Alexis’s POV
At this moment Paul and I was now sitting in McDonalds. It’s not really my first choice of restaurants, because of someone called Ronald McDonald the evil bloodthirsty clown. But it’s a fast food restaurant and Paul’s paying so I’m not gonna complain.
“I’ll be right back love.” Paul excused himself and walked off to the bathroom and left me alone. Literally. No one else was here. Not even waiters.
I swear that kill crazy clown ate everyone. Paul better hurry the fu…
An obnoxious laugh interrupted my thoughts. I spun around in my chair to see where it came from, but no one was there. Like I said before, Paul and I are the only ones here.
I heard someone sat down across from me and turned back. “Oh, Paul thank goodness your ba….” But only when I turned back, it wasn’t Paul who sat down. It was the ‘oh so lovable’ Ronald McDonald that kids love so much. You know the ‘friendly’ clown you see on billboards and TV. Only this one had red evil eyes and fangs with dripping blood from its mouth.
“You’re not Paul.”
Ronald laughed evilly and shot forward and grabbed me. Just as he was about to take a bite I grabbed my fork from the table and stuck that mother clucker in his eye.
It screamed and let go of me. But was it over? Of course not! He just pulled the fork out with the eye along with it. Now he was a freaky, one eyed, kill crazy, blood thirsty, vampire clown. So I just did what anyone would do.
I ran like hell!
But life wasn’t going easy on me. When I ran through the door I wasn’t greeted by streets with cars, or friendly neighbourhood people walking on the sidewalks. Nope. I was greeted by the dark woods. Awesome. Please note the sarcasm.
But I couldn’t turn back now, that kill crazy clown is catching up pretty quickly. He was running full speed after me with the fork still in his hand and had it risen like he was holding a knife.
He was catching up pretty fast. Just as he was about to jump forward a grey wolf attacked him.
Well it’s about bloody time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And that’s when the wolf let out an ear splitting urgent howl. Like it was in pain or something. And it was exactly that. The wolf…my wolf…is dead...again.
Oh, come on! How is it even possible to get stabbed to death with a fork?
Ronald turned his attention back to me and let out a mother friggen scary ass growl. So of course, I ran like hell……again.
I just ran until I didn’t hear anymore footsteps behind me. When I looked back over my shoulder he was gone. Oh, please tell me he’s not invisible too. Why do the cool things always happen to other people and not me?
I ducked in behind a tree and leaned against it to catch my breath.
“Come out, come out wherever you are!”
Eeeeeeep, it’s back. Please don’t look behind this tree. Please don’t look behind this tree. Please don’t look behind this tree.
“I’m here to rescue you my fair maiden.” A rocky voice spoke from next to me.
When I opened my eyes it was the one and only Harry Styles in a white, fluffy cat suit.
WTF?
He held out his hand for me to take. And naturally I did. Oh, come on. It’s Harry Styles in an adorable cat suit. Look me in the eyes and say that you wouldn’t go with him. Yeah, that’s right. You can’t.
So this is how I found myself running through the dark woods with Harry Styles in a cat suit and a bloodthirsty clown chasing us.
Now Harry in a cat suit is adorable, but it’s pretty damn annoying the way he kept meowing the whole friggen time.
Dude, we are about to get eaten by a clown. Now is simply not the time to meow.
Harry and I kept running until we reached a cliff.
“What now?” Harry asked nervous as he eyed the water at the bottom of the cliff.
“I don’t know you were the one rescuing me, not the other way around.” I looked back behind us and saw Ronald getting way too close for my liking.
“Jump!” I yelled to Harry.
He looked at me like I was some crazy lady. “I’m not jumping. Cats hate water.”
“You’re not a damn cat Harry!”
His bottom lip started trembling. “That was mean.” And with that he ran away crying.
Okay what the hell did just happen?
The same obnoxious laugh from before caught my attention again. Ronald was now extremely close. I tried turning around to jump, but I couldn’t. It’s like I was frozen. And the creepy clown just got closer with every step.
This is it. I closed my eyes and waited for the attack, but it never came. Instead I felt myself being lifted off the ground at incredible speed.
Okay, what now?
When I opened my eyes I saw that I was nowhere near the ground. Am I flying? Nope, not me, But Superman himself. When I looked up to see who the owner of the arms around me was I saw the one and only Louis Tomlinson in a Superman suit.
He looked at me and smiled. “Do you have a carrot?”
“Ummm…no?”
His smile dropped and pouted. “Oh, very well then.” We neared the ground and Louis put me down. “Well good luck.” And with that he flew away.
