. *. ~. *. ~. *. ~.To face others is strong, to face yourself is stronger.... . *. ~. *. ~. *. ~.
~~~
It's a bit of filler to sort some stuff out, but I'm sure none of you will complain about the cuteness.
Enjoy! Love ya <3 ~ Owl
~~~
-Zak's POV-
The police arrived sometime whilst I was asleep. I'm pretty glad they did, as I'm not sure I'd be able to contain myself if I ever saw Zelk's face again.
It took all of my willpower to not attack Zelk again once Darryl had fallen asleep. He deserved everything he almost got. He's caused so much pain to so many people.
So have I...
It was now late Sunday night, around 11 pm. I'd slept through the entire day, causing my stomach to hurt like crazy. The last time I ate was around 1 pm on Saturday, and that was just a snack. I can't remember the last time I ate properly.
I manage to wriggle my way out of Darryl's arms. Both were tightly knotted around me, as if he was scared I'd go off somewhere.
He doesn't trust you Zak, not after what you almost did to Zelk...
I don't blame him.
To think what I would've done....
I'm not even sure what I would've done. In the heat of the moment, the blinding rage dragged me towards that knife. I don't know what exactly I was planning to do with it, but it was definitely not going to be good.
I was going to hurt Zelk. And Callahan by the way I was blindly swinging the knife when he grabbed me.
What if I had killed him...
Killed them both...
Or even Darryl too...
My breathing becomes ragged, eyes widening as fear sets in. I place both hands over my heart, feeling the rapidly increasing thrumming of my heart. The world was fogging at the edges, a wave of blurry haze setting in.
I'm having a panic attack.
I get up and scramble out of the room, not really sure where I'm going. In my panic I trip over, crashing to the floorboards just outside Darryl's room. They're covered in blood, both old and new. We were both too exhausted to clean up.
The floorboards me of that day, causing me to stay laying where I fell. I glance around the room in near darkness, looking at the mess we've made.
Blood is splattered up the walls, now dry from how long ago it was spilt. The floor is the same, droplets scattering the floor. This doesn't help at all. Darryl's apartment has always been a safe place for me, but not now.
Now it looks like a scene from a horror movie, where a murder takes place.
It almost did.
It's my fault.
Slowly, I pick myself up off the floor and scramble across the main room.
The bathroom is at the end of a short hallway, opposite Darryl's room. That's where I head. It's the only place that isn't covered in blood, so it's probably where my anxiety will calm the fastest.
My vision blurs and I trip again, scraping my hand on the old bathroom door as I catch myself. Blood erupts from the cut on my hand, but I clench my hand and ignore it. I've seen enough blood not to care anymore.
The faint sound of a light switch can be heard from across the apartment. Followed by footsteps. My anxiety peaks until I hear a voice. "Zak? Where are you?"
It's Darryl, groggy and sleep deprived. He had to answer for us when the police were here earlier, after he insisted on not waking me up.
The open cupboards in the bathroom suggest he thought about cleaning, then gave up. Some bottles of cleaning liquids are scattered around the small room, and I knock over a few as I frantically shut the door behind me.
"I'm fine. Just needed the bathroom" I choke out, trying and failing to keep my voice steady. It was trembling like crazy.
I back up against the door to stop Darryl from getting in incase he tries, resting my head against the damaged wood. The room is so dark I can barely see, but I don't want to turn on the light. Besides, it's out of reach.
I bring my legs up towards me,pressing them against my chest as I hug my knees for comfort. Tears roll down my face silently. I stare at the ceiling, willing them to stop.
"Zak I heard something fall. Twice. It sounded like it was you, are you ok?"
The once muffled voice becomes clearer as he approaches the room I'm in. I hear a light sigh, presumably because of me acting like this again. I've lost count of how many panic attacks I've had today.
Each one of those was small, resulting in me curling up into a ball and crying alone until I fall asleep again. Darryl didn't have to see those, he doesn't need to see this one.
But this one is so much worse...
Banging echoes through the apartment as the door shakes behind me. "Zak? Zak let me in. Open the door." I stretch out my legs, pushing them against the sink in an attempt to hold the door shut. The bathroom door opens inwards, and I duck out of the way to avoid being squished by it.
Darryl stands in the doorway, pushing a foot against the door incase I try to shut it again. His glasses are askew, deep purple circles under his eyes. Hair matted, bangs pressed against his forehead. He removes his glasses and rubs the sleep from his eyes, placing them back on askew.
"Zak what-" His eyes drift to the floor where I lay in a ball, rocking back and fort as I hold my head in my hands. I peer through my fingers, watching his face soften. "Oh Zak-" he mumbles sadly, kneeling beside me. Tears form in the corners of his eyes, and I remove his glasses to wipe them away. I'm so sick of crying, and watching the people I love cry.
I wrap my arms around the older boy's neck, resting my head on his shoulder. He picks me up, carrying me back into the main room.
Darryl sets me down in front of the large windows, reaching over me to turn on the lights.
They glow dimly in the late night, I can see my reflection in the windows. I have an appearance similar to Darryl's, but with more tear stains. That and Darryl looks cute still, like he just woke up. I look like I've been crying for hours.
Which if I add up the time spent crying today, probably equates to more than an hour...
There's shuffling around behind me, but I ignore it. I'm mesmerised by the stars outside, just like I always am. They don't show up as well in the dim lights.
