. *. ~.*. ~.*. Turns out more than one person has been hiding the truth... . *. ~. *. ~.*. ~. *.
~~~
-Zak's POV-
Zelkam's apartment gave me the creeps. Sure all the dorms look the same, but his dorm just didn't feel good at all. It has the same cream and grey walls as Darryl's, but something about it just feels off.
Maybe Darryl's apartment is just comforting to you because it's Darryl's.
I still remembered the code to Zelk's apartment from way back when I used to come over and play video games here. Thankfully, he's not changed it since then, so I let myself in. The room is clogged with the smell of smoke. I know for a fact Zelk smokes a lot, there must be some cigarettes around here somewhere. I choke on the fumes.
The door swings open to reveal Zelkam. Just Zelkam thankfully, I was worried he'd bring Vincent along. My eyes narrow into slits as I watch him throw his bag and coat over a chair.
He knows damn well I'm here, he's just choosing not to acknowledge me yet. His eyes match mine across the room. He has a sarky expression, eyes narrowed slightly and a wide smile on his lips. "Hello Zakky, I was half expecting you to not show up."
"Don't call me that" I snap. "What the fuck do you want?"
I smile faintly realising his face has swollen up where I hit him. He bloody deserves it. He matches my expression, probably thinking exactly the same. "Relax short stuff, I just wanted to talk. Like we did in the good ol' days." He takes a chair at the table, keeping his distance from where I'm sat on the couch. His smile makes me sick. I want to punch him again.
"Don't start that bullshit with me Zelk. Now ask me what you want to before I leave myself." Zelk's smile turns mocking. "Oh I'm sorry for shortening your time with your precious boyfriend."
"He's not my boyfriend."
"You don't half act like he is. I've seen the pictures people posted of you two holding hands, the whole bloody school thinks you're together."
I pale slightly, but not that much. I should be screaming, I should be so bothered that everyone thinks I'm gay and dating the school nerd.
But I don't, and I'm not sure why.
I couldn't care less.
"Whatever" I mutter, trying to change the subject. "Spit it out then."
Zelk stretches his hands out on the table in front of him, interlocking his fingers. He sure knows how to look intimidating. "Well then Zak" he glares at me. "You hanging around with the school nerd is damaging. It's damaging your reputation, and therefore my reputation..."
Of course it's about that. I'm actually disgusted.
"Yeah" I snort. "And your point is?"
Zelk suddenly gets up and storms over to me, grabbing me by the hoodie right below my neck. He pulls on one of the strings, and I hear a ripping sound as some of the threads snap. I push him away desperately, and surprisingly he lets go. "You're ripping it!" I yell at him. Zelk snorts. "Oh yeah. Forgot you wear Darryl's hoodie around, add that to the list of reasons why you seem like you're dating."
"I don't like him like that. Just get away from me."
We probably do look like we're dating. At first I only wore his hoodie because I didn't have another one, but now I wear it all the time, despite having others to wear. For some reason it makes me more comfortable. I feel safer wearing it, like Darryl's beside me the whole time.
I stare at the floor, eyes widening at my realisation.
Maybe I do like him like that.
No, you're crazy, you've known him for only a week and a half Zak.
I shove those thoughts aside. "So, what do you want from me?" I spit at the older boy. He's standing a metre or so away from me, eyes never moving away.
"I want you to stop talking to him."
"What?! Never!" I yell in disgust. "That's not your choice to make! I can talk to him if I want to!"
Zelk's smile turns wicked. "Shame, guess the whole school will just have to know about your problems after all."
What I say next surprises even me. I've gone for months suffering through those awful parties weeks after week to protect my scars. I've gotten drunk and beaten up, yelled at and lied to to protect what I'm most ashamed of. Yet here I am, throwing it all away for him.
For Darryl.
"Fine. Tell them, tell them all."
Zelk's eyes grow wide in shock. He was expecting me to grovel to him again, swearing I'll stay away from Darryl if he shuts up. But here I am, even as my thoughts run wild at the edge of a panic attack from what I've just said.
He's already told Vincent. That's the only way he could've found out. Who knows who else he's told, he could've told half the school and I wouldn't even know.
His smile returns. "Fine. You're free to leave. I have no reason to talk to you anymore."
I can't believe it. No more hiding, no more parties. No more acting like a puppet and being forced to do whatever Zelk wants.
I'm free.
Or so I thought.
I jump up, throwing my bag over my shoulder and heading for the apartment door. He can tell the world, he can fucking tell them and see if I care. I have Darryl, and that's all I need.
"Alright then." I swing open the door. "So don't expect me at any of these parties anymore, I'm free of your shit Zelkam."
Zelk laughs wickedly. It's a low laugh, which makes my stomach turn over. "You just wait and see Zak. Everyone will find out. Nothing will be the same. Secrets finally out."
"You're ruined Zak Carder."
"Yeah, yeah whatever." I walk out, slamming the door shut behind me.
~~~
I relax as I enter Darryl's apartment, the sweet scent of blueberry muffins filling the air. He gave me the pin code to his apartment, telling me I'm free to come over whenever.
Darryl's stood in the kitchen, eagerly watching the oven which must be full of blueberry muffins. I shut the door behind me, causing him to turn around. "Zak!" His eyes light up as he walks over to me, pulling me into a tight embrace. "Thought you weren't coming today." I break our hug, throwing my bag on the table beside us. "Didn't you read the note I left you?"