He left me to get eaten by a clown because I didn’t have any carrots? Is he being serious right now? “Superman my ass.”
Note to self, start carrying carrots around with you. It could save your live.
And again with the well-known obnoxious laugh. And cue the scary music while Ronald chased me again.
Okay, soooo….who’s gonna save me now?
Asked and answered.
“Don’t worry I’ll save you my chicken fillet!” The one and only Niall Horan dressed in a chicken suit shouted while standing protectively in front of me.
Okay, so now is probably not the time to be thinking this, but Niall is one hot chicken trying to save my scared ass.
Or at least I thought he was going to save my ass, up until he started doing that Irish dance. Normally I would go asdfghjkl;asdfghjkl like all the other directioners/fangirls.
BUT NOT NOW!! We are about to be eaten by a mother friggen scary, one eyed clown here.
But what happened next I did not expect at all.
Not even a bit.
Never.
Ronald McDonald started doing the Irish dance too. And believe it or not he was getting really into it. HE WAS IN THE ZONE.
Looks like Niall Horan saved my life.
But of course, I’m Alexis Joana Cortez, aka. The unluckiest girl in the world.
Ronald all of a sudden kicked Niall in a place no man wants to be kicked and he flew through the sky like some sort of a crazy druggy bird that doesn’t know where up or down is.
“Don’t worry my chicken friend I’ll save you!!”
I turned around and seriously could not believe my eyes. Some weird shit happened so far but this is just unbelievable.
Liam James Payne dressed as a superhero.
Okay, I know what you’re thinking. ‘What is so wrong with that? He’s probably wearing a Batman suit which makes him look HOT.’
But sadly, no he didn’t.
He just looked like a creepy, mentally challenged, paedophile at kids birthday party dressed as Batwoman.
Yes, he was dressed as Batwoman.
And instead of coming to my aid, she…I mean he…took off, COMPLETELY IGNORING ME, and rescued Niall and flew off into the sunset.
Okay, so I’m over exaggerating with the sunset part, but still! I’M HERE TOO!!
“Now, where were we?” Ronald asked in that creepy serial killer clown voice you see on TV. Wow, Luc was right. I do watch way too much TV.
And in like all horror movies the poor stupid victim tries running away and hiding anywhere where they can squeeze in because of all the desperateness.
And sadly I am now one of those poor shmucks.
And of course, cue the cliché moment where the victim trips over their own two feet and fall to the ground, which allows the kill crazy thing to catch up.
But luckily for me, before Ronald could do something to me, someone jumped in front of me. I couldn’t see anything because of the person blocking my view, but I could hear a weird spraying noise and the clown screaming in pain. And the person screaming "Vas Happenin'!!"
Oh, I wonder who that could be?
Zayn Malik was spraying hairspray in Ronald’s eyes.
Who knew carrots and hairspray could save a life? I’m so going shopping if I get out here alive.
Ronald was really pissed off.
He grabbed the can from Zayn and threw it in a puddle of quicksand that suddenly appeared from nowhere and of course my ‘hero’ jumped in after it screaming like a chick. “My baby!”
Okay, that is it!!! I am sick of running away like a scared little chicken and my so called ‘heroes’ keep abandoning me.
I, Alexis Joana Cortez, is no chicken, therefor I am facing my fear and let stupid Ronald McDonald the-so-called friendly clown kill me.
So when he grabbed me I was expecting getting my face ripped off and getting my brains eaten. But what happened was even creepier than ‘Batwoman.’
The kill crazy, one eyed, vampire clown was licking my face……………….
“Keep your freaky tongue to yourself!” My eyes flew open and saw confused brown eyes staring back at me.
I sat up in my bed and took in my surroundings.
No clown, awesome.
No One Direction, that sucks.
Instead Turbo was sitting there giving me the famous puppy dog eyes. And we all know what that means.
“Okay, Turbo, I get it. You’re hungry. But was it really necessary to lick me, couldn’t you just bark in my ear or something. That could have saved us both a lot of trouble.” I wiped his dog drool off my face with one of my shirts lying around and stuffed it back under my bed.
“Great now I’m hungry too.” I grumbled and reluctantly got out of bed and trudged down the hallway, down the stairs and into the kitchen with Turbo following close behind.
After sexually feeling the wall in search of the light switch I turned on the kitchen light and it felt like I was being blinded by Solar flares. Damn that burns.
I quickly turned off the light and attempted making two sandwiches in complete darkness. I got the needed ingredients from the fridge and then a few other stuff from the cabinets, which I could not see because it doesn’t have a light like the fridge. Which sucks.
