Hey! So... here we go! Let me know what you think <3
~
The sight of the empty page gaping back at Taehyung is a frustrating one. For hours now has he been sitting here at his desk, the laptop in front of him, his fingers on the keyboard, ready to type out the words he would come up with.
But... nothing.
He has started the first sentence several times now but ended up deleting it all again. Nothing he writes sounds quite right. His brain is overflowing with ideas yet as soon as he sits down to actually use them, nothing comes to mind. Taehyung has to write, though, so he remains seated in front of his laptop.
The dull pain in her temple had been there for weeks now, and slowly but surely, it drove her insane.
No. Delete. That is stupid.
She swears she didn't mean to do it. She didn't mean to pull the trigger.
No, no, no. Too abrupt. It is supposed to be a thriller, not a short story.
Taehyung squints his eyes at the sun hanging low and shining through the window and right into his eyes.
She would never forget how the sun had felt on her skin that day.
Wait, what — what is he even trying to write? Taehyung sighs, rubs his eyes, closes the laptop. Three hours have passed and he still has nothing. It's truly frustrating.
The phone next to his laptop buzzes, the screen lights up with a new message.
How's writing going?
Then, another one:
Have to work longer today. Wanna come by?
Taehyung doesn't think too long about it. Going out of the apartment for a while, getting some fresh air to clear his mind and visit the café sounds like a reasonable idea. Plus, he will get to see his boyfriend, which might be the most convincing one.
Sure.
Maybe he should try to get his mind off the story for a while. Otherwise he swears he will go insane.
Two months ago did he quit his job as a journalist to finally focus on his passion. Writing articles is not his thing — that's one thing he learned after working at the small newspaper publishing company. And, perhaps the only thing.
He knew that it would be hard to make it as an author, and he still does. He never thought that it would be the lack of inspiration that would make it so hard for him, though.
Now, all he has is a blog he last updated three weeks ago and a pile of unpaid bills on his coffee table.
He walks over to the couch, turns on the TV and then makes his way over to the kitchen to get a cold drink of water. The news are on. Taehyung watches from where he leans against the kitchen counter and drinks his water, has half a mind to change the channel when the phone rings. He doesn't often get calls, only unpleasant ones whenever he does, so he picks up the phone rather hesitantly.
"Kim Taehyung?"
"Mr. Kim! Beautiful afternoon we have, right?"
Taehyung sighs, pinches the bridge of his nose. He knows this voice and he has come to resent it.
"Mr. Choi," he says as politely as he manages, "What a pleasure."
Not really, but Taehyung can't possibly say that to his landlord. The man on the other end of the line chuckles.
"More for me than for you, I fear," he sighs, "Mr. Kim, I believe you know already why I'm calling."
Taehyung does. He glances at the pile of opened envelopes on the coffee table. It is truly unfair, the way they lay there, day in, day out, as if they are mocking him with their mere presence.
"I believe so," Taehyung says. The news on TV are over and a commercial plays.
"It's already the eighth of the month and I cannot wait for your rent any longer."
Taehyung closes his eyes. He knows what's about to come and in no way is he prepared for it. He never is.
"This is the third time in a row that you're late with your payment. I'm sorry, but if this doesn't get better, I don't think I will be able to let you stay in the apartment any longer."
It goes like this every time. Taehyung doesn't get used to it, though. The shame still burns deep inside his stomach and makes his cheeks flush.
"I'm sorry," he says, "Please, we only need a few more days. Jeongguk is going to get paid tomorrow and—"
"Taehyung-ssi, I've heard this too many times before now. You are unreliable and that is a huge problem. I've tried to look over it but I'm not sure I can in the future."
Taehyung's throat hurts with all the words he'll have to leave unsaid. His eyes stare at the TV. The intro of a mystery show plays.
"I know. I'm sorry about the trouble." Taehyung leans against the wall. "We need three more days—"
"Two," Choi interrupts him, "That's all I can give you."
Taehyung isn't sure if it's enough. Still, he agrees.
The host of the show appears and announces today's topic. A familicide committed by a father in his forties. The victims: his wife and three kids.
"Fine. Two days." Taehyung stares at the TV.
The father's motive, the host says, Was that his family apparently was possessed by demons. So, he had to take matters into his own hands and end their suffering.
"I'm sorry for the inconvenience," Choi says and doesn't sound apologetic at all.
"It's fine," Taehyung says, then makes sure to end the call as fast as possible. On TV, they show a picture of the once happy family. The children all can't be older than twelve. Taehyung turns it off and throws the remote in the couch.
