Rafael stands an arm away from me, a gripping the door with one hand. He waits for my decision, seemingly hopeful I'll join the other members of the club inside the gym.
Cindy materializes behind him, almost making me scream from the fright. I swear can never get used to this.
The fairy guy is the first to enter. Behind Rafael, he looks at me invitingly, "come on, already," he urges with a mutter.
I nod reluctantly and step into the gym.
Cindy saunters ahead, his shoes clapping on the ground. I'm so glad people can't see him.
Rafael looks behind, confused, his eyes narrow.
I stride behind him towards the gathering, right in the middle of the basketball court. I sit in the back when I join the group. I watch in silence, trying not to attract any stares as I crouch. A few heads turn my way anyway.
Rafael steps in the middle of the circle. He excuses himself for being late before announcing the theme of the class: Clouds and Three Rhymes. It consists of creating a poem inspired by the clouds and with at least three rhymes. Then, reciting it while an ambient sound of an autumn breeze plays in the background.
I was expecting for them to have some time to prepare, but as soon as he asks for candidates, three hands raise up. One by one, they recite their improvised poems in front of everyone. Then, comes Jord's turn.
I straighten myself to begin to watch.
I'm surprised to see his fingers trembling around his small sticky note. Being Jord, he plays it off as if it was nothing. He just accepts he's nervous and is not afraid to show it. So cool and Zen. I wonder if there's a chance I'm just biased.
The expectation leads me to bite the interior of my lip. I'm dying to listen to the words written on that yellow sticky note.
Jord clears his throat and scans the audience. His gaze lands on me and it feels like seeing the sun in the morning. Plus, a big, welcoming smile cornered by dimples. God.
The lips smiling to me twist to begin saying poetry. It's too bad it's so brief. He reads :
❝𝘍𝘦𝘦𝘵 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘳, 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘶𝘱 𝘩𝘪𝘨𝘩,
𝘓𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘮𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘬 𝘴𝘬𝘺,
𝘉𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘴𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘩𝘺
𝘋𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘰 𝘱𝘭𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘦, 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘺?❞
At first I'm not sure it's the end. But everyone starts clapping, including Cindy. So, I join in, despite not understanding what Jord was trying to say with those words.
Five more members of the club step in the middle of the circle to recite their poems. I'm barely paying attention at this point.
Rafael is the one who closes the session. Then, the moment to confront Jord arrives. I gulp.
My heart is racing under my shirt. I look at Cindy in hopes he'll have the right words to encourage me. Cindy just shrugs.
I don't want to do this. Why did Mara make me promise to do this?
Standing here, I throw half-glances towards Jord as the crowd thins in the space between us. He is still talking to that same girl with the wild hair. I watch them laugh, talk some more then repeat until the conversation dies. He waves her goodbye, then his gaze falls on me, startling me. It's like he knew I've been waiting for him.
There seems to be a breeze running across my lower belly. He's coming towards me, lips twisting again. That smile. Am I gonna melt here?
He's scratching his head now. Is he nervous too?
I realize I've been holding my breath. I'm urging to exhale heavily, but he's already standing in front of me. It's too late.
"I think I owe you an explanation," he says with a light smile. We're standing so close to each other.
The only time I remember us being this close is the last school party.
"I'm sorry about the other day. I could have at least texted you; I had some issues with—"
"You don't need to explain yourself," I cut him off. "I mean, I would have liked if you sent me a text telling me that you were unable to come. That would be enough for me, really. I've seen you around during the week. You seemed to be fine, so I was wondering why."
He sighs, scratches his head again. "I could have definitely talked to you, Jay."
He lets out the heavy breath I've been dying to let out. And somehow it relaxes me, too.
"Let me make it up to you," he says. "We have a game in three weeks against the kids of Le Maître high for the qualification for the regionals in November. We have won from them before. So, we're pretty confident about this one. You can come to the game and I'll drive you to the party we're throwing afterwards at Patrick's." He smiles. "Deal?"
He licks his lips. He's so close to me. Read my thoughts, please. I want you to kiss me.
Rafael comes towards us and Jord turns to him.
"Great session man, like always," Rafael says, patting Jord's shoulders. He shifts his gaze to one of us, then the other. He becomes thoughtful, as if he realized he just interrupted something important. "You're not coming to the bus?" he asks Jord.
"Oh sorry. I forgot to tell you I have practice with the team," Jord says. "We have less than three weeks to prepare for the match."
"Gotcha, see you then." Rafael offers me a tight smile and walks away.
Even knowing that they were in the same club, I would have never imagined Rafael— the shy guy from middle school—could speak to Jord in such a casual way.
"This is my cue to leave, too." I say and Jord nods. "Thanks."
"Thanks for what?" Jord places a hand on my shoulder. He's smiling again. I'm on fire. God.
"You're great, man. Really hope to see you at the game," he says. "Hey, Raf," Jord calls, leading Rafael to turn to us. "Jay's coming with you."
Jord turns around, bolts to his basketball resting on the ground. He picks it up with a smack of both hands, then rushes towards the backboard. His Jordan's squeak on the ground as he bounces his balls forward, backwards in between his legs. . .there he goes. Like fish swimming.