"No..." Darryl's eyes drift to a blue post-it note stuck to the table, not even a metre away. "Oh. Whoops I'm such a silly muffin." He rubs the back of his neck as his face heats in embarrassment.
Cute.
Wait...
"You baking?" I chirp. Stupid question, I already knew that. I don't think I'm thinking straight. "Um... yeah." Darryl lets out a laugh. "You seriously couldn't tell?" I decide to play dumb. "Oh! No I didn't." I burst out into forced laughter.
Awkward. But some how it isn't. It should be, but I can't help but feel comfortable here.
'Well now we're both silly muffins aren't we?"
"Guess so." I smile widely at him. That smile quickly fades. "Can I talk to you about something?"
Concern shows in Darryl's eyes. "Sure, just let me take the muffins out before they burn."
I walk into Darryl's bedroom through the already open door and sit on the bed. He joins me a few seconds later, carrying two of the muffins on a plate which he sets down on the side. He lays down on the bed and I lay beside him, resting my head on his chest. "What's up?" he asks tentatively.
"Well um, it's about Zelkam."
I hear Darryl sigh softly. "Oh."
"He asked me to meet him in his dorm, which is where I've just been." I feel Darryl tense up. "It was fine! We chatted for not even five minutes before I left." The older boy sighs deeply in what must be relief. "Oh, good."
"Not really." I sit up to look Darryl in the eyes. So um- you know that Zelk hangs around me for popularity?"
"Yeah. Wait what-"
"Well, he told me that me that apparently going around with you is damaging my popularity, and therefore damaging his." I choke out the last line. "So um- he asked me to stop hanging out with you, or he'd tell everyone my secret."
Hurt shows on Darryl's face. Complete sadness as his gaze drops to the floor. It makes my heart ache. I place a hand on his chin, lifting it up so our eyes lock.
"And I told him to get lost" I smile widely. "I told him I was talking to you no matter what, and he can tell the whole damn world my secret as I'm not staying away from you."
Guilt shows on Darryl's face, with a hint of happiness mixed in. "But Zak, now everyone-"
"Yeah, and I don't care."
"Is that what you wanted to talk about?"
My face scrunches in regret. I need to do this. "Well yes, and no. I thought that since Zelk knows the whole story and so will the rest of the school by tomorrow morning, that you deserve to know directly from me."
Tears well up in my eyes as I stare at the wall. "You deserve to know everything, so I'll tell you." My breathing hitches as I try to breathe deeply. My breaths are forced and ragged.
I just can't forget what happened last time I told someone. I know I'm telling the right person, but that's what I thought last time.
Darryl seems to notice, pulling be back towards him. I rest my head back on his chest as he runs a hand through my hair. "It's quite a lot so um-" I trail off.
"That's ok. Take your time."
"Well..." I take a deep breath.
{here comes the info rush.}
"I used to go to parties when I actually enjoyed them. There was one party in specific that I went to, where the police were called after someone snitched over a fight I had with Zelk. We used to be pretty good friends actually."
I take another shaky breath before continuing. "I.. got arrested. I was so intoxicated I didn't really take in what was going on. When my parents found out, they got really angry. They got into a heated argument over my arrest and having to pay damages to Zelk's parents because of it. We were tight for money as it was, and the fight got so bad it ended in my parents divorce."
I take another shaky breath as Darryl tightens his arm around my waist. "I live with my mum, my sister with my dad quite far away from here. Our relationship was never the same, I've not talked to my dad or my sister since. My mum and I only take when completely necessary. She works long hours to make ends meet, so I barely see her anyway."
The next parts what I've been dreading saying the most. Tears start to slide down my cheeks. Darryl hums to me for a couple minutes until I calm down enough to continue. "I- I felt really guilty to for what I'd done. That's where the scars began. I was so ashamed of how weak I am, that I hid the scars under hoodies. I ended up telling Zelk everything as I couldn't keep it all in any longer. Our friendship crumbles, and that's where we are now. I'm forced to be his puppet and go to his stupid parties or he threatened to tell everyone. So I've played along, giving myself more and more scars because of the cycle I can't get out of."
I wipe away my tears, finding that Darryl has tears down his face. I wipe them away too. "It was a never ending cycle, like the world is stuck on replay. Everything replays over and over and over again."
{aha now you know why the book is called replay ;) }
I manage a weak smile as I pull away from him. "But no longer." I stare at the wall again. "So yeah... now you know everything. Sorry for throwing my pity party here for the past 15 minutes."
Darryl is looking away from me. His emerald eyes are fixed on the wall, tears silently rolling down his cheeks. "Darryl I'm sorry if I upset you..." I wrap my arms around him, but he pulls away. "No, it's not you at all. It's me."
I stare at him in confusion. "What do you mean it's you?"
"I mean it's me because..." Darryl scrunches his face and pulls up the sleeves of his hoodie. He pulls off the loosely wrapped bandages on either wrist to reveal what's underneath.
Tonnes of scars, just like me. There's not as many, but they seem all healed up over time. Two are split open, with new scabs forming over them.
I stare in shock.
"I used to be just the same Zak."