The smell of wet earth filled her nostrils.
Chills ran down her spine as a gust of wind opened the tent's entrance. While a group of various species tended to Renvir, Asa followed her memories back to her first mutations class. Each Celest had a thread, an invisible one. It connected them to the Celestial Energies which were the same as what the Two and their children used to craft the universe.
No other beings had one. And, if she remembered correctly, it attached itself to their chest and spread throughout their body. No wonder Renvir's symptoms were everywhere.
"Can you stand?" Ulani's voice cut through the fog in her mind. She'd completely forgotton about her ankle.
She tried to rise to her feet, but lost her balance. Ulani caught her. The medic's gaze landed on the Celest. Even though the yellowing of the grayed spots was already disappearing, the contorted look on his face and balled fists told her he was still experiencing pain. She diverted her eyes, guilt bubbling inside her chest.
"It's just a minor sprain. If I keep it elevated, I'll be fine."
Ulani flashed her a smile.
"Then let's make sure it's elevated."
The other Wikev ushered the medic behind a curtain to a room of make-shift cots. The two shuffled until she had stretched out on one of the cushions with a pillow underneath. Despite Asa's attempts to tell her she was fine, Ulani went to get a wrap for her ankle. Various beings pushed through the curtain, steadying Renvir. Grunting, they helped him into a cot beside her. The Celest heaved a breath as he rolled into a comfortable position.
Asa's heart raced. Her tongue held two words that fumbled their way out of her mouth without context or reason.
"Arisen Renvir," She whispered. His head raised. "That's who you were, wasn't it?"
"I was."
"But then your disease-" Her voice quivered. She wasn't sure what she was reaching for. They both understood the ramifications, and yet she needed to hear them.
"Would cause panic. An Arisen affected by a disease that only a Celest can get, one that endangers our empire's structure. So they declared that I died in the battle."
What Energies a Celest wielded determined their caste, their duties, their lives. If they couldn't use them then the Two had no use for them. Asa reached to fiddle with her necklace but came up empty.
Out of all of her cases, none had been a leader before. None had the potential to jeopardize an entire empire. None that made her question her own goal. Her head ached with heavy thoughts.
In her tribe, electing a new ruler was a lengthy process, much like the Celests. Years of grooming for the position and evaluation by the elders. While Celests had it easier as the Two chose their Ascendant, that added an extra test of morality. Would it be right to eradicate the one the creators of the universe hand-picked to lead?
The Wikev infant she eradicated flashed before her mind. Her breathing quickened. With the images came the phantom kicks of a child. Her lover's words echoed in her ears on loop.
What if it had been our child?
No, she wasn't wrong. She was just protecting her people. Their death ensured their resources went the stronger, healthier beings, ones that could protect the Wikevs from enslavement. No matter how many times she repeated this, her body flew further into a panic. The medic's throat tightened.
"Asa," Renvir said, "Are you alright?"
"I'm-" Asa started but stopped, gasping for air. With her inhale came hacking. She hunched over, covering her mouth. Her chest muscles ached. The Celest scooted next to her and rested a hand on her back. After she recovered, she turned away to hide her face. She should be helping him, not the other way around. Yet here they were.
"I'm not okay," the medic admitted, the questions continuing to rattle in her head and throat staying tight. Renvir wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into his chest.
"I know."
Asa's face scrunched yet she found herself pulling closer to him.
"Then why do you ask!"
"Because. I have found it is important to acknowledge feelings yourself."
Slowly, the medic looked down at his chest, tracing the dots. The yellow that had covered him moments ago had faded into a light gray. His silver eyes welcomed her, paired with a grin. Her stomach tightened into a knot. Outside, the wind had died down to a low whistle. The pattering of rain and his three hearts replaced its sound.
"What do you do after you acknowledge them?"
"That depends. What is it that you need?"
The medic bit her lip, unsure what to answer. She hadn't thought about what she needed for the four months she'd studied here. Instead, her focus had stayed fixed on her studies. The thought felt as foreign as Concordia's seemingly endless rains and the growing, warm sensation of their bodies against one another.
"I don't know."
Renvir blinked sympathetically.
"Distractions can be good to calm one down. Do you have anything you like to talk about?"
Asa nodded. She didn't want to think about her morality questions. Searching her brain for a new topic, one of their first conversations came to mind.
"Why were you paid to mate with a female?"
Renvir let out a sigh. His eyes glazed over, distancing himself from her.
"The Celestial Authority were trying to breed an Ascendant."
The medic brought her hand to her mouth, restraining a gasp. The Two hadn't marked any Celest for the position since she was four, seventy-three years. It made sense they were desperate. Yet it didn't add up.
"But why you? They knew about your disease then, didn't they?"
Her patient nodded.
"At the time the approached me, there were only two Arisen and one Ryu. All but one female. Both paired up with the her, and both children died before hatching," Renvir said, removing his hand from her and rubbing his forehead, "I did not want to at first."
"But?" Asa asked. She positioned herself to better see him while the rain pounded against the side of the tent.
"They offered me continuous pay to care for the child and a Celestial week's worth of food to get my strength up to mate, starting with a meal that day." The Celest's gaze settled on his abdomen. "I had not eaten for a Celestial week."
Silence fell over the pair. The medic felt emotions rising once more. This time, however, she let them come. Her eyes watered and veins pulsed with the overwhelming need to reach out. Centimeter by centimeter, her fingers moved toward her patient's hand. Voices in her head screamed no, don't get closer. Yet she took his hand in hers.
Her scales brushed his hairless hide. Renvir turned and looked at her. Everything stopped-her breathing, her heart, her thoughts. Not even the falling drops of water banging next to her broke through the stillness etched in the moment.
"I'm so sorry." Her own voice sounded like someone else's.
"It is not your fault." He placed a hand over hers.
"You still shouldn't have gone through that."
"Oftentimes I have wished I had not," Renvir began, "But then I would not have met you."
Asa's heart skipped a beat, and their eyes met. A strange, tingling warmth crept through her body. The Celest began rubbing his fingers over her hand. Her heart pounted against her chest.
"Me?"
He leaned his head closer to hers, cupping her chin. A grin spread across his face.
"You."
His words landed delicately on her ears, barely cutting through the rain. While her thoughts raced, she couldn't keep them long enough to process. A desperate need to be closer grew within her chest. Asa slid on his legs as she hoisted herself up to his eye level. She didn't hear his question as she moved closer.
A tang of pine filled her nostrils. Wavering due to her leg, the medic placed one hand on his chest to steady herself. The thumping of his three hearts thundered underneath her fingers. Her own heart sped up to match. Renvir's eyes scanned up and down her face, eyelids lowering. Subconsciously, Asa did the same. Another hand caressed her face, and they both leaned in.
"Renvir, I made you some kei and," Ulani said, pausing at the sight. Startled, Renvir let go of her. Asa's face flushed. She clumsily slid away from the Celest while the other Wikev handed him a large bowl with a steaming liquid. "And Asa, you know better! Keep that ankle elevated!"
Cautiously, he took it. Ulani helped the medic back into her original position. After she left, Renvir gulped down the kei. The gray miasma, for a moment, faded. He slumped back into the cot beside her, closing his eyes. If she didn't know any better, he already looked like he had fallen asleep. Fog swept over her mind. Did she really try to—
"I want more." His words came through in a muffled haze.
"More what?"
"More time with my child, more time with you."