As if by magic, I hear the 'click' of the light switch, sending us back into darkness. A faint glow of light still shines from the school campus surrounding us. I'm glad to not be able to see the room, the blood isn't noticeable in the shadows. It's like it isn't there.
Darryl comes to my side, tapping me lightly on the shoulder. "Here" he says gently, handing me a cup of hot chocolate.
(Do you Americans call it hot cocoa? Idk have my British substitute lol.)
I manage a weak smile, thanking him quietly as he walks away. The cup is warm in my hands, soothing my nerves slightly. I take a sip, the warm sweetness of chocolate calming me as the tears stop flowing.
Darryl returns with his own cup, placing it on the coffee table behind us. There's a blue blanket in his other hand, which he hands to me. It's fluffy and soft, the sort of blanket you'd have on a cold winter night. It's comforting even now, when it's just turning to winter again in mid-October.
The older boy wraps an arm around my shoulders, and I lean into him. We sit in silence for a while, staring out of the window into the world beyond. It's a comfortable silence, a relaxing change to the screaming and fear over the past two days.
"I'm sick of crying" I mumble after a while, breaking the silence. A light sigh echoes from the boy beside me. "Yeah, me too" he whispers.
I'm still shaking a little from the panic attack earlier, but that soon subsides.
I set my now empty cup down on the table behind me, watching Darryl do the same. His eyes lock with mine accidentally, causing us both to blush a little.
My heartbeat quickens again, but this time for all the right reasons. It's a little annoying to be a nervous wreck, blushing over him the whole time, but I'll happily take the giddiness of love over the giddiness of fear.
He goes to turn his head away, but I don't give him the chance to. I grab his shirt, pulling him towards me. My hands rest on either side of his face as our lips connect, deepening the gesture. Almost instantly he's kissing me back.
It's a brief interaction, and I pull away to look him in the eyes. He's staring back at me, pouting in a childish manner like I do.
"What's the problem with you?" I laugh, lightly poking him in the cheek. The emerald eyes drift away a little. "That's all I get?" he pouts. I giggle, bringing my hands away from his face to annoy him a little more. His eyes rest back on mine, watching me intently. "Very funny" he mumbles.
I lean back in to kiss him again, but he dodges me. "Hah" he chuckles. "See how you like it." After he speaks, he sticks out his tongue, still laughing.
And he calls me the childish one...
I try again, and he dodges. All I get is two fingers against my lips, stopping me from reaching his. He giggles, smiling wide enough to show the gap between his two front teeth. An idea comes to me.
"Oh" I say sarcastically. Unwrapping the blanket from around me, I stand up, walking away. "Guess you don't want kisses, whatever." I hold in my laugh as I watch his face drop.
"Wait what?!" he yells. "No fair! Come back!" He reaches out a hand, interlocking our fingers tightly.
I pull my hand away from him, sitting on the couch and grabbing my phone off of the coffee table. Pretend-scrolling through it, I watch Darryl quietly. It doesn't take long for him to come over, sitting on the couch beside me.
Setting my phone down on the table, I decide to annoy him more. I lean towards him, peppering his face with kisses. He shrieks, jumping backwards. "That tickles!" he laughs, pushing me away. Hearing him laugh is so refreshing after everything I've seen.
A vision from earlier appears in my head. It's of when I first arrived here to save Darryl. Zelk is stood in the centre of the room, with Darryl below him. He's unconscious, bleeding out onto the floor as Zelk towers over him, bloody knife in hand. I realise that vision is real, that is what I saw earlier.
"Zak?"
His gentle voice brings me out of those thoughts, dragging me back to reality. My eyes trace to the bandaids on his face: One covering the cut Zelk gave him, one from the cut I inflicted. Guilt rings through me again, guilt and fear.
Fear of myself.
I hurt him...
The room has gone silent, and I realise that Darryl is still watching me. I didn't answer his question. "Oh um, yeah?" I ask quietly. His gaze is full of sadness. I've ruined the moment.
Again.
"You alright?" he asks gently, reaching a hand out towards me. "Yeah I'm fine. Sorry for ruining the moment" I mutter, ignoring his hand. "You didn't ruin it at all silly. It was just me laughing ridiculously." As if on cue, he starts laughing again. His laugh is contagious, and soon I'm laughing along with him. "Yeah. Guess you're right."
Something inside of me still feels like I've ruined it. We're both laughing like it's all ok, but I know the hurt masked behind is still there. We're simply sugarcoating it.
I go to turn away, but it's my turn to be stopped. I'm pulled into a kiss, lips pressed together softly. After a few seconds in the moment I pull away, readjusting myself so that I sit in Darryl's lap. He watches me, smiling at the return of true happiness.
Our eyes lock for a couple of seconds, watching each other. The light from outside is bright enough that I can make out my boyfriend's face, but the rest of the room is shrouded in darkness. It's better that way, I'd hate to see the state of the room in even a little more light.
Shoving my fears aside, I kiss Darryl again. My hand cups his cheek, resting the other on his chest. The kiss is returned swiftly, and I feel a smile on Darryl's lips. A similar one appears on mine as he kisses me harder, hands drifting under my hoodie to rest on my hips.
I lose myself in that moment, shoving away the fears that threaten to invade my conscience. They don't matter right now. All that matters is him, us, as we drag out this moment.
Minutes feel like seconds there with him, like the rest of the world has disappeared into the blackness around us. Our lips move in sync. Together, apart, together, apart.
I normally hate getting lost in the world, but I'll get lost here with him forever.