The songs I add before a chapter hint to the feelings and messages that will rise within it. It gives my characters a real voice. It brings them to life. All songs will be provided! :) And the playlist is on spotify!
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S O N G F O R C H A P T E R : "Don't Know Who I Am"
B Y : Rebecca Roubion ᐧ Sleepless Nights
"I don't know who I am at all"
I wake up with a groan and rub my face. They drugged me. Those ass wholes! Luckily, I'm still in the same room that I was previously. But how long was I out for? It feels as though I've slept for years. I see that the IV is back in my hand, and I quickly rip it out with a sharp wince.
The conversation that led to this still has me shocked. 12 years, 12 whole years on my own. Over half my life. I feel a rogue tear fall and hastily wipe it away. Oh, pity me, right? No. I survived, I'm still surviving, and I'm fine... once I leave this place in my dust.
I look out the large window that is along the wall. The forest is right there, freedom so close, yet so far. I wiggle my toes to test the movement. Once I'm satisfied that they are still there, I remove the blanket from the bed and swing my legs over to the side of the bed so that I am sitting on the edge. Standing up, I walk over to the window so I can get a better picture in my mind for my escape. There is no way I can stay here.
Lit sidewalks litter the grass, leading to the different buildings, I'll have to steer clear of those. It shouldn't be too hard. I'll also have to find if and where they have patrols. That will be my biggest obstacle. I jump when I hear a knock at the door. It's Dr. Hagen. I take a step back, but he doesn't make any move to come closer to me.
"Ember, I came to apologize. I didn't want to do that...-" He keeps talking, but it becomes foggy.
'I didn't want to do that! You made me do it. You brought this upon yourself.' My father's voice ricochets within my mind. I clench my fists until I feel the sting. I take a deep breath and focus on what's in front of me.
"Ember? Are you all right?" Dr. Hagen asks. I nod and he continues talking. "You've been out for about a day and a half." I nod and shift on my feet. "You have to understand, It was in your best interest. We had to restitch your wounds while you were under. We have breakfast down the hallway. You're welcome to come, or I can have someone bring you something. The decision is yours." I look out the window then back at him with a glare.
"Not hungry." Lie.
"It would be beneficial for you to eat some-" I cut him off and risk-taking a step forward.
"Right, Just like everything else that has happened. Bringing me here, drugging me, saying I can go... but wait, I actually can't. But oh no! It's all in my best interest, which makes it okay. Do you know what the funny thing is? No one has asked me what I think is my idea of my best interest." I take a deep breath but hold my glare. This is the most I have spoken here, but I'm sick of them acting like they are good fucking samaritans.
"So I guess I'll just repeat myself. I'd. Like. To. Leave." I hold my stare as he looks down with a sigh.
"It's not my decision to make." I scoff.
"Then tell me who it is, and bring them here." He says nothing in response but instead just merely nods and leaves the room. I pull at my hair going half-mad in this room. It's hours later when Reagan peeks her head in.
"Hi again, I know the only thing on your mind right now is leaving. It's not fair for you, us keeping you here... You can go Ember." My brows crease in confusion. The decision was up to Reagan? I did not see that one coming. "Right now, we're towards the East Shore. We found you up North. It's the best sense of direction I can tell you to help you back to where you stay. I'm sorry I don't have any more information." She then hands me a bottle of pills.
"These will help you to heal faster." I slowly stand up and walk up to her with some difficulty, but I still make it. I stop once I'm right in front of her, my stare hard. I brush past her and walk out the door.
"Go left and follow the hallway down. The exit is on the right." She yells from the room I was in. I don't thank her but listen to the directions that she gave me. I walk past a desk, and from behind the corner, I see a man. I stop.
His gaze doesn't leave mine. He looks sad, regretful. That's when I recognize his eyes. I've seen them before. His eyes beg something of me, something I can't decipher. It's almost like he's asking me to stay.