"Ahem," Rafael clears his throat behind me. "We need to rush. The bus is coming in a minute. Literally."
"Yeah," I say, already walking towards the door of the gym. Rafael quickens his pace and I try to keep up with his speed as we traverse the halls, that are empty, except for the basketball team players rushing to the gym for practice.
I'm having serious trouble keeping up with Rafael's stomps. So much, he's now walking three classrooms away from me. Strangely enough, he holds the entry door of he school for me before we exit the building.
Both of us spurt into a sprint as soon as we reach the base of the stairs.
"Hold the bus," Rafael screams as we run towards it. But we arrive at the bus stop ten seconds too late. Panting and red-faced, we both watch the yellow vehicle turn at the intersection of the street.
I sigh in frustration.
From my peripheral vision, I can see Rafael is staring at me. I look back at him and we stare at each other in silence. Shit. This is super awkward.
"So," he ponders. His heavy breathing cuts him off then he continues, "You liked the club?"
Small talk alert.
"Yep," I say, then purse my lips, turning away from him with the kind of grimace you wear when looking directly at the sun.
"Good," he says. "So, which way are you going?" He gestures with his hand, pointing one way and the opposite.
"Oh. I'll just call someone to come pick me up." I wonder why a guy would want to endure an awkward walk with an almost-stranger. What are we supposed to talk about? Why he dumped Lindsay when the poor girl was only ten? No thanks.
"Right," he says, nodding. "See you?" He turns away and begins walking before I'm able to respond.
"See you," I mutter anyway.
Cindy materializes out of thin air as soon as Rafael is out of sight. I'm surprised by the fact that his appearance doesn't frighten me.
This time I refuse his help to teleport me home before he can even offer.
"Let me just walk with you then," Cindy says, widening his eyes for dramatic effect, "can I at least?"
I nod, pulling my phone out of my pocket, expecting to find half a bar of battery but I can't even find that. My phone is just dead. I exhale in frustration.
I'm sure Lia will call when the clock strikes 6 pm. I'm technically still grounded until tonight. All thanks to Cindy's artistic work on my bicycle when she teleported me from the Sweet-T.
Maybe two failed attempts at teleportation were enough for me to understand that magic was not my fairy Godmother's forte. Colorful wigs were.
I push my dead phone inside my pocket and quicken my strides.
It takes half an hour of walking until we're home.
When I go past the entering gate, stepping in the small garden, I realize I don't know what I've done with the inscription form Rafael gave me for the poetry club.
Cindy is looking at me with a critical gaze and fierce eyebrows as I unzip my backpack.
"What you're looking for so desperately, darling?"
"I think I forgot the form at the gym." I keep rummaging my backpack, wondering why I care since I'm not signing up for the club. "Whatever," the word comes out with a defeated sigh.
"Rafael has it," Cindy says calmly.
My eyes narrow as if they were aiming a shot at Cindy.
He understands I want him to explain himself, so he continues. "Well, I told myself that maybe if you had somewhere you could meet Jord regularly, it would increase your chances of getting to know each other," he says casually.
"Cindy, you didn't?" I'm surprised to feel the aggravation in my own voice.
He nods and mutters an I'm sorry.
Before I can scold my fairy Godmother, Lia calls me from the door spot, leading me to turn to her. Cindy disappears into thin air. I don't have to turn to confirm it.
"I called you," Lia says, gesturing with her old Nokia phone in the air. Her tone is stern and dry.
"My phone died."
She only shakes her head and turns away. "Edward is here," she says before she disappears behind the partially open door.
Shit. How could I have forgotten my brother would come home tonight. I'd been waiting for his visit since last February.
I look around, waiting a few moments for Cindy to show up again, but he's gone. I find myself curious about his whereabouts again.
I go upstairs to find Ed in my room when I push the door open. We used to share a bunk before he went to live with his father and his stepmother in San Francisco.
Our bunk is now separated in two pieces. Mine, where he's sitting now, and the other one is in Soni's room across the corridor. Soni was born a year after Ed left the house, six years ago.
Sometimes I wish Ed's father was mine, too. Maybe If Dad was still alive, I would have left this house ages ago, like Ed did.
Ed has always been the luckiest among the three of us. And Soni, the least lucky, since we don't even know who her father is (I wonder if Lia does...). But maybe that is better than knowing that your father is dead. So that would make me the one of the three siblings who has it worse, I suppose.
Having different fathers makes us look nothing like siblings. Since my father was partly Asian, I look just like a typical Asian: dark hair, eyes slightly slanted...I share that last feature with both Soni and Ed, but they both have lighter hair. And Soni somehow got blue eyes.
"Hey, buddy," Ed says. "Where've you been?"
"School," I mutter as I slump my backpack above my desk. Then I scab my drawer to find a phone charger . "I was late to catch the bus back home." I crouch, stretching a cable to put my phone on charge.
Ed looks at me suggestively. He seems so serene now. Being away from us had changed him that much?
"You'll get ten voicemails from Mom, by the way," he warns me and is looking at me with pursed lips. "She seemed pretty upset with you."