He has somewhere to be. So, he quickly checks himself in the mirror, fixes his tousled dark brown hair, puts on shoes and a light coat and then makes his way downstairs and into the city.
Taehyung sees Jeongguk before he has even entered the café. He stands next to a table by the window, ready to write down a costumer's order, wearing his usual work attire: back clothes and an apron around his hip. The bell above the door announces Taehyung's arrival and draws Jeongguk's attention to him. He smiles.
Taehyung picks a table in the middle of the room. The café is not full, not too empty either. A group of students sit in the back, hunched over a phone and giggling. A couple at the table next to them, sharing lovestruck glances. One man sits alone.
Jeongguk passes Taehyung's table after he has settled down.
"Hey, baby," he greets him, a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it lightly, "My break's in a few minutes. Can I get you anything?"
Taehyung looks up at him, leaning into his touch. "A cappuccino, please?"
Jeongguk nods. "Sure thing." Then, he is off to the counter. Taehyung opens his leather bag he brought with him and pulls out his notebook and a pen. Just for safety, should a random lightning of inspiration strike him.
It is a nice spring day, early April. The sky is clear and the sun is shining; it is still a bit cold, but the impending heatwave is noticeable in the air. Taehyung likes this time of the year, enjoys the walks down at the Han river and through downtown, going to the park and enjoying the warmth and watching the world around him turn back to life. Sometimes, he and Jeongguk have a picnic somewhere out, too. It's nice.
Taehyung feels his fingers itch with the desire to reach for the pen and write, but he fights it with every fiber of his body. He knows his mind won't come up with anything coherent to write right now.
"You look annoyed," Jeongguk comments once he returns to his table and sets the cappuccino down in front of him. He brought a hot chocolate for himself and sits down opposite of Taehyung.
"Not annoyed. Just unproductive," Taehyung sighs, "I got absolutely nothing done today. Been trying to start the first chapter for literally three hours."
"Nothing?" Jeongguk asks.
"Nothing," Taehyung confirms, shaking his head, "My brain's empty."
"You put too much pressure on yourself. If you weren't so upset with yourself, I'm sure you would have a much easier time writing," Jeongguk advises, then takes his hand when Taehyung frowns at his words. Softly, he presses down on his knuckles, massaging them.
"Easier said than done." Taehyung rubs his eyes. "Haven't posted anything on my blog for three weeks. This is slowly getting ridiculous."
He knows it's not. Not really, anyway; many authors fluctuate between creative phases and periods of rest. But it makes him feel dumb and useless and he doesn't like the feeling. Jeongguk's eyes are on him.
"But that doesn't mean that you're not working hard," he says as if he could read Taehyung's mind, "Just the fact that you try again and again every day makes you a hard worker."
Taehyung chuckles fondly. He glances at Jeongguk. His narrow eyes meet Jeongguk's round ones.
"Stop being so wise. You're younger than me."
Jeongguk just grins, then raises his hand to his lips to kiss Taehyung's fingers.
"Nah, someone has to get in your head and stop your self-deprecating thoughts from time to time."
A smile tugs at Taehyung's lips. He turns his hand in Jeongguk's hold to intertwine their fingers as a fond warmth fills his chest.
He met Jeongguk about three years ago; he was 22, Jeongguk 20. Taehyung had still been working as a journalist back then and had the wonderful task to do a report on a fishing contest just outside of town.
If there is one thing on earth that Taehyung is not interested in at all, it might be fishing.
But it was his job, so he went there with his camera and watched the whole damn thing. A table with snacks was set up and after a while, that was where Taehyung withdrew to.
And there he was. Jeon Jeongguk.
He didn't catch Taehyung's eyes until he spoke to him, but when he did, he was all Taehyung could focus on.
He was wearing the simplest outfit one could wear — white tee-shirt, ripped skinny jeans, sneakers. He stood right next to the table, one hand in his pocket and the other holding a beer. When Taehyung stood next to him, looking through the photos he had already taken, he cleared his throat and asked him if they actually hired a photographer for this contest.
No, they hadn't. Taehyung was just a journalist working for a small newspaper.
"Oh, interesting," Jeongguk had said and as Taehyung wondered if he really meant that, he realized how insanely pretty Jeongguk's lips were. The bottom one was bigger than the top one. What a sweet detail.
"I'm just here for the free snacks," Jeongguk said.
"Really?"
"No," Jeongguk sighed, "unfortunately not."
Turned out that Jeongguk's friend had dragged him there as she was one of the contestants. The free snacks were just a nice addition.
In the end, his friend came in sixth place out of eleven. She was happy either way.
Before everyone left, Jeongguk held Taehyung back and asked him for his number.