His gaze is soft, yet intimidating. Even from our distance, I can see every one of his features so clearly. His eyes are hooded, and the deepest of browns that they almost look black. His eyebrows are full, resting low making it seem as though he is in a state of constant concentration and his sharp jawline only adds to it. His hair, I just want to run my fingers through the thick brown locks that rest perfectly on his head. They're not necessarily styled in a certain way, but still perfect. His physique is robust, he's a seasoned fighter, and that much is evident from the faint scars on his arms. He's perfection, and I don't bother hiding the fact that I'm blatantly staring.
Reagan comes up beside me, following my gaze. "That's Corban. He's the Beta." She informs me.
Corban.
I unconsciously nod. Not tearing my gaze from Corban. We're entranced, I want to know everything about this stranger. Something about him just pulls me in. He has no intention of breaking his stare. He's not leaving. I can't seem to stop looking at him.
I feel a light touch on my back, causing me to slightly flinch. It's Reagan, and she gestures me down the hallway. "The exit is this way." I hesitate but quickly shake the thought from my head.
"Right." I nod forgetting what I was doing because of Corban. Corban. The name fits him perfectly. I whisper it quietly to myself letting it roll off my tongue. I've never been attracted to someone. Of course there was never anyone for me to be attracted to, but the feeling is bizarre. I shake all thoughts of him out of my mind as I take one last glance in his direction. You're never going to see him again. I remind myself.
Reagan and I make it outside. I look up recognizing the scenery from the view of the window in the hospital room. He's there again, watching from the window. I look away quickly this time.
"You're never going to see him again," I whisper. Reagan looks at me, questionably.
"What?" I shake my head.
"Nothing."
"We really did mean you well. I'm sorry that it came out in the wrong way. If you ever need help... just, we'll be here." I nod my head. Knowing that we will more than likely never see each other again. Our species were never meant to go together. It's unnatural.
I see her turn around, and I make my way to the tree line turning back around one last time.
"One last look," I tell myself. I'm surprised to see Corban still looking through the window.
"In another world," I whisper to know one. I nearly shit myself when there is an answer.
'We can create our own.' The voice is masculine and smooth like butter. It was him. It had to be. But how? I look back at Corban, he's so small from here.
"It's hopeless." and with that, I leave walking into the forest, leaving the shit show that just happened behind me.
♛ ♛ ♛
It's been three weeks since my run-in with the shifters. Some memories from the day of the accident returned, but the rescue and getting to the pack part was still foggy. At first, I thought it was a dream, but then I remembered his face. Corbans.
I'm not going to lie and say that when I first got back, I didn't think about him. Because I did. A lot. I can't explain why he was always on my mind; he just was. And it was annoying as hell. I attempted to distract myself in any way I could. I hunted more, crafted more, I kept busy. If I stayed busy, there wasn't room for him in my mind.
It was when I laid down. When I closed my eyes, I would see Corbans. It was like we were tied together in some odd way that made it impossible to forget each other. And I will deny it to anyone until my death, but I found it comforting. I hated it.
I'm trying to find my sense of routine again. I'm almost back on my feet and healed, only faint bruises and battle scars as a reminder of that night. I sigh, bending down when I notice carrot stalks sprouting from the ground. Pulling three from the ground, I smile in satisfaction. I can replant these closer to home. I make my way back, planting two by the lake and washing the other one-off.
Climbing up to my bedroom, I sit on the floor, biting the end of my carrot with a sigh. I've hunted, I cleaned the treehouse, I went for a swim, I went for a run, but I'm out of things to do now. I used to enjoy the hectic and ever changing life that I slowly grew into. But my mind always travels back to those three and a half days when I was in the East Atlantic Pack.
I didn't know what was going to happen. I crave having that sense of unknown back into my life. Something new. I was craving something that I couldn't get a fix for.
I just have to keep reminding myself that it is better this way. A little lonelier, but better. This is how I survive. That's my only purpose. Sometimes I find myself wishing for more, but I know how dangerous that can be. I just have to keep reminding myself that I'm better off alone.
'You don't have to be alone.' his voice. I don't know how or why it happens. I think I imagine it. It started after I remembered him from the accident. I had heard his voice, and since then, it hadn't left. I didn't want it to, though. Having some type of interaction, even though it was with shifters, really opened up my mind to how long I could go without uttering a single word. But none of that matters.
