"Jungkook!" I hissed, his grip on my arm is rather electrifying than painful.
I glared at him for a while before we both heard the bus driver faking a cough. Swiping my bus pass on the machine, I break away from Jungkook and find myself a decent seat in the middle.
As expected, Jungkook sat next to me and I just focused on the window to ignore him. "Deonne, talk to me," Jungkook spoke. Instead of doing what he said, I swiped my phone open and played some music after connecting my earphones to it.
When he saw what I did, he plucked my earphones out. "Hey!" I exclaimed.
"Dude, no offense but you're acting like a dick," Jungkook remarked. He snatched my phone from me as well and kept it inside his pockets.
"Thanks for reminding me," I rolled my eyes.
"I thought we already dealt with all of these last night?" He asked. "You're being ridiculous."
"Thanks for the compliment," I ignored, my face is still tilted on the window. A few seconds after that, Jungkook finally gave up on talking some sense to me.
I don't get why he is so frustrated at me and not at his pesky girlfriend. I mean, she was the one who provoked me last night and now I get all the lectures from Jungkook. He is the one being unfair here, having favoritism is a form of injustice.
As soon as I got into my stop, I pulled the yellow cord on my side to request a stop to the driver. Jungkook didn't stand up, so I did. I dropped from the bus and went straight to the convenient store.
Grabbing myself a grocery basket, I snatched every pack of chips that I like on the stands and shelves.
"Buy me this too," I jolted from my place when Jungkook suddenly appeared out of nowhere. He shoots the pack of dried seaweeds in my basket.
While he is not looking, I placed the seaweeds back on the shelf and acted normally. Picking a good brand of butter inside the freezers, the basket hanging on my arm suddenly became too heavy that I can't lift it properly.
I looked at what the guy placed inside and saw that he placed two boxes of banana milk. This time, I carried the basket with both hands while I find the proper timing to discard the boxes out of it.
Jungkook was trailing behind me after abruptly placing more dried seaweeds in my basket. He must've noticed how I'm struggling with the heavy basket but all he offers is restlessness and trouble.
The moment I reached the cashier, he is still following me. Next, I was having a difficult time lifting the heavy basket on the counter. Thankfully Jungkook takes the initiative and helped me put it up. "For a man, you're weak." He deadpanned. I ignored his lousy comment and opened my wallet but I was too late when Jungkook already paid for it using his card.
If he is just going to give me numerous insults about my wellbeing and make me feel a lot more horrible then I'd rather ignore him completely. Grabbing the plastic bags containing my groceries, I walked out.
Speculating that he might be thinking that I'm going back straight to the dorms, I took a different street and wandered around. I'm not worried that I will get lost, I've already lived in Seattle for a year.
There was a nearby shopping mall so I stopped by. I left my groceries on the baggage storage of the mall and roamed around and did some window shopping.
A shop for women's clothes suddenly caught my attention, especially the red dress displayed on a mannequin. I went inside the shop and browsed the cloth.
This dress will probably look better on girls like Vanessa and not me. Remembering that name, I snorted. Contrary to that belief, I think it will look good on me if my body matures... a bit more. Without further ado, I took out my credit card that I rarely use and swiped it on the cashier for the lovely red dress.
I dropped by at some ice cream shop afterward and eat it silently at the shop itself. It's a good thing that tomorrow is Friday, it's either I can skip classes tomorrow and enjoy three days of leisure or be a good student and be contented that weekends only have two days.
I feel a bit awkward alone, especially without my phone.
Speaking of the man himself, he abruptly sits in front of me while eating a cone of ice cream. "Just let me know if you're ready to give me what's mine," I said without making eye contact with him and clearly referring to my phone. I also hid the paper bag of the dress I bought underneath the table.
"Can we lower our pride down and just talk like two adults?" He asked.
"Your girlfriend already crushed my pride, man." I huffed. "She should be the one you're disciplining, not me."
"Deonne, I already talked to her, she meant it as a joke."
I shake my head and laughed sarcastically, "If she really did, then why am I not hearing any words of apology from her?"
"I-"
"You're just defending her," I arched a brow. "She clearly has some ulterior motives, not just to me but probably to you too."
"I don't know what this is all about anymore. Are you acting like this because she provoked you or because you don't want me to be with her?" He asked with his eyebrows knitted together.
"Aren't we talking about both?" I asked back.
"Deonne, you know my history with women. This is the first time a woman took an interest in me without asking for anything."
I doubt that.
"I can't just let her go." He stated.
"Do you love her?" I suddenly questioned, and I can see from his stance that he was caught off guard. He opens his mouth but nothing came out from it.
