Warning: sensual content ahead...again
It had been thirty hours since she last saw Renvir, thirty hours since he pushed her away. Asa crossed her arms and squeezed them. No, thirty hours since she had pushed him away. Even though the sheets had been washed, her pillow still held remnants of the Celest's pine scent from the day she'd snuck him in.
Despite needing to do her daily check-in with him, she had clung to the bed for hours. The image of his burning, angry eyes held her there until a few hours ago. It left an ache in her chest.
Now, by some Two-forsaken magic, the medic stood at his door. It had bent further off its frame and didn't appear fully latched. She hesitated to knock, unsure if he was even there.
The make-shift hinges creaked as she pushed the door open. Pieces of pottery laid strew in front of the entryway. One of the chairs had fallen over, and the curtain that previously hid the bed now laid on the floor, revealing a lumpy mass of sheet and Celest.
Renvir mumbled something about the wind then lifted his head from the pillow-less mattress. Slowly, he slid off the other side of the bed with his back to her. He heaved a sigh, then rose to his feet and turned around.
When he saw her, he froze, his face becoming an emotionless void. Asa, on the other hand, felt various feelings swirling through her. Anger, shame, remorse, and an unholy shock through her veins while she studied his bare chest. The Celest's lips curled into a snarl.
"I thought I told you to leave."
The medic's grip on her bag's handle tightened. While his eyes didn't hold the same amount of rage, she had to force herself to step inside.
"I did. And now I'm back to do your daily check-up."
"You were not supposed to come back."
"You never specified that." Her fingers drummed against her arm. She had rehearsed this probably fifty or more times on the way here, out loud nonetheless. Two help those she passed on her way.
The medic scurried to the table like scared prey. Not because she feared being torn to shreds or forced into a kiss against her will. No, this was a much bigger fear, one that had found a home inside ever since her exile, fear of abandonment. Fear that she couldn't fix her mistakes.
Nearly silent, she began laying out her equipment and notes. Renvir's eyes locked on her. She left the bag on her shoulder for some source of comfort. She wouldn't blame him if he were angry, but she hoped she wasn't too late to fix the rift widening between them.
"I thought I made it obvious. You are not to see me anymore or touch my child."
Asa paused, fingers resting on the vitals machine. She tried to remember her conversation with herself earlier, but the thickening tension as he stepped closer forced her to improvise.
"I already visited your child, so I may as well see you too."
Renvir's silver eyes widened, flashing a reflection of her momentarily. They glistened with forming tears, yet his muscles and jaw tightened.
"What did you do?" His words were firm and low. Lowering her hed, the medic refused to make eye contact. She didn't want to answer. He wouldn't like it. His rising wings and glow of his Celestial Energies caused her to flinch.
"I thought I could show you why I believed the way I did. I prepared everything and even took them out of their pod. But I did nothing," Asa sputtered. A strange chuckle fumbled out of her mouth. "I just cried. Probably for an hour or more. Because I couldn't..."
Tears streamed down her face. She sniffed. Inching up her throat, the confession that had hidden beneath her confidence since her exile forced itself up. She didn't want to hear the words yet she choked them out, spitting up the bitter venom of her heart.
"I couldn't kill another child."
She'd admitted it, the very thing that haunted her nightmares and the dark corners of her brain. It was now more than a disturbing thought in her head. It was real. Asa fell to her knees and covered her face.
"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry...," the medic repeated over and over, slipping into her native tongue as she talked faster and faster, rocking herself on the dirt floor. The medic didn't even hear the Celest's footsteps but felt his hand on her back.
"Asa."
The Celest's voice sent shivers down her spine. Her breathing quickened, turning to face him.
"I'm sorry. I was so scared that I didn't even think that-I didn't consider..."
Asa couldn't speak anymore between her sobbing and sniffing. How had she gone so far wrong? Since her youth, she wanted nothing more than to help end other's suffering, not cause more. Wiping her nose, her eyes moved down to avoid his silver stare.
She, however, caught his expression from her peripheral vision. Renvir looked at her with not anger but still held a firmness in his demeanor. He knelt beside her.
"I cannot speak for your tribe or the parents of the child. But I forgive you for what you have done, for what you tried to do."
Her body convulsed with spasms of grief and loss-loss of the future she envisioned, loss of her tribe members, loss of her homeland. Two of the Celest's arms wrapped around her, holding her.
"Is this okay?"
The medic nodded to the best of her ability. A warmth between their bodies spread. Slowly, she unraveled and leaned against him, balling her hands against his bare chest. Renvir handed her a cloth from his pocket. She tried to mutter a thank you before using it to wipe her dripping nose. He whispered a you're welcome and grazed his muzzle across the top of her head.
