Every time Austin looked at me, talked to me and apparently even when he touches me, I seem to always find myself in the same shameful and compromising position.
Hot, bothered, oh and very much alone.
Jesus Lena, get your sorry ass up and go to bed, I thought to myself as I began to drag my worn out body from the dining room table to my reach my bed which I was so hopelessly longing for.
How freaking desperate did I feel? Pining after my off limits boss like I was in some sort of badly written romantic comedy? Like he was going to magically fall for me and each complication would somehow dissipate into thin air.
Except I couldn't forget that this was real life and I definitely was not going to get the guy in the end.
Besides the fact that he signed my paychecks and was only the most popular famous singer that was on the top of the charts, I wasn't even remotely ready to start dating again.
Who said anything about dating Lena? It's an attraction. Nothing more and nothing less. He's probably attracted to plenty of fucking girls. You are not the first and you will not be the last.
I dragged my feet as I made my way to my bedroom. I heard a distortion of voices while I passed through the hallway near the living room as they mixed with the loud action of the video game blasting from the television.
"So what was tonight about? You and Lena seemed pretty cozy on the couch." I made out Smitty's voice, filled with curiosity as he prodded anxiously.
"What? It wasn't like that. We were just having dinner together since all you fools ditched us and wanted to go out." Austin brushed it off in a nonchalance voice.
"Oh yeah? And since when do you eat sushi?" Smitty questioned. I could hear the smirk forming in his voice.
"Since today. Lena got me into. Have you ever had sushi? Cause it's actually fucking good." Austin changed the subject.
"Oh Lena got you into it. Wonder what else of Lena's you're going to get into."
I covered my gasp with my hand at Smitty's comment to avoid making any noise and getting myself caught eavesdropping by the two men in the room right next to me.
"Stop. Nothing happened okay." Austin fired back quickly. I could almost hear him rolling his eyes as he spoke.
"So you don't think she's attractive?" Smitty asked matter of factly.
"Of course I do. I think she's beautiful." Austin mumbled, his voice almost getting lost in the gunfire that boomed from the speakers. "And interesting and funny."
"Wow you got it bad dude."
"Smitty shut up, she works for me. Nothing's going to happen." Austin responded.
"Alright man whatever you say. I'm just saying shoot your shot while you can cause I think Chris is into her."
I listened closely for Austin's response, except there wasn't one because he stayed completely silently just before changing the subject once more.
"How about you focus on the fucking game, we're losing." I heard his smooth voice as he spoke to Smitty.
I decided with that, I was going to tare myself away from listening through the wall and trudge the rest of the way to the bedroom.
I couldn't help the dark cloud of disappointment, heavily hanging over my head as I entered my room and began to peel my clothes off.
Despite the fireworks I felt when he touched me, and the peculiar humor we shared, and the undeniable attraction that there was between us, Austin made things clear that nothing was going to ever happen.
Crystal clear.
*****
"Lena come here! Come play beer pong with us!" Chris called out from the table a few feet away from where I was sitting.
We were back at the Air B and B after another one of Austin's amazing shows. It was near midnight and the entire team was packed into the living room, along with some people Austin knew from Seattle that came to see his concert.
I was squeezed onto the couch between Vanessa and Adam as I held a wine glass tightly in my hand that was nearly out of my favorite white wine.
I could feel Austin's eyes on me as I responded to Chris. He sat a few feet a away as the beer pong table was being set up.
"Oh my god Chris no I'm absolute trash at beer pong. I can never make a single cup!" I groaned with embarrassment.
It was true. I was probably a worse beer pong partner than a five year old kid to be quite honest. And I was not about to make a fool of myself in front of a bunch people who basically did this as their full time job.
"Go on Lena. You've haven't played since you've been here. Let's see what you got." Smitty encouraged as his arm hung around Vanessa's shoulder. "You sure you're not hustling us and you're actually a conassouir?"
"I wish I was secretly a beer pong champion but I promise whoever my partner is will regret it the second I start playing." I chuckled as I rolled my eyes.
"It's true, she's not lying. She's actually the fucking worst." Adam chimed in as he laughed at my expense. "One time I played with her as my partner and we lost in less than ten minutes. It was embarrassing actually."
"Fuck off Adam." I rolled my eyes, though he was speaking nothing but the truth.
"Lee I'm sure one of the guys will show you. They're basically professionals!" Vanessa exclaimed as she nudged me to get up off of the couch. "Go on girlfriend!" She insisted as I groaned in dismay.
"Come here."
My eyes darted over to Austin as the words left his mouth.
He stood up, made his way over to the table and beckoned towards my direction as he eyed me carefully.
I couldn't help but notice Chris had his mouth half open, I assumed to call me over but Austin had swiftly beat him to the punch.
I silently cursed my body for absentmindedly obeying him just from the sound of his smooth voice.
I got up from the sofa and made my way over to the side of the table he was by and stood next to him.
"Austin I'm warning you, I'm horrible. There's no fixing me." I frowned, pouting my bottom lip out.
He removed his large hands from his pockets and placed them gently on each side of my hips, moving me in front of him. My heart rate accelerated at the sudden action as I felt the heat from his body mixing with mine.
He leaned down and whispered into my ear, nearly making me melt into a pathetic puddle right onto the floor.
"Let's see what I can do with you."
I inhaled a deep breath, my entire body flushing head to toe, to his seemingly innocent words.
What was he doing? His words played in my head like a broken record.
"She works for me. Nothing's going to happen."
"Make sure your body is lined up with your target, and make sure your elbow doesn't cross the table." He continued, letting go of my hips as I could only nod in return.
I glanced up to face Chris who stared across the table with a hard look on his face. He clenched his jaw and looked as if he was trying his best to keep an emotionless face as he watched Austin towering over my shoulder.
"Relax, you feel a little tense." I could hear the smirk in Austin's voice as he just barely pressed his chest into my back.
I swallowed hard, trying my hardest to ignore the raging excitement building in my stomach and the fact that I was barely taking in any breaths.
"Now get the ball nice and wet and hold it between your fingers."
Okay that's it. He was absolutely going to be the death of me.
I could see it now. Lena Meyers, death by seduction.
I slightly leaned over to dip the ball into the cup of beer that was put off to the side of the table and held it firmly.
I accidentally pressed my ass against him without realizing how close he actually was behind me.
I swear I thought heard him stop breathing for a split second as I murmured a pitiful "sorry."
But who was I kidding? I wasn't sorry in the slightest.
The palm of Austins hand covered the back of mine and he tightened his grip as I held the ball.
"Its all in the wrist. Aim for the the back of the cup and shoot. Nice and fast." He whispered into my ear as he stood above my small frame.
I could feel my heart pounding as he breathed down my neck and I raised our arms together as I prepared to aim.
"Just like that Lena."
I took in a deep breath, finally filling my lungs, and took my shot.
The small white ball flew through the air and landed perfectly in the center cup on the opposite side of the table.
"Holy shit I made it!" I exclaimed with a feeling of accomplishment, turning around to face Austin.
Though I had the burning urge to jump into his arms and hug him, I quickly reminded myself that we were in a room full of people who were probably already staring at us.
An equally proud smile was spread across his handsome face as he offered me a high five.
"Thanks Austin." I grinned, staring up into his baby blue eyes that were sparkling in the light.
"Of course." His wide smile soon faded into a smaller more shy one as we made eye contact with one another. "So are you gonna be my partner?"
I raised my brows, surprised he wanted to play with such a rookie. "Yeah sure."
"Good. Now let's kick some ass."