Upon returning from the break, Japan and China seemed to be more comfortable in each other's presence than any of the nations could remember seeing them. It was as if some invisible weight had been lifted from them both.
Especially China; he looked centuries younger.
Spain and Romano looked rather happy, with Romano sitting in Spain's lap, a pout on his slightly swollen lips, but anyone could tell how happy he was to be sitting there.
Taiwan picked up the book.
"I'll start, this time."
She glanced at the next entry, and burst out laughing.
She was laughing so hard, that tears started streaming down her bright red cheeks, and the others started to become concerned over her lack of ability to breathe.
After a few minutes, she managed to gain enough control of herself to hand the book the only Asian nation she knew that could keep himself under control while reading this Hong Kong.
Hong Kong didn't usually show emotion.
He wasn't one to show his feelings easily, but when he read the entry, a wicked smirk spread across his face, as he chuckled a bit.
Of course, this shocked and scared the hell out of many nations particularly the Asian ones.
"It's about you, Kiku." He stated in his regular monotone voice, but those who knew him well could hear the undertone of the laughter he was holding back.
"Don't worry, it's short."
Dear diary,
I'm not kawaii. I'm manly as fuck."
"WHAT, ARU?!" China gasped out between laughter.
In fact, most of the room broke down in uncontrollable laughter.
Who knew Japan could be this forward?
Switzerland smirked while holding back chuckles.
Now if only Japan would speak up like this when around others…
Poor Japan was quite red.
Ah, perhaps I shouldn't have been so bold? But… I never expected anyone to read my entries, so I felt no need to be polite.
After many minutes of laughter and relapses, Hong Kong moved on to the next entry.
"It's America's."
Dear diary,
Sometimes I wonder what Canada would do if I told him he once had a little brother? I wonder what Canada would have thought about him. They seem very similar, sometimes so much so it hurts. I know it's too late, but all I can say now is that I am sorry, Canada, for killing a brother you never knew, and I am sorry Confederacy, for making sure you'd never meet him."
"Alfred…?" Canada asked.
He was afraid.
Sure he understood that if he hadn't done what he did, that Alfred would be the dead one now, but… He'd never known about the Confederate States having a personification.
How hard must it have been for Alfred to kill his own little brother?
And to have lived with the guilt for all these years without telling anybody?
"I'm so sorry, Matthew."
There it was.
Matthew.
Alfred only ever called him by his full name when he was truly in need of something.
And for once, Canada knew exactly what to say.
"I don't blame you, Alfred. It was you or him. I'm glad it wasn't you."
"Really? I know I'm not the best big brother, but…"
"Al, come on, you know I love you. You're my twin! I'll always be there for you when you need it."
"Thanks, Mattie. Best not let Prussia hear you say that, though, He might get jealous." America finished in a whisper and a wink, leaving a very visible, very red Canadian.
"America…" England sighed sadly.
He never wanted Alfred to know of the pain of having to kill another nation.
But for it to be his own brother?
He couldn't imagine having to kill his own brother in the midst of a civil war that young.
His heart went out to his former colony.
The other nations just stared sadly at the American.
Many had fought civil wars before, but none of them had personified.
Just how close had the Confederacy come to winning if it had its own personification?
And then America had had to kill his own brother…
Maybe they didn't give the American enough credit…
Perhaps he was more than he let on?
"Okay~ Next!" America called out, ready to continue, and tired of people staring at him.
"Next is Russia."
Dear Diary,
I want the winter to end and the snow to melt already. I miss feeling the warmth.
"Next one, please…" Russia stated.
He didn't want to be reminded of the long… so long winter raging inside his soul.
The loneliness that would never truly melt away.
He went a little closer to the duo of blondes .
"Next is Switzerland."
"What?!" Said nation cried out in shock.
He was in this?!
But he's neutral!
He should have no part of this!
Dear Diary,
I miss being with Germany, Prussia, and Austria. We are all siblings yet we have almost never seen another since we were kids. I miss them.
Great.
It couldn't have been one of the hundreds of thousands of entries that ranted on and on about how annoying Prussia was, or how stingy Austria was?
It had to be this one.
The one and only entry in his diary that showed his true feelings.
Joy.
So much for remaining neutral.
"Vell, if you missed us zat much, you could've just come to visit." Austria stated as nonchalantly as he could.
In truth, he missed his brothers, too.
When he saw Italy and Romano, or America and Canada, or even Germany and Prussia, he was always reminded of how his brothers are never there for him.
Never around.
Sure, Prussia comes around to annoy him every now and then, but he never just came for a civil visit, or to ask how he was doing, or to just talk.
He wanted those close brotherly bonds, but didn't know how to achieve them.
It would appear, that he wasn't the only one whose thoughts ran this track.
"I might take you up on that…" Switzerland carefully replied.
"The next entry is Prussia's."