"So you can tell me when the article comes out," he said.
"Oh," Taehyung said, "You can just check the newspaper tomorrow, it'll be in there."
"Okay, but does the newspaper have your number? Because I don't think so," Jeongguk said, eyebrows raised in a reproaching manner. Then, he sighed. "I'm sorry, I don't know why I said that. That was so rude."
Taehyung couldn't help the fond smile.
"You're cute," he said, then he wrote down his number on a small piece of paper, "Text me so we can talk about fishing stuff."
They went on their first date not even a week later.
And now, three years after that, they live together in a small apartment somewhere in Seoul. It's nice. It's better than anything Taehyung ever imagined his future relationship to be like.
"How's work so far?" he asks and takes a sip of his cappuccino. Jeongguk groans, throws his head back.
"Boring," he says, "Feels like no one's coming in. We're two people working today. Two!" He shakes his head with a sigh. "So unnecessary. I've got barely anything to do."
"Maybe you can finish earlier today, then?" Taehyung doesn't even try to hide the hopeful undertone his voice adapts at the prospect of spending a comfortable evening cuddled up on the couch together with his boyfriend and a movie playing in the background.
"I might," Jeongguk says, "We'll see. Why, you got plans?"
Taehyung shrugs. "We could watch a movie. Or, do something else. Something relaxing."
Jeongguk grins. "Why do you need to relax?"
"Hey!" Taehyung pouts, pulling his hand away from Jeongguk's, "You just said yourself I'm a hard worker." He leans back and takes another sip from his cappuccino. "I need to rest my brain."
Jeongguk cocks up one eyebrow. "Sure thing."
He doesn't know why, but the call from earlier comes back to his mind. Taehyung sets the cup in his hands back down, eyes cast down and fingers tapping against the table. He hates conversations like these, hates talking about the topic.
"And, well, uh... the landlord called earlier today," he mumbles, "I almost forgot to tell you."
It's heartbreaking how Jeongguk's smile slips from his lips again, a sad frown replacing it instead.
"What? Didn't we pay our rent already?"
Taehyung chuckles dryly. "Yeah, last month. Hate to break it to you, sweetheart, but rent is due every month." His attempt at humor ends in a cough to break the weird atmosphere. It's truly unfair; Jeongguk does everything he can to pay for their bills yet here they are, struggling to make ends meet again. Taehyung wonders how long they can go on like this, how long Jeongguk will be okay with him not contributing anything to the household budget and instead being a failure of an author before he could even begin a career.
"I asked him for a little more time. He gave us two days," Taehyung ends. Jeongguk stays quiet for a few moments. Then, when Taehyung still doesn't dare to meet his eyes, he feels Jeongguk cup his chin and raise his head.
"Hey," he says, forcing himself to smile, "That's fine. We'll be alright. I'm gonna figure something out, okay?"
Taehyung furrows his brows. "But how—"
"I'll figure it out," Jeongguk repeats, with more intent this time. His jaw clenches, the smile doesn't quite reach his eyes, yet all he radiates is the familiar warmth and comfort that Taehyung craves so badly in times like these. So, he nods.
"Okay."
Jeongguk's smile grows more genuine again. He moves his hand to Taehyung's cheek and caresses it, quickly pecks him on the lips and then gets up.
"Gotta get back to work," he says and downs the last bit of his hot chocolate, "Will you stay here for another while?"
Taehyung nods. "I can wait until your shift's over."
Jeongguk might be the sweetest person Taehyung knows. At times, he is convinced that he does not deserve him at all, yet Jeongguk is so willing to give him everything he has and wants nothing in return. But for how long?
"You making progress?"
Taehyung's eyes are glued to the screen and his fingers fly over the keyboard. He almost doesn't dare to stop, out of fear that all ideas will leave his head right away once he does. He feels Jeongguk's hands on his shoulders, leans his head against his stomach but doesn't stop writing.
"Kind of," he mumbles, distraught, "For the first time in forever."
"You're dramatic." Jeongguk pushes Taehyung's hair back and presses a kiss to his forehead. "Anyway, if you managed to pause your writing for a while, we could actually go watch a movie."
Shit. Taehyung stops, glances up at Jeongguk.
"Just let me finish this page?"
Jeongguk chuckles. "Fine. I'll go pick out the movie."
Taehyung smiles, nods, then continues writing as soon as Jeongguk has stepped away again.
He tightened his grip around the gun in his hand, pressing his body against the wall. A lullaby carried by his wife's sweet voice filled the air, and he could imagine her sitting on the bed, holding their youngest in her arms and singing him to sleep, kissing his forehead and caressing his cheek.