Asa didn't know how long they sat curled against one another. The rain began to pour. It's pattering thickened as her sobs thinned to occasional whimpers. The air filled with the scent of wet earth. Now and then, the Celest would stroke one of her arms with one of his many.
Finally, she calmed into stuffy puffs. Renvir's breaths rumbled alongside hers. A breeze cut through one of the many cracks in the house. The medic shivered, causing her patient to curl a set of wings around her. Instead of wanting to flee, she pulled closer to him, resting her head in the crook of his neck.
He would make an excellent father. Her heart clenched. She almost took that away from him. If she had had any more tears, they would've resurfaced. Why was he doing this?
"Renvir?"
The Celest gave a low hum in acknowledgment.
"Why did you let me become your medic?"
This time a high hum came, shuffling with his body. Renvir moved so that he could see her face; his brows scrunched with lazy scrutiny.
"Why do you ask?"
"I haven't cured you. I killed an infant with a similar disease then tried to kill yours. Why would you help me?" Asa inhaled sharply, fighting back a sob in her throat. The Celest intertwined their fingers. Something inside of her stomach fluttered.
"You made me laugh."
"Is that it?"
Renvir gave a throaty chuckle. It shook her lightly.
"At first, yes. I had not laughed since my exile, much like you," the Celest paused, "But you also insisted on helping me even though you barely knew me. I even half believed Sandor that it was purely selfish motives that drove you to do so. Until you helped me through my flare."
Asa closed her eyes, wishing to keep the memories of him coughing up blood away.
"I couldn't stand to see you like that."
His fingers squeezed hers. The medic nuzzled further into his neck.
"Just like I cannot stand to see you like this."
"But I killed a child."
Renvir let out a long sigh. She felt his shoulders sag at the mention.
"Yes. But I do not think you enjoyed it or would want to do it again."
"What makes you so sure?"
The Celest turned to face her, forcing her to move her head. His lips formed a lopsided smile. His weary eyes glistened.
"You have trouble around eggs. You could not hurt my child. You apologized to me." He grazed his muzzle against her shoulder and planted a whisp of a kiss. "And because I want to believe I fell for a kind, loving being."
Asa's heart skipped a beat. She looked over the Celest like one of her medical files. He couldn't be serious. He had to be joking. She forced a laugh out to ease the tension growing within her. Her patient's smile drooped to a frown. His lips tightened.
"You do not feel the same way, do you?"
A sharp pain ignited in her chest. His hand slipped out of hers. Asa wasn't sure what to say, how to feel. Instead, she took his hands in hers.
"I-"
Her eyes strayed to his silver ones. The longer they looked at one another, the more heat built up beneath her scales. The previous night stuck in her mind-the gentle caress, the desperate way she heard her name. Is this what she wanted? Running the backs of his fingers down her cheek, Renvir lowered his eyelids.
Barely touching her, he cupped her chin in his upper set of hands. Something about his touch felt so warm and inviting like a crackling fire on a cold day. It wasn't a fleeting sort of comfort, but a slow and long burn. As he leaned in, she closed her eyes. Their lips met.
A desire for him overtook her. He'd given her his heart and shared his struggles. But it wasn't enough. After a moment, they found a rhythm. She reached out. Like in her imagination, Asa felt his arms. His muscles rippled underneath his hide. Her fingers traced up to his chest, feeling his thundering hearts beneath. They parted, both panting.
"Asa." His voice sounded as needy as her. The medic's knees trembled. The Celest leaned back in, whispering her name again between kisses.
"Renvir," she mumbled.
The more passionate they became, the further the rest of the world seemed. The rain and wind became whispers, the judgmental eyes blinded, and the medic's promise to Zienna vanished. It was only them. It wasn't just their bodies pressed together that had her continuing like the rain and thunder overhead.
It was his kind heart and the way he cared for her. Asa paused for a moment, removing her shirt. Her heart skipped a beat as Renvir's eyes scanned her. He opened his mouth, but before he could ask, she nodded.
Without a word, he used one set of hands to lower her to the ground. He shifted until he'd captured her entire body beneath him. His pine scent mixed with dirt brought her mind to the shores of the Helicam Channel. Their sweat intermingled with it, combining her with him and her memories.
He'd become her new tribe. As Renvir laid against her, she gasped at the sensation, scales against hide.
This, more than anything, was what she wanted. Her mission faded into the shifting dirt beneath them. She only wanted him.
Him and their child.