"Ze Awesome Me is so Awesome that my Awesomeness is Awesomely shown often! I AM AWESOME!" The room ignored his outburst.
Dear Diary,
I will never tell him this, but sometimes I go to bother Austria just so I can listen to him play the piano.
"That entry wasn't quite so awesome…"
Austria, for one, was pleasantly surprised.
So his brother actually enjoyed hearing him play?
Perhaps he'd invite him over a little more often to hear him, if he agreed not to be too annoying.
He better say that part out loud if he wanted to live.
"My turn to read~" Taiwan snatched the book back from Hong Kong, and started the next entry.
"Ah! It's Hungary~ "
Dear Diary,
Everyone expects me to pick between them. But I can't! No one really understands…"
"Too bad. Prussia is my boyfriend and you can't get any of his awesome dick." Canada said hugging his Prussia.
"Hehe~ Next is America~"
Dear Diary,
I don't understand why my people are still fighting about "gay rights" at every turn of the corner. I would have hoped that they, of all people, would know that there are no "gay" rights or "minority" rights or anything of the sort anymore, just basic human rights. I wonder what they would think if they knew that I, America, have two wonderful boyfriends."
"Ahonhonhonhon~ Alfred~"
"Alfred! You have two boyfriends, when were you going to tell us. You bloody fool." England grew very red.
"Ah, Angleterre~ I believe Alfred would tell us when he is ready. " France stated .
"Next one, please!"
Taiwan quickly complied.
"Alright~ This one's another Romano!"
"FUCK!"
Dear Diary,
I don't know where people get the idea that Spain's a morning person.
If either of us is the morning person, it's me.
Don't look at me like that!
It's true!
I haven't dealt with stupidity yet when I first wake up, so I'm in the best mood I am all day.
Spain on the other hand… well there's a reason "The sun never sets on the Spanish Empire;"
It's afraid to.
When it comes back up, the bastard's out for blood.
Just saying.
"Ah~ Lovi! I always wondered why you liked getting up early~!"
"Shut up, bastard! You'd better not get any ideas…"
Romano gave Spain a sidelong glare, as if daring him to try getting up early and encroaching on his 'me time'.
"Next!" He quickly yelled, not wanting Spain to answer with something overly stupid… Yet.
"Okay~ England's up next~!"
"Bloody hell…"
Dear Diary,
D-Don't go telling anyone! But… the Frog is more of an older brother to me than the others.
"Damnit."
"Angleterre? Is it true? You really zink of me as an older brozer?" France was truly shocked.
He thought England hated/barely tolerated him.
At most, he thought they had a shaky acquaintanceship, or messed-up friendship.
But…
Has he really thought of him as an older brother all this time…?
Scotland, on the other hand was somewhat crushed.
His little brother thought of France of all people, as his older brother?
Perhaps he should've been there more for him, but…
It still hurt.
He wished that England could know that he still loved him as a little brother.
But perhaps he was always destined to be that 'mean older brother', the one that always bullied England.
"Next is… Italy… This one seems sad…"
Sad?
Italy's diary entry was sad?!
What the fuck?!
Was the general thought train of the room.
"What makes you say that? You haven't even read it yet!" South Korea said, trying to lighten the mood.
"Because I always draw pictures to go with each entry." Italy answered softly.
Dear Diary,
The Allies tortured me after WWII. I tried calling for help from the Axis Powers, but they fell and passed out. Nothing helped me out except for the remaining strength I had left to defend myself. It sure was painful.
"YOU VHAT?!" Germany yelled in shock and anger.
Romano echoing him in words and tone, and—shockingly enough.
Japan also jumped to his feet, hand on his katana, ready to draw it.
He looked pissed.
Italy was at a loss for words.
He never told them that he'd been tortured, none of them were in any condition to help him at the time, so he never bothered to tell them after the fact, knowing that they'd just beat themselves up afterwards.
But to know they cared like this… it was nice.
"Please… Don't blame them." Italy stated, drawing attention to himself again.
"It wasn't their faults. It was on their bosses' orders. They couldn't defy them… Can we please move on to the next entry…?" He asked, begging them.
Everyone felt a little tug at their heartstrings.
To see the normally happy Italian so quiet and subdued was just… wrong.
"Wait, it's not finished. " Taiwan said.
But America let me out when he found out . He told me, France had cried his eyes out after the torture as he was forced to do it . The rest of the Allies had refused to do it but was forced by their leaders. I never told anyone as it's may bring up a unpleasant memory for some of the Allies. As I passed the rooms I watched as England try to comfort Big Brother France as he cried. He repeated the words "I hurt him, I don't deserve to be his big brother anymore. He's Italy what did he do to us to deserve this kind of treatment. I know how much France hurt after this incident and that's why I never told anyone about this situation. France and the other Allies were forced why should I get angry from that.
"Can we please move on. " America asked.