But it wasn't her, he knew it from the coldness accompanying her voice, he knew it wasn't her. It would finally be over soon. He would end their suffering.
"I'm sorry," he whispered to himself, pressing the rifle against his lips, "You will be free now."
He didn't even feel the tears running down his face as he turned around the corner and pointed his gun at the woman in front of him, the person he once loved, his entire world—
There is a clicking noise, and suddenly, everything is dark. Taehyung flinches. He glances around the room, looks at Jeongguk who is standing by the couch, two movies in his hands, confusion written clearly on his face.
"What was that?" Taehyung asks, "What's going on?"
"The power went out," Jeongguk says, "Wait, I'll go check the fuses."
Taehyung quickly saves the document and then turns the laptop off.
"Nope," Jeongguk calls from where he is standing in front of the breaker box in the kitchen, "Looks good to me."
"Maybe the lightbulb blew," Taehyung says and wraps his cardigan closer around his waist. It's not cold, but he is shivering anyway.
"I don't think so," Jeongguk sighs after checking the fridge, "Let me just call the energy company."
Taehyung stands by the window, views the other buildings. It's dark outside and the windows are glowing with light.
"Well," Jeongguk says once he hangs up the phone, "Shit."
"What?"
Taehyung stares at him with wide eyes. A nasty feeling spreads in his stomach. Jeongguk sighs, runs a hand through his hair.
"Guess we've got some more depths to pay," he says. The smile he gives Taehyung is weak. "They sent us two reminders of payment already."
"Two?" Taehyung asks, "How did we forget that."
Jeongguk shakes his head. He looks through the apartment as if the solution was somewhere there.
"I don't know."
He raises his arms, lets them drop back against his sides.
Taehyung swallows thickly. "So, no movie night."
Jeongguk grins. "No, I guess not." He gives Taehyung a long, thoughtful look, tilts his head to one side.
"What," Taehyung says. He doesn't like being stared at; it's different when Jeongguk does it, but it still unsettles him at times.
"Just thinking. I'll ask my parents if they can lend us some more money."
Taehyung shakes his head. "No, you did that already. What if they say no?"
"They won't," Jeongguk argues, "They might get upset but... I'll pay them back in time, don't worry."
"This sucks," Taehyung mutters. He knows Jeongguk's parents aren't particularly fond of their son's boyfriend. Asking them for more money will not ease the tension between them in any way.
"Well, do you have a better idea?" Jeongguk asks a bit too loudly. Taehyung stares at him with widened eyes, so he sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose.
He turns away then, not waiting for Taehyung's answer, opens one of the drawers in the kitchen and returns with a bunch of candles in his hands.
"What are you doing?" Taehyung wonders.
"Might have an idea for tonight," Jeongguk says as he puts them on the tables and on the ground and windowsills as well. When Taehyung gives him a confused look, he chuckles.
"We need light, don't we?"
"I guess," Taehyung mumbles, "Don't we have flashlights, though?"
Jeongguk frowns and walks over to him. He puts his hands on Taehyung's hips and pulls him close.
"You," he says and kisses Taehyung, "Are not romantic at all."
Taehyung pouts as Jeongguk turns away to light the rest of the candles. He sits down on the couch.
"That's not true," he complains, "Besides, you're not romantic either."
"I'm putting up candles, I'm romantic as shit," Jeongguk argues. Taehyung covers himself with one of their soft blankets and waits until Jeongguk finally joins him and settles behind him. Like this, Taehyung sits in between his legs and leans against his back. In front of them lies a sea of burning and flickering candles. Jeongguk's body is warm against Taehyung's back. He closes his eyes and allows himself to be consumed by the comfort provided by the moment.
"This is nice," he mumbles after a while of silence, "Peaceful."
Jeongguk kisses his head, then his neck. Taehyung leans his head to one side to give him better access and sighs happily when Jeongguk kisses down to his shoulder and nibbles on the skin there.
"Right," Jeongguk mumbles against his shoulder, "Let's make the best of it."
"I love you," Taehyung whispers as he loses himself in Jeongguk's touch. His hand grips Jeongguk's arm that's wrapped around him and he turns his head. Finally, their lips slot together like two fitting puzzle pieces. Jeongguk turns them around so Taehyung is lying on the couch and he is leaning over him, kneeling between his legs, and lets his hands slip underneath Taehyung's shirt. Taehyung releases a shaky breath as goosebumps rise on his skin and everything tingles underneath Jeongguk's touch.
He is in love. He is so in love, and perhaps, Jeongguk is right. They will get through this, they will figure something out; and, as long as they have each other, nothing and drag them down anyway.