After I finished with the sandwiches I gave one to Turbo so he could test it out first since I don’t know half of the things I put on it.
He seems to be enjoying it. So I took that as a ‘go for it’.
But only when I took a bite I realized that this could be dangerous to one’s health. It tasted absolutely horrible.
But there is no way in hell I’m putting on the light, blinding myself, and start all my hard work over again. I’d rather force this sandwich down my throat with a toilet brush.
I started walking out the kitchen when I kicked something under the table. When I looked the table I saw Luc and Jacob cuddled up and looking rather cosy. Just wait until mom and dad sees them.
Speaking of which. Where are they?
I walked to the living room and looked outside the window. The car wasn’t in the driveway. Which means they are still out. Naughty kids. I can already see it now: Another Alexis running around the house. A little mini me.
I turned around to head back to my room when I saw something that stopped me dead in my tracks, drop my sandwich, and running away up the stairs faster than a cheetah on crack.
I flung open the bathroom door and jumped into the bathtub where Paul was sleeping.
He let out a loud ‘ooooof’ as I landed on top of him. “Alexis?” He asked confused, still half asleep.
“There is a freaking clown downstairs!” I whispered-yelled.
“Alexis it’s probably just your imagination.”
“No it’s not! Now go down there and kill it.” I said climbing out of the bathtub and pulled on his arm.
“Alexis.” He whined like a little school boy having to get up early for school. Which, in my opinion, is worse than a psycho kill crazy clown.
“Shhhhhhh!” Embry complained lying awkwardly over the toilet. “I’m trying to sleep. Paul just go kill the clown already.”
“Thank you Embry.” I sighed thankfully.
“There is no clown.” Paul mumbled and closed his eyes again.
“Fine. But when he kills me in my sleep tonight you are going to be the one crying the most at my funeral saying how it’s your entire fault and how you should have listened to me. And in all that time my ghost is going to standing right there behind you haunting your ass for as long as you live.”
Paul let out a chuckle and a sigh of clear defeat. “You’re lucky I love you.” He joked climbing out of the tub and headed for the door.
“And you’re lucky I saw no forks anywhere near him.” I replied following him down the hall.
“What?” He asked confused.
“Never mind,” I waved him off. “Okay, so here’s what you’re gonna do. First you’re gonna transform or phase or whatever the hell it is you do. Then, when you attack him, you’re gonna lick his face first before ripping off his face and eat out his brains.” I laughed evilly while rubbing my hands together like those TV supervillians.
“Okay, first of all. You’re scaring me again.” Paul said stopping at the top of the stairs. “And secondly, I’m not saying there is a clown, but even if there was, why would I lick his face?”
“To get back at him for killing you with a fork, making all my heroes abandon me and chasing your beloved imprint around the woods and licking me across the face.” I explained like it was obvious. Which it is. “Now be a good pissed off, jealous, over protective werewolf boyfriend and make that bi*ch suffer.”
Paul let out another chuckle and shook his head while going down stairs while I’m hiding here like the chicken that I desperately don’t want to be.
I waited for about a good 35 seconds before Paul called me to go downstairs.
“Did you get it?”
“Yes I got it.” He called back.
When I joined him he turned on the light, which blinded me again, but I blinked a few times to get used to it.
And what I saw was a clown. But at the same time it wasn’t a clown. Does that make any sense?
It’s a clown, but it’s not.
Let me explain. Remember when Jared was wearing the clown costume to scare me? Well, after he took it off he hung the whole getup on the coat hanger.
“Oops.” I said ‘oh so innocently’.
Paul just laughed. “Well, now that everything is fine and I know you won’t haunt my ass now, I am going back to sleep.” When he took a step forward something made this sound like something gooey being squished.
“Now who would be so inconsiderate and just leave their disgusting sandwich on the floor?” I asked trying to put the blame on someone else.
“Yeah, I wonder who?” Paul said sarcastic, but still smiled. “Okay, after I clean my foot, I’m going back to sleep.”
So Paul went back to the bathroom. And here I am lying wide awake in my bed. Paul offered to come with me, but I’m not letting him off the hook so easily. But after 1 hour 9 minutes and 47 seconds I decided I am feeling lonely. So I got out of bed once again and made my way to the bathroom. Poor Paul. That does not look comfortable. The dude is way too big for the bathtub.
“Paul.” I whispered while poking his cheek.
“Five more minutes.” He mumbled.
“Paul.” I whispered a little louder and also poking him harder.