With a sad nod, Taiwan flipped the page to the next entry, as Italy pulled Germany and Japan back to their seats, Spain pulled Romano back onto his lap. He also went to France and said:
"You are forgiven, big brother France. I know you didn't want to. "
"Mercí, Italy. "
"Canada's entry is next."
Dear diary,
England offered to take me out to lunch today, and it was a lot of fun! It wasn't political or anything, and he didn't call me "America" once! I wish things could be like this more.
"Ah~! I remember that day!" England said, quite glad to have been mentioned in a good light, for once.
"Mmm" Canada hummed, also remembering the happy day.
"Prussia. "
Dear Diary,
Today was awesome, but I caught myself speaking Old Prussian. I thought I had forgotten about that time. I wonder if Latvia or Lithuania forgot I was their brother? The time before Germania adopted me is blurry.
"Vait, you vere adopted?!" Germany shouted out in surprise.
"Ja, Ja." Prussia waved it off, not wanting to think about the sadder times in his life.
"You were a Baltic state?!" Someone else shouted out in shock, but Prussia was concentrating on the expressions of Latvia, Estonia, and Lithuania—his three brothers.
Lithuania couldn't really remember Prussia from his childhood, but he did recall another brother.
The memories were blurry at best, but he knew he was there.
Latvia was in a similar situation to Lithuania. Estonia was just shocked that he was related to the boisterous Prussian.
"I think… I remember you…?" Lithuania stated.
"Yea, I remember an older brother, but I can't recall what he looked like or sounded like… It was so long ago… I just know he made me feel safe." Latvia stated, rambling as usual off the top of his head.
"Danke." Prussia stated with a small smile.
It was nice to know he wasn't completely forgotten.
Truth be told, he remembered a bit more of his time before Germania since then, but that didn't matter now.
He wasn't even a nation anymore, so why bother to remember the past?
Especially when he would soon…
He shook his head rapidly.
No!
He wouldn't think about that!
He was here, now, damnit!
And he'd live in the present!
What ifs are Unawesome!
"Last one for me." Taiwan said, obviously tired from speaking over people.
"It's another Italy entry."
Dear diary,
I finally realized my purpose in life. I am the comic relief for everyone. I make them smile and laugh when they're upset. I don't mind being a punching bag. As long as the others are happy, I'm happy too… Right?
"Fucking idiot!" Romano yelled at him, disturbed that his fratellino would be okay with being someone's punching bag, or simply believe that his only purpose in life was to be the comic relief.
That kind of thinking could easily tip over to questions like
"What's my purpose in living?"
"Why do I stay here when there's no place for me?".
He didn't want a suicidal Veneziano again, thank you very much.
He'd dealt with that once before.
It wasn't fun.
"Ve?"
"Italien…" Germany started, also rather disturbed by the entry.
"You are more zan just ze comic relief. You brighten everyone's day, und help out vhenever someone needs you. You're a fantastic chef, und a vonderful friend." Germany was rather red by the end of his mini-speech.
"Hai. Itary-kun, you are one of my closest friends. I very much dislike seeing you so sad…" Japan stated, wanting to help Italy see that he was much more than simple 'comic relief" and the love of his life.
Italy just nodded his head with them, not really believing their words, but instead just trying to satisfy everyone.
Romano gave him a knowing glare, telling him that he knew exactly what Italy was doing, and vowed to himself to make sure to get the message through his fratellino's thick skull.
China took the book from Taiwan with a smile.
"My turn, aru~! Oh! My entry is up first. "
Dear diary,
I have enough Chinatowns to take over the world, I'm just waiting for my panda army."
"AH HA!" America shouted, jumping to his feet, startling the nearby nations.
"I KNEW IT! You're using your Chinatowns to take over the world! I KNEW IT!"
Laughter spread throughout the room.
America didn't actually mean what he was saying, but he thought that the room needed a laugh.
As usual, it was at his expense.
He really hated to be the center of attention all the time, though, but he'd rather make himself out to be the dunce and scapegoat for the world than someone else.
He understood Italy's entry well…
"Ah, another Romano one."
"Someone fucking shoot me."
Dear Diary,
I'm not as angry and sullen as everyone thinks. I act that way to draw attention to myself, because it's the only way I can get noticed when Veneziano's around.
"Ve?! Do you really think that, fratello?"
"Fucking diary. I'll burn you when I get home…"
"Roma?"
"Fine! Yes, I think that, okay?! Happy, now?!"
"No. But it's just another thing we need to work on together, si?" Spain asked, holding Romano a little closer to him.
"Si."
"Okay, aru~! Another Prussia entry. This one's short."
Dear Diary,
I'm not afraid of dying or fading away. All I'm afraid of is being forgotten. At least Birdie will remember me.
"Bruder…" Germany sighed, pinching his nose.
"Not awesome."
"Mon Cher, we will never forget you, oui? It's a promise~!" France declared.