"Jungkook, I think you're misunderstanding love from curiosity." I enunciated. "You don't know what love is." I scoffed.
"And you do?" He narrows his eyes.
"Yeah," I sighed. "Unfortunately, I do. Love is painful rather than exciting. You'll welcome every emotion along with it until it slowly breaks you from the inside."
"It's not," Jungkook said.
"Why? Have you ever loved someone that you wish to say the opposite of its true meaning?" I asked. A few seconds were wasted for silence and weird eye contact from him. His eyes were saying something else and I can't figure what it is.
"If that's it, I should take my leave." I stand up and left the ice cream shop. The look on his face was still unreadable but I decided to leave or else I'll say more hurtful words to him.
After stopping by at the baggage storage to get my groceries back, I inserted the paper bag inside one of the groceries. To get back to the dorms, I walked to the nearest bus stop.
I was so occupied because of Jungkook that I didn't notice how the stars already filled the sky. They remind me of him, he is bright, innocent, and sometimes alone. He was alone.
"Deonne," Upon hearing my fake name, I smiled bitterly when I look at him. "I think... I did love someone before." He got my curiosity. "You're wrong, love is hope. She was once my hope."
=====
I agreed to Jungkook that we'll take a short walk at the park while we handle things, maturely this time. "What was she like?" I asked.
"Goofy, a prankster, and a mama's girl." He laughed. I can see it in his face. Maybe he did love someone, but how did that work considering that he has a fear of women before? How did he manage to meet someone while he was at his home in these past years?
"I think she is a little crazy too," He added.
"You suck at complimenting someone," I rolled my eyeballs and he only chuckled.
"I was still young back then. I know how to read when someone likes you or not and she was too obvious. I know that she was staring at me every time I'm working at something by the window of my bedroom. Sometimes, she would wave at me like an idiot from her room and I would glare at her in return. Instead of being intimidated, she will still continue doing that every chance that she got and I found it funny. She made me laugh."
"What she didn't know is that every time she is not looking at me, I'm staring at her. She and her mom would bicker inside her room but they always end up hugging each other. She would sing songs with high notes and never hit them properly. She would laugh so hard on what she was watching on her phone, so loud that I can hear it from my room."
"I was asking myself that time, how can I be fond of someone whose face I don't recognize well? How can I fall in love with someone through a window? I was watching her like a faceless woman out of curiosity. I don't know why I can't see her face, maybe it's because of the shade provided by the huge tree next to her window. But what I didn't expect from myself is that I had grown fonder of her as time passed by."
"Another question entered my mind, how can I like this girl if I'm supposed to be afraid of them? That's when I thought, maybe she is my hope after all. So I tried so hard to persuade my dad to let me out of the house and talk to her but he never allowed me to. Although she seemed to dislike me these past few months, I still hoped to meet her, especially on New Year's Eve, when her parents invited us over for lunch. Much to my dismay, she really is silly for eating a lobster which is, by the way, a food she is allergic at."
I don't know what to say, I don't know what to think.
Jungkook was in love with me?
How? I thought he hated me, his friends made fun of me. He never even smiled back at me before. Why is he saying this to me right now? "Do I kn-ow this g-irl?" I stammered.
"Oh, yeah. Her name is Deanna Foster, you know, our neighbor." I wanted to cry, but I can't give him any doubtful and irrelevant actions. "I actually thought you started liking her too, especially that day when you volunteered to be the one who gives her food during the first of December. turns out you just really wanted to go out." He laughed.
All along, I was mentally scolding myself for loving someone who is not capable of loving back. But I was wrong, he is capable of love despite his condition before.
I keep my head down in case my eyes betray me again.
"It's funny to say that when I was young, I thought I'd be gay or something because I'm afraid of the opposite gender." He laughed. "But she was my clue that I can love one." I faked a chuckle and joined him.
Silence emerged while were walking. I don't think I could speak right now. Just looking at how things badly turned out, I wanted to blame myself.
"Those were my beliefs not until you came, Deonne." This time, I looked at him with a painful expression masked with a clueless face.
"What about me?" I snorted. I heard the sound of his footsteps stopping, so I turned to face him. Anxiousness is painted all over his face. "What is it?" I asked again.
"You, you're giving me feelings that I shouldn't feel towards a friend, towards a man."
My lips started trembling.
No, Jungkook. Please don't say it.
"I fought so hard to ignore it. I even tried dating someone else in front of you to get these feelings off of my mind and heart but it never worked."
"Hey, what are y-ou saying?" I stuttered.
"I think I'm in love with you, Deonne."