“Alexis?” Paul mumbled confused still half asleep.
“I’m lonely.” I pouted and he just chuckled.
“Come on.” He opened his arms and I got into the tub with him. Wow, that sounds just so wrong.
And to make it even more ‘wrong’, I had to lay on top of him since there is no other room for me. But I’m not complaining.
“Goodnight love.” He whispered as he kissed the top of my head and folded his arms around me.
“Goodnight hotstuff.” I giggled as I rested my head against his chest.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!”
An ear-splitting scream woke us up. A scream I unfortunately know all too well.
“What the heck is going on in here?” The voice asked.
“Honey, are you alright?” Another voice asked panicked, but it soon turned to confusion. “What are you kids doing in here?”
Oh shit. Mom and dad are back. I’m so glad I closed the bathtub curtain thingy.
I motioned for Paul to stay quiet. Things will not turn out good if dad caught us. Cause this does not look good, especially with me lying on top of Paul. And things were going well, until something hard fell on us knocking the shower curtain thingy down in the process. Revealing mom and dad.
“What are you two doing in there?” Dad asked on immediate over protective dad mode.
But I couldn’t reply, when Luc and Jacob fell on us they knocked the wind out me and kneed poor Paul straight in the eggs.
I pushed Luc off of me and her and Jacob climbed out of the tub, helping me and Paul out as well.
“Well, is anyone going to explain what you two were doing in there?” Dad asked clearly angry.
“It’s not what it looked like.” I manage to say when I got breath back.
“We’re waiting.” Mom said impatiently, tapping her foot.
“Ummmm……Paul’s gay!” I blurted out. Hell, I suck under pressure. But this could work, since Paul is still wearing the make-up.
“What?” Everyone asked horrified, including Paul.
“But he imprinted on you.” Kim pointed out.
“Oh, right.” I should really start thinking things through a little more. “Okay, the truth is, we were at McDonalds when the creepy clown started chasing me with a fork then Paul saved me then Ronald killed him with the fork then Harry the kitty saved me but then I was mean to him so he ran away crying then when I wanted to jump off the cliff Superman saved me but I didn’t have any carrots so he abandoned me then Niall the chicken saved me but that didn’t end to well either then Batwoman saved him and they flew off into the sunset which left me running for my life and then I tripped and fell then Zayn saved but ended up sinking into quicksand then Ronald started licking me. Then Turbo was hungry so I went to the kitchen and made sandwiches and then I saw Luc and Jacob looking rather cosy under the table btw, and then I imagined a little mini me running around and then I saw a clown so I ran faster than a cheetah on crack and got Paul to go kill it but it turns out it was just Jared’s costume then Paul stepped on my….someone’s sandwich and then I went back to bed but I got lonely so I went to the bathroom.” I managed to explain all that in one breath. Oh, great, now I’m out of breath again.
“You know what; we’ll talk about this later when you make a little more sense Lex.” Mom instructed.
“And as of for now, you two girls to your rooms. Kim you can join them. And boys, downstairs in the living room now.” Dad ordered.
“Yes sir.” Everyone muttered in response and went to where they were told.
Luc, Kim and I ended up having some sort of sleepover in Luc’s room. Mom and Dad had to keep telling us to be quiet because we were laughing too hard. But eventually we settled down and actually fell asleep at 04:19AM.
This has been the best/interesting/weirdest birthday EVER.
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Okay there it is as promised. Sorry it’s a little late though.
I blame school, the internet and my genes. I promised I’ll explain why it was so late, so here it is.
1. I was grounded and had all my electronics taken away from me. I only had the chance to write and go online when my mom went out or something. And then a few days ago I got ungrounded. But then I got grounded again. I’d rather not go into an explanation of that.
2. I got currently addicted to two YouTube channels called JacksGap and ItsKingsleyBi*ch, they are hilarious. And I also fell into the twitter and tumblr trap.
3. And lastly, I’m a lazy bum. But I blame my dad for that. I get that from him.
So there it is. Sorry again.
The pic on the side is that creepy clown. I do not trust that guy at all. Never have, Never will. He freaks me out.
Can you guys please check out @TaylorCullen04 story. It’s called ‘Perfect Two’, It’s also a story about Paul.
Can you also check out @RoxyGurl story. It’s called ‘Oh sure blame the new kid. It’s a Seth story.
And a MASSIVE thank you to all of you reading this story, commenting, voting and fanning. It means a lot.
Sorry if this was a bit boring and rushed, like I said, I’m a lazy bum.
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