You faintly heard the chirping of birds in the distance. Beneath your eyelids, you saw the bright sunshine and squeezed your eyes shut, wanting more sleep.
It proved futile, however; so you blinked your eyes open, staring at the nightstand across from you.
Tucked and buried beneath your blankets, your mind was still heavy and drowsy with sleep.
Ah, the weather today is gorgeous, isn't it?
A whiff of a familiar scent invigorated you. Musk, caramel, and tea.
Then it hit you.
Your eyes flew wide open, all drowsiness cleared. Your mind was fully awake and your hand grasped your chest. You couldn't breathe couldn't breathe couldn't breathe couldn't breathe-
Saguru was dead. It all came back to you and hit you like a speeding truck.
You curled into an even tinier ball underneath the covers. There, you caught a glimpse of the long-sleeved white shirt you were wearing.
That was his as well. Another sharp pang sliced your heart into bits and pieces.
You debated whether you should spend the whole day beneath the covers. Your family would surely understand, right?
A knock came from the other side of your bedroom door.
"Go away," you grumbled.
"(Y/n), it's eleven am. The funeral starts at one pm."
You sat up straight in bed instantly. That's right. Today was the funeral. It had been exactly a week since Saguru died.
With a heavy heart, you begrudgingly peeled the covers off of you and stumbled to the closet. Your outfit was already sitting there.
A collared black dress that went down to your knees, a matching coal-black jacket, a pearl necklace, and a black leather cross-body bag.
You absentmindedly threw them on, fumbling with the necklace clasp for a bit before heading to the bathroom to brush your teeth and do your hair.
You pulled your hair back into a tight, conservative bun at the nape of your neck and began brushing your teeth. No makeup for you today with all the tears you'd be shedding. You didn't want black streaks of mascara dripping down your cheeks.
Once finished with brushing your teeth and drying your face, you headed downstairs, where your parents were waiting. On impulse, you retreated back to your room and grabbed the gold pocket watch, placing it inside your purse before heading downstairs again.
"I'll be going now," you said monotonously. "I have to pick up the flowers."
"No breakfast, (y/n)?" asked your mom. You shook your head and made your way toward the garage.
"(Y/n), please, have something to eat. You've barely eaten anything this past week," pleaded your dad.
You weren't hungry at all. After Saguru had died, you had lost your appetite. But you acquiesced to please your worried parents.
"Alright, fine."
Five minutes later, a plate of scrambled eggs was set in front of you. You mechanically chewed, tasting nothing and forcing yourself to swallow.
Setting down your fork, you head toward the utility room and slip on your shiny black heels you had bought just for today.
"I'm going now," you call out to your parents. "I'll see you in a little bit."
They waved goodbye through the door as you stuck the key into your car's ignition and pulled out of the driveway.
You barely paid attention to your surroundings as you sped across town toward the flower shop you had placed the order at. It was a miracle you didn't get in an accident or get pulled over.
You pulled into the parking lot of the flower shop and parked your car in an empty lot. There weren't a lot of people here. That was good.
Pulling the key out of the ignition, you pulled out the pocket watch and popped the lid open.
"12:09:15 pm. I still have time..." you mutter, placing the pocket watch back.
Slamming the car door shut behind you, you walk into the flower shop.
It was very aesthetic. Wood floors, white walls, fairy lights strung up on the ceiling, and wicker baskets holding succulents and other small plants and potted flowers. Larger bouquets were placed in glass vases atop wood and steel wire cabinets.
You walked to the front counter, where the florist in her white apron greeted you.
"Welcome! Do you have an order ready for pickup?"
You nodded.
"Great. I'll need the verification number then."
You pulled out your phone and found the email with the order verification code.
"4308294101," you recite. The florist nodded and headed into the back room. After a few moments, she emerged holding a medium-sized bouquet of flowers.
"White stargazer lilies, red and yellow roses, and gold chrysanthemums. Is that correct?"
You nodded again. She pushed the bouquet across the counter to you as you took out your credit card. You swiped it and a prompt appeared on the screen asking you to sign.
Hurriedly scribbling your signature, you watched as the florist put the bouquet in a bag before handing it back to you.
"Have a nice day!"
"Thanks. You too," you heard yourself say as you push the door open. The chimes jingled behind you.
