Daniel glanced at the expensive wrist watch before pulling himself up and muttering a curse under his breath. He stood from the bed and turned on the small lamp beside my bed.
"Stay." I whined still curled under the warm duvet, holding strong onto the body heat he had left behind.
"Baby you know I want to."
"But?" I sighed knowing it was coming.
"I can't tonight."
I was half tempted to throw the ring in his face. He'd practically proposed tonight, and now he was going home to his wife. I guess it was partly my fault for accepting the ring in the first place. I wiggling my fingers and let the ring catch the light several times. "I can you just won't." I muttered.
"Ryan." He groaned.
My eyes shot up to his and I was suddenly filled with panic. "Sorry." I sat upwards and held the blanket around my bare body.
I don't know what I was sorry for. Why I was apologizing. He was the one who was leaving. But for some reason it was always like this. I was always afraid he would leave me and just never come back. Somewhere in my subconscious I knew he loved me and would do no such thing, doubted I would even let him go without a fight. But half of me was always worried. It's not like he needed me. If I got too annoying, or to be too much to handle it's not like he didn't have someone else waiting at home for him. I'll bed she never complained when he had to leave. But then again, she didn't have to deal with knowing that he was going to someone else's bed.
When this had started we both seemed to have a full deck. But since I had told Patrick and our relationship ended I felt like I was playing with only have a set. He easily had more cards than I, more options, more plans. Sometimes it felt like he'd even taken the cards from my deck and was now stuffed with aces and kings and all of the other cards that trumped my own. If I lost Daniel, I had nothing. Maybe not even a job. But he would always have his company, his wife, and that annoyingly adorable and huge lap dog of his.
"Don't be sorry. I'm sorry." He sighed and pulled open his drawer of my dresser. I watched him pull a new button down shirt out of the drawer and turned back to me. "You've got to stop ripping my shirts open like that." He joked but the smile didn't reach his eyes.
He waited for me to smile back but I didn't bother trying to put up a front. I wouldn't be a bitch about the situation. Partly from fear of losing him, and partly just because I knew what I was getting into from the start. But I wasn't going to pretend to be happy about it either.
"You know I love you, don't you?" He asked and I nodded.
I did know. I just didn't know who he loved more. He said he was going to leave her, he gave me a ring, and he took me all over the apartment for the next few hours. No room had been unscaved, no body part untouched, he'd been almost frantic in his need for me. And I had loved every moment of it. So I won, right?
If I won, why did I feel so shitty now as he pulled his trousers back on and kept his gaze to his cell phone on the end table. It'd gone off a few times during the night. Neither of us had dared to look at it though. In my apartment we could have this wonderful and perfect relationship. We were in a special little bubble all to ourselves. But contact with the outside world was like a needle. I could tell from his expression that the little blinking light on the corner of his phone had already popped the bubble.
"Do you love her?"
He sighed heavily. "You know I do Ryan. But you also know I don't love anyone the way I love you."
"You can't have us both you know." I said in a sharper tone than I had intended. It was a bold faced lie because he already did have us both.
"I'm just asking for a little bit of time. Her sister is sick Ryan. I'm trying to be sympathetic, she's enough on her plate without me dropping this bombshell on her." He pressed his palm to the bed and leaned in to kiss me but I turned my head away so his lips caught only my cheek. "I love you Ryan."
"I love you too." I muttered and finally caved and kissed him back. "I just hate it when you leave."
"I know baby." He said and kissed me again. "I do too. I wish I could stay."
"Then stay!"
"I'm already late. Very late at that."
I pouted and he kissed my forehead lightly. "I will see you tomorrow, bright and early. Maybe we can both leave the office for lunch around the same time and...well...you know." He winked at me and I rolled my eyes.
"So not in the mood for dirty talk right now."
"I know. But I'm always in the mood for you. I just can't help myself. See? I'm already getting excited just thinking about you tomorrow."
My will diminished and I smiled lightly. He did get excited so easily around me. It was difficult to imagine anyone could have the same effect on him as I did. But unfortunately, I did have to imagine it. "Do you guys still...you know?"
His smile fell instantly. "I don't think now is the best time to have this conversation Ryan. I will stay with you another night and we can discuss this more in depth."
"So there is obviously something to discuss!" I accused feeling sick to my stomach.
"Ryan." He sat on the bed and took my wrists in his hands before I could hide my face from him. "You knew when we got together Ryan. Tori and I have always had a very good relationship, you knew when this thing started-"
"This thing." I repeated with a sarcastic tone.
"You're acting like a child. Calm down and we can actually discuss this like adults."
"Oh so now I'm a child!"
"I didn't say-"
"Is that what the problem is? I'm too young for you? Too childish?"
He frowned and released my wrists abruptly. "What do you mean the problem? Why is there a problem all of the sudden? I thought we were great?"
"There's obviously a problem! Something that's holding you back from letting this thing be real."
"Excuse me. Did you forget I'm the one who said I love you? For weeks before you would. I'm the one for gave you a ring. I'm-"
"Yeah but I'm the one who left Patrick!"
"I told you I was going to leave Victoria!" I hated when he said her name.
"You said you would, but we both know much your word is worth."
"That was a low blow Ryan."