I know where he's getting, and I don't want to talk about it. "So," I say in half a sigh, "how's college?"
"College is fine. My girlfriend is fine. Yes, I have a job downtown now. Life's good," he says, "now, don't change the subject, Jay." He holds my gaze but I can't bear it. I stand and turn to the window.
He really wants me to explain everything that's been going on between mom and me? This is annoying. I thought we'd have more interesting things to talk about when he would be back in town.
"You know Mom's strange, Ed." I shrug. "What do you want me to explain? She can't find a job and she acts like it's my fault, then complains that I don't help her enough when everything she does is scold me and ground me. It's like I don't have the right to make mistakes."
"She told me your grades are dipping," Ed says calmly, then he hesitates a bit, "and the earring. . ."
I sigh as heavily as I can, but he carries on, "Has she finally figured it out?" He sounds hesitant. He's wearing a weary look, like he's expecting a reaction from me. Like he has planned to ask that question during all the time he's been waiting for me.
"What are you talking about?" My cheeks are getting hotter, and my words a bit crackly.
"I know, Jay," he speaks slowly, tenderly. He stands. "It's okay."
I rush to the door, banging it shut and murmur. "What are you talking about?"
"Hey, it's okay. I have always known you're gay," he is murmuring now, too. "You're my little brother. That's what counts for me."
I clasp my hands around the doorknob, but I can't shut the door any tighter than it is now. I'm not sure what to say. I thought it wasn't that obvious. I mean, I act like a boy and dress like one.
Is it because Mara's my best friend? It seems shortsighted to think boys could only be friends with boys. The thought that Ed would use that to make a guess about someone's...my sexuality infuriates me, but the rage comes along with crushing shame.
Who am I kidding? Is he not right?
I have been watching my words and tone around him for the longest time. All to sound straight enough, and I even faked interest in things I didn't like. Because boys were supposed to like them. Still, he'd known it all along.
I want to say something, that he's wrong. That I'm actually straight, but I'm fearful my voice won't sound straight enough to him, which makes me feel ridiculous. And Now I stand here awkwardly, like a defenseless pup.
I start sobbing. And I don't know why. I just can't help the tears, I turn away, placing my palms on wet cheeks. Edward comes closer to wrap his arms around me.
"She will never understand, you know how she is," I cry.
Edward keeps silent as I sob, hugging me tighter when my whimpers get more violent. When they cease, he pats my shoulders, says he loves me. "I'll always be here for you. You don't need to tell her yet if you're not ready."
I nod, still not looking at him. I crouch against the wall below the window. Ed walks backwards to the half bunk and sits down. We share the room in silence for what seem like half an hour, Ed looking at me. And me, uncomfortable, looking around the room.
When my gaze falls on him again, he chuckles. I do too.
When Lia calls us for dinner from downstairs, I realize, with a quick glance at the clock hanging above the door of the room, that only half an hour had passed since I arrived home.
Around the table Lia doesn't seem as grumpy as usual. She sits across Ed, next to me. That was strategic, I realize when she begins asking Ed questions after questions.
During most of dinner, Ed plays with Soni, ignoring mom's attempts to get information on Ed's new life and her ex-husband. When he answers, his replies are vague and short.
Ed is clearly uninterested, and maybe that's why he is giving himself the trouble to pick grilled meat from Soni's plate and replace it with a radish. Soni gets another serving again, giggling, only to have Ed do the same thing.
"Veggies first," Ed says, then the cycle repeats, much to Mom's annoyance. I'm enjoying the show as I eat my dessert.
I'm drowning my yoghurt in honey when we hear knocks on the door. "Dad's here," Ed says, already abandoning his seat.
"You can at least finish your dessert first," Lia protests, clanging her fork on her plate in disgruntlement.
"You know Dad, Mom." He pecks her on the cheek, then shakes Soni's shoulders before coming towards me.
"I'll kick your ass the next time I'm around if you don't send me weekly reports about how things are," he tells me with a gentle pat on the shoulder.
He walks up to the door. He's gone. To visit us again at Christmas time. It's only the three of us again. Here we go.
I eat my desert as fast as I can and go to my room.
Later at night, when I'm on my bed, almost drifting to sleep, my phone begins chiming repeatedly.
I ignore the first two times. I'm too tired for it. Then, Cindy's voice echoes in a soft whisper, "I think you've got a text from Jord."
I jump out of my bed, tossing the sheet aside to uncover myself and pick my phone, left to charge above my drawer. Switching my gaze between the screen of my phone and Cindy's now shining violet hair, I read Jord's text.
I grin. A wide, satisfied grin. I would hug my phone if it wasn't so tiny.
I slump on my bed back-first, eyes looking toward the ceiling as if I am gazing stars in sky.
"So?" Cindy says with a glittered smile.
"Well," I turn to him, clicking my tongue before I continue, "apparently someone can't wait to see me in the poetry club next week."
Cindy has a self-satisfied smile playing on his face as he turns around making poses like he is the aim of a dozen paparazzi's cameras. He blows at his blue fingernails. "You don't need to thank me," he says.
He's great. I love this guy.