Opening the passenger door, you placed the bouquet on the car seat. After a few seconds of thinking, you pulled the seatbelt across it and buckled it in, padding the sides with various items sitting in your car for extra protection in case it slipped or fell.
You hopped into the driver's seat and sped off, a heavy feeling weighing you down.
Fifteen minutes later, you arrived at the church the funeral was being held at. The location made sense. Saguru was Catholic, after all.
You parked your car and composed yourself by taking a few deep breaths. Checking to make sure you had plenty of tissues stuffed into your purse, you climb out and grab the bouquet from the back seat.
You took slow, drawn-out footsteps to the front door. You took your time, composing yourself both mentally and physically.
It seemed as if his family had already arrived. You set foot inside the church and immediately knew which room they were in from the overpowering scent of lilies that punched you in the nose.
Turning left down the hall, you quietly knocked on the doorframe, catching the attention of everyone inside. Saguru's mom sprinted over to you, sobbing into your shoulder.
"I'm so sorry, Mrs. Hakuba," you croak. She simply sniffed and resumed her crying. After patting her back, you excused yourself and went to the front to place the flowers somewhere.
It was surprisingly difficult. There were flowers everywhere. After a few minutes, you settled on a small empty space between two other gigantic bouquets. You had to squeeze it in there but nonetheless, it worked.
Standing back up, you finally turned your attention to the casket. The top was open, showing Saguru's face and upper chest.
You choked on your own breath. You couldn't breathe and couldn't feel your ice-cold limbs. The air conditioner hummed quietly in the background.
It started off as one lone tear sliding down your cheek. Then, it quickly evolved into multiple before they finally became a full-blown torrent.
"Haku...chan..." you rasp.
Taking a step closer, you gingerly brush the back of your hand over his cheek, flinching at how cold his skin was. Freezing cold. It was so different from the soft, warm skin you were so accustomed to. But you had to admit, they did a nice job of cleaning him up. The makeup was expertly applied; you couldn't see the bruising that must've come with his death at all. His blond hair was also shiny and luminous, looking as if it had been freshly washed.
The person lying in the casket looked familiar, yes, but something was off about him. You couldn't put your finger on it, but something seemed off-kilter. Was it his skin, looking more waxy than normal? Was it his chest not rising and falling in its normal pattern? Or was it due to the sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach, drowning you from inside out and distorting your senses?
You shrink away and scurry back, taking the first empty seat you saw.
1:00:02 pm. It was time.
You didn't remember much of the funeral. All you could remember was the freezing cold air that chilled your bones even though you were wearing a decently thick jacket. You spent the entire time crying into your tissues, then into Aoko's shoulder once they had run out.
It was now 8:21:20 pm. The funeral and wake were over, and everyone was planning to go home now.
You, however, planned to stay for just a bit longer.
Standing in front of the casket, you stared down at your former boyfriend, holding tightly to your last moments together.
You booped his nose, fixed his hair, and cupped his cheeks. Pressing your forehead against his, you stifled your tears temporarily to get your sentence across.
"Goodbye, Haku-chan... I'll miss you..."
You pressed one last kiss to his lips, unable to hold your tears back any longer.
You stayed in that position for as long as you could. Pulling yourself away once your time was up, you stared through tear-blurred vision as the casket lid was shut.
You couldn't do this anymore. You couldn't stand to be in this environment any longer. You had to get out now.
Adjusting your purse, you forced yourself to wait a few more minutes before excusing yourself and offering your condolences for the umpteenth time.
After saying your goodbyes, you piled into your car and let your head flop onto the steering wheel. Allowing yourself to sob for a bit longer, you finally got your act together and jammed the key into the ignition, kickstarting the engine.
As you sped down the road back home, you were very much still hurting, yes, but something inside you steeled and hardened.
The day that Saguru died was a game-changer for you. That night, as you lay alone in bed, you had made a solemn promise to yourself. You swore that no matter what it took, you'd unearth the culprit behind his murder and avenge Saguru's death.
Justice had begun.
Miseria: The Roman name of the Ancient Greek goddess of grief, anxiety, and misery. That modern-day term "misery" comes from her name.
Word count: 1735 words
Page count: 17 pages.