+ LOVING ELIJAH MCCAY +
VOL. 1: CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
I sit quietly in Elijah's car, with my cellphone wildly buzzing from the inside of my back pocket. I knew it was probably my father, considering he'd always call and make sure Rick was driving me home. This time, he wasn't. But there was absolutely no way I would ever tell my father that.
Or my mother.
I'd begun to get used to Elijah's car. Only days ago, whenever I'd sit still in the passenger seat, and watch as his hands worked firmly at the steering wheel. My heart would pound in my chest, due to his familiar scent swarming through the vents, as I'd wish that his heartbeat was irregular too.
But now, I felt comfortable—safe. Like nothing could hurt me. Like nobody could hurt me. Not emotionally nor physically. Although, I wouldn't quite expect anyone to attack me physically in the presence of Elijah.
My eyes took in the surroundings that stood just outside of Elijah's car. The movements became slower, as the car finally halted to a stop, due to a red light. My neck strained from staring. And I never meant to make him uncomfortable--with my staring and all.
But I couldn't help it.
Elijah had always been something so far away. Someone I knew I could never have , let alone brew a friendship with. But now, I seemed to be spending every other day with him. The child inside of me was screaming due to our newfound proximity.
But the sixteen-year-old me kept my cool, and only turned away from Elijah, and taking minimalistic breaths--easing myself.
In the corner of my eye, I could see Elijah turn toward me, an uncertain sort of look etched across his striking features. I finally take a look at what he could be staring at, searching far outside of the passenger side's window, and past my head for anything that could've spiked his interest.
But I'm left confused when I see that there's nothing there.
I clear my throat, tucking a loose curl behind my ear, and fiddling with my fingertips. "So, uh--thanks for giving me a ride home, by the way. Rick left early and I was kind of stranded."
He and I both know that isn't true, considering my house is within walking distance from the school, and my mother isn't working today.
But still, he nods welcomingly, the light ahead of us turning green. "You're good."
The drive is quick, considering neither of us speak for the rest of it. But the silence is comfortable. And nothing at all like the silence would be between Terrance and I.
Elijah pulls into my driveway with a sudden stop, hand reaching for the unlock button, just like the previous day we'd hung out. Like he wanted nothing more than for our time together to be over. The thought is embarrassing. Especially since whenever I'm with him, he is all that I can think about. And everything about that stupid, little crush resurfaces.
And my heart hurts at the slightest chance that he feels any differently.
Once I've gotten the hint--again, I reach for the handle, cheeks burning with embarrassment and heartache.
But I'm left a little surprised when the handle is still locked. "The door is still locked--"
"I know," he starts, and his breath begins to quicken, just like mine does whenever he gets a bit too close at times. And I wonder if he's nervous too. But then again, why would he be? "A few friends of mine invited me to the state fair next weekend. And I know that if I go alone, they'll ask a shit-ton of questions I don't really have the answers to right now. . ."
I know it isn't my place to wonder something like this, but his words seem connected to him abruptly leaving college, and perhaps--his mother's death.
". . . and I was just thinking, who better than someone I barely know?" The last bit of his statement is a rhetorical question, and I can't speak.
Because his offer seems so much like a date--even though I know better than delve into that part of my brain. The hopelessly wishful part.
"And if you'd like, you can bring Rick," he smiles a bit when he says that. "I've gotten word that the two of you are attached at the fucking hip." I laugh aloud at this, knowing just how right he is. Rick and I hadn't left each other's side since I was just six-years-old.
"Y-Yeah, I'd love to go. Sounds like fun."
He nods respectively, finally clicking the unlock button.
"See you Saturday, Gage."
Once I step through the front door, Toro is quick to greet me, as is my mother. I bend down, ruffling both of Toro's ears. I'm immensely happy at the moment, and I'm almost certain that my energy is rubbing off on Toro.
My mother rounds a corner, a suspicious glint in her eyes. Eyes that didn't quite match my sparkling ones, that were smiling on their own accord dur to the minor conversation I'd had with Elijah. And before next week, I'd never to a fair. Let alone with a boy I was hopelessly crushing on.
But I was a little nervous about meeting Elijah's friends from Michigan State. I wondered what they would think of me, if they'd like me, or if they'd be quite irritated with me crashing their play-date.
My mother clears her throat, gaining my attention once more.
"So, who's the boy?"
I draw my eyebrows in, trying to put on a confused expression so that maybe--just maybe, she'll drop the upcoming questionnaire. "What boy? There's no boy."
She scoffs, sitting herself down on the smallest sofa of the two in our living room, patting the space beside her, signaling me to join her. And when I do, she sits quietly, patiently waiting for me to talk.
And then it dawns on me--she knows that I left the other night, after Rick had gone home, then Elijah and I had our late-night breakfast run. I swallow audibly, trying to push down the anxiety into the pit of my stomach.
But to be quite honest, I never really felt too comfortable talking to my mother about boys. I had Abba for that.
"Look, Gage," she begins, a serious look now on her face. "I don't know how long, or how many times you've done it, but sneaking out is unacceptable. And not to mention dangerous."
I open my mouth to object, but am quickly shut down when she raises a hand, silencing me before anything can even come out. "And I know you weren't with Rick because you know Abba and I would never say the two of you couldn't hang out."
She's right, and without me even saying a word, she's decoding everything I've been trying to hide. And I just know, a punishment is coming.
My mother leans back in the sofa, crossing one leg over the other. "But I'm willing to be lenient if you spill."
I sigh loudly, turning to give her my full attention. Then, I smile softly when I realize I already have hers. "H-His name is Elijah--"
"Elijah what?"
"Elijah McCay, and I swear he isn't my boyfriend--"
Her eyebrows draw inward, a small gasp leaving her lips. "Donna's oldest?" She whispers this, a sad remembrance of Elijah's mother.
I nod sadly, watching as she places a small smile on her lips, her hand reaching out to fiddle with a curl that fell in front of my face, pinning it behind my ear. "You used to have such a big crush on him, do you remember?"
I grimace at this, sending her a playful glare. "Yes, I remember." How could I not?
"He's a bit too old for you though, don't you think?" She quirks her head a bit, a protective sort of look on her kind features.
Without thinking too much, I nod understandingly, even though I know that definitely isn't the only thing standing between Elijah and I. His sexuality playing an important part in it all. "I-I know. Which is why we are just friends." At least I think we're friends.
But you don't invite someone to a state fair, that you don't enjoy hanging out with, right? At least, I hoped not.
My mother nods happily, leaning in to place a soft kiss at my forehead, my heart swelling at the gesture. I'm proud of my mother. Growing up as a child, her mother was never too affectionate with her. And neither was she, for a while. But after meeting my father, he'd taught her it was alright to be vulnerable with those you love, and those who love you.
I think that was why I was always fantasizing about love. My parents were the prime example of how even after thirty-something years of marriage, if it was real--the butterflies would never go away.
Even with their struggle of having a children, or coming to a country they knew nothing about--they stuck by each others sides, never turning away from one another.
And I hoped and prayed that one day, I'd find the same thing.
Just as she's about to descend up the stairs, she turns to me, a sorrowful look on her face. "Oh, and Gage--you're grounded until further notice."
Shit.