"Si! I, too, promise to never forget you, okay? Besides, it's not like you're going anywhere!" Spain stated cheerily.
Prussia nodded his head with a large grin on his face.
He barely held back a wince at Spain's last sentence.
What would they say if they knew…?
"This one's Opium, aru~!"
"Who?" Someone asked.
"I'm Cana—oh… you weren't talking to me…" Canada said, embarrassed.
The nations stared.
Did he always respond like this when someone asked 'who'?
If so, then they had a lot of work ahead of them to get his confidence back up… And to get them to stop forgetting him.
"He means England!" France stated, knowing full well how much England disliked being called Opium.
"Oh."
Dear Diary,
Today I found out that I have a different father from my brothers. Germania is my father. I don't know what to do! If I tell my brothers they would surely hate me… I can't tell them EVER!
"WHAT?!" England's brothers shouted in shock, alongside the Germanic nations.
"Bloody Hell…" England muttered, sinking down into his seat.
This is why he didn't want anyone to know!
The Germanic nations would feel obligated to spend time with him or something, and his brothers would surelyhate him… well, hate him more…
"Do you really think we'd hate you over something like that?! You're our brother! Period! It doesn't matter who your father was!" Scotland yelled out, frustrated at his brother's thoughts.
"Ja. Und I always wondered why you looked so similar to me und the other Germanic nations. Now we know." Germany stated.
"Kesesese! Vati was busy, wasn't he?" Prussia commented, snickering like a middle school kid.
"You… don't hate me…?" England blinked at his brothers.
"No… We could never hate you. Not over something like this. You're our brother. Theirs too, apparently, but ours first. We just have a bit of an extended messed-up family, that's all!" Northern Ireland said with a grin.
"But…" England was cut off again by Prussia.
"Ja! Welcome to the family of Awesome! You are privileged to be related to the Awesomeness that is the Awesome Prussia!"
"Y-you don't have to spend time with me. Just because we're related doesn't mean you're obligated to… I don't want your pity or guilt or anything of the sort!" England demanded.
"Vas?! Why would we pity you?! You're related to the AWESOME PRUSSIA!" Prussia said, pointing to himself.
"Ja, ja. Und more importantly, you are family. We have no obligations to spend time with you, we want to get to know you as a bruder rather than just another nation." Germany said.
"Well… Umm… Right. Let's continue, shall we?" England asked, quite flustered and embarrassed.
"Okay, aru. Another Romano."
"Fuck. My. Life."
"Ve~ Romano, don't think that way~ I love reading your diary entries! It just makes me feel prouder of my Fratello~"
Romano shifted uncomfortably on Spain's lap.
Did he really hear that right?
Was Veneziano really… proud of him?
Nah, couldn't be.
What was there to be proud of?
Especially with all his fucking insecurities being read aloud.
He felt like every other entry was his, damnit!
Dear diary,
All I want is for Veneziano to be proud of his big brother.
Italy opened his eyes again, staring straight at his fratello.
With calm, purposeful steps, he stood before his older brother and placed a loving hand on top of his head.
"Romano."
Jungle green eyes—darker than a forest, but deeper than a gem—met molten gold.
"I'm proud of you. I've always looked up to you, fratello."
He would've accused him of lying, if he hadn't been staring into his eyes.
He could tell—Veneziano was telling the truth.
His ability didn't detect a lie.
He'd know if he was being lied to…
But what was there for him to be proud of?
To look up to?
He didn't get it!
He wasn't sure if he ever would… but he had Spain—as a boyfriend, nonetheless—and his beloved fratellino was proud of him.
Perhaps these diary entries really aren't such a bad thing…
After Italy returned to his seat, China continued.
"Another Italy one."
Dear diary,
Today we all played monopoly together. It was really fun! But I think America and China took it a little too seriously.
The room burst out in much needed laughter and chuckling.
A few snickers could be heard here and there, too.
America and China met in a stare-down across the table.
A few people laid down some bets on who would win.
Italy and Romano bet immediately on America, as did Canada.
It was almost as if they knew who'd win.
After a few minutes, China blinked.
The Asian nations stared. Nobody had beaten China in a stare-down before.
"You got nothin' on my stare-down opponents back home." America smirked.
"Bloody American. Use proper English. Butchering the Queen's language…" England murmured to himself.
After everyone calmed down and the money was exchanged, China moved on to the next entry, the smiles in the room still playing on the lips of their owners.
"Another Italy, aru."
Dear diary,
Today I played with a piece of paper, then I wrote my wish… and I turned it into a plane so it can fly above and reach GOD, and he'll finally grant it.
Italy's smile had slipped off his face from the first few words.
He recognized this passage.
His wish was never granted.
Then again, it was a foolish hope…
The dead can't come back to life, after all.
But is one day simply too much to ask?
A foolish hope…
One that he still clung onto with all his being.
"Italien?" Germany looked at his friend concerned.