"Coming in here, giving me a ring, and then going home to you wife. That's a low blow! I left Patrick for you! There was no waiting, no empty promises-"
"Oh yes Ryan. Your six month relationship with someone you hardly knew is completely comparable to the twenty years of life I have shared with Victoria. You know, my wife, in case you had forgotten."
"How could I forget?" I huffed and crossed my arms over my chest.
"Honestly Ryan? This is how you wanted to end such a great night? By being a bitch and ruining the whole thing? Do you know how much this meant to me? Giving you a ring. It's not something I do to every Mary and Jane I pass on the street you know. I love you. It breaks my fucking heart to tell you I'm going to leave my wife but I am doing it for you. That's how much I love you, my entire life, my entire life I am throwing away to be with you. And you can't see that? You'd rather yell at me and fight? We had a great night together!"
"Oh so now I'm a child and a bitch."
He groaned loudly and palmed his forehead. "That's the only thing you heard from that whole speech? Honestly?"
No. Of course it wasn't. But I was fuming, too fuming to just accept whatever BS he might feed me today. "It's the only part I needed to hear." I said and turned my head away.
"Fine. You win. We will end this on a sour note." He said and stood up.
End this.
I turned and watched him stalk out of the room. I sat in the bed for a few moments before jumping out and following him. I threw on a robe quickly and pulled the belt just a little too tight around myself. "Daniel!" I yelled after him. He was at the door slipping his feet into his shoes and he didn't bother to turn back around to face me.
"Whatever other insults you want to say will have to wait. I have to go. I'm done with this."
Done with this.
He opened the door and stepped out into the hallway and I was on him. "Don't. Please Daniel." I said wrapping my arms around his waist and breaking into a fit of sobs. He'd stumbled backwards, clearly shocked at my actions, and perhaps afraid that I was trying to actually attack him rather than hold him. "Don't end this. Don't be done. I don't want this to end. I love you. Don't leave me."
"L-leave you?" He stammered and wrapped his arms around me. "What the dickens are you talking about now?"
"You said end this." I cried into his chest.
He was quiet for a few moments, running the conversation through his mind. He'd said the words so carelessly it took him a moment to even realize what I was talking to. When he caught on he took me by the shoulders and pulled me away from his body so he could look me in the eye. "This night Ryan! I meant the night! This is how you wanted to end this night."
"B-but." I stammered and his hands went from my shoulders to my face. He cupped my faces and brought his thumbs across my tear streaked cheeks. "You said you were done with this."
"I meant the conversation! I'm done with this conversation! God Ryan!"
"And now you're mad at me!" I cried and he pressed his lips hard against mine.
"No, no, no. I'm not! I'm astounded that you could be so stupid!"
"And now you're calling me stupid!" I groaned and he kissed me again. I was sure I must be pretty gross to kiss at this moment. Daniel brought out a side of me that I was not familiar with. A needy and whiny side. I had never felt so desperate to have anyone before. Never felt like I would be lost without someone, that I needed someone. Never in my life had I struggled with someone leaving my bed. And the thought that Daniel was going to leave me, that he thought I was stupid now. I was wrecked, and he hadn't even gone yet.
"Yes. You are stupid. Stupid to think I would ever leave you! Especially over a stupid argument!" It was hardly stupid, but I didn't press the matter. "The problems we have right now are just temporary. Soon I'm not going to married and you won't be able to get mad at me for that. Soon we are going to live together, and then you can't yell at me for leaving. I gave you a ring Ryan. How could you possibly think I was going to give you a ring, promise to leave my wife, and leave you, all in the same night!"
"B-but-"
"Don't you realize how much I love you?"
Maybe I didn't realize quite how much.
"What do I have to do? Get on my hands and knees and kiss your shoes?" I wasn't wearing any shoes. "Do I have to howl at you like a dog in heat? Grovel? If you want me to start ordering flowers and booking the chapel right now I will! Just tell me what I have to do for you to realize that I love you? I mean, I tell you, I thought I was showing you but obviously I was wrong. Just tell me."
"Just kiss me again." I whispered and he did so without hesitation. He kissed me and moved me until my back was against the wall of the hallway. Boy did I hope the Geno family didn't come out and catch us now. Me in nothing but a robe against the wall and Daniel against me now.
"I love you." He breathed against my lips just before pulling away. He kept his forehead pressed to mine. "Do you know that Ryan? Really, really know?" I nodded.
Maybe, just maybe, his deck wasn't quite as full as I had suspected after all.
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You lovely readers have no clue how close you were to not getting an update tonight!!
I have admittedly neglected this story a bit because I had so much of it already written I thought I could afford to take a step back from it without pushing my deadline of updating weekly.
I hadn't touched it at all throughout November because of National Novel Writing Month. Which, by the way, turned out awesome. I completed an 81k book two days before the month ended.
And the as soon as I finished Nano I started another book! So I haven't written this one at all in a month and a half! Everything I've posted so far has already been written and just go a good bit of tweaking before posting. So I just finished this chapter, and I liked the chapter except for one thing.
I feel like I'm out of touch with my characters! When I write I get very invested in my characters and I usually don't work on more than one story at a time. So I really struggled a bit with getting back into character. In fact, I think Ryan might have been a tad out of character, but maybe she's just about to get her period, so that makes it acceptable (;
Check out the new story I've started!
And as always, vote & comment!