chapter 48 — okay boy
Josh knocks on his mother's bedroom door — there is still no answer. It has been hours since he came back and he and his sister have taken turns trying to get to their mother but to no avail.
"Mother," he calls out, although he knows there is going to be no answer.
Josie has gone to sleep then. She hadn't talked much all day, too quiet, wrapped up in her own thoughts. As much as she hates to admit it, she likes her father. Sure, he never stays at the house, never spends much time with them, but she has always adored him. She likes how the people in their town always look up to her father and treat him with the utmost respect. She has always wanted to be like him when she grew up — she isn't so sure anymore. She starts wondering if she knew her father after all.
Josh sighs, and sits against the door, leaning on it. He hadn't meant to hurt his mother. That's why he hadn't told her any of this. His mother is innocent; she has never done anything against his father once. She loved him like no other, and respected him. They were high school sweethearts. And to think that her husband would betray her like that, not to mention with one of her closest friends — Josh can't even imagine what she must have felt when he just dropped the news on their head like a bomb.
"Mom," Josh calls out softly, choking up; he isn't even sure if she was listening to him on the other side, but goes on anyways, "I'm so sorry, mom. I know I should've told about him the moment I found out, but I don't know I guess I just wanted to protect you. I swear I didn't he was going to invite her here today. And I didn't mean to just burst out like that, but... I'm sorry, mom. Can you ple-,"
He stops abruptly, upon hearing someone opening the front door. He goes downstairs to see who it is and — surprise, surprise, it is his father. He is lightly swaying on his feet as he stumbles to close the door behind him. And there is this strong overpowering odour he is emitting. Is he–
"What the hell do you think you're doing in my house, boy?" he yells as soon as he sees Josh in front of him.
"Are you drunk?" Josh crosses his arms, not even bothering to hide the disbelief in his voice. "Seriously?"
"Don't you dare to talk to me in that tone,"
"Just go sleep it off, father," Josh shakes his head. "There's no need for any more problems,"
"Problems that you caused, boy," he continues yelling anyways, "If only you'd known how to keep your mouth shut and not stick your nose into matters that doesn't concern you,"
"Matters that doesn't concern me?" Josh scoffs, "You're cheating on mom, you're breaking our family apart — how does that not concern me?"
"What you should be concerned is about how you're a little faggot now; your repulsive phase consorting with boys, that's what you should be concerned about," he spits out the words.
"You're one to talk, it's not like you weren't sleeping with my best friend's mother and god knows how many other women there are?"
They are both yelling now and the elder Goldmann was about to shove his son when Mrs Goldmann comes downstairs and yells over them:
"Enough!"
"Mom?"
"Why did you let him back into the house, Linda?"
"Josh, go to your room," she doesn't even spare a glance at the drunk man, "It's late — we'll talk tomorrow," and then she starts to climb back upstairs.
"Linda," his father calls again and she stops, and without turning back, she says monotonously, "If you have nowhere else to go, you can sleep on the couch. Josh, come on,"
"Mom — what's happening?" Josie has woken up too from the ruckus their father is causing.
"On the couch? Why should I sleep on the couch? This is my house!" he raises his voice again.
"You're drunk, Martin. We'll talk tomorrow," his mother replies, her voice very much void of any emotion, but her stance suggested otherwise — she has her hands in fists at her sides, and grits her teeth, just about to burst at any given moment.
"No," he insists, "No, no, no. You talk to me now,"
She huffs, and turns around and approaches Mr Goldmann, leaving a good few steps before them.
She has been crying, Josh can tell, her eyes are swollen and nose blotched red, and cheeks flushed, but right then more than sad, she just seems furious. She fixes her husband with a sharp glare.
"Talk," one word, but it holds such authority than even Mr Goldmann flinches lightly.
Josie comes to stand behind her brother clutching the back of his t-shirt, he pats her arms consolingly. They are both standing behind their mother.
Mr Goldmann puffs up his chest and looks over his wife's shoulder, glancing at his son in pure disgust, "Do you what know your son has been up to now?"
His mother raises her eyebrows, laughing bitterly, shaking her head. "Is that really the problem here, Martin — our son?"
"Yes,"
"Ok, fine," she nods, rubbing her chin, "Pray tell, what has he been up to?"
"He's been hanging around some boy, kissing him and doing God knows what else," he spits out the words as if they were poison.
"Yeah, and?"
"And?" he is surprised for sure, "He– he's going out with a boy, Linda! And he couldn't even bothered to be careful about it, flaunting it in everyone's face — as if it's normal, some–"
"He's gay, Martin!" she snaps right at his face, "What is so wrong about that?"
"What's wrong — he's gay, that's what's wrong, Linda!" and he starts yelling again, "Did we really bring him up to be.... this?"
"Oh my god, why don't you get over yourself, he's just gay — not a sociopath or something,"
"Well, I'd rather have him as a sociopath than gay. Aren't you worried what that would mean for our family?"
"Our family?" she scoffs, "Our son being gay is bad for our family, but you cheating on me isn't?"
"No, Linda–"
"No, Martin. You're the one who wanted to talk, isn't it? So, let's talk. How could you do that, Martin?"
"He wasn't supposed to see us," his father turns to glare at Josh.
"Oh, that's the real issue now, isn't it — Josh seeing you with another woman?"
"No–,"
"If only he hadn't seen you, you could still have us all easily fooled,"
"No, it isn't what it looks like,"
"So, you're telling me what Josh saw, what he told us, that isn't true — that you aren't sleeping with another woman behind my back?"
And for the first time Josh sees his father at a loss for words. His gaze is fixed on the floor.
"Tell me," his mother insists.
"No," he sighs.
"Okay, then there's nothing else to be said," she steps back.
"No, wait," the elder man reaches out and grabs his wife's hand, "Please just let me explain," he pleads.
"You slept with another woman, Martin," she sighs, suddenly sounding very much exhausted, "What can you possibly say for that?"
"I don't want this to affect our fami–,"
"Just don't," she cuts him off, pulling her hand away from his, "You should've thought of that before you cheated on me,"
"You'd accept him, but not me?"
"Are you even listening to yourself right now?" she pinches the bridge of her nose, exhaling loudly, and then looks up at Mr Goldmann, "Just leave,"
"No, this is my home too. He is my son, too. I get a say–,"
"Get out,"
"What did you say?"
"I said get out, Martin. Just get out,"
"No," he defies her. "I won't,"
"Get. Out," she tries again more harshly.
"And I said: No," he takes a step forward, but Josh steps in before his mother protectively.
"She told you to go, father," he says, looking straight at him.
"Move away, you little fag," he tries stepping forward, but Josh places a hand on his chest, stopping him.
They are both of the same height, and more or less of the same built — the elder man might be a little bulkier that the son, but Josh sure holds a bit more strength than his father from all the constant soccer training.
"You would dare challenge me. You useless piece of–,"
"Just go away, Martin," Linda says again.
Looking between his son and wife, fully enraged, he spits on the floor and curses at them, "You know what, fuck you. Fuck both of you. You will beg me to come back in less than 24 hours anyway, then we'll see," and he turns around and leaves, slamming the door behind him.
As he goes out, it is as if he has brought away all the heaviness away with him too. It becomes easier to breathe. His mother's resolve breaks and she starts crying. Josh turns around and put his arms around her, Josie joins in as well, shaken by this different side of her father.
And despite the unfortunate circumstances, Josh murmurs, "We'll be okay," and for the first time in a while he truly does feel that: everything will be okay.
⋘⋙