What the fuck was I doing?
I took this job as an opportunity to gain experience and build my management resume in this crazy entertainment industry that I had been working in for a short amount of years.
I had been employed by many different people, many attractive men at that, while working in Hollywood.
And not once have I thought about putting my entire career on the line for a hookup.
But here I was, barely a few weeks into my new job, straddling the lap of the very man that I was working for.
I couldn't deny that there was something about Austin that my body couldn't resist. I knew it was forbidden and I knew it was fucked up. And I knew that it could only end up with one of us getting hurt and me without a job.
But all of that didn't mean anything to me in this moment.
"Shit." I breathed out as I shamelessly enjoyed the wetness of his tongue on my neck.
"You like that?" Austin questioned as he trailed his mouth down to my collarbone. His soft lips were savoring each and every goosebumps that was littered across my skin.
"Y-yes. It feels so damn good." I mumbled between breaths, surprisingly able to form words while I was in a deep trance of pleasure.
He brushed his lips along the top seam of my shirt, his hot breath withering along the outline of my cleavage.
He kissed his way back up my neck, along my jawline and finally brought his face back up to mine, teasing me as he just barely touched his lips against mine.
"Fuck you are so pretty." He whispered before he slammed his lips against mine.
I bit down on his bottom lip, causing me to hear him moan for the very first time.
The beautiful sound that left his mouth completely shattered any ounce of integrity dwelling in my conscious.
Every feeling of this being wrong was locked into the back of my mind. And any part of me that was even remotely thinking about stopping, was completely stripped from my brain.
His arms wrapped tightly around my small waist and I sank down further into his lap, feeling his bulge press against my ass.
I chuckled softly against his pink lips as I felt his erection growing by the second underneath me.
"That's what you fucking do to me." He muttered with a certain hunger in his voice, before furiously re-attaching our lips.
His tongue explored my mouth with a passion I had never experienced before. I had never been kissed with such desire and depth.
I didn't just feel it in my lips, but my throughout entire body and I even felt it reaching for my soul.
There were tingles of excitement in each and every nerve ending that I possessed.
Nothing mattered in this moment while I felt his warm hands travel up the hem of my shirt, melting into my soft skin that burned with heat.
I was so consumed entirely in the blood rushing moment, I almost didn't hear the soft knocking that was drumming on my bedroom door.
"Lena? Can I come in?"
I was instantly startled by Adam's muffled voice through the wooden door.
I quickly broke my lips away from Austin's, the intense high still running through my body.
"Shit. You have to hide." I whispered as I climbed off of Austin's lap.
"Hide where?" He hushed back as he adjusted the very visible bulge in the center of his jeans.
"The closet, go." I gulped as I watched him bolt to open the closet door, letting himself inside, and quickly closing the door once he was fully concealed.
"Uh- come in!" I called, my voice shaking as I spoke from the nerves. The fear of just nearly getting caught turned my heart on overdrive. I quickly ran my fingers through to smooth my hair as I answered.
I held my breath as Adam cracked the door open and peaked his head through.
"Hey! I heard about the commercial pitch! That's so cool Lee." Adam gloated as he grinned down at me. "I told you that you'd be great at this job."
"Oh- uh thanks Adam. News travels fast around here huh." I chuckled as I squirmed on the bed.
"Yeah Jay told me." He explained. Much to my dismay, he let himself in and closed the door behind him. "Hey everything okay?" He questioned with concern spread across his face.
"Just a little tired. Didn't really get much sleep. Why do you ask?" I replied quickly.
"No reason, you just look a little flushed. If you're not feeling well, you might want to skip the show tonight." He answered, crossing his arms as he looked at me.
"Oh. Uh-maybe, I'll see how I feel before we leave." I forced a smile. I wasn't completely lying as I was drenched with exhaustion but I knew exactly why I was flushed and it was not because I was sleep deprived.
Yeah it's because of the tattooed rockstar you are hiding the freaking closet Lena.
"By the way, I'm glad to see you and Austin are friends now. I told you to give him a chance. He's a cool guy. I'm sure he didn't mean to be rude to you." Adam shrugged as my face burned with embarrassment.
"Yeah, he's uh- he's great." I cleared my throat, not looking forward to the conversation with Austin that was yet to come once Adam left.
"Have you seen him by the way? I was looking for him to show him some pictures from last night but I can't seem to find him."
"Nope haven't seen him, sorry." I lied through my teeth to one of my closet friends.
"Alright, see you later Lee. Feel better." He said before exiting my room and closing the door shut.
The second the door closed, I looked over to the closet to see Austin sliding the door open.
"Look about what he said-" I started to defend myself.
"Hey, Lena it's fine. I wasn't the nicest to you when we first met, we both know that. Don't feel bad for confiding in Adam." He said quietly as he made his way back over to the bed and sat down next to me.
I nodded my head, still very much flustered about everything that had just happened in the past twenty minutes.
"You're not gonna come to the show?" He mumbled, I swear a slight hinge of sadness in his voice.
"No I will. I just said that because I was caught off guard." I shrugged my shoulders.
"Good." He replied. "I need my partner there for the Circles duet." He winked, giving me his perfect smile.
"Austin! I was literally kidding!" I groaned as I playfully pushed him.
He grabbed my wrists, pulling me to stand up in front of him between his parted legs.
He wrapped his arm around my waist and looked up at me with a devilish smile.
