I ask him.
“Baby girl, I can assure you this sums up every fantasy I’ve had for the last four years, especially when it came to being on vacation in this house, sleeping in the room right across from here.”
“You naughty boy. You wanted to sneak in here?” I smile.
“Every single night,” he smiles back at me with a glint in his eye. He must have remembered something in particular because he leans forward to kiss me with renewed determination.
I take advantage of it and quickly start unbuttoning his flannel shirt. I’ve learned I have to do these things fast before he tries to stop me. I’ve only managed to get the first two buttons undone when he pulls back. I start to complain but he reaches an arm behind him and pulls the shirt off the rest of the way over his head, in the manner that guys only seem to do when they undress. But seeing him do it and the fact that he wanted to speed up the process this time already has my insides squirming.
He takes my shirt off almost equally as fast and then reaches for the button of my jeans and pulls down the zipper. The velocity at which he is moving is absolutely thrilling. Usually he tortures me with an incredibly slow rate of motion, checking with me beforehand to see if I’m okay with everything.
Before I know it, he’s laying me down on the bed with just our underwear in between us. The sight of him is so incredible like this, his muscles flexing throughout as he lowers me gently. He hovers over me as he runs his hands down my body, igniting a small fire everywhere he touches. I love the intense way he looks at me while he does it, as if worshiping every moment of it.
He brings me to my side so that we’re facing each other and my fingertips immediately travel down his chest. I think this is my favorite part of him, and I know I’ll never get over the feel of all the different ridges and contextures when tracing down his abs.
He kisses me softly as his arms wrap behind my back. He expertly unfastens my bra and brings the straps over my shoulders, letting it drop down my arms and unto the bed. His fingers run over my clavicle as his hands fall to my breasts and knead them.
I gasp as he pushes my shoulder back so I’m lying flat again and starts to descend my body. Heat shoots down to my core in anticipation as his tongue flicks over my stomach. He looks up at me as his fingers hook in my panties to pull them down my legs, and I know he’s asking for permission again. He must be crazy to think I don’t want this.
“Yes. Please, Adrian,” I say barely recognizing my voice. That’s been happening a lot lately.
His eyes turn full of desire as he positions himself between my thighs. I feel another wave shoot down me and I feel almost embarrassed by it. I’m already completely turned on and he hasn’t even touched me yet.
He lets out a deep moan when he finally does and I whimper in return.
“God, baby,” he lets out before he continues to work me to pieces.
My entire body begins to flush and the same tingles from yesterday start to appear. Jesus, that was only yesterday? I don’t think I’ll ever be able to leave this bed at this rate.
All of these feelings are so foreign to me and I never thought I would experience them like this … with so much pleasure. I’ve always worried that I wouldn’t be able to, but leave it to Adrian to completely shatter all my preconceived notions when it comes to this. His touch has always been warm and gentle, and I know when he does it, it’s because he loves me. With him I feel safe, and cherished, and I know he would never hurt me.
It hits me out of nowhere, and just like yesterday, I cry out unexpectedly as my body completely takes over my mind. But unlike yesterday, I can’t bring myself to feel ashamed by it.
Adrian pulls up my body to look at me, grinning wildly at me in satisfaction. He brushes his thumb against my lips and I kiss it. He groans and starts kissing around my neck.
I take that as a sign he wants more, and I reach down his boxers to remove them. He sits back up a bit to bring them down his legs, and the sight of his completely naked body is glorious. I didn’t get to see him like this yesterday because I was too scared to do it, but now that I have, I can’t wait to feel him inside of me any longer.
I pull his body back over mine and wrap my hand around him, guiding him towards me. He’s big and I think about how this is probably going to hurt, but I know it’s going to be worth it.
“Baby, I don’t have a condom,” he tells me worriedly.
“It’s okay, I’m on the pill,” I respond.
“You are?” he asks surprised. He seems to want to ask me why, but refrains from doing so.
“Yeah. But I guess we would have to go back home tomorrow because I didn’t bring them with me,” I suddenly realize with disappointment.
He reaches down to kiss me. “Your call. I understand if you don’t want to go back yet.”
Just the fact that he’s offering to wait so I can have more time here gives me my answer. “I want you, Adrian. Make love to me.”
“I want you too, Sofia. And I love you so much,” he answers.
He brings a hand down my body and slips his fingers inside of me. He makes a growling sound of approval as he touches me, igniting me further. “You’re so ready for me.”
“Yes, I need you,” I respond. I can feel it. It’s a deep yearning and ache I feel for him.
He removes his fingers from me, and I let go of him as he pushes forward, aligning himself with my center. “I’ll be gentle, okay? But please tell me if I’m hurting you.”
I nod and he doesn’t hesitate, slowly inching inside of me. He holds my gaze the entire time, looking for any signs of pain, but I don’t feel any. It’s only a slight discomfort, more like a pressure as he stretches me.
I sense when he hits a barrier and he pulls back, giving up a few inches and then pressing back again slowly. He repeats the movement a couple more times until he pushes completely through, causing me to gasp loudly.
Oh my god.
He stills and reaches down to kiss me, giving me time to adjust to him. “Okay, baby?” he whispers.
“Yes,” I respond, gripping his shoulders.
He smiles at me reassuringly and moves down to kiss my neck. “Relax, darling. It’ll feel good in a minute.”
He starts moving and I make sure to stay relaxed as he’s just told me. But I can already feel my body responding to him, welcoming him more with each movement.
“Sofia, you feel so incredible,” he praises. “I knew you would.”
My breathing becomes heavier as he grips my hips and sinks into me. He feels deeper now and he fits me so perfectly. I can feel my heartbeat pulsating throughout my body, but that’s the only other thing I’m aware of. All the rest of my motor skills and functions have disappeared. I’m weightless. Liquid. Just a puddle of mass. And it feels amazing.
“Adrian,” I whimper. “Please, more.”
I need to feel more of this and I don’t ever want it to end.
He groans and pulls out of me and I almost cry from the loss. He brings my body down further on the bed and sinks into me again, sliding easily into me this time.
“Oh, god,” I let out as he sets a new rhythm. It’s faster, firmer, and completely unbelievable. I move my hips to meet his movements and he breathes out my name. I’ve never liked the sound of it as much as in this moment from his lips.
He reaches for my hands and brings them on either side of my head, interlacing our fingers together. I can feel the promise ring he just gave me edging between my fingers and it makes my heart swirl. It makes me wish he had a ring of his own to match mine. Because he’s now a part of me as much as I’m a part of him.
He slows down again, carefully moving inside of me with long, calculated motions. I feel each and every one of them more than the next and I know it’s only a matter of seconds before he takes me over the edge. My walls start to clamp over him and I cry out as the rush of heat takes over my body.
“Yes, baby,” he moans. His brown eyes bore into mine as he finds his own release and finishes inside me.
I know it’s only my first time, and I probably should be worried about that fact even if I’m on the pill because you can never be too careful, but I trust him completely so I can’t bring myself to worry about it. I love him so much and I know he would take care of me in a heartbeat if anything happened.
“I love you, Adrian,” I say, still out of breath.
“I love you, Sofia. Always,” he whispers back at me, smiling. He leans down to kiss me, taking my mouth as passionately as when we first started.
I let his words wash over me together with the afterglow of absolute bliss, and for the first time in my life I feel unafraid.
Fearless.