He could see that the Italian was deeply troubled by this simple passage.
But why?
What wish had he made that was so important?
Japan was also concerned for Italy.
The little Italian's aura had changed so drastically during the first few words of the entry, that Japan nearly got whiplash when he turned his head to stare in shock at his friend.
His aura was so… pained.
So deeply sad and depressed.
It was such a 180 from his usual personality, that it scared the Japanese man to the core.
"I'm fine, Germany. Can we continue?" Italy asked in a small voice.
Nobody missed the undertone of sorrow, but only Romano, France, Prussia, Hungary, and Austria knew why it was there… And what this wish of his pertained to.
No one had the heart to argue with the little Italian, despite the blatant lie, so China moved on to the next entry.
"Norway, yours is next."
Dear diary,
Iceland forgot Puffin at my home today… The thing just keeps looking at me. I don't know what to do with it… Help...
Iceland chuckled quietly as the rest of the room laughed at Norway's expense.
"All you had to do was feed him." Iceland finally stated through his chuckles.
"Thanks. I'll remember that when you leave him at my place again. The thing bit my finger, too." He grumbled, causing the chuckling to increase.
"Another Canada, aru!"
Dear Diary,
Today so many people ignored me. So I went out crying… But when I went to a place to go cry alone… Arthur was there to help me not cry. It was the first time in ages since he's noticed me. I wish he could notice me from now on. "
"Thanks for that, Arthur." Canada said happily to England.
England simply smiled slightly.
"Sorry about that 'old chap. I shouldn't have been ignoring you for such a long time. Forgive me?"
Canada nodded his head.
He'd forgive England… England made an effort to remember him, even when it was obviously hard for him.
America never forgot him in the first place.
Some might think it's rude of him to pretend to forget him and call him a ghost during meetings and stuff, but the truth is that it's just his way of trying to get others to notice Canada's presence.
He really is a good brother—they're really not sure which is older, but based of maturity, they'd guess Canada, but America was always the one taking care of him, and looking out for him, so between the two of them, they agreed that America was the older.
America's favorite Disney movie is Pocahontas because she reminds him so much of Native America.
"It's true." Alfred stated with a melancholy smile, matching Canada's perfectly.
"She and my mother could've been long-lost sisters or something."
"What's next?" Canada asked suddenly, startling the room, as he was actually becoming more noticeable.
"Prussia's next, aru. Then someone else is reading, aru! "
Dear diary,
There are rumors that the Allies will dissolve Germany. I won't let them kill my brother, even if I must die…
Nobody knew quite how to respond to that.
Germany gave his brother a hard look.
He didn't want his bruder to die. He didn't, thank Gott, but he came so close… Too close…
Prussia gingerly took the book from China and continued on.
"France is next."
Dear diary,
I still can't forgive myself for what happened to Jeanne, I try and hide my pain with a smile, but it's still there. Everyone thinks I hate and blame England for her death, but… I could never bring myself to hate him…. I only hate myself."
"Bloody Frog…" England muttered to himself.
He knew France better than anyone else; they did spend 99% of the time fighting, so they got to know each other quite well.
He'd always had the feeling that France was blaming himself for Jeanne…
In all honesty, England wanted nothing more than to punch France in the balls for being such an absolute idiot.
France shouldn't blame himself for it!
He should blame him!
He's the one who's really at fault here, not France!
The entry only served to make England feel guiltier, and he promised himself that he'd talk to France about this in depth next break.
"Russia's next. "
Dear diary,
Today, I got lost outside in the woods. I tried to call out for somebody, but then I remembered… There is no one. I was out there all alone; always alone.
Will it be like this forever?"
"No, aru." China stated, as he snuggled closer to his new son.
Russia let a gentle smile cross his face, as he held his mother closer to him .
"Ah! Ita~ "
Dear Diary,
Why does everyone think I'm stupid? I'm an artist and artists need to see and know a lot. Just because I'm always smiling and trying to be happy doesn't make me an idiot.
Again, Italy's face was dusted a light pink with embarrassment, but perhaps there was a bit of frustration in there too.
Feeling that this issue was already covered in earlier discussions, however, Italy simply gestured for the reading to continue.
"The next one is England. It reads,"
Dear Diary,
I know it's selfish of me, but the reason I don't recognize Sealand as his own country is because I want to keep him with me as long as possible before he tries to become independent like America did.
"That's why…?" Sealand asked himself quietly.
England didn't recognize him as a country… because he didn't want him to leave? To grow up?
"When did you get in here?!" England cried out in surprise, pointing at Sealand.
The nations jumped.
When had he arrived?
"I've been here the whole time." He stated with a shrug.
England sighed.
He didn't want his insecurities shoved out there for the world to see, but…
Maybe now, Sealand wouldn't hate him as much.
Perhaps they could finally bond as brothers?
Or even father and son?