I walk over to my dresser staring at myself in the cracked mirror. I push some hair behind my ear and sigh. I will make it through this. I'll get my groove back and never think of Corban or that place again. It's been three weeks. Add another couple on top of that, and everything will go back to the way it was.
As night falls, sleep never finds me. The thoughts buzzing in my mind make it impossible for me to rest. I give up after a while and sit up from my resting position. That's when I hear it. A thud. My heart immediately starts to race. Not again.
I wait for the sound to repeat itself, and it does only this time there's two, and I hear a sharp exhale of breath followed by a grunt. I quickly scurry to the corner of my room and grab my pocket knife. Like I said before, not again.
This time the noise is definitely coming from a person. I hear their harsh breathing. I know this is what nearly got me killed last time, but curiosity killed the cat, and I'm the cat. I walk over so I can lean over the side. Nothing. I let out a tense breath as my heart continues to race. Going over to the entrance of my bedroom where the noise is the loudest, I dare to take a peek over.
"JESUS!" I scream and fall back on my butt, still clutching my knife.
"What the fuck, Collet!" I scream. I hear her grunt with effort and grab onto the ledge to support herself.
"Hello little one!" She smiles widely and attempts to pull herself up but fails. "A little help?" I nod my head rushing forward and pulling her up. "We really need to add a ladder." She lets out a tired breath and looks around the room until she sees my bed and hobbles over to it to plop herself down.
"Collet what are you doing here?" I breathe out looking around. "It's the middle of the night." She sighs, holding her head in her hands then looks back up.
"I would have been here sooner, but I forgot to make extra time for me to get lost." I give her a perplexed look.
"You got lost?" She nods and gestures towards her mouth.
"Water, I need water." I nod and walk over to the table where I have a pitcher sitting. I pour some in a cup and bring it over to her.
"Here," I say with a soft smile. Collet looks up, grateful, and takes the cup from my hands greedily drinking it.
"Collet, what are you doing here?" I question again softly.
She shakes her head with a forced laugh.
"Is it so odd that I just come to visit you?" I look at her for a pregnant moment, almost waiting for her to answer the question herself. She doesn't.
"Uh, yeah. It is." She looks at me sadly.
"I wish it wasn't" I subconsciously clench my hands, not quite sure what to do if she starts crying. Collet wasn't the emotional type. But when her feelings did catch up to her I usually just gave her space and came back later. She shakes the look off her face and then directs her attention back to me. My hands relax.
"I'm surprised you haven't noticed any symptoms." I furrow my brows, and she walks over to me and gently lifts my sleeve. My eyes widen, and I stare at my arm as if I had never seen it before. Upon it were three ugly sores. Radiation sores.
"I-I didn't even notice." I continue to stare at the oddities, honestly terrified of what this might mean. Collet notices and gives me a smile, gently brushing the hair out of my face.
"Not to worry, little one. I keep an eye on the levels and they increased to the point where I have to put another cloaking spell on you." I sigh sitting down. Collet leans forward and kisses my forehead lovingly. "I know you don't like these, I'm sorry." I sigh and sit down. It has to be done, there's no point in complaining about it.
Collet takes a seat on the floor in front of me, and I give her my wrist. She pulls out a small dagger and makes a superficial, two-inch-long cut upon it. I let out a sharp hiss as she finishes and glances at me apologetically. She puts away the dagger and sighs.
"Are you ready little one?" I nod and close my eyes. "Compos mentis, igni ferroque, an absit omen." She quickly runs her finger over the sores, and they disappear before our eyes. I sigh and slowly make my way to my bed. Collet quickly pours me water and shoves it in my face. I take the glass and down it, and the drowsiness soon sets in. I yawn and rub my eyes.
"I hate this." I murmur. Collet nods.
"I'm so sorry little one." I shrug.
"Good thing it's already night time. Will you be here in the morning?" She shakes her head and stands up.
"No, there are problems within the coven. I have to be back by daylight." I nod.
"Good night Collet." She smiles.
"Good night, little one."
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HAPPY EASTER!!!!
With the support I have been getting and with the holiday, I thought I would surprise you guys with an update! Thank you for 70 reads 😁
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The next update will still be tomorrow so ENJOY!
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