"You said you would Lena." He just barely pulled up my shirt, revealing my mid drift.
Before I could answer him, he started planting soft kisses along my stomach, down to my belly button.
"Mmm." I moaned quietly, playing with the hairs at the nape of his neck.
"Say you'll do it." He muttered in between kisses.
"Austin! Stop trying to seduce me into performing with you." I giggled as I rolled my eyes as him, playfully pushing him off.
"Damn I was hoping you'd be distracted and give in." He sighed, pulling my shirt down and leaning his head on my abdomen.
"I think you should go find Adam. Before he searches the whole house and eventually catches you in here." I shook my head at him.
"So what if he does? You heard him. He's happy we're getting along." He gave me a wide grin, his hands running up and down my sides.
"He's happy that we don't despise each other. He doesn't know you're tongue kissing me every chance you get." I teased, rolling my eyes at him.
"I can't help myself." He hummed, his sharp ocean eyes boring into mine.
I felt my cheeks burn as they blushed a deep red, and I bit down nervously onto my bottom lip.
"I'll see you tonight at the show?" He asked as he stood up, towering over me.
I gave him a short nod and smile to match.
"Front row okay?" He leaned down, closing his eyes as he thouroughly kissed me.
"I like my groupies where I can see them." He whispered, smiling against my lips.
"Get out." I laughed as I lightly slapped his arm.
He pulled me in for one last kiss before he peaked his head out of the door to check if the coast was clear and he swiftly disappeared into the hallway.
I closed the door behind him and threw myself tiredlessly onto the bed.
I reminded myself that whatever it was between us was physical and physical alone.
But I couldn't help but wonder if this could ever be something more.
Before I got carried away, I quickly shut down that idea as my head spun nonstop.
Fuck fuck fuck Lena what in the hell are you doing?
I thought to myself as I closed my eyes and steadied my labored breathing.
Deep down, I knew exactly what I was doing.
I was playing with fire.
*****
I loosely danced to Sunflower, enjoying the upbeat vibe and the catchy rhythm. Swae Lee had just finished his verse as Austin began his.
Every time I'm leavin' on ya
You don't make it easy, no
Wish I could be there for ya
Give me a reason to
Oh, every time I'm walkin' out
I can hear you tellin' me to turn around
Fightin' for my trust and you won't back down
Even if we gotta risk it all right now
I know you're scared of the unknown
You don't wanna be alone
I know I always come and go
But it's out of my control
And you'll be left in the dust
Unless I stuck by ya
You're the sunflower
I think your love would be too much
Or you'll be left in the dust
Unless I stuck by ya
You're the sunflower
You're the sunflower
The words echoed in my head though Sunflower was the one song of Austin's I had probably heard a million and one times.
I think your love would be too much
I swallowed hard as I got lost in the lyrics. I knew exactly why I was so scared of getting involved with Austin. Though I knew it was lust and desire that was sparking between us, I was terrified of it turning into something more.
This was a start of a sexual relationship and I couldn't trust myself to keep it that way. I didn't know how to keep my sexual feelings and my emotional feelings separate and that was going to be my end.
I was closed off since my last relationship and I hadn't even casually dated since.
I knew deep down, that it was me that would ruin things between Austin and I.
I forced myself to shake it off as the intro to Rockstar began to play and an eruption of fire exploded on the back side of the stage.
Austin began jumping around, yelling into the microphone as he got the crowd hyped.
Ayy, I've been fuckin' hoes and poppin' pillies
Man, I feel just like a rockstar
Ayy, ayy, all my brothers got that gas
And they always be smokin' like a Rasta
Fuckin' with me, call up on a Uzi
And show up, man them the shottas
When my homies pull up on your block
They make that thing go grrra-ta-ta-ta
Ayy, ayy, switch my whip, came back in black
I'm startin' sayin', "Rest in peace to Bon Scott"
Ayy, close that door, we blowin' smoke
She ask me light a fire like I'm Morrison
Ayy, act a fool on stage
Prolly leave my fuckin' show in a cop car
Ayy, shit was legendary
Threw a TV out the window of the Montage
He made his way over to the side of the stage I was on and crouched down, staring directly at me.
Cocaine on the table, liquor pourin', don't give a damn
Dude, your girlfriend is a groupie, she just tryna get in
Sayin', "I'm with the band
Ayy, ayy, now she actin' outta pocket
Tryna grab up from my pants
Hundred bitches in my trailer say they ain't got a man
And they all brought a friend
He winked as he sang the word "groupie" and flashed me a smile as he finished the verse before he got up to walk towards the middle of the stage to scream the chorus.
I couldn't help but laugh to myself at his little jab at me as I continued to enjoy the rest of the song.
"Did he just wink at you?" Vanessa pulled my arm, and nearly screamed into my ear. She was standing next to me in front of the front row barricades along with Smitty and Adam.
"It's just an inside joke." I played it off, shrugging as if it was nothing.
"Oh you have inside jokes?! Next thing you know he's going to to be inside of you." Vanessa playfully teased, cause me to turn red even in the darkness of the venue.
I just shook my head, smiled and rolled my eyes in her direction.
But between Vanessa catching on to our little shared humor, and Adam nearly walking in on me straddling Austin's lap, it made me rethink our situation.
We were being careless and it was going to only cause problems.
I couldn't fall for this man. I had to have a talk with him.
Tonight, after his show.