"Oh, it's another one of those non-diary entries. It seems to be about Italy…? There's two. I'll read the shorter one first. "
He's so weak because losing HRE took all the strength he had left…"
Italy shrunk in his seat a bit.
Why had it brought up Holy Rome?
Why?!
He didn't need to be reminded of his failure…
It was all his fault, anyways.
He should've gone with him!
Done something!
He hated being so weak… So helpless…
"I'll read the other one now…" Prussia said, hoping to get the hard stuff out of the way before anyone started trying to talk to Italy about it, ignoring the mutterings of
"What/who is HRE?"
Surprisingly enough, most nations didn't make the connection between HRE and Holy Roman Empire.
"It's a long one."
Feliciano loves to be around so many people at once since it makes him feel secure and loved. Although he won't admit it, he has a severe case of monophobia along with his older brother, Lovino. He has to be happy. He needs to be happy. Or he'll just break down and scream out all of the buried emotions he's kept bottled up for centuries.
"When he was younger, Feli felt as if his heart was going to burst from everything he was losing. Grandpa Rome had disappeared. He was separated from his fratello. Holy Roman Empire, his first love, had kissed him and just left without ever coming back.
"Feliciano stayed up all night for years in hopes that HRE would step through that front door, a smile on his face, and say, "I'm home, Italy.""
By the end of it, Italy was silently bawling his eyes out, curled up in a tight little ball in his chair, and shaking hard.
Nobody quite knew what to think.
How long had Italy been holding in all this pain?
This burden?
Severe monophobia (fear of being alone)?
Losing the people closest to him in rapid succession?
Romano shut his eyes, trying to keep in the tears, as he leaned into Antonio.
Losing Grandpa Rome hurt him, too, but not like it did Veneziano.
Those two were close, not to say that Romano and his Grandfather weren't close as well.
In fact, while Grandpa Rome taught Italy how to paint and do art, he'd also taught Romano how to fight, plan battle strategies, and other such things.
He'd trained them each, so that together, they could run a perfect nation.
But then he just… died.
No warning, no goodbyes, he just fucking died.
Then Romano and Veneziano were separated.
At a time when they needed each other the most, they were torn apart.
Romano would never admit it, but he'd cried for days.
Then, to top the cake, his brother fell in love, and his love fucking died.
Italy was only aware of the pain.
He was alone…
So alone, in a dark, dark, pit of sorrow.
He was so scared…
Everything hurt.
His heart hurt the most.
He was so cold…
Then, there was warmth around him, enveloping him in peace and comfort.
He pushed himself as close to the warmth as he could.
It was only then, that he realized that he was clinging tightly to Germany, as the German man awkwardly ran his fingers through Feli's hair, carefully avoiding the curl.
Japan, too, had a hand placed on his shoulder, in his own show of comfort. Italy sniffled, opening his eyes to look at his friends, tears still refusing to stop.
"Feliciano… We're here for you. Always. You don't need to keep all of this bottled up, Ja? It's bad for you." Germany stated in a soft, caring, comforting voice.
"Hai, Itary-kun." Japan squeezed his shoulder lightly.
"We're only a phone-call away whenever you need us."
"G-grazie…"
After a few minutes of awkward silence broken only by the sniffles of the distraught Italian, Prussia finally said something.
"The next one is better." He said,
"It's America's."
Dear Diary, I'm gonna find Nemo. I'm gonna do it. And I'm gonna kill that bastard barracuda that killed almost his entire family. I'm gonna do it.
A few snickers sounded throughout the room, but the one relieving sound that stood out was Italy's giggles.
"Did you ever find it?" He asked in a slightly teasing manner, eyes puffy and red, and still a bit watery, but the slight smile on his face made the entire room relax.
He was sitting near Germany, with Japan sitting between the two of them and China who was sitting with Russia on his other side with Denmark and America next to him.
"No! I searched everywhere! I even went to that address on the goggles, but, get this, there wasn't even a dentist there! I was so shocked!" America said, ranting about how they must've relocated and stuff.
People were rolling their eyes, but America didn't care.
He knew he sounded like an idiot now, but he was making Italy smile again, and that was his goal.
In truth, he'd only written that entry as a joke, before he'd gone scuba-diving for fun with Hawaii, California, and Florida.
A bit of bonding with some of his favorite coastal states.
What?
Sure, he's a bit immature, but he's quite the responsible father.
He had to be, to raise 50 kids!
Most from infancy!
Now, that was hard! At least the nations only had to raise their siblings/kids/whatever they were from toddlerhood.
"Someone else read! My Awesome voice is getting awesomely tired!" Prussia complained.
"I'll read! Please?" Sealand asked, looking at England with puppy-dog eyes.
"I don't see why not?" England said with a smile.
He smiled wider when Sealand jumped for joy, and grabbed the book.
"Okay! Romano's next again!"
A loud bang sounded, startling a few nations, but when they looked over, they saw that Romano had, indeed, let his head fall face-first onto the table. He let out a long groan.
