Sometimes, you make me feel like I actually have a chance with you
But when I try to take that chance
You make me realize I never really did
Request by Mistuji
-
To you, and everyone else, it was very obvious. How could someone not notice? There was barley a scene where you two weren't together. You stuck by his side no matter where he went. But it seems he was the only one who didn't notice.
Koushi Sugawara, your first and only love.
You've know him since forever basically. Even though you were two years younger than him, it didn't stop your love from growing.
Wherever he went, you had followed.
It was a game of tag.
And you were it.
But no matter how much you chased, you could never reach the setter.
When he told you he had gone to Karasuno after middle school, you immediately took action to make it in.
Surprisingly, the entrance exam wasn't as hard as Shiratorizawa's entrance exam.
Once you became a student at Karasuno High, your first goal was to become the volleyball's team manager.
"You must be Y/n-Chan," a girl with glasses sweetly smiles. "I'm Kyioko Shimizu, the current team manager. Sugawara-San says you want join in, am I correct?"
You slowly nod, trying to analyze the third year's beauty. You had never seen anyone as beautiful as her. Where did she come from? The Heavens?
"H-hai!" you blurt out. "I-I would love to join by being a manager! As long as it's alright though!"
Kyioko's chuckles. "Of course it's alright, you're very cute Y/n-Chan. It'll be fun with another girl around."
"T-thanks," you reply flustered. "So you said that Koushi mentioned me before.. Has he said anything else about me?"
"Hm," she says, trying to clog her memory. "I don't remember much, but I remember him saying you were basically his younger sister. Nothing bad though, so you don't have to worry" she laughs.
"Oh," you reply. "That's good, I guess."
-
Your first few weeks of being a manager was pretty interesting. You became good friends with the 'freak' duo pair, Kageyama and Hinata.
"Y/n!" Hinata shouts out to you one day at practice. "Can you throw me and Kageyama some balls!"
"Sure!" you grin.
You rush over to Hinata and Kageyama and started to help them out.
As you did, Hinata brought up a question.
"Hey Y/n," he says after doing a spike. "What are you and Suga-San?"
"What are we?" you asked, wondering if you had heard him correctly. "We're friends obviously." you choke out.
"But are you two more than that?" Kageyama butts in.
"N-no," you mutter quietly. "We're nothing more than that."
And you're right. You two would never be nothing more than that. After becoming manger, you had noticed many things. Including the way Koushi looks at Kiyoko. It was similar to the way you look at him. In that moment you knew, you never even had a chance at all.
If he had to chose between you two, you'd bet that he'd chose her.
Finding out the cold truth was hard, you thought it'd be easy to get over with. But when you woke up in the middle of the night, coughing out flowers, you knew you were in deep trouble.
Turning on your laptop that night, you searched up the Hanahaki disease. According to the internet, it wasn't real.
"Well, the internet is fucking wrong" you had said that night.
You knew you had two options
1) death
2) surgery
Confessing to him was not one. You were a hundred percent sure that he only viewed you as a younger sister. Confessing would just make things worse, right?
So, being the person you are. You decided to live with the disease until your feelings had moved on. As long as you stayed away from Suga and stopped your thoughts about him, the farther away from death, right?
"Are you sure you two are just friends though?" Kageyama asks, interrupting your own thoughts. "The way you look at him says something differently."
"The way I look at him?"
"Yeah," he nods. "it's like how Hinata looks whenever I set for him."
"Sorry Kageyama, but I have no idea what you mean." you lie.
He shrugs and continues setting for his orange haired partner.
"Whatever you say L/n-San. But if you like him, you should admit it before it's too late."
You hummed a yes in response.
"Hey guys!"
The voice was sweet, and soft. You knew exactly who it was.
"S-Suga!?" you exclaim.
"Hi Y/n-Chan!" he grins. "Mind if I join you guys"
"Sur-"
"No!" you cut Kageyama off. "I-I'm sorry! I have to go!"
You rushed out of the gym running to the nearest bathroom. It could happen at any moment now, you couldn't let your secret get exposed. You knew how guilty Suga would feel then, especially since he couldn't ever return your feelings for him.
"I hate this," you mutter, sitting down on the floor of the restroom. "I hate this so much."
'Then maybe I should end it'
"No!" you shout at yourself. "Y/n, no! We have to be here for Koushi!"
'We can't be there for him if we're dead'
'Besides, if we got the surgery it will like we never had feelings for him in the first place right?'
You slap yourself into reality, grabbing your phone from your pocket to make a phone call.
-
"Y/n, are you sure you don't like Suga-San!" Shoyo whined like a child. "You two would be so cute together!"
"For the last time Shoyo, I don't like him." you glare. "We are nothing but friends."
You walk away from him over to the second years to chat. Shoyo was about to follow you until someone stopped him.
"Oh c'mon!" he groans, turning around the meet the dark haired setter that had stopped him. "We need to get Y/n and Suga together!"
"That won't be necessary," Kageyama sighs. "Her eyes no longer sparkle. It's like the thought of Sugawara doesn't make her shine, she's dull."
"Nani?" Shoyo asks, looking dumbfounded. "What do you mean by that?"
Kageyama sighs once more and shakes his head. "Nevermind, now get your ass back to practice!"
Shoyo squirms away from Kageyama's grip. He still didn't understand what he meant, but he knew he Kageyama was probably right though. You no longer got flustered just hearing Suga's name. Sadly for you, Suga never noticed the slight change in you. At all.
You had given up being it.
And the game that went on for so long has ended.
End