It was almost 2am when you left the library, creeping through the deserted castle to your bedroom. You should have been asleep hours ago, but you were so absorbed in the book you had been reading that you lost track of time. At least now, you didn't have to wait until tomorrow to find out how it ended.
The small candle in your hand was your only source of light in the dark halls, until you came across a door that had a faint yellow glow emitting from underneath. You frowned when you realized that the office belonged to your boyfriend, Levi, meaning that he hadn't gone to sleep yet either.
Normally, you wouldn't have thought twice about it. Levi had a habit of only sleeping about two hours per day. However, you knew that he hadn't slept at all for several days in a row, and it had you worried. Levi claimed that he was too busy to sleep, (and indeed, he seemed to always be occupied with training or paperwork), but even he couldn't go on like this forever. With each passing day, you noticed the growing tension in his muscles, the darker circles under his eyes. He needed to rest.
You knocked on the door. "Levi?" you called softly, trying not to wake anyone up in the surrounding rooms. "It's me."
"Come in," he replied.
You slipped quietly through the door and clicked it shut behind you. Levi was sitting at his desk, a stack of paperwork in front of him. He was scribbling intently on one of the pages. Without looking up, he stated, "You're up late."
You raised your eyebrows. "So are you. Aren't you tired?" A hint of concern crept into your voice.
"No."
You scoffed at the lie. Even from across the room, you could see how exhausted he was. "You should get some rest."
"I have to finish this," Levi mumbled, sounding slightly irritated.
"It can wait, Levi." Your voice was almost pleading now. "You haven't slept in days."
Levi didn't respond and continued furiously writing notes on the page. Apparently, he had decided to ignore you until you gave up.
You stared at Levi for a moment before an idea popped into your head. You walked over next to him and leaned on the desk, assessing his hunched form. His shoulders were visibly tense beneath his jacket. His right hand held the pen in a death-grip, while his left was clenched in a fist on the desk.
You gingerly took his left hand in both of yours and lifted it from the desk. One by one, you uncurled his fingers. Cradling his hand in one of your own, you used the other to push back his sleeve. Then, gently but firmly, you began massaging his hand and forearm.
The sound of scribbling stopped.
Levi laid his pen down, though he still wasn't looking at you. After a few moments, you felt his left limb slowly start to relax under your touch. Once the tension was gone, you set it down on the arm of the chair. Then you reached for his right hand and gave it the same treatment.
Levi closed his eyes, his senses narrowing on your fingers as they worked the tightness from his muscles.
When you were finished, you climbed into the chair, straddling him. You tilted his head back and started running your fingers through his hair. You could see the change as the stiffness melted from his body. He groaned softly, savoring the relief you gave him.
You gradually came to a stop, lightly tugging on the ends of his hair. "Are you ready to go to sleep now?" you whispered.
Immediately, you felt some of his tension return. His eyes flew open, and you could see the exhaustion in them. "No."
You sighed. "Levi, you have – "
You cut off abruptly when he leaned his forehead on your shoulder, hiding his face. "I can't, (f/n)," he hissed into your shirt.
Your brow furrowed in concern as understanding flowed through you. You wrapped your arms around him, lightly stroking the back of his head. "Is it the nightmares?" you asked softly.
Levi was silent for a long time. Then, "Sometimes...I can smell them...their intestines, and the bodies...all the blood..." His voice was quavering. You had never heard Levi sound so shaken. You held him tighter as he continued, "Sometimes, I'm falling, but always...I can't save anyone. I can't...save you."
Oh. You paused, momentarily shocked by his revelation. You knew he cared about you, of course. You were dating, after all. But for him to dream about you like that...
You opened your mouth to reassure him, but stopped when he suddenly gripped your arms. His voice was barely a whisper as he hissed through his teeth, "I lose you every time I close my eyes, (f/n). And I. Can't. Take. It."
Levi's whole body was shaking now. You loosed a breath and resumed petting his head. "You didn't lose me, Levi," you said softly. "I'm right here."
"But for how long? There are always more expeditions, and..." He stopped, unable to speak the rest out loud. It was the harsh reality all Scouts faced. No matter how skilled or smart or careful you were, anyone could die at any time. "Everyone that's important to me...I always lose them, in the end. I can't lose you too, (f/n)," he rasped, barely getting the words out. "I can't."
Seeing him hurt like this made your chest ache. You would have given anything to take his fear and pain away. After gazing down at him for a moment, you finally whispered, "Then I'll never leave you, Levi. I promise."
He pulled back to look at you, his eyes misty. "You can't..." he trailed off, caught between knowing the grim reality and desperately wanting to believe you.
You leaned in, pressing a loving kiss to his lips. Your eyes met his, and you stated, "I don't care. I'll live for you, Levi, no matter what it takes. I will."
His bottom lip quivered. Then, with such intensity that it almost knocked you out of the chair, he wrapped you in a tight hug, once again burying his face in your shoulder. You stroked his back in a soothing motion, feeling his body shudder with uneven breaths as his tears seeped into your shirt.
You sat with Levi for as long as he needed, occasionally pressing kisses to the top of his head.
When he had calmed down, he pulled away from you, averting his eyes. "I'm sorry," he croaked, his voice hoarse from crying.
"You have nothing to be sorry for," you assured him, brushing his bangs out of his face. "It scares me too, Levi. It scares us all. But I'm here for you – whatever you need."
He glanced up at you. For a split second, his lips curved into a small, grateful smile. Then he looked away again as he murmured, "You probably already figured this out, but...I love you." He hesitantly met your eyes, as if he were worried about how he would be received.
Amused by his shyness, you smiled, letting him know that it was okay. "I love you too, Levi," you replied, and you lightly kissed his forehead.
You gazed at each other, savoring the moment. Levi was smiling softly back at you, but you could still see the exhaustion underneath.
"Come on," you murmured, climbing off the chair. "Time for you to go to sleep."
Levi looked up at you, apprehension crossing his features, until you added, "Don't worry. I'll stay."
You held out a hand, which he took, allowing you to lead him into the bedroom. Once inside, you released him and walked over to his dresser, pulling out a set of nightclothes that he rarely used. (He usually remained in his uniform while catching a few hours of sleep in a chair.)
As you handed them to Levi, he asked, "What will you wear?"
You looked down at your shirt and pants. "Well this, I suppose..."
"Tch. You're not getting in my bed with those," he said flatly. "You've been wearing them all day and they're dirty."
You rolled your eyes, mildly amused. Of course, even when he was dead tired, Levi was still a clean freak. You opened your mouth to ask whether he expected you to sleep in your underwear when he added, "You can borrow some of my clothes."
You hesitated for a second before returning to his dresser and pulling out another set of nightclothes. You slipped them on, enjoying how soft they felt against your skin. When you inhaled, you were met with the familiar scent of whatever Levi used to clean his clothes. It made you feel safe, and loved, as if you were wrapped in his arms. Pleased, you briefly considered asking to borrow Levi's clothes more often.
You padded over to the bed and slipped under the covers with Levi. You wrapped your arms around each other, legs getting tangled as you pressed in close. Levi rested his head against your chest, listening to your heartbeat.
"I'm here," you reminded him.
It wasn't long before Levi's breathing slowed and you felt him relax completely. Satisfied that he was finally asleep, you allowed yourself to drift off and join him in a peaceful slumber.
Nestled in your arms, Levi slept until sunrise without a single nightmare.