"Why me?"
Dear Diary,
it doesn't matter how much you argue, something becomes true if everybody believes it. What can you do if they have told you the same thing all your life? Everybody always says "You're a coward", "You're unfriendly". There comes a time when you start to believe it. When no one disagrees, you end up thinking they're right. When nobody supports you… What am I saying? They do have reason! I'm an unfriendly coward, right? Everybody can tell.
Many guilty faces showed in the room.
"Fratello…" Italy's broken voice sounded.
Romano looked into the golden orbs of his twin.
"You may be a bit harsh and brash at times, but you're not unfriendly. Nor are you a coward. You just prefer not to fight if you don't have to. I've seen you angry. I've seen you fight when you have something to fight for. You are brave, fratello." Romano wasn't quite sure how to respond to that, so he mumbled a quick, but meaningful thanks into Spain's chest, before asking Sealand to continue.
"It's Prussia's "
Dear Diary,
Today I found myself an awesome new bruder! I'll deny it if anyone else asks, but I'm kind of scared. I've never been very good with people, much less taking care of them. I'm worried he'll end up hating me too one day. Ha! Right, no one could hate the Awesome Prussia! Yea….
Prussia sat; blank faced, and made a motion for Sealand to continue.
"Next!"
Germany eyed Prussia with suspicion. He'd ask him about his strange behavior later… when prying ears weren't around.
"Okay~ Next is Jer—I mean, Papa England!"
"Papa…?" England repeated in disbelief.
He was a father figure to someone?
He felt a little faint.
Was this good or bad?
He didn't know.
He almost missed Sealand reading the entry.
Dear Diary,
Even though Norway never really shows me how he feels I know he's as happy as I am to find someone who he can share his creatures with without being ridiculed. He's the only person I've found who really gets that part of me, and I hope that I'm that person for him, too…
Norway looked at England and gave a small, stiff nod. England smiled in thanks, and motioned for Sealand to continue.
"Next is Japan!"
Dear Diary,
Yesterday I was confined to my bed, still too weak from illness to move, but today I must train. If I ever am to become a stronger country, I cannot stay in bed a moment longer. I am small, and the bombs took much out of me, but this is why I must work harder. I do not want to get behind the others.
"Kiku…" China looked very sad.
His brother had a bad habit of not waiting until his body was fully recovered before training or going back into battle.
Yao was so scared that it might one day become his fatal flaw… his last mistake…
Japan made a motion for Sealand to go on, to continue reading.
He wasn't embarrassed or ashamed in the least by that last entry. He was proud that he was able to get back to his feet and continue training. It was one of the reasons he became so strong, so fast.
"Italy's next…" Sealand said uncertainly.
He looked to Italy for permission, and received a nod. He hesitated a moment, before looking at the next few entries as well.
"The next 3 are Italy's…"
Italy sighed, but nodded for Sealand to go ahead. After all, there wasn't anything he could do… they had to read the entries.
He held on to Germany a little tighter.
Dear Diary,
I know that some people think I'm too touchy, but I need touch… It reminds me that I'm not alone.
Sealand turned the page, moving on to the next entry.
The picture that was drawn with it was sad… a small boy, obviously a young Italy, with his right hand outstretched half-heartedly, as if reaching for something that was already gone.
Dear Diary,
Now that Holy Rome is gone I regret so much… there are so many things that I'll never get to say that I never even thought to before now. I vow from here on out, I will tell those around me that I love them every day! Then, when the days comes that I have to lose them, too, they'll know.
Nobody had the heart to say anything. Italy looked so melancholy, clinging to Germany like a lifeline.
Sealand moved on to the third one.
Dear Diary,
I know Germany gets annoyed sometimes that I don't leave his side… I've tried to lately… but it tears me up. He doesn't understand why I'm so upset, but how can I explain that after losing Holy Rome, I can't stand to not be at his side in case I lose him too… It would be all my fault, just like last time… Because I wasn't there… Why wasn't I there?
"It's not your fault." Prussia spoke up, surprising the room.
Italy didn't seem to react, though he tightened his grip on Germany slightly.
"Italy. It vasn't your fault." Austria tried, with Hungary chiming in as well.
"Damn fucking idiota! Did you stab him?" Romano asked harshly. Italy flinched, but shook his head 'no'.
"Did you force him to leave?" Again, Italy shook his head.
"Did you ask him to stay?" He hesitated before nodding his head slightly.
"Then you did everything you could. It wasn't your fault, damnit! And if you keep blaming yourself, then I'll really give you something to be sorry about! Chigi! Just fucking forgive yourself, already, Veneziano! It's not your fault!" He stressed the last three words and pushed as much emotion and truth in them as he could.
He didn't care what the others thought, his brother needed to know this, and know it now, Damnit!
Italy froze at the last sentence of his brother.
It… wasn't his fault…?
But!
If he had done something!
Surely there was something he could've done!
It was his fault… wasn't it…?
He just stood there and waved him off like an idiot!
He had that feeling!
His instincts were never wrong!
He knew that he wouldn't see Holy Rome again!
And he still… he still let him walk away…
He ignored his instincts, his entire being screaming at him to run after him!
To not let him leave!
But…
He did try to get Holy Rome to stay…
Romano's right, he didtry.
But surely there must've been something else he could've done!
But…
Romano felt somewhat satisfied that his idiota fratellino was seriously thinking about what he'd said.
It was a start, at least…
He nodded for Sealand to continue, knowing that Veneziano would be lost in his thoughts for a little while.
"It's Prussia again."
Dear Diary,
The locals set me on fire again… But this time, they tied me up so I couldn't move. My whole body is sore, and my hair is shorter… After they realized I could not die from fire, they threw me into the water…. I cannot swim… But I also cannot drown… I was just there struggling for hours… Until Vati came… He looked so angry… And called me stupid… All this is happening because of my eye color… Why did God curse me? What had I done?
"Bruder…?" Germany was shocked.
Prussia never talked about his own childhood, claiming that it was before he was awesome, and that's all he needed to know.
He'd also always spoken so highly of Vati…
How could such a 'great' man have left a child—nation or not—struggling in the water for hours, and then have the gall to call them stupid and be angry with them for being burned at the stake?!
What kind of Vati would do something like that?!
Germany was done with being shocked; he was fucking pissed.
He wanted nothing more than to punch Vati in the face.
Or the balls.
Yes, he was willing to go below the belt for his big bruder.
Hungary was also shocked.
She'd never known about Prussia's past…
He'd always claimed that he was too "awesome" to talk about something as 'unawesome' as his past.
She'd always known that he'd been bullied for his albino hair color and red eyes—she'd seen it herself, when they were kids—but she'd never thought that the people would go so far as to believe him to be working with the devil… to burn him… to drown him… it was a terrible thing to be unable to die… to feel the agonizing touch of the flames, and be burned, but not be able to die.
She had burned herself accidentally while cooking many times.
It would scar, but go away with time.
To be burned at the stake, though?
How long had it taken for Prussia's scars to fade away?
For his hair to grow back?
When she'd first met him, he'd had no scars that indicated burnings.
Did they stop trying?
Did they eventually learn that he couldn't be killed?
How long had this gone on?
Had it been going on after she'd met him?
Oh Prussia…
Austria was saddened.
Whether he liked it or not, Prussia was his brother.
He cared greatly for family, even if he didn't always show it.
He'd never known about Prussia's being burned at the stake, or being drowned.
Had they tried other methods?
How much torture had he had to endure?
Perhaps it broke something in his mind, and that's why he so annoying?
It would explain a few things…
Perhaps he'd be a little more tolerable of his… antics from now on…
Prussia looked down, unable to look anyone in the eye.
It wasn't a time that he liked to reflect on.
His Vati was not touchy-feely.
He was more of a hands-off kind of dad, preferring to let Prussia stumble around and figure things out himself, but when Prussia would "let people walk all over him" as his Vati put it, he'd be angry.
When he'd cry or feel sorry for himself, he'd be disappointed in him. Prussia wasn't sure which was worse, the anger or the disappointment.
That particular time it was both.
He'd felt horrible.
It was soon after that, that Prussia decided to mask his pain and tears with laughter and a large ego.
He'd proclaim himself to be "Awesome" and Vati wouldn't know he was feeling sorry for himself, or that he wanted to cry.
That he was anything but awesome.
He learned how to fight back, too.
He'd always hated hurting people, especially his own people, no matter how big of an asshole they were.
But it was that, or his Vati would be mad at him again.
He quickly learned how to fight back. Needless to say, his people skills weren't the best.
He quickly fell into the habit—even in private—of being an overly annoying, egotistical, insensitive jerk who believed himself to be king of the "Awesome" world.
It terrified him deep inside, that he no longer remembered how to take down the mask.
Hell, he couldn't even identify the mask anymore.
It had become a part of him.
He had become the mask.
Then he'd met Hungary.
She helped him mellow it down a bit, and stop being such a jerk.
But he never was able to remove his mask again…
Perhaps now, he could start learning how to truly be himself once more…
If his true self was still alive in there somewhere… buried beneath the mask…
"I think it's time for a break." Germany said.
Murmurs of agreement sounded as people broke off into groups to talk about personal things.
Romano nabbed Italy to have a private chat in their room.
Perhaps some lunch was in order, too? Germany looked at the clock, seeing that it was nearly 1 PM.
"Lunch break as well. Meet back in 2 hours!" He said.
"Dismissed!"
"Prussia. "
A small voice said.
Gilbert turned around to see Matthew looking at him. Matthew gave him a quick peck before going to